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It was hot. Really hot. It was less the heat itself and more the humidity as it clung to Gintoki's skin, and all he could do now was lay down on the floor hoping for sweet, sweet relief.
Sadly the man was too stubborn for his own good, and he still refused to get air conditioning, because what was summer without masochistic tendencies like that? Kagura whined about it, saying that since she was a Yato the heat was even worse for her. Gintoki's only response was, "Isn't it just a light sensitivity, not a heat sensitivity?"
He got thrown into a wall at that. "Remember when bird brain crashed us into a desert planet? Huh? Or are you getting old?"
Gintoki wasn't old. Gintoki was just a man with ego issues on occasion.
And even though he put a 'Closed' sign on the door for today, he heard a knock nonetheless. How wretched. What was even more wretched was the fact it was thrown open even before he could drag himself off the floor.
"Don't 'cha read signs?" he drawled. "We're closed today."
"What? Are you closed to... friends, too? How low."
It was just Katsura. Gintoki let out a rather drawn-out groan before sitting up. Bastard, was he walking around in his three layers of clothing like he usually did? How did he even live?
He wasn't. He was wearing shorts, some strange sleeveless shirt and a straw-brimmed hat. Well, damn. "What are you doing, going fishing? This a disguise of yours?"
Katsura crossed his arms, seeing the disheveled samurai lying around on the wood flooring. “No, I came here to give you a visit, but it’s just as hot in here as it is out there! Where’s your air conditioning?”
“Don’t have one,” Gintoki grumbled back. These words, however, were the three words that sparked the upcoming death of Sakata Gintoki at the hands of the Noble Youth of Madness. Katsura looked completely horrified at this very idea that Gintoki was relying more on those half-dying traditional electric fans scattered around the room than something more modern and reliable.
“You don’t have air conditioning? In this day and age?” Katsura knelt down and tugged at the other’s ear much to his pain and dismay. “Are you an idiot?”
The pain caused Gintoki to flail his arms around a bit, and he happened to smack the hat off Katsura’s head. “Let me go! I do fine without A/C!” Or more like, I’m too proud of a man to admit I’m sweating my ass off!
Katsura did let him go, sighing heavily. “We’re going. Now .”
“Nooow…?” Gintoki rubbed his ear and sat up. “I’m not even dressed…” He had a sinking feeling he knew what the other was thinking of doing, and he didn’t like it. Remember the last time he tried getting A/C? (Well, for one, he never even tried to get A/C, he tried to get a new fan. And that went as well as everyone expected.)
Thus so, he was dragged out of the house by a rather concerned yet pissed off man in a straw hat.
“We’re going to a nice, fun place. And no, not the pool.” Katsura wagged a finger in front of Gintoki’s eyes as he drove the moped down the street. Why him? Why did he get to drive? Dumbass. “We’re going to the appliance store.”
They came to a sudden stop. Gintoki had reached over Katsura’s shoulder and breaked the moped. “This is pissing me off! Just let me go home! It’s too hot! I can’t afford an A/C, anyway!” Gintoki whined. “You’re a jerk, you know that, Zura? A huge jerk!” Katsura’s response was to elbow Gintoki in the stomach, effectively taking over the reigns of the vehicle once more before driving on.
“Did you know that it’s dangerous to impair the driver while he is driving?”
“Uh, shouldn’t you have a helmet?” a truck driver asked as they drove by.
“Shut the fuck up!” Gintoki yelled at Katsura. Muffled sounds of ‘I was only trying to help!’ faded behind them as the truck driver tried to plead his case. Katsura ignored Gintoki’s pleas and cries while driving over to the appliance store. Wasn’t that hard, was it? He had to drag Gintoki inside by his arm, however. Oh, the cool, cool air… Gintoki almost planted himself in front of the A/C. Screw going anywhere else.
“See? This is proof you need an air conditioner.” Katsura gestured to Gintoki’s sad, hunched figure. He didn’t answer right away, but with a heavy sigh he straightened out his back and nodded.
“Fine, you can get an air conditioner.”
Katsura lightly clapped his hands together. Perfect. Before Gintoki could say anything more, he had ran off to find a good unit. Looking around a bit, Gintoki looked to make sure the coast was clear… he’d ditch Katsura here with his stupid A/C and drive off to go get this week’s JUMP or something.
Except the moment he moved, he was yanked back by his collar. “What do you think of this one?”
“Isn’t that just your weird pet?”
Katsura looked offended, clutching the strange creature to his chest. “How dare you insult Elizabeth! No, this… you face the legs to you, and then air blows in your face!”
“...No. That’s just as bad as an electric fan. Get me something that’ll smell nice and fresh instead.” Gintoki pushed Katsura away, who sulked off back into the store once again. Elizabeth followed after. How did they even get here?
Take 2 on that plan of his. Again, he looked around, and this time, he really observed, finding no one. Aisle One, Aisle Two. Where was the air conditioner aisle…? In fact, he spent so long keeping an eye out for Katsura, he didn’t notice the man had returned until he smelled something citrus-y. He whirled around. “What about this?”
Awful. No wonder he couldn’t find him in the air conditioner aisle. “That’s just a can of DeBreeze.” He took it out of Katsura’s hand and put it on the shelving next to him. “I appreciate the thoughts, but you said an air conditioner, didn’t you?”
Katsura sulked off once again. This time, it was easy to pinpoint Elizabeth’s location in the store, as it wasn’t hard to find a big white creature in the middle of the short aisles. Good. He slipped out the door, about to make his final escape.
Freedom! Liberation! JUMP! Fuck, Katsura still had the keys!!
“Gintoki!”
...No JUMP. Gintoki turned around to see Katsura in the doorway, holding up a rather large box. “I got you one! Look at this!” Inside the box was a high-tech window A/C, brand new and shiny, but it also had a bad paint job of Elizabeth’s face on it. Gintoki’s expression was a mix of disgust and acceptance. “And smell this.” Katsura pressed a button and a puff of something really flowery shot out of it. Oh, he went and found an A/C that both cooled the air and made it smell now, how the fuck did he… Gintoki scratched the back of his head.
He hadn’t lost yet, though.
“How are you getting this back?” Ah, neither of them had thought about that. Katsura hummed. “We’ll make Elizabeth carry it,” Gintoki suggested, which caused Katsura to pull the creature to his chest again.
“Not Elizabeth!!”
Fine. “How about you carry it?”
Katsura was wheezing now. “Not me!!” He ran into the store for several minutes. Gintoki was tempted to trash the A/C, but it was also tempting to keep… it had DeBreeze built into it, after all...
He watched as the other returned and hooked up some sled to the back of the moped, putting the big box on top of it. “Let’s go.”
The moped was awfully slow. It chugged along at a snail’s pace as it dragged the A/C behind it. So much for helmets now. Gintoki groaned. He was gonna burn up out here! Could this get any worse? This was just as bad as when he found that lucky cat that spat out coins!
Looking back on that, he only slightly regretted destroying it, or at least not taking a bag or two of those gold coins.
“This is taking too long.”
“What else were you thinking of?” Katsura stopped the moped and craned his neck to look at Gintoki. “Dying from the heat?”
“We’re gonna do that anyway!” Gintoki started to shake Katsura’s collar. “I’m going home!”
Katsura started to shake Gintoki back. “That’s what we’re doing-”
CRASH!
As if to put a cherry on top, the A/C was now in pieces, scattered across the street. Gintoki didn’t have any reaction to this, but it slightly felt like karma was out to get him. Katsura started yelling his lungs off. “It was kinda your fault for stopping,” Gintoki deadpanned, picking his nose, but the other didn’t hear him. “You know what? Let’s call this a day and go get some lunch.”
Katsura had gotten off the moped and was storming towards the truck driver. Gintoki took his spot and revved the moped. “What about that one ramen place you really like? Meet me there in an hour.”
The truck driver was starting to cry as Katsura yelled insult after insult in his face.
“I’ll see you later, Zura.”
He drove off right as Katsura tried to correct him. Of course he heard that.