Archive of Our Own ^beta

I’ve waited a hundred years,

But I’d wait a million more for you.

[ 27:31 ]

Robby remembered seeing Jack from across the room when the first med students arrived. 

It was common to see new students or interns to be a little nervous, a little scared from the chaos happening around the ED, or the occasional ones that just don’t care and are only doing this to get through to medical school and get their degree. 

Robby remembered seeing Jack from across the room that time, and it got his head tilted in confusion. 

Jack was confident, stood tall, chin held up but not in an arrogant way—in a way that he knows he can do well and he will be if people gave him the chance. Jack wore the usual black scrubs with a white undershirt underneath. Robby can see that he had some muscle, judging from the way his biceps looked when Jack tried crossing or bending his arms. 

“Army guy, apparently.” Dana, the new nurse, brought down from the medical ward said to him. She gave him his coffee her first shift and he gave her a cigarette. According to her, that was enough to put Robby on her good side. “Dr. Adamson was particularly excited to have him on our rotation. Said that he went to the Army so they can pay off his tuition.”

Smart. Most people went to take out loans to pay off their tuition or maybe just be in debt for a while and pay it off slowly but surely when they get their paychecks on the regular. Jack Abbot, as he learned from Dana, seemed like he knew what he wanted and he had to get it even if it meant being a little reckless than most people. 

“Jack Abbot, MS3.” 

Jack had introduced himself in their morning huddle. Dr. Adamson looked excited, Robby knew that look. The look that told him that Adamson knew when a student, an intern or a resident was a keeper for emergency medicine. Hell, he was at the receiving end of it when he first took his shift as an intern here. 

”All students and interns will either go to a resident to present their case or to me. No interventions first, we’ll see how you all fare in our chaos.” Dr. Adamson said with a gentle smile. “Well then, off you all go!” 

Robby was about to take the first patient and from the board. He cherry picked when he wanted to but with the new students coming in, he needed to be at an image of likeness. Someone they can depend on and look up to. It was important for Dr. Adamson that even in the chaos of the ED, people still felt welcome enough to work here. Robby didn’t see the full picture of it but he understood and just made sure that he was 100% in his game as a newly R2 for the younger years. 

“Can I take the first patient?” Jack had said and Robby looked at him. “Oh sorry, if you want to—“

”I can take it with you.” Robby waved him off with a smile. “Dr. Michael Robinavitch—“

”I hope you have a shorter version than Robinavitch.” Jack joked and Robby huffed out a laugh. 

“I was about to say that you can call me Dr. Robby, everyone does. Do you like cutting people off?” Robby asked. It may have sounded too intimidating or stern to other people but Jack noticed the hint of amusement in his tone. 

“I mean, you did cut me off first so,” Jack shrugged with a smile. Robby can see how light he is even if he was from the Army. He expected stern, gruff, jaded even but he didn’t expect the light air from the medical student. 

Maybe he also didn’t expect feeling a little warm from the crooked smile the medical student sent in his way. 

Robby laughed at the response and took a chart and cradling it against his chest, “Well then, North 5. Shall we?” Robby asked and Jack nodded. 

Robby made sure he was in front to lead Jack to the correct room. It was silent to the short walk to the patient but it was light enough where Jack held onto his confidence yet willing to follow Robby and his orders. 

“You can observe for the moment and I’ll ask some questions. Then I can let you get your own patient but you have to present it to me or a senior resident. Or even Dr. Adamson if he’s free.” Robby said as they stopped in front of the patient’s room. 

“Yeah, of course. Thanks, Dr. Robby.” Jack sent him a smile and Robby can’t help the grin that also spreads across his face. 

Jack was extraordinary. Robby watches in awe as he keeps patients entertained yet still sharp enough to delve into the medical aspects. He watches as Jack laughs with the woman and asking her questions about her personal life (Robby guesses that Jack caught on that the patient tends to talk when she’s nervous so now the student is indulging her). Jack slips in specific questions about her chief complaint and the woman doesn’t even hesitate to tell them, no fear compared to when they first got into the room. 

“Alright Ms. Jones, we’ll take some blood and run a few tests. Rest tight and we’ll come back when the results come back.” Robby said and she thanked them both as she settled onto the bed. 

“What do you think?” Robby asks Jack as they leave the room. 

“It seems a bit weird that her dysmenorrhea just sky rockets for this specific period. I’d recommend hormone levels just to see what’s going on and maybe have a consultation with OBGYN when results come back.” Jack says and Robby nods. 

“OBGYN can handle any further tests. She’s coming in with way too many symptoms for her monthly periods. Make sure you note her cycles for OBGYN.” Robby says and hands Jack the metal chart, “Good work. Get another patient for the moment while we wait for the results.” 

“Robby! Code STEMI!” Dr. Adamson suddenly yells from the ambulance bay and Robby looks at Jack. 

“Wanna jump in?” Robby asks, already getting a set of gloves to put on. 

“Sure!” Robby is endeared by Jack. Most students would ask if it was okay or even hesitate. Jack already went to put on some gloves and ran towards the ambulance bay. 

“James Kim, 58 year old male, has a history of hypertension and had unstable chest pain, times 3 nitroglycerin but didn’t work. Takes enalapril.” The EMT comes up and Jack already steps back to let the more seasoned doctors work. 

“Abbot, what do we need?” Robby asks and Adamson’s eyes were on him. 

“EKG, blood tests for troponin and titrated Morphine. NTG IV titrate and since it is within the window, we can give anti-coagulants, Aspirin if he’s not allergic, Clopidogrel if he is.” Jack immediately spews. 

Robby can see the grin Adamson has and he rolls his eyes. “Go and read the EKG, let’s see if you paid attention to your EKG seminars.” 

Jack immediately takes the printed EKG and squints his eyes, “Depressed Q wave. Classic STEMI presentation. Should we call the Cath lab?” 

“Very good, Abbot.” Adamson says and is already on the phone to call up the catheterization laboratory. “Assist Robby for a moment. Get him up and then take a patient when you get back.” 

Robby and Jack do that perfectly. They immediately got Mr. Kim upstairs and they were now in the elevator to go back to the ED. 

“That was so cool.” Jack said with a stupid grin on his face. “Oh my god, do you get those all the time?” 

Robby laughs at his amazement, “Thank the diet of our great country. Yes, most of the time so I think being here would help you if you’re planning a residency in internal medicine.” Robby said and Jack shakes his head. 

“Yeah, I don’t think so. I hated my internal medicine rotations. I think this is the first time I’ve smiled in my first day in a rotation.” Jack said and Robby tilted his head with a smile. 

“Well make sure Dr. Adamson doesn’t know that. He’ll hang on and never let go.” Robby said and Jack laughed. 

“That’s promising.” Jack said and they left the elevator. “Well, I’ll go and find you if I have a new patient?” 

Robby can see Adamson eyeing the both of them with a smile on his face. He wants to scoff. It was just a month ago where Adamson asked Robby to teach more despite being an R2. The teaching was mostly left towards R3s or R4s so Robby didn’t understand where he was coming from. Adamson said that Robby had the potential to teach but he just didn’t see it when he had such a short temper unlike the chief attending who had endless patience. 

“Of course. Just find me when you need me.” Robby said and Jack went on to check the board, not much time until he took a chart from the nurse’s station, smiled at Dana and proceeded to who knows where. Robby tried to hide a laugh when Jack, just a split second, went in the other direction while scratching his nape. 

“So,” Adamson, for some reason, materialized beside him, with a small smirk on his face. 

“Shut up.” Robby said, took a chart and went in one direction to avoid his chief attending who will most likely say ‘I told you so’. 

“South 15 isn’t on the north side, Robby.” Adamson said, stifling a laugh. 

Robby glared at the chief attending who shrugged and went on to the other direction. 

[ 27:31 ]

Robby and Jack spent the rest of Jack’s rotation attached to the hip. 

It wasn’t uncommon per se for specific people from varying levels to have a connection where they worked together better. People didn’t mind it as much as expected. To the people working in this chaos, as long as you got work done then it was alright. They didn’t care if an R2 and an MS3 were spending most (all) of their time together. 

It even became a running joke. Where Jack was, Robby was. Where Robby was, Jack was. 

“Hey! Where’s Robby?” Adamson approaches the nurse’s station and found Dana. 

“Last time I saw Jack was by the vending machine.” Dana points and Adamson nods, heading there and not even question why he got Jack’s whereabouts when he was asking for Robby’s. 

“Both of you.” Jack and Robby looked up and saw Adamson walking towards them. “Care to handle triage for the moment?”

”Yeah sure.” Robby and Jack now threw their trash away and went onto Triage. Adamson tried to stop the growing grin on his face. 

It was endearing. Robby was someone who was easily affected by the events in his environment and Adamson felt like Robby always needed someone as a support to handle his emotions. Jack on the other hand, was a steady hand, steadiest as he’d ever seen in a student. You would think that Jack is a surgical resident by how unfazed he was with all the gore that normally sent medical students crashing down on the floors. Jack knew how to handle his emotions, knew what he was capable of in such a young year that it contradicted what Robby was like when he was a student. 

Robby was steady with a bit of work and Jack was natural. Adamson taught that it was a duo that would immediately rival each other considering that Robby was not someone who took constructive criticism well. But it seems like he knew his shortcomings with just a few weeks with Jack and happily embraced them. 

“You think they can handle each other in the long run?” Adamson asked Dana who shrugged. 

“Maybe. But that’s not my opinion, you’re the chief attending.” Dana replies as she fixed the board. 

Dana knew that Robby was someone who was soft in nature, she guesses that since the R2 grew up with his grandmother, it was the way he is. Jack on the other hand, maybe soft but rugged from the Army, contradicted Robby but still had that softness of an MS3 in his figure. 

“Admit it, they’re perfect for each other.” Adamson laughed and Dana playfully rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t know about you but maybe they are.” Dana said with a small smirk when she sees the lovesick puppy look that Robby had as he supervised Jack who was stitching up a patient in triage. She also witnessed Jack’s bright eyes and lovesick grin when Robby patted his back for a job well done. 

Robby and Jack spent their shifts together. Jack followed Robby around, presented cases to him and Robby made sure Jack got to see different yet exciting cases just so Jack wouldn’t leave his side. It was rainbows and unicorns for the both of them until, 

“Damnit.” 

Robby groaned as he saw that his cigarette pack was all empty. He leans against the concrete wall and sighed. 

It was a rough case. A couple who was driving got hit by a drunk driver. The wife was pregnant and she died before anyone can do anything. The driver was okay, fuck, and cuffed to the side railings as soon as possible. Robby can still hear the pained cries and angry curses of the husband as Robby told him the unfortunate news, with Jack beside him. 

Robby closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing, tried to imagine the nicotine in his lungs. He wanted to ask Dana for a cigarette but he wasn’t in the mood to go back inside when he knows the husband is still in the viewing room, crying his eyes and throat out. 

“Need a stick?” Robby’s eyes opened to see Jack, with a stick in between his lips, already lit up. “Or, do you actually just come out here for the fresh air?” 

Robby wordlessly takes a cigarette from the offered pack and lights it up, sighing in relief when he actually feels the nicotine in his lungs. He keeps quiet as the both of them smoke outside of the ambulance bay. Jack, the talkative person that he is, doesn’t say a word and continues smoking and doesn't even give Robby a glance. It was like he knew Robby was hyper aware of his surroundings. 

“It was rough.” Robby simply said and Jack nodded. 

“I know.” 

“How are you even so nonchalant right now?” Robby raised his voice and Jack looked at him with sad eyes, as he took a deep breath. 

“I’m just good at compartmentalizing than most people.” Jack simply said and Robby rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah right.” Robby scoffed and continued to smoke. 

It was different from their usual interactions. Most of the time it was teasing or light banter, if not interactive and informative just how Robby should be with an MS3. Jack was the one who was a tease and Robby fell for it immediately. Jack kept doing it since it was amusing to see Robby’s reactions with his short temper and he just let the MS3 be, not really knowing why when he would have been stern with others. 

“I’ve been in the Army, Robby. I’ve seen many things but that doesn’t mean I’m not empathetic.” Jack said in a sad tone. “We can’t cry in the field, we can’t just drop everything to sob our eyes out. All we can do is share a lonely silence, a cigarette and maybe if we have the time to ourselves, actually cry about it.” 

Robby exhales and bites his lip. Fuck, he thinks to himself. Jack was in a family where his father was also an Army man. It didn’t make any sense to blame Jack for his way of living in a military household and with his recent time in the army. Jack was always the person who carried his teachings and routines from the army in everyday life. Posture, response, basic training, step by step procedures, it was all military. But he didn’t boast, didn’t make every single conversation about the army. He was humble about it, only talking about it when asked. 

“I’m sorry.” Robby mumbled but Jack just handing him another stick to smoke. Robby took it from his hands and lit it up. “I’m just…a bit more gentle since I grew up with my grandmother.” 

“I figured when you mentioned that.” Jack simply said and Robby nodded to himself. “Being gentle isn’t a bad thing. I actually envied that about you.” Jack admits which made Robby look at him with a confused expression. 

“What?” Robby asked with an exasperated laugh, “You? Jealous of me? Gentle and little old me?”

Jack laughed, “Old? You? You’re 4 years older than me.” 

“You know what I mean!” 

Jack laughed even louder at this, Robby now smiled widely at Jack who was still laughing. “You are so gentle with patients, so patient with me, and those big brown eyes that just gets everyone.” 

“Big brown eyes?” 

“You know what I mean, Bambi!” 

“Bambi?!” 

Jack laughed, “Oh please. Don’t tell me you don’t know about Bambi?” Jack said and Robby rolled his eyes. 

“I know Bambi, okay but come on, man.” Robby placed his hands onto the MS3’s shoulders and he didn’t notice the slight hitch of breath and the MS3’s reddening ears. “Shall I call you bunny as well?” 

“Where the fuck did bunny come from?” Jack exasperatedly said and Robby laughed. 

“Abbot, almost the same letters in rabbit but I like bunny better.” Robby said and Jack scoffed. “You always run around and sometimes you skip even if there’s an exciting case. You always sniff your food or drinks even if it doesn’t even need sniffing. Like a bunny.” 

“Alright, Bambi. Since you’re the superior and I’m just a lowly MS3,” Jack said as he put on a pitying expression which made Robby laugh loudly. “How dare my R2 treat me this way?” 

“Wow! That does not look good on you, army man.” Robby clasps his biceps harder as he laughed. “You can’t trick me like that when you just bullied me earlier into trying turkey and cheese together.” 

“It tasted good, didn’t it?” Jack raised an amused eyebrow up and Robby rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever, bunny!” Robby stomps down the cigarette, placing it in the trash bin and getting inside the warm emergency department while Jack continued to laugh at his expense. 

If he felt warmer the more he hears Jack laugh rather than his hoodie and centralized heating can provide, he doesn’t admit it. But he wishes he can hear more of Jack’s laugh, even if it meant him being on the short end of the student’s jokes. 

[ 27:31 ] 

“Hello, bunny.” 

“Urgh.”

Robby laughed at Jack’s reaction, not noticing Adamson and Dana’s raised eyebrows at the said nickname. 

“Bambi, it’s not even the start of our shift.” Jack mocks and Robby rolls his eyes, running his hand through his fluffy hair. “Or should I go to HR and complain about how my R2 is harassing me?” 

“And calling you a bunny constitutes to harrassment?’ 

“If I don’t like the nickname.” 

Dana turns to Adamson and mouths, ‘his R2?’ Adamson shrugs but is amused at the interaction. 

“Too bad for you. I have a very good case for you but if you—“

”Gimme that!” 

Robby laughs as he follows a grumpy Jack towards Central 15. Away from the amused and fond looks of Adamson and Dana 

[ 27:31 ]

Jack didn’t like big celebrations so he begged Adamson to not do anything by the end of his rotation. His previous rotations did the same thing and he hated it but he couldn’t do anything about it. So he just smiled, thanked them and ate the cake they gave him. In terms of here in the ED, he thinks that he can get away with anything. Adamson must have taken him seriously but not seriously enough when, 

“A cupcake? Really?” 

Robby hands him a chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting that had some sprinkles on it outside of the ambulance bay. Jack laughed amusingly at Robby who handed him a single cupcake to end his rotation at the ED, and also a pack of cigarettes which Jack appreciated more. 

“C’mon! You told Adamson that you didn’t like a celebration but I said that maybe a cupcake outside of the ambulance bay may help?” Robby said with a goofy grin. “Here! I swear it tastes good.” 

“Where did you even buy this?” Jack said as he took the cupcake and sniffed it. “Did you poison this?” 

“I got it from the cafeteria—“

”So you did poison it.”

”Jerk move, bunny.” 

Jack laughed as he peeled off the lining and took a bite. It was good so he just nodded at it which made Robby smile even wider. He cheered a little and slung his arm around Jack and rested it there as Jack continued to eat the cupcake. 

“God, to be honest, I’ll miss you here. You better come back.” Robby threatened lightly which made Jack smile as his mouth was filled with cupcake and frosting. “I’m serious. You got a good recommendation from Adamson, everyone agrees that you’re capable of being here, you’re smart, you’re adaptable, and you got a lot of skills now under your belt. If not ER, then you’d be a good doctor somewhere.” 

That hurt Robby as he said it. He didn’t want Jack to leave at all. He wanted Jack to come back, do more rotations here in the ED when he became an MS4, maybe have his residency here in PTMC and maybe they can divide and conquer as they grow older. Robby has never worked well with anyone aside from Adamson. Jack, even if he’s an MS3, seemed at par with Robby quicker than the students before. It was exhilarating to have Jack even if it was only for a few weeks. 

“Maybe when I’m an MS4 but,” Jack shrugged and accepted the cigarette handed to him. “I might go to the army to serve during my residency.” 

Robby looked taken aback. He expected this but at the same time, he didn’t expect it. He knew the moment Jack came in, fresh from the army and medical school lectures that he was bound to go back into the army. It was expected but Robby felt a bit hurt by it. 

“Oh, then,” Robby licks his lips, “Then here’s to hoping you come back at least when you’re an MS4?” Robby smiled at Jack, at least to show the younger male that he was alright with it. 

Jack smiled at him and continued smoking, “Missing me already? I haven’t even left yet.” He smirked and Robby scoffed. 

“The compliments are getting into your head, bunny.” Robby rubbed the side of Jack’s head who groaned and pulled away. 

“You’re so annoying, Bambi.” The smile on Jack’s face was a clear contradiction to his words, “I’ll come back, don’t worry your—“ pretty head. Jack just smiled. “Just don’t worry about it. I’ll come back.” 

“I’ll hold you onto that. I’ll be an R3 when you get back.” Robby said as he also started smoking. 

“Oh wow then Bambi isn’t fun anymore.” Jack joked and laughed when Robby playfully pinched his shoulder. “You’ll be rough on me and you’ll be teaching and you’re going to be strict now! Oh no!” 

“Jackass.” Robby said and laughed. “As if. But we don’t know. If you don’t improve then maybe I’ll be harder on you.” 

“Well, then I just have to prove myself next year then.” 

“I’ll look forward to it.” 

[ 27:31 ]

During the period where Jack wasn’t a student in PTMC ED, he used up his free time making the most out of it. 

Bored? Phone call with Robby if he was off shift. 

Hungry? Jack will ask Robby if he was free for a meal and they’d spend dinner and some drinks in Jack’s student dorm. 

Studying? Robby was there when he wasn’t in PTMC. 

“Urgh fuck this!” Jack groans as he throws his head into a pillow by his bed. Robby was laughing as he was perched up by the fire escape and smoking. “I can’t believe this. I hate this.” Jack groaned as he buries his head into the new manual for critical care. 

“I also have the same sentiments 4 weeks ago. We all had to take a seminar for the new protocols.” Robby said and Jack rolled his eyes. 

“But I bet you didn’t have to take an exam that is 80% of your final grade by the worst professor in this university!” Jack pointed out and Robby simply smiled. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Robby shrugged and nudged a can of beer to the now, MS4. “Come on, bunny. I got you.” 

“You always got me. Thanks for the beer, man.” Jack raised it as cheers and downed half of it already. 

”The least I can do for you and the fact that I do have a paycheck.” Robby laughed. 

Studying with Robby was like getting the best flash cards in the class. Robby, a man who graduated top of his class and a full functioning R3, had endless knowledge since he kept up to date with journals that he subscribes to using his paycheck. Robby had mentioned about how since he was single and living in a cheap apartment (why bother spending most of his money on an expensive apartment when he was barely home anyway) and had no student debt to pay back, the journals were something he indulged in greatly. 

It also meant that Jack got the best articles to present in his classes and got top marks. He was always updated with recent trends which was greatly appreciated in his internal medicine rotation which was currently ongoing, he was now in cardiology. Dr. Hahn loved his endless amount of updated knowledge which got him first stop in her surgeries. Robby still also had his flashcards when he took his boards which meant that Jack was secure but he also had to cross check them to make sure it was updated. 

“Okay! Quizzing you.” Robby snatched the manual from Jack’s lap who groaned. 

“No way! I totally expected you to bring me comfort in my suffering!” Jack said as he took another sip of beer. 

“You’d suffer more if you fail this exam.” 

Jack ended up spending the night being quizzed by Robby. It was met with the beer as positive reinforcement and Jack was so glad he didn’t have a roommate because of how a mess they were when reviewing. 

Robby always was stern in quizzing him and Jack, despite groaning and grumbling the entire time, always answered. Robby was gentle in correcting him and giving him some mnemonics, even if it was so weird. 

“Dude, it is literally the 4th time that I asked about the carpal bones. You literally have neurology next. How are you still dumb on the carpal bones?” Robby said and Jack throws a pillow at him. 

“I hate neurosurgery! I admit it! The moment I heard of ‘Oh Oh Oh, To Touch and Feel Very Good Velvet Ah’ I knew I hated it!” Jack complained about the cranial nerves but doesn’t want to admit that the mnemonic does help. 

“Okay so let’s try, ‘Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can’t Handle.” Robby writes down. ”Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetrum, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate, Hamate.” 

“Asshole. Why do all mnemonics have to be sexual in nature?” Jack complained. 

When Robby quizzed him again, he got it all. The smug smirk of Robby was wiped off when Jack threw another pillow at him. 

”Fucking hell!” Jack yelled when Robby showed him that memorizing cushing’s triad, another neurological pathognomonic sign that he kept messing up, was explained very simply when Robby drew a triangle, blood pressure at the top and pulse and respirations at the bottom. “Why aren’t my professors teaching it like this?” Jack complained. 

“Because they’re professors. I have so much more so just listen!” Robby knocks his pen onto Jack’s head which earned a scowl. “Listen up, bunny!” 

“Alright, Bambi!” 

Jack got top marks for the exam the next day even if he was running on energy drinks and leftover beers that Robby left in his dorm. Jack rushed back to his dorm room and called Robby, not remembering that the R3 had a shift. 

“Robby! I got top marks! Holy shit and I might actually be running for honors, my adviser told me so! Holy fuck, holy fuck! Thank you so much, Bambi! I really do need to make it up to you because holy shit, holy fuck! Should I treat you to a meal when I can? Call me back and I hope you had a nice shift!” 

Jack left that in his answering machine and kept that giddy feeling through out the rest of the day. He even treated himself with some takeout and that expensive coffee from the coffee shop downtown. He was so giddy that he spent the entire afternoon with a 6 pack of beers and hopefully, Robby will come by soon to celebrate with him. 

Robby got home from a horrible shift and hearing that message from his answering machine was the only thing that comforted him, along with Jack’s favorite cigarettes that he smoked outside the ambulance bay, alone but at least with the familiar smoke of his friend instead of his usual. 

”I’m glad for you, bunny. I’ll meet you there by the weekend?” 

To say that that simple sentence is what got Jack and Robby through his entire week, it was an understatement. 

If it meant seeing each other by the weekend in the cramped ass student dorm with nothing but burgers and beer, then it would be the only thing that has the both of them running full time with giddy smiles and a hopeful tomorrow. 

[ 28:32 ]

“So, the ED is next?” Robby asked, already nursing a beer in his hand, the same beer that Jack bought when he got the news of topping his exams. “How’s internal medicine?” 

“Good but not as fun as the ED. I am so looking forward to it.” Jack handed Robby his order, a burger with fries and an ice cream sundae. “Man, thanks again. I honestly only have you to thank for this. I truly know that I would have flunked that test if it wasn’t for you.” 

Robby laughed as he unwrapped his burger, “It’s fine, bunny. I am always glad to help.”

Even if it meant driving almost an hour to Jack, even if it meant that sometimes he has to take the bus since rush hour traffic was apparent when near a university belt, even if it meant that Robby just wanted to lay down in his apartment and take a nap. 

“So, how was your shift?” Jack asks, taking a bite of his burger. 

Jack tends to ask Robby about his day but Robby has an internal conflict if he thinks he can actually tell Jack about the numerous deaths and cases he had for some shifts or should he just let Jack talk more about his day. There have been some times where Robby just said that it was the usual and Jack side eyed him but continued to talk about his own day because it seemed like Robby didn’t want to talk. 

Jack was smart. Not just knowledge smart but emotionally smart which makes Robby scared because he wasn’t. It took some time for Robby to express his emotions, and if he did, it creates a scar on his being. Jack on the other hand, processed his feelings quicker, maybe even normal since Robby wasn’t normal about his. When Jack was really affected, he wanted to be alone with a beer and a cigarette then he’ll talk when he’s ready. 

“A bit rough actually.” Robby admits and Jack stays quiet, still making eye contact with him. “A kid died and I could have done better even if Adamson told me that I did everything that I could and she was already dead when she was in the ambulance. I then burst at him about why he made me do numerous rounds of CPR protocol and meds but he didn’t say anything.” 

Jack, who was sitting on his bed, transferred to Robby’s side, by his desk and removed some of his things so he can sit beside the man. Jack offered him his pack and he started smoking it, the burger was now half eaten. 

Robby didn’t break down much infront of Jack, maybe it was because he was the older one and he felt embarrassed but Jack treated him as if he was human, not fragile which he appreciated. He knew Jack tended to be quiet when he didn’t know what to say and he needed that more than people keep telling him the usual sweet nothings after a rough case. 

“That’s…rough.” Jack simply said as he continued to eat his burger and fries, “Robby, I will spare you the usual nonsense we get when we lose a patient. I will tell you that it is true that it’s not your fault. If it was then why did Adamson not cut you off mid-intervention? If it was your fault then why haven’t you been placed in the bench?” 

Robby continued smoking. Jack has always been talkative so he let him have it. “But—“

”No ifs, ands, or buts, Robinavitch. People slip from our fingers and that happens and it’s fine. You’re not God who can make everyone alive. We’re still people with just an additional knowledge. It is not your final say if someone has to die or someone has to live. You just have to do your best within your capabilities and go on from there. It’s okay to be sad but it also is your responsibility to leave all of it behind and go to the next person who needs it.” Jack places his hand onto Robby’s knee. It seemed like Robby needed it when he shifted his position to lean into the touch. 

Robby never noticed how handsome Jack looked under the night sky. Maybe it was because of his red hair? Or the freckles in his face that mimic the stars in the sky right now? Or maybe it was that crooked smile that seemed to rival the brightness of the moon? Maybe it was how Robby has been smoking and drinking beers that shouldn’t inhibit his inhibitions but yet Jack has that way of him. 

“You should go to psychiatry.” Robby simply said and the gentle hand on his knee turned into a light slap. “Rude!” 

“I might just kill myself with my patients if I ever go there.” Jack jokes and Robby chokes out a laugh with some smoke exiting his mouth. “It’s the ER for me, don’t even bother try bringing up other specialties just so you would know where I would go. It’s always the ER, end of story.” 

Always you. Jack thinks to himself as he and Robby share a laugh through another opened can of beer. 

[ 28:32 ]

”Abbot! Good to see you here again!” Dana says as she catches sight of the now MS4. Jack spreads his arms for her and she goes in for the hug. “God, we missed ‘ya! More like Robby missed you.” She whispers with a cheeky grin. 

“Did he really?” Jack jokes, trying to keep it underground that he felt very excited to work back with Robby. He also tries to stop every single grin that forms his face at the thought of working with Robby that he might have been getting some crazy looks on the walk to PTMC for his shift. “I don’t think so, he’s been nonchalant with me the past few weeks about it.” 

Dana laughs to herself when she literally caught Robby having a countdown on his phone for when Jack comes back to work. She and Adamson noticed the wide grin and different composure that he held the past week and just concluded that Jack will be coming back for his rotation. 

“Yeah, he’s glad. He’s just waiting for Adamson for his sign offs.” Dana pats his bicep and Jack goes on to the locker rooms. 

He smiles when he gets there. His locker, already named and labeled, right beside Robby’s. It wasn’t like that last time. It was like where he should be, beside Robby. 

“Hey bunny!” Jack jumped at the voice to see Robby. Robby and a beard? Or a kind of beard? It was still short and can be misinterpreted as if Robby just didn’t shave for awhile. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Yeah?” 

“You look…” So handsome. “Horrible.” 

Robby’s grin turned to a frown and punched Jack by his shoulder. “I tried growing it out, okay?” Robby said as he opened his locker. “You haven’t seen me for 2 weeks ever since I got more busy with research as R3 and you’re preparing for your undergrad thesis. Thought it would be a good look.”

Jack rolled his eyes. It was true and Jack tried to call up Robby so that they can do their thesis together at the library but he didn’t want to come off as needy. He already had Robby for big celebrations, studying, reviewing, most of the big things in his life as a medical student and he didn’t want Robby to feel obligated to share every single moment. 

“Dude! Come on, a beard? Really? You’re squeeky clean everywhere, I know you don’t have much hair in your arms and legs and maybe chest or something but come on, can you even pull it off?” Jack said as he changed the subject to Robby’s beard. “It’s even growing in patches, come on dude.” 

“Jackass. You’re not bunny anymore, you’re Jackass.” Robby closed his locker door and playfulled rolled his eyes. 

“Well at least it’s less embarrassing than bunny.” 

“Bunny!” 

Even with that introduction to his rotation, it seemed like everything was going as it should be. Jack and Robby were still attached to the hip, Jack was now given just a bit more independence since he did work here the previous year and Robby took more teaching—practicing on Jack who tried to stifle his laugh but it ended up with Robby with a full grin as he taught. 

Jack cracked some jokes which now included the ever growing beard of Robby that grew in patches. 

“Dude, I swear. All your hair, in your head. That’s all I’m saying.” Jack pointed to Robby’s free flowing hair that was borderline a mullet. 

Jack always wondered what it would feel like. It looked so soft, bouncy and always was stubborn but it fit Robby. 

“I have hair in other areas.” Robby fought with him as both of them were charting. 

“Must be patchy as fuck.” 

“I fucking hate you right now, man.” Robby exasperatedly said but he still had a smile on his face. 

It was as if Jack never left. As confident, even more, as ever. The high grades and a promise to graduate with Latin honors did good for his ego. But he wasn’t arrogant. He was still as humble as he always have been and Robby was delighted with it. Jack had new ideas for treatment and Robby cleared them, they were updated in the medicine world and in their day and age, continuously updated protocols were common. 

Jack noticed that Robby also was becoming more comfortable in his skin. Maybe he thought that he was a big boy now with the beard but with his baby face and brown Bambi eyes, it can be commonly mistaken that he was in his lower years. Jack had witnessed it when he did his rotation a year ago. Robby stood taller if it was even possible for a 6’1” man, still walked around the ED with his chin held up high and yet would kneel down whenever he had a patient infront of him. 

“Stop staring.” Dana voiced out which made Jack jump. 

“I am not!” Jack huffs and hides his face as he continues to chart. 

It has been weeks into the rotation and Jack still makes jokes about Robby’s beard. Robby has been insistent on it, saying that he looked good in it. Jack would wholeheartedly agree but he just continued to push his buttons and Robby lets him. 

The beard, now growing into a somewhat description of one with lesser patches, looked really good on Robby. Like really good to the point that Jack will just stare at Robby from across the floor with this lovesick expression that he’s not even aware that he’s making. 

“You keep pushing his buttons with his beard but the next second you’re also staring at him.” Dana says and Jack rolls his eyes. 

“I do not.” Jack sternly replies and Dana rolls her eyes. 

“Okay then, Mr. Smarter than me but you’re just an MS4 and I’m an RN.” Dana said and Jack rolled his eyes. 

“I am not undermining you just because you’re a nurse.” Jack said gently and Dana snorts. 

“So you’re ready to tell me that I’m right?” Dana asked with a smirk on her face. 

“I am always at dangerous territory and I am not going to comment.” Jack smiled and Dana laughed. 

Contrary to Dana’s observations, Jack did not look at Robby all that much. Sure, he spared a glance, maybe during charting, or taking a patient, or assessing a patient, or when he’s teaching, or when he’s drinking some coffee because Robby likes some milk with his coffee so he has a milk mustache, or when he’s—

“Hey.” Jack jumped and Robby raised his hands with a smile on his face, his stupid, beared, and handsome face. “You okay?” 

Jack takes a deep breath, “Yeah, of course. Why would you ask me that?” Jack says in all one breath which caught a weird look in Robby. 

“You look like you ran a marathon, Abbot. And you just answered me really fast.” Robby slowly said and Jack pursed his lips. “You okay?” 

“Yeah no, I’m great, good even. I’m great.” Jack said and Robby raised an eyebrow. 

“One more and I’ll believe you?” Robby laughed, confused. “Dude, if you’re not feeling well then go and take a cigarette. Here.” Robby puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a cigarette pack. “I’ll cover for you. Take 5.” 

Jack takes the pack without a word and heads to the ambulance bay. He lights the cigarette and noticed that it was exactly the pack he likes smoking. 

But he knows that Robby hates it. 

[ 28:32 ]

“Here’s to Dr. Jack Abbot, MD!” 

Robby cheered in Jack’s student dorm, his last day of being in the dorm and will be moving out tomorrow afternoon. It was Jack’s graduation that morning and Robby attended it and they’re now celebrating with some good Chinese take out and some beers. 

Jack laughed and bowed, “Thank you, thank you!” Robby laughed at his dramatics. 

“To Dr. Jack Abbot, MD, Summa Cum Laude! Woah!” Robby cheered and Jack sat beside him by the bed. ‘I am so happy for you and you will do great things. Salute!” Robby said with an army salute at the end, knowing that Jack was already accepted to do his internship and residency in the army. 

“Cheers! To Dr. Michael Robinavitch, MD who also had his thesis proposal approved! I hope that the second half does you very well.” Jack said and Robby smiled. 

Both of them clicked their beer cans and proceeded to have some shots as well. Tequila and vodka with some soda as a chaser. It was a special occasion and they thought it was worthy to spurge a bit more on alcohol because of it. 

“So, when are you entering the army?” Robby asked as he took a shot, exhaling as the burning entered his throat. “I was hoping we can celebrate more, you know?” 

Jack stayed silent but then spoke up in a soft voice, “They need me there by tomorrow evening.” 

“What?” Robby sat up and looked at Jack. “Are you serious? Immediately?” 

No. Jack wanted to say to the resident. He was given an option if he wanted to go immediately for the batch starting up or wanted to delay it for 2 months. He wanted to spend more time with Robby but he also needed to get away. 

Away from this. The staring, the co-dependency he had with Robby, the beers and cheap take out in his dorm room, the familiar, the way his heart fluttered when Robby smiled at him, the way he smiled when Robby—the ever tactile person would hold him and sometimes his beard (that was growing very well actually but Jack wouldn’t admit it) would catch in his skin and it would be one of his favorite sensations, the way Robby had Jack’s favorite cigarettes even when he hated it was enough to make himself giddy about it. 

There were so many things that Robby did that made Jack know that he was soon in dangerous territory. He knew what this was, he wasn’t stupid. He knew he was falling for the resident and they had something good going. He didn’t know if Robby was gay, or liked guys like that. They never talked about their love lives, he just knew that Robby didn’t push for it since he was still busy as a resident. But he also knew that there were a lot of women who had crushes on him, either from the ED or from other departments that went down from consults just to see him. 

Jack knew he didn’t stand a chance. A man, who had his gay awakening with his resident, an army man, and was as stupid as a new doctor can be—have a relationship with an up and coming resident who was so different and out of his league. He just needed some time away even if it meant that he was going to leave Robby. 

“Yeah. They’re starting the new batch soon so they asked me to come down there already.” Jack admitted and his chest tightened when he saw the hurt look in Robby’s face. It wasn’t helping him, god, he just wanted to kiss the man and be done with it and leave. “I—“

”Why didn’t you tell me?” Robby asked, hurt lacing his voice. “I mean, I am happy for you but I would have wanted more time with you, before your residency starts.” 

Jack wanted that too but the more he stayed with Robby, the more he knew that it would be even more difficult to leave. He didn’t want to hurt the man but if it meant protecting himself then he would. It would hurt more the moment Jack decided to stay and never leave because he’s in love with Robby, but then the friendship is broken when Robby doesn’t even return back the same feelings. 

“I’m sorry, Robby. It’s just, I have to go.” Jack said and Robby grimaced. 

“What do you mean? Yeah, you have to go but why go so soon?” Robby asked in that hurt voice. Robby had this hurt look with his big brown eyes that is giving Jack that kicked puppy look and Jack winced. 

“Look,” Jack stood up from Robby’s side, “I just needed to get out. Plus, I was prioritized because of my experience in the army. Look, I just needed to take the chance since I never know when I can ever.” 

“You just said that you’re special. Can’t they put you in another batch or something?” Robby also stood up and Jack groaned. “Look, you need to get away because I’m here right? What is it?” Robby’s voice rose in volume and Jack knew he needed to calm it down fast. 

“Robby! I need to be in the army. My father is in the army, my grandfather, my great grandfather, it’s history! I need to do this as soon as possible.” Jack said, hiding the true reason why he needed to get out. 

“Just because they’re in the army doesn’t mean you have to go to as well! You can stay here, Adamson can pull some strings, or—“

”Robby.” Jack pleaded, “Please, just let me do this. I have to do this.” 

Robby looked at Jack with a pained expression. Jack, the first person he had been comfortable with in a long time, who understood him on such a deep level, Robby was thinking of inviting him in, hopefully in a much deeper intimidate level. 

Robby knew he liked Jack the moment he kept his cigarette pack just in case Jack needed it. He hated the brand so he detested it. But when he tried smoking it, he knew he was smoking it for the comfort that Jack was beside him and cheering him on. When he bought the pack, he smiled knowing that Jack can rely on him even if it was because of the cigarettes and not him. 

He kept helping Jack just so he can stay by his side. Flashcards, studying, ranting, all of that just to ensure Jack needed him by his side and he can stay. But now, with Jack wanting to spread his wings in an environment that was made for him and not Robby, he felt despair echoing his bones. 

“Okay.” 

Robby said after clearing his throat and trying to hide the tears in his eyes. “If you need to leave then leave but fuck, write to me, call me, anything.” 

It was quiet yet Jack nodded, picked up two shot glasses with vodka and cheered, “To you and I, and the dreams we have to make.” 

Robby had always dreamed of having Jack by his side. But he still raised his shot glass and clicked it with Jack’s, “To you and I,” To you who will be leaving and I who will hope that you’d come back. 

They spent the evening together, shots slowly yet surely filling their systems until they were ultimately drunk. Robby and Jack shared stories, even if it was repeated a hundred times yet laughed as if it was the first time they were hearing about it. 

“You know, we should make a pact!” Jack slurs, already reaching the drunken state in the redhead’s college dorm. 

“I think you’re too drunk to be allowed to make one?” Robby laughs as he drinks another bottle of beer, wheezing when Jack starts to hiccup, ignoring the resident as he continues to speak. 

“When we turn 40, and both of us are still single, we should get married!” Jack chippers, not even aware that Robby turns sober at his statement. 

Robby then stares at the newly graduated doctor who kept laughing and Robby scoffed. Why not, right? 

“Let’s get married at 40, then!” 

[ 29:33 ]

”Hey, bunny.” 

“Asshole.” 

Robby and Jack shared a laugh between the telephones. 

“How’s it going over there?” Jack asked as he nodded to one of his army men who passed by him. “I hope Adamson isn’t going too rough on you, R4.” 

”It’s good. He’s urging me to do more research after seeing how well my last research went. I do not want to go through that hell hole again.” Robby laughs as he lays down on his bed. “God, he’s even doing research just in case I do want to go and do it. But I don’t want to do it.” 

“Well, to me it looks like he’s giving you away.” Jack jokes and Robby groans. 

“I thought so too but he told me that PTMC isn’t in the position to do research for a few years because of budget cuts so he’s just getting ready. But he’s glad that I’m not even thinking of leaving.” Robby said and Jack hums. ”How about you? How is it there?” 

“Good, a bit more mellow than PTMC but everyone is good here.” Jack says and clears his throat when he feels the lump in there, wanting to be beside Robby at all times just as he predicted. ”I uh, sent you a letter by the way but not sure if you got it.” Jack said, changing the subject. 

“Hm, the doorman hasn’t said anything yet so it might be in transit for awhile. I also sent some stuff but it’s just some journals, newspapers since you like the sudoku so much and some candy.” Robby informed. 

They have been sending each other packages ever since Jack got into the army. It wasn’t much, most of the time Jack sent letters and Robby sent his letters with more things included. Jack didn’t have much to send anyway so Robby took the liberty to send more things from Pittsburgh. 

“Dr. Abbot, room 4 has been sent upstairs.” A nurse, Elise, informed him with a sweet smile. He nodded, thanked her and turned back to the telephone. 

“Wow, Dr. Abbot.” Robby teased, “Big shot intern, huh?” 

“Shut up, man.” Jack laughed. “That’s Elise, one of the nurses here. The others think she may have a thing for me.” 

Robby was silent for a while before speaking, “So, big shot doctor then?” He joked but he wanted to end the call already, stop talking about possible love interests for Jack. “Maybe you should ask her out, no?” 

Jack stays quiet. He didn’t expect Robby to say anything about his lovelife, he wanted it to say that way because if they continue talking then Jack may know things about Robby that he didn’t want to know. He thought that Robby didn’t want to talk about love because there wasn’t anything to talk about. During the time they spent together, Robby was single and didn’t want to commit and Jack was single and didn’t want to commit yet because he was a student. 

“Do you?” Jack asked quietly. “She’s cute but,” 

“I mean, dude. If you’re staying in there for the long run, might as well, right?” Robby said as he was clenching his white sheets. “You should. You just told me that she’s cute.” 

Jack remembers thinking how cute Robby was when he got Robby some sweet pastries from the cheap bakery near his college dorm. He remembers how cute Robby was when he figured out the diagnosis of a patient. He remembers how cute Robby was when he was already tipsy, bright big brown eyes with the cutest grin that showed his teeth. Robby smiled so wide, Jack was sure that he would have the deepest crow’s feet when he became older. 

What he didn’t know is that Robby smiled that wide only for Jack. 

“I can say that someone is cute without being attracted to them.” Jack argues. 

“But it is a possibility, right?” Robby said quietly. “Just do it. You never know.” 

Jack stays quiet, thinking about Robby. Did Robby just say that? To him? When he’s been liking Robby for years now? Was this a confirmation that Robby didn’t like him like that—not stopping him but encouraging him to go through with this? 

“Alright then.” Jack simply said. 

“Good. Maybe she’s the one.” Robby tried joking but Jack didn’t think so. 

They stopped talking for a few seconds until Jack was called in for a trauma, thus making him drop the telephone into the receiver. 

Jack ended up asking Elise out after their shift. Jack took his time to actually look at her. 

Big brown eyes. 

Brown hair that she let loose after a shift. 

Cute smile. 

She said yes right after with a wide grin on her face. 

Jack wished that it was another person saying yes.  

[ 30:34 ]

“Attending Physician, Dr. Michael Aaron Robinavitch! Hello!” Jack joked and Robby groaned. 

“Okay R2, Dr. Jack Henry Abbot. I’m dropping the call.” Robby threatened with no real heat in them. “We’ve been friends for years and why did we just learn each other’s second names?” 

It was being bought up when they noticed the full names placed on the packages they kept sending each other. Jack called the man when he finally noticed after hundreds of letters and packages being sent to him prior. 

“Never came up. Plus, Henry is reserved for my mother when she scolds me so I never put it in my ID badge.” Jack said as he lay down on his bed. “What’s the story why you never put Aaron in your ID badge?” 

Robby shrugs even if Jack can’t see it, “Same reason as you.” Robby laughed. ”It’s my father’s name so why bother when he hasn’t been active in my life, no?” 

Jack hums, “You can just take it out. It’s a legal thing.” 

“Yeah well, it’s a common Jewish name and I am Jewish so might as well steer that into the skid. People won’t know the truth anyway since I’m not open about it.” Robby says. “How are you and Elise?” 

Robby hates talking about her. He asked one time about her and Jack proceeded to tell her how she’s a great girl and hit it off after their first date. Robby now felt obligated to ask because Jack never seemed to talk about her first, only when being asked. 

“She’s good. Anniversary coming up in a week so I bought her this journal she’s been trying to find. I had another guy buy it for me when he had his leave. He got it for me and I’m surprising her with it.” Jack laughed. “She’s great and I can feel like she’s for the long run.” 

She’s not the one. Jack also thinks to himself before smiling.

”But it’s only been a year and I’m in my residency so popping that question isn’t really the most ideal.” Jack continues. 

Robby tries not to think about Jack and Elise. In a wedding. In a big house. A garden because Jack has mentioned that she liked flowers and dreamed about making her own flower bed. An outdoor grill because Jack likes that. Two kids because Elise likes kids. A boy and a girl because Elise likes it. Suburban because Jack likes that. A huge driveway because Jack predicts that his midlife crisis would be a car collection. A pool because Jack likes to swim. A mini fridge outside because Jack likes to swim with a cola or a beer. 

“Well, if you’re going to pick out a ring then you can hit me up, hmm?” Robby as he leans on the doorway of his kitchen, peering into the open layout of his new apartment. 

Just like he wanted but he hoped Jack would also be here, judging from the numerous journals in the shelf containing articles of medicine. All updated, just like how Jack liked it. A breakfast bar because Jack had nostalgia from his childhood home. A brown couch because Jack didn’t like white furniture claiming that it was going to be a bitch to clean. 

And Jack’s favorite cigarettes. 

The smoke wafted all over the apartment, sitting calmly in the ashtray beside the couch. 

And numerous packs in the drawer that it sits in. 

“Alright, Robby.” Jack muses. “But let’s not talk about that, let’s talk about that bitch of an intern you complained about last time.” 

“Oh boy, get ready.” Robby laughed, even louder when Jack joined him. 

[ 31:35 ] 

“Elise and I are thinking of moving to New York.” Jack said and Robby sat up straight. 

“What?” Robby asked, surprised as he’s running his hand through his hair. “You’re an R3. Can’t you wait for 2 more years just to finish your residency before running to another place? I thought the army had a return service.” 

“Yeah but the cases here might not be doing much for me. Mount Sinai has an opening and the army has already sent in the transfer. From what my supervisor told me, they have an opening for an EM residency.” Jack said. “Elise also wanted to do something more, maybe research or something. I don’t know man but she is right when she told me that the cases just aren’t helping me here.” 

Robby knew that the hospital Jack worked at wasn’t as exciting for Jack. Jack lived off the adrenaline and he worked well under pressure so he understood where Elise was coming from. If the army didn’t necessarily have any problem with them transferring then it was no problem for Robby. And yet, 

“Why not choose Pittsburgh? I’m sure Adamson can pull some strings for a resident and a nurse to work. We’re always understaffed, you know that.” Robby’s heart quickened. 

If Jack and Elise wanted to leave then they could come back to Pittsburgh. Robby is selfish for this but he wanted Jack back. His Jack. No, Elise’s Jack. 

“I suggested but Pittsburgh universities don’t have the master’s degree that she wants. What she wants is in New York so we’re going there if my transfer is successful.” Jack said with a sorry tone. 

Elise now comes first. Robby now comes second. 

“Shit. Then,” Robby tries to calm himself down, hoping that his voice doesn’t convey much of his frustration and disappointment. “I hope you do get that spot in New York. That’s more accessible to us than wherever you are right now.” Robby laughs it off. 

Jack playfully rolls his eyes even if Robby can’t see it, “Yeah. I hope so.” His tone is fond, hoping that Robby can hear it on his end. 

Robby gets a call again 4 weeks later about Jack already moving to New York with Elise. They got an apartment with their military money and Elise is now in her master’s degree while Jack is accepted to Mount Sinai. 

Robby looks at the floor of his ED and sighs. So much for getting Jack back. 

[ 32:36 ] 

“Okay, R4. You are slick.” Robby laughs as Jack tells him another story about surprising Elise by baking her favorite cookies, “I do hope that you didn’t poison her.” 

“I did not, Robinavitch. You think so little of me.” Jack laughs. “She loved it and laughed about the amount of times I told her that I failed. But she loved it.” 

“Jack Abbot, baker and chef, that makes me vomit a little.” Robby joked and laughed when he heard Jack groan. “Dude I do not trust you with anything in the kitchen. Remember the time I asked you to make breakfast in my apartment when you stayed the night? The kitchen was a mess!” 

“I cleaned that! I may not know how to cook but damnit, I know how to clean.” Jack defends himself. “Hey, you like sweet treats too, right?” 

Robby gulps. Did Jack forget? 

Did Jack forget about how he tried to wait outside the bakery since they only made a few of the special cookies Robby actually liked but was always on the day shift so he never had the chance to get it himself? Did Jack forget about the time he surprised Robby with a cupcake, continuing their tradition from when he was an MS3 because both of them didn’t like big celebrations? Did Jack forget how much he devoured the red velvet cake that they surprised Dana with on her birthday? 

“No, I don’t.” Robby takes a risk and Jack hums. 

“Huh, that’s weird.” Jack simply said and Robby tries to calm himself and wipe away the tears falling down his cheeks. 

Robby spends that night crying. He spent the night with the same beer that he always bought because Jack liked them. He spent the night smelling Jack all over the apartment, a constant reminder that he has to kill himself before he can actually get Jack. 

[ 33:37 ] 

“You know, Elise is doing her master’s and is going insane with her thesis. It actually is endearing.” Jack brings up so suddenly and Robby stays silent, cooking in his kitchen. “I told her that there was a reason why I didn’t go into research.” 

“And yet you always had the most amazing presentations when you were a student.” Robby muses with a smile on his face. “How are you? Attending Physician Dr. Jack Abbot.” 

“Well, good. The title is really boosting my ego, protege of chief attending Adamson.” Jack laughs. “Is he going to retire soon?” 

“You’re a jackass.” Robby laughs. “He’s only in his fresh 50s and you’re kicking him out already?” 

“Dude, that man has the patience of a saint.” Jack points out, “I’m sure if you flash him your Bambi eyes then he can give it to you with no questions asked.” 

Robby freezes. Bambi, that fucking nickname. 

The last time he heard that nickname was before Jack even left. Jack doesn’t even use that nickname in their calls or their letters. Robby called him bunny when he was an intern but when Jack didn’t even bother reciprocating with his own nickname to Robby, he dropped it. 

“Been awhile since you called me that.” Robby brings up and Jack stays silent. 

“Yeah well,” Jack said with a shrug, even if Robby can’t see. “Been awhile since you called me bunny.” 

“Elise doesn’t call you that?” Robby asks before he can think about it and Jack hummed. 

“I mean, no. She doesn’t really.” Jack said, for some reason his tone was neutral. “I mean, why should she? It’s your nickname to me anyway. I never told her about that nickname you had for me.” 

Robby smiles to himself, at least one thing of Jack’s is still his. 

[ 34:38 ] 

“Hello?” Robby asked, for some reason a bit out of breath. 

“Wow, why do you sound like that?” Jack asks and he can hear shuffling from the background. 

“Uh yeah, can you call a different time? Maybe a few hours?” Robby asked, in a whispered tone. 

“Huh, why?” Jack asked as he went through his mail from this morning. This was most likely the time he would already be calling Robby or Robby calling him. They had a schedule set so that it doesn’t interfere with their lives. 

“I kinda have a girl over.” 

Jack freezes. Robby has a girl over? 

Robby, who hasn’t said anything about his lovelife or even flings over the phone the past years, who has commitment issues, who he loved, has a girl over? 

Robby who knew deep down the time that Jack punctually called, decided it would be a good time to take a girl in his place and fuck her? 

“Jack? I really need to go, she’s literally in bed waiting for me.” Robby rushed the man and Jack snapped out of his trance. 

“Oh, um, yeah go ahead.” Jack simply said and Robby cut the line without even saying goodbye. 

Jack slowly puts down the phone and stays silent by the kitchen counter. 

So Robby is straight. Jack thinks to himself and bites his lip, so much that it bleeds. 

“So much for getting married when we turn 40.” Jack mumbles as he drops the mail onto the counter. 

[ 35:39 ] 

“Merry Christmas, Abbot.” Robby laughs. “Don’t even bother greeting me back, asshole.” 

“I was going to say happy Hanukkah but okay, Dr. Michael ‘I don’t celebrate my Jewish holidays’ Robinavitch.” Jack mocks. “What are you doing for the holidays?” 

Robby hums, “I don’t know, work?” Jack laughs. It was expected, they didn’t like big celebrations. 

“God, I kinda want to as well but Elise wanted to go away for the holidays and since we worked last year, I kinda gave it to her.” Jack said and sat down on the couch. “She has the entire apartment in lights and it smells like snickerdoodle cookies the entire time.” 

“That must sound heavenly. I love cookies.” Robby slips before he can think about it. 

“I know.” Jack replied nonchalantly, “You had to drag me to your place because you said that the only thing you liked about the holidays was people giving you sweets and you wanted to share the cookie box that your co-worker gave you.” 

Robby stood silent in his living room, “So, you remembered, huh? I feel honored.” Robby joked and laughed after staying silent. 

Jack made a confused noise, “When did I forget?” 

Robby immediately remembered the one time Jack forgot that he liked sweets. Robby tried to remember the other times that Jack forgot something about him but he came up to nothing. 

Robby grinned widely, “Nothing. I didn’t expect it but I should always reach the stars with you, Dr. Abbot.” 

Maybe there was hope, that Jack never forgot about him. That Robby will always hold a special space for Jack that even the little details, he will always remember. 

‘Must be a one time thing.’ Robby thinks to himself as he continues to talk to Jack with a happy mood surrounding him. 

[ 36:40 ] 

“I’m getting married.” 

Robby tries to stop the tears falling down his cheeks and swallow the lump in his throat. 

“Congratulations!” Robby said and laughed. “What prompted this?” He asked and Jack laughed. 

“Well, she’s pregnant.” Jack sheepishly responded. 

Jack never wanted kids, he’s the oldest of several so he took care of them most of the time with his mother when his father was being stationed somewhere. He used to say that if he had kids then it must take someone special to change his mind. 

“Oh, oh! Holy shit, Jack! I’m happy for you!” Robby cheered, genuinely happy for his friend. “Do you know the gender yet?” Robby asked, happily even if he felt dread through his entire body which manifested in his tears uncontrollably falling down his face. 

“It’s a boy.” Jack laughed, actually cheerful at the news. “Should I name him Michael because of you?” 

Robby covers his mouth to keep the sobs from escaping his mouth. “Wow, do you love me that much that you would name your kid after me?” He asked and Jack laughed. 

“I love you, Robby. You should always know that.” 

‘If you actually love me, why aren’t I the one you’re marrying?’ Robby thinks but he stops it immediately as he thought it. ‘So much for getting married when I turn 40.’ 

The entire conversation was filled with smiles and cheers for a new beginning. 

When Jack asks Robby to be their witness at their elopement, he declines. 

It was the first time Robby did not show up when Jack needed him to. 

[ 37:41 ] 

“Jack? Why are you calling? I'm at work.” Robby turns away from the television where it shows the twin towers being the subject of a possible terrorist attack just a few days ago and how the government will respond. ”Are you and Elise alright?” 

“Elise is dead.” 

“What?” Robby locks himself in one of the empty patient rooms. “What? What?” Robby asks over and over again because he couldn’t believe it as well. 

“She went to the World Trade Center to hopefully talk to one of the companies for her thesis and when she left a voice message, I went there myself to help. I saw her body, they just confirmed it, fuck, fuck fuck! Robby—fuck, holy fuck. She was pregnant, fuck!” Robby can hear smashing and something breaking in the background, “The army contacted me to possibly go to war, Afghanistan. They’re responding immediately. They need doctors there.” 

“Jack, wait—“ 

“Robby, I love you.” 

“Jack!” 

“I don’t know if I’ll come back alive but holy shit, you better be there at my funeral! I haven’t seen you in a decade and I don’t know why you are refusing to see me but I at least need to know that you love me enough to come to my funeral if I don’t make it out alive.” Jack rambles and Robby can hear shuffling in the background now, must be Jack already packing his bags. 

“Jack Abbot, you listen to me!”

”No!” Jack yells in his ear, “You don’t get to say that when you’ve never been here for me! I need someone at my funeral at least to know that I’m loved. Because, fuck! I love you, Michael Robinavitch, always have, always will be! You don’t get to make demands when you never were there for me!” 

“So, what? The next time I’ll see you is in a coffin?” Robby raised his voice, “You don’t get to go there and just risk your life! Come back, here, in Pittsburgh, where it’s safe! Not out there where I’ll be worrying for days if you’re actually alive!” 

“Elise is dead. I need to do this for her and my kid. Fuck, did you know I named him Aaron? For you? Because at least a part of you that didn’t get any love will always have someone that loves you? Me, because I’ll always love you no matter what.” Jack admits and sobbed. “Robby, please. Just let me do this.” 

Robby sobbed, already escaping before he could recognize it, “Since when have I ever stopped you, right?” 

Jack stays silent and Robby continues to talk, “You fucking call me and no matter what happens, I’ll come get you, okay? No questions asked.” 

“Will you actually come and get me?” Jack’s voice broke and a sob echoed through the call. “I need to know that you’ll come get me no matter what.” 

“I will. I’ll always will.” Robby says to the phone. “No matter that.” 

Shortly after that, Jack places ‘Dr. Michael Aaron Robinavitch’ as his emergency contact prior to going to war. 

[ 38:42 ] 

“Jack? Hey.” Robby softly greets when he gets the call. ”You doing good?” 

“Maybe? I don’t know man.” Jack sighs on the other line, “I like the adrenaline and all but I guess it just came crashing down that Elise is gone and my kid is dead, you know?” 

Robby liked Elise, from what he had heard and the short conversations she had when Jack and him called, she’s very sweet. She’s an amazing person and it felt like Jack never truly got to mourn over her and his kid—going straight into war as soon as possible. 

“It’s weird.” Jack continued as Robby stayed in silence, “I always knew that I didn’t love her as much as she loved me but she’s my wife, you know? I stuck by her, supposed to have a kid with her. All that and yet, I actually feel sad about it.”

Robby was taken aback. This was new revelations to him and he didn’t know if he should ask about it or not. He was never good with his feelings and emotions, that part he can be accounted for. 

“What do you mean by that Jack?” Robby asks quietly. “Did you—“

”No, I loved Elise, god I fucking love her. But now that I’m here, stranded in my thoughts and I just realized that maybe I didn’t love her as much, maybe that’s why I’m not kneeling on the ground begging for some higher being or trying to kill myself, you know?” Jack admitted quietly. “Does that make me a bad person?” 

Robby didn’t know what to say because he’s also wondering the same question. Is he a bad person for being a bit happy that Elise is dead? He’s sad for Jack, obviously but he knows that there is a small part inside of him that is a bit hopeful that maybe he’ll get Jack, even if it is selfish. 

“No, it doesn’t,” Robby quietly responds after a moment of silence. “I know you, Jack. You’re not a jerk or an ass to stay with a woman you didn’t love. If you really loved her, then you stayed. And you did. You didn’t leave, you didn’t abandon her when she got pregnant, you married her and even if you didn’t want to have kids, you still made sure she had them because she wanted them. That’s another level of altruism that I cannot even do but you did it, because you love her too.” 

“Fuck, man. Were you supposed to be in psych?” Jack laughed. “That’s some good advice, I’ll tell you that.” 

“Oh god, no. Holy hell.” Robby laughed out loud. “You’ve known me for years and this is the moment you’ll tell me that I’m good at comforting? Jerk move, bunny.” 

“Well, I just have to say thank you, Bambi.” Jack genuinely said, “I needed that, badly.” 

“I’ve got you, bunny. Don’t you ever worry.” 

[ 39:43 ]

“God damn, Robinavitch. Why are you grumpy?” Jack laughs. “Did a poor intern get into your nerves?” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Robby groans, staying silent but then speaks anyways, “Fuck, I slept with a nurse from billings and now she wants to go serious. Fucking hell.” 

Jack raised his eyebrows in curiousity, “Why are you even sleeping with nurses in your own hospital? Don’t eat where you shit bullshit, hello?” 

“It was just for a few times and now, as Dana calls it, my 7 week itch.” Robby groans as he sits down on his couch. “She came down my ER, tried flirting with me and I just couldn’t. I just knew I would have to break up with her soon.” 

Jack chuckles, “Dude, what week is it?” 

“7th week, fuck off!” Robby grumbles, “As if I have the time for a relationship outside the hospital.” 

“Okay, protege.” Jack mocks, feeling strangely relieved that Robby would break up with her soon. “Anything else new?” 

“Yeah well, Dana tried setting up a betting pool for one of the patients and it was a huge hit. Now, it’s becoming a daily thing with the guards officiating.” Robby sighed, “Lost fucking 50 bucks man.” 

“You must be real bad at poker.” Jack laughed, lighthearted. “Dude, why are you even betting that much in a betting pool. It’s not a casino.” 

“I didn’t have any 20 dollar bills okay so I just figured.” Robby shrugs. “I can hear you holding back laughter, bunny! You’re supposed to be on my side!” 

“I just know when I come back, I’ll fucking win against you every single time.” Jack laughed and Robby stills. Jack noticed that Robby didn’t express any reaction so he calls out to him again, “Robby? You still there man?” 

“You’re coming back to Pittsburgh?” Robby asked quietly. 

Jack takes a deep breath, “I mean, if I make it out of here alive, you know? Might as well go back where my heart takes me to.” 

Robby huffs a laugh, “Oh so your heart is telling you to go back to Pittsburgh?” 

‘My heart is telling me to go back to you,’ Jack thinks but just laughed. “Maybe, maybe not. I’ll see if you, the chief attending by that time, can take me in.” 

“Poor you, maybe I’ll consider.” Robby jokes. If it’s you then I’ll happily take you in. 

[ 40:44 ] 

”This is so fucking stupid.” Robby mutters to himself as he stands in a jewelry store, waiting for the attendant to come back with the ring design he requested. 

“Dr. Robinavitch?” A man calls out to him and he goes to the counter, “It’s a simple silver design with some diamonds on the side. Just as you requested.” 

Robby looks at the white band. It was silver in color because Robby remembered that Jack wore a silver necklace when he was in medical school. Robby chose a design where two small diamonds were seated side by side. It was simple and it screamed Jack Abbot. Robby smiled at the ring and looked at the attendant. 

“And I can have it resized? Sorry, I don’t know my partner’s ring size.” Robby asked sheepishly, now blushing red at him calling Jack his partner even if they haven’t even talked about it. 

Robby never questioned about how Jack told him he loved him almost 3 years ago. He didn’t even know if Jack remembered that stupid marriage pact but now he’s here, picking out a ring which can either be a dream come true or a disaster in the making. 

He doesn’t even know if Jack will come back alive and he’s out here, picking out rings and being hopeful that maybe, just maybe, a higher being will come through for him. 

“Yes. You can just come back here and we can resize it for you for a fee.” The attendant says and Robby nodded. 

“I’ll take it.” 

Robby paid for the ring, which was a bit expensive but he didn’t mind. He had this stupid grin on his face as he drove back to his apartment and placed the velvet box in his living room drawer, just below where the ashtray that Robby still smokes Jack’s favorite cigarettes sit. He lit it up so much, his body has somewhat programmed the scent as comforting even if it kills him. 

He spends awhile gazing at the ring with fondness and hope in his being, even if just a little bit of hope for him that his stars will come through for him. 

The phone ringing breaks him from his trance and he picks it up. 

“Robinavitch speaking.” 

“Dr. Michael Robinavitch. We were informed that you are Dr. Jack Abbot’s emergency contact. Can you come immediately?” 

[ 40:44 ] 

“For Dr. Jack Abbot.” 

Robby informs the nurse’s station, a bit out of breath and a nurse comes around, already guiding him to the room where Jack was admitted. Not even bothered that the man is sweaty, probably hasn’t had a shower in 3 days from traveling and his appearance is a mess. 

“Dr. Abbot, you have a visitor.” The nurse informs and Robby immediately comes up from behind the nurse and into the room. “I’ll be at the nurse’s station if you need anything.” 

“Yes please, thank you.” Robby thanks the nurse and the room is dead silent after the door clicks close. 

Jack stares at Robby with teary eyes. Jack hasn’t seen Robby in a decade. He notes that Robby’s beard has grown fully, no patches and he can see the chest hair peaking from his button up. Robby’s shocked eyes made contact with his and he simply takes a deep breath. 

Jack wordlessly pulls off the blanket and Robby can see the stump that is wrapped heavily with bandages. Robby takes a deep breath and steps closer. 

As Robby slowly comes over, Jack couldn’t keep in the tears and the sobs that come out immediately. Jack simply cries in response and Robby sits down beside him on the bed, pulling the man closer to his chest and comforting him. 

“Bunny, oh bunny, I got you. It’s okay, I got you.” Robby coos as Jack cries in his arms. “Jack, I got you. It’s okay, let it all out.” 

“You came, you fucking came.” Jack sobs in his chest and Robby kisses his hair, still the red that he recognized from across the floor and fell in love with. The same red that glowed in the sunlight, because Jack was bright like that, as if creeping into the dark crevices of Robby’s soul and lit it all up. “You came.”

”You needed me. I came for you.” Robby’s quiet words was enough for Jack to cry harder in his chest. 

Jack’s fingers were digging into Robby’s arms, Robby was sure that it was going to bruise but he still pulled Jack closer to his chest as the man continued to cry his eyes out. Robby has never seen Jack cry before, always the strong man under the pressure which was expected from an army man but he wasn’t shocked in Jack’s reaction to him. 

Jack hasn’t seen him for a decade and Robby wants to cry as well but he knew that Jack needed to be held. Robby tries not to look at the stump, especially when Jack pulls it closer under the blankets, still in shame from the drastic transformation. Robby doesn’t speak anymore, nor does he coos at Jack in an attempt to comfort. He just holds the man and lets the man dig his being into his skin. 

As if he hasn’t done that in the past years he’s known Jack. 

When Jack does get settled, Robby doesn’t move, he still holds Jack to his chest and caressing his back in affection. Jack stays silent and is now whimpering and sniffling by the end of his crying session. Jack looks up at Robby who sends him a gentle smile. 

Robby grabs his handkerchief from his pocket and wipes the tears from Jack’s face, gently, not in a way where he is handling Jack as if he was fragile but in a way where it leaks the love he has for the younger man. Jack leans into the gentle touch and even blows his nose when Robby offered, which earned a small laugh from Robby. 

“Have you eaten?” Robby asked and Jack shakes his head. “I’ll ask the nurse if your lunch can be bought into your room, hmm?” 

Robby makes a move to stand up but Jack tightens his grip onto Robby’s arms. “Don’t leave me.” Robby simply nods and moves to get the call light for the nurse to get in and hopefully with Jack’s lunch. 

Eventually, the nurse came in with some lunch, even with extras for Robby to which he thanks her. Robby sets up the bedside table with food and Jack follows his every move with his eyes. Robby wanted to laugh because Jack looked so cute with that action. 

“You ready to eat?” Robby softly asked and Jack nods, picking up the utensils and began eating. 

Robby remained seated by the end of the bed, it seemed like Jack didn’t want him to leave his bed and has taken comfort in making sure that Robby was beside him at all times. Robby was also eating, both of them sharing the overhead table where they shared their lunch, eeringly similar to their times when they would make sure all food fit Jack’s desk when he was in college. 

No words were spoken between them, the only sounds echoing the room were of them eating and occasionally drinking water. Robby didn’t want to make eye contact with Jack, who’s eyes always landed on his figure, never leaving. Robby didn’t want to think about anything else but being there for Jack. 

Seeing Jack again opened up so many things in Robby’s chest. After more than a decade of pining and hoping that maybe someone will come through for him and the endless people that warmed his bed, he just wanted Jack all to himself. Robby left the ring in his apartment, he contemplated in bringing it but it wasn’t the right time and right place to bring up a stupid marriage pact that they had when they were drunk out of their asses. He wasn’t even sure if Jack remembered anything from that night. 

All Robby needed to do right now was to be there for Jack and even if seeing the black wedding band on the man’s ring finger made him doubt if he should be even hoping, he’ll still be there for Jack. 

Jack on the other hand, didn’t know what to start with. 

Robby was here, in the flesh and was now this handsome hairy monster with a gorgeous beard and still amazing hair even if he was already in his 40s. His beard was amazing if Jack had to be honest, gorgeous even because it fit Robby so well. Jack knew he still had feelings for Robby but the guilt that he had for his dead wife and unborn son was still all so fresh, the wedding band certainly didn’t help but Jack still kept it on as a memory for them. 

Robby still had that gentle nature with him, even if he tried to be more gruff and stern but being raised by his grandmother and a protege by one of the kindest doctors that Jack has ever met, it wasn’t a shock that Robby also took in a gentle character to himself. 

Has Jack mentioned how handsome Robby got? Because Jack can’t stop staring at Robby even if Robby tried to avoid eye contact the majority of his current stay there. 

Robby still had those gentle Bambi eyes that Jack always loved making eye contact with. There were the beginning signs of wrinkles, especially by his eyes. He smiled to himself because he knew Robby would end up having those crow’s feet and they’re making a subtle appearance. He kinda hopes that Robby also smiled widely when they talked over the phone so that he had an influence to them. 

Jack remembered Robby to be so lanky but he’s got a solid build now. Jack can see some tattoos—was that a text—that have never been there before, it was peeking from the rolled up hoodie that the older man wore. But he can also see a small symbol by the wrists. He can also see the hair onto the forearms of the man which weren’t in patches, god, Robby became a hairy monster the past decade. 

Robby has a small tummy that was peaking from his posture and Jack thought that was so cute. Robby actually had some muscles with him (judging from the way his arm bulges when he bends them) and not just skin and bones like when he was a medical student. 

Jack can’t stop looking at him, can’t stop noticing what was different and realizing that he still loved them regardless. 

“So, um.” Robby speaks up and Jack hitched a small breath when Robby made eye contact with him, “The doctor told me over the phone that you had an accident and you have to be sent home by the end of the week. I was going to ask if you would like to go with me.” 

Jack tilted his head, “Go with you?” 

“Go home, with me. In Pittsburgh.” Robby clarified with a small laugh, “I don’t know if the military will pay for your physical therapy and umm…”

”Prosthetic.” Jack continues for him and Robby flinches. ”Why?” Jack asked when he saw Robby flinch. 

“I just, sorry, I’m—I don’t…nevermind.” Robby stuttered and Jack sighed. 

“You can be honest with me about it and I think the breakdown and the depression will come after awhile. That’s how I’ve always been.” Jack said, already knowing that he needed some time before everything came crashing down on him. Similar to when he had to go to the army, or when Elise and his unborn kid died, 

Or when Robby didn’t come to his wedding. 

“How are you feeling, Jack?” Robby asked, genuinely concerned. 

If he was in Jack’s shoes, he’ll fucking lose it to the point he’ll even try to kill himself. But it was so weird that Jack seemed so nonchalant about losing his leg and having a new normal ahead of him. 

“I, I don’t know, Robby.” Jack sighed, laying back on the bed and stared at the pain scale chart from across the room, “One minute, I was going back to base and the next moment, I feel pain through my body and then the next, I wake up and I don’t have a leg. I don’t know if I’m numb or what, I just don’t feel anything. But I still want to cry, yell, throw stuff yet at the same time, I don’t.” 

Jack was feeling all sorts of things and he didn’t know what to do first. Robby simply nodded and sat by the end of the bed, looking at his friend who now avoided all avenues of eye contact with him. 

Robby doesn’t want to say that it’ll be okay. He doesn’t even know that. He wants to make it okay for Jack but he doesn’t know how to aside from just being there for the man. 

By the end of the day, the doctor came by and updated the both men about Jack and what to expect in the near future. 

“The military will pay for physical therapy and his prosthetic as well as therapy. Where will Dr. Abbot stay for the time being?” The doctor asked and Robby responded. 

“In Pittsburgh, with me.” Robby looked at Jack who avoided his gaze. “Is that possible?” 

“Yes, it will be. I’ll have you fill up some forms in the nurse’s station if that’s okay.” Robby nodded and Jack, who felt Robby’s eyes on him, nodded, giving him permission to leave his side for the moment.

Once Robby did go to the nurse’s station to fill up some forms, the doctor tapped his shoulder and nodded to a quiet section of the floor. Robby hesitated but followed the doctor eventually. 

“Dr. Robinavitch, I hope you understand what it takes to take care of someone with Dr. Abbot’s condition.” The doctor started and sighed, “I am not undermining what you are capable of but Dr. Abbot is someone who was in the front lines as a medic and has seen many things. In my experience with military men, they’re numb at first but when they get home to civilization, it can be drastic.” 

“I know and I am aware and I still want to take him home and take care of him.” Robby insisted and the doctor slowly nodded. 

“You have to understand that you have to be there for him and this kind of accident entails him with being vulnerable. The crutches, the additional support that has to be installed in your home especially in the shower, the physical therapy can be gruesome to some. All of this, please be understanding of him and give him the utmost care.” The doctor seemed very empathetic, already getting numerous cases like Jack’s so Robby didn’t take offense in this little talk. 

“I’ll take care of him. Don’t worry about it.” Robby seemed sincere to the doctor who nodded and left, leaving Robby to go back to the nurse’s station to fill out some forms. 

[ 40:44 ] 

“Here we go, home sweet home.” Robby joked as he places the bags by the front door and Jack, in his crutches, follows suit. “I have a guest bed here since what kind of emergency medicine doctor needs an office?” 

“Maybe you if you’d gone down the research route.” Jack joked and Robby smiled, at least even if Jack was quiet most of the time, still reciprocated some jokes if Robby started it. 

“No thanks.” Robby groans as he places the bags by the living room, already taking Jack’s onto the guest bedroom. “Do you need any help with unpacking?” 

Robby learned early on in their friendship that Jack liked to be independent. Only asking for help if he actually needed it, but that didn’t mean that he hated doing so. He was just raised like that so Robby decided to make sure that Jack still felt independent through his recovery and to not coddle him. 

“I’ll just call you if I need to.” Jack simply said and walked to the guest bed, leaving Robby in the living room who sighed and decided to get some dinner set up. 

Robby didn’t hear anything from Jack and he tried to stop himself from peaking into the guest bedroom. He continued making dinner and then he hears the crutches being moved in the guest bedroom. He doesn’t look up but his ears are alert for any noise of discomfort. 

“Robby?” He hears a soft call to his name to see Jack leaning by the doorframe with his crutches.

”Jack, yeah. What do you need?” Robby asked and Jack bit his lips, hesitating for awhile before speaking. 

“I kinda want to take a shower.” Robby seems taken aback and is now running the logistics in his head. His eye catches one of the chairs and nods. 

“I haven’t installed the railings in the bedroom. Is a chair good enough for you? And maybe some slippers, I have some here.” Robby goes to the front closet and rummages the numerous stuff that was tossed there instead of arranged. 

Jack simply stood there and simply stared at Robby. Robby already took one of the chairs, wooden so that it won’t slip, and took the nonslip slippers he bought and used whenever he was cleaning the apartment. Robby is suddenly thankful for those times his grandmother told him about always having non slip slippers around so now Jack can use them. 

Robby was setting up the bathroom, putting the chair there and the slippers for the man to change into (not trying to make it awkward that the man literally lost a leg so only one was used). He didn’t make it into a big deal, just placed it aside, not noticing the frustrated look on the army man’s face. 

“Just yell if you need me, hmm?” Robby said and Jack just nodded, and slipped into the shower. 

Robby left eventually and kept praying that Jack didn’t slip. After 30 minutes, Jack came out judging from the shower turning off and Robby just made dinner in the kitchen. 

It was awkward, for the rest of the night. Jack didn’t even bother speaking and Robby followed suit. Robby didn’t mind talking but the first few conversation starters he had, Jack didn’t respond so he kept quiet. 

When it was time to sleep, Jack locked himself in the bedroom and didn’t say anything other than a soft ‘good night’ to Robby, not even bothering to get a response. 

Robby sighed as he laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, hoping that it will eventually lull him back to sleep. 

The next morning, Jack woke up with noise, it sounded like a drill and when he checked the source of the noise. He found Robby, in the bathroom, putting up the railings himself. 

It seemed like Robby didn’t hear him over the drill so Jack went to the kitchen, only to find numerous railings already installed in various places of the house. By Robby. 

[ 40:44 ] 

“When are you going back to work?” Jack asked and Robby had to take a minute if Jack was actually speaking to him. 

It has been a month since Jack came to live with Robby. Robby took a leave of absence which Adamson had gratefully agreed and signed off on. Robby took Jack to physical therapy sessions, doctor’s appointments and even that one therapy session Jack had but didn’t bother doing a follow up. 

If Robby’s being honest, he’s like walking on eggshells. But the thing is, Jack has been quiet for that entire month. Just inside his room, watching television and sometimes making meals. Robby has been waiting for Jack to explode but it hasn’t happened yet. He’s just quiet, no jokes, no stories, just quiet and going to his appointments as he should. 

“I have another 3 weeks left. You’re getting your prosthetic next week, right?” Robby simply said as he placed their dinner on the table. “I’ll be with you till you get accustomed to it for the moment before I get back.” 

Jack bit his lip and closed his eyes shut, “You don’t have to coddle me. Go back to work.” Jack quietly said. 

Robby tilts his head in confusion, “Am I coddling you?” 

”God, Robby!” Robby flinched at the sudden rise in tone, “You sound like the fucking therapist! And everyone else who has been around me!” 

“Jack,” Robby exhales with disbelief in his face, “It’s a simple question, am I or am I not coddling you?” 

“You’re at my fucking beck and call, you renovated your fucking apartment just for me, you drive me back and forth, you’re always there! You’re fucking everywhere!” Jack spews and Robby looks at him in confusion. “I feel like a fucking cripple!” 

I am a cripple, a voice echoes in Jack’s head and he grabs his head in frustration. 

“Jack, I’m just here for you and—“

”And I fucking hate it!” 

Robby is taken by surprised. “What?” 

“You, fuck! Robby, why are you helping me? I am this fucking cripple who can’t even go from one place to another without being driven to or have your supervision. You’re like my fucking butler because why can’t you talk to me like a normal person instead of waiting for me to fucking explode?!” Jack yells and Robby takes a deep breath. 

Robby now thinks that he’s in the wrong for not speaking up. He was always waiting for Jack to say something or then he won’t talk. Robby has been at his beck and call, always coordinating with doctors, the physical therapist, the therapist, and the prosthetic specialist, everyone. He also asked Adamson if Jack had a spot just in case and Adamson gleefully said that Jack is always welcome when he’s ready. 

Jack on the other hand, feels like he’s in medical school again, always needing Robby and wanting to be by his side but he’s not in medical school anymore. He’s not that stupid love sick puppy that followed Robby around because he was just a medical student then who didn’t know any better. He’s in his 40s, a dead wife and dead unborn kid, a missing leg and broken pride. He should be better now but he finds himself useless. 

“You always loved the ER, even joked that you’re married to your fucking job and I’m taking you out of it! Because of some stupid appointments that you always adhere to and make note in that stupid planner of yours. I feel like I’m alone because I don’t even have a best friend anymore! Be my fucking person instead of my fucking doctor!” Jack yells out, tears already building in his eyes. “You’re doing your fucking best to be there for me as a fucking caregiver like I don’t know any better, I’m your best friend! Treat me like one instead of a fucking cripple that needs assistance!” 

Robby tries to swallow the lump in his throat but unsuccessful as a sob breaks through and tears run down his face. 

Jack shakes his head, grabbing his crutches and getting into the guest bedroom, slamming then locking it shut. 

Robby spent his night crying by the living room. Now the smell of cigarettes that has seemingly dissappeared and fails to bring him comfort. 

[ 40:44 ] 

Jack hears a knock on the door but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Jack, it’s me.” Robby says and Jack just kept folding his shirts that he tossed in the dryer a few hours ago. 

It has been 3 days since the fight and Jack was lucky that he didn’t have anything scheduled because it meant him and Robby in a confined space with no where to run. 

Jack has been avoiding Robby like the plague, only staying in his room (as if that’s new) and only doing chores even if Robby was in the house. It seemed like Robby respected his space enough to stay in his room whenever Jack was outside doing chores, such as the laundry or washing dishes. 

“I bought beer, like the old days. And burgers.” Robby said and Jack still didn’t stand up or speak. “Can I come in?” 

Jack closes his eyes shut and sighed, “Come in.” 

Robby carefully opens the door to find Jack with some laundry on the bed. He placed down the paper bag of takeout and the 6 pack of beers, then sat beside Jack who emptied a spot for him. 

“Jack, I’m sorry.” Robby didn’t hesitate in speaking, “I’m a shit person who did everything you needed but forgot to ask if that’s what you actually needed.” 

Jack kept silent but he grabbed Robby’s hand and held it against his own, placing it against the thigh that had the stump, “I needed you, my best friend, my person, Robby. I don’t have anyone left and you’re all I’ve got, I need you for that. Not as my doctor, please.” Jack looked straight into Robby’s eyes who nodded and held Jack’s hand tighter. 

“I will. You don’t have to worry about anything.” Robby said and Jack nodded, silence overcoming them. ”You’re not difficult by the way, Jack.” 

Jack looks at Robby who smiled, “You will always be my person too. Even if I have to renovate the entire house, go through your appointments, sit in waiting rooms for hours, and just be there for you even if I had a job. You will always be important to me and you’re not difficult. Me doing all of this, for some reason it just comes natural. I think about it, I do it and I like taking care of you.”

”Robby—“

”You’ve gone through a lot and I actually feel very honored that you trust me enough to be vulnerable to me and keep me here. You lost a leg, I thank you for your service, but that doesn’t mean that I care about you less, okay? I’ll still be here, for you.” Because I love you. 

Jack leans his head onto Robby’s shoulder who wraps his arm around the younger man’s shoulders, “Thank you, Michael.” 

Jack has never used his name in their friendship. It was always Robby. Robby smiles sadly at Jack and lets Jack’s head rest comfortably on his shoulder even if he knows that the beer will get warm and the take out getting colder. 

“Hold my hand when we do all the appointments.” Jack says and Robby hums. “That’s all I need. Even if I know everything won’t be okay, even if I know that I’m going to be shit in the incoming weeks, even if I’m not even sure if I’ll go back to my normal self, I just need you there with me.” 

“I will.” Robby simply replies and they stay in that position for longer, beer and burgers be damned when they have each other. 

[ 40:44 ] 

“How is it?” Robby asks quietly as Jack fits into his prosthetic after multiple rounds of adjustments. 

Jack stays silent, still feeling the stump and the prosthetic around it. He feels weird about it, the physical therapist that was normal to feel but he’s not sure. Jack knew he was hyper aware of himself and how he reacts to his environment but this is one of the rare moments where he doesn’t even know what to feel and what to expect from it. 

Robby takes Jack’s silence and sits beside him. Jack reaches for his hand and Robby immediately clasps it against his. Robby was never one who appreciated people that touched him but even a decade of not having Jack by his side, it felt like it was where he is supposed to be. 

“Feels weird.” Jack simply says and Robby nods. 

“Take your time.” I’m right here. Robby leans into the chair and doesn’t make a move, letting Jack take his time.  

Jack tries to get a feel of the prosthetic. He knows he can’t flex the foot portion and it feels like dead weight on his foot, the prosthetic forcing itself to be a part of Jack and he can’t accept it yet even if he was the one that made several adjustments to be made, this appointment was delayed for a few times already because of it. 

“It feels like dead weight. It is dead weight.” Jack says and Robby nods. “Is that weird?” 

“No, it’s not.” Robby simply says as Jack continues to touch the prosthetic with hesitation. “Do you want to try another time?” Robby glances at the crutches beside Jack but the man shakes his head. 

“Sorry, I—“

”Don’t be. We’ll do this in a pace you’re good with.” Robby says, affectionately rubbing his thumb over the army man’s knuckles who smiles at the sensation. “If you want, we can take the prosthetic home for a test run. If not then we leave it back here.”

Both of the men knew that it was an absurd request. If Jack didn’t feel comfortable with the prosthetic then it would be taken away and Jack felt, since they were in the clinic, they had to rush even if the physical therapist and orthopedic surgeon saying that they can take their time. Robby had to review several backgrounds of the multiple specialists who worked in this clinic and he settled with professionals who worked with veterans and had experience. 

“I kinda want to try walking in it?” Jack softly says and Robby nods. 

“Should I go get the PT?” Robby asks and Jack shakes his head immediately. 

“Can you hold me while I try?” Jack asks, looking straight into Robby with hopeful eyes who simply smiled and stood up, not disconnecting their hands. 

“‘Course. Stand up when you’re ready.” Robby says and patiently waits for Jack who now bites his lip in hesitation but Robby doesn’t judge, instead looking around the room to make Jack feel comfortable without the additional weight of his gaze. 

It takes approximately 10 minutes for Jack to make a decision and try to stand up. Robby stood infront of him to catch him, the other hand already ready to catch the man if he fails. Jack makes a frustrated noise but Robby doesn’t address it. 

“It feels tight.” Jack says and Robby takes a deep breath before speaking. 

“The PT said that it’s normal. You’re used to the stump being free.” Robby factually says and Jack doesn’t say anything, letting his weight lean into Robby—not used to the distribution of weight. 

It does feel like dead weight and Jack can’t control anything from the stump below and it frustrates him. He tries to remember the times where he still had his leg but comes up empty, already so used to nothing being there so the plastic and metal doesn’t feel right to him. 

Jack and Robby stay standing there for an additional 15 minutes. Robby doesn’t even look frustrated at the waste of time which Jack is grateful for but frustrated at. How is Robby so casual about all of this? Isn’t he getting frustrated by Jack and his stubbornness? 

Jack tries moving his leg forward and winces when the prosthetic digs into his skin further because of the shift of pressure. Robby stays silent, his entire composure already serving a motivation when he takes little steps back as Jack continues to try walking. 

“Holy shit.” Jack laughs a little, “This is so weird.” 

Jack takes a full 3 steps of walking until he does stop. Jack keeps his head hung down low and Robby steps closer to him, pulling the man into a hug. Jack wraps his arms around Robby who does the same to him. 

“I don’t like it.” Jack finally says and Robby nods. “But I want to make progress but—“

”Shush, I know. Don’t worry.” Robby says and Jack leans his entire weight on Robby, letting his tears wet the shirt that Robby is wearing. “We’ll stay here for a while. Do you want to take it off?” 

Jack remembers running towards Robby when he was a medical student, excited when he would show him his top marks. Jack remembers the wide grin Robby had whenever he would spiel on his rambles on success at his classes. He remembers running towards Robby. He remembers Robby ready to catch him, he remembers Robby always ready to meet him at the distance. 

He doesn’t know if he can run away, he doesn’t know if Robby will smile the same again, he doesn’t know if Robby will ever look at him the same way again because of how stubborn he is at denying the new normal he has. 

But he does know that Robby will always meet him at a distance, maybe meeting him halfway, maybe even closer. Maybe Robby will now run towards him. Maybe Robby will change things between them in this new normal. He just doesn’t know how much. 

[ 40:44 ] 

“Jack?” Robby opens his door to find Jack on the other side who bites his lip, a new habit when he’s hesitating but he just doesn’t know it. ”It’s 2 in the morning.” 

“I—“ Jack starts but he stops. 

Robby takes the man inside his room and guides him to sit on his bed, letting the crutches lean on his bedside table, sitting beside Jack. Robby takes his hand and Jack leans onto his shoulder. 

”I want to be better.” Jack sobbed hard immediately and Robby holds Jack as he continues to cry in his shoulder. “I don’t know why I can’t be better. I want to be better but I know you’re having a hard time but for some reason—“ 

Robby has taken additional leave. Jack has been rejecting more and more of the prosthetics made for him. The professionals told him that Jack may need to be in therapy, especially knowing after the man rejecting the idea after his first session and hasn’t entertained the idea ever since. Adamson and Dana has been worried but Robby brushes it off. Robby thinks that someone has to be there for Jack, and he has to be there for the man. 

“If you’re not ready then that’s fine, Jack. But you don’t have to rush just because of me because I’ll stay right here.” Robby comforts the man but that doesn’t do much for the veteran. “Jack, look at me, come on, bunny.” 

Jack sniffles and looks at Robby who smiles sweetly at him, “I am not coddling you. I know what you went through and I may not understand it, I know and that is enough. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready, it’s simple as that. But I will stay here for you.” 

Jack takes a shaky breath but sobbed, “Robby, you need to get back to work.” He says, voice is broken, throat burning at the way he wants to cry further, and Robby shakes his head with a laugh. 

“Adamson took care of that. Don’t worry. Let me worry about you and you worry about yourself. You’re not being frustrating or stubborn, you’re normal. You’re surviving and adapting and that’s okay. We’ll take the time and we’ll do it good.” Robby comforts him and hugs him tighter. “I’ll do all the work, don’t worry. You’re going to be fine with me, bunny.” 

Robby remembers Jack running, he was always one of the fastest runners he has ever seen. Jack can do that again, soon, maybe later but he’ll wait. He’ll always wait. 

He doesn’t know why, maybe it will be because he’s always loved Jack no matter if he can run the fastest or if he takes 15 minutes to decide if he wants to stand up and lead. 

It doesn’t bother him anyway. The ring isn’t going anywhere. Robby isn’t going anywhere. 

[ 40:44 ] 

“Alright. This is the same prosthetic as you requested. We’ll leave and call us when you need.” The PT said and he left the room, leaving Jack and Robby in that exact situation 3 weeks ago. 

Jack has taken therapy, willingly. Robby had to assure him that he’s fine where he is but Jack was insistent. Too insistent which made Robby curious but he doesn’t say anything and books an appointment. 

Jack came back from the appointment the same, but a little lighter if Robby took a closer look. He asked Jack on what transpired but Jack didn’t say anything and he let the veteran be. 

Jack continues with his therapy sessions, even looked forward to it, and Robby never asked because it seemed like Jack valued his sessions to himself. Eventually, he asked Robby to book another appointment with the PT, hoping to make some progress. 

“I’ve got you, okay? Just tell me if you want to start.” Robby said, his hand clasped with Jack who took a deep breath, and stood up. It doesn’t take 15 minutes anymore and Robby isn’t sure if he wants to be concerned or be delighted. “Okay, I’ll stay by your back. Just walk when you need to.” 

Robby and Jack knew that a PT with an orthopedic surgeon should be here to oversee the progress and prevent any falls. It took some time with Robby to convince the two professionals to let them be alone if Jack tries to move. They eventually agreed after teaching Robby on how to handle Jack and his movements with the prosthetic. 

Jack gulps, taking the first step with his prosthetic and his other leg meeting him. He takes his time, knowing that if he forces anything else then it would make his progress go back more than he wants to. 

A step, then two. Turns into four. Then it turns into Jack walking a meter. Then a foot. 

Robby smiles widely and proudly, but doesn’t say anything when Jack is so focused into walking. 

”It still feels weird.” Jack says as he rounds a corner, Robby is still attached to his back but has takes a few inches of distance. 

“That’s fine. I’m holding onto you while you get used to the feeling.” Robby says, still holding Jack’s hand tight and taking slow steps after Jack makes his. “Just tell me when you’re ready to walk without me holding your hand.” 

It takes Jack an hour of walking to accept Robby not holding him. He has a small smile on his face when he continues to walk without Robby behind him to support, even if it was slower when he first started with Robby’s hand in his. 

Jack continued to walk eventually but the PT and orthopedic surgeon eventually had to stop him so that the stump won’t get sore from the pressure since it wasn’t used to it. Jack eventually took the prosthetic home, wearing it for short periods at a time without the crutches and Robby couldn’t be more happy for him. 

[ 40:44 ] 

It’s been 3 months since Jack accepted the prosthetic. 

He’s still walking shorter distances and slowly but surely letting the distances and time grow bigger. Robby still was on leave but decided to let the leave finish before going back to work despite Jack’s insistence. Robby is a bit thankful that majority of the places such as the grocery store, the park even PTMC are near his apartment so that Jack won’t have to go longer distances to make errands. 

Jack still complained about his prosthetic getting sore. It took about 2 hours to 3 until he felt uncomfortable and he had to take it out. Jack can be stubborn and sometimes, he’d ignore the feeling until Robby scolded him that he has to take it a bit easy. Jack looked like a scolded child with his head hung low into his shoulders as Robby spied onto the detriments of having his stump being sore. Eventually, they made an agreement that if Jack was in the apartment then it meant the prosthetic being out unless Jack didn’t leave the apartment at all then he can have it on until the stump became sore and uncomfortable. 

Robby who knew what Jack looked like with a sore stump always glared at Jack who simply sighed and removed it. Jack had a much more obvious limp if he did have a sore stump so it was easy for Robby to scold him. 

Robby also had some warm compresses around the apartment for Jack to use whenever he needed it. He also knew how to massage the area after a long day. Eventually, Jack can handle going out and doing some errands for the apartment, getting ready when Robby goes back to work and he needs to handle the chores himself. 

“Hey, making dinner?” Robby enters the apartment to see Jack by the kitchen. “Sorry it took me awhile. I had to file some paperwork.” 

Robby was set to get back to work by next week so he had to fill in some paperwork for when he got back. Adamson insisted on a talk to update him on what happened in the months Robby wasn’t working. He didn’t realize that the talk already spanned for a few hours until Dana came by to inform Adamson that the night shift was starting to trickle in. 

“Yeah. Not much, just some soup.” Jack said, covering the pot as the soup starts to simmer. It was getting colder as the days go by. “How was it?” 

“Eh, we got a new CMO. Gloria Underwood, used to be a surgeon. Adamson is a bit neutral towards her and says she has good intentions but I’ll be the judge of that.” Robby laughs. “I’ll go shower first. Call me out when dinner is ready.” Robby says as he taps Jack’s back and leaves towards his room. 

Jack has been doing better to the point that he actually accepts his therapy, eagerly going there but hasn’t filled Robby yet on the conversations partaking between him and his therapist. Robby got him a good one, worked with veterans during majority of her career and she’s really patient with Jack, especially during the first few sessions where he was closed off and at one point yelled at her. 

She’s very proud of his progress, but even has the same thoughts as Robby in making sure that he takes it slow. He, however, made a point that it’s almost a year already in and he’s only accepting the prosthetic now. It made an interesting conversation between her and Jack with Jack eventually accepting the fact that there is no timeline and Robby is someone who is willing to wait. 

She recommended a support group if he’s ever interested but he thinks it might take awhile to actually face other veterans with his progress. He’s not comfortable with it yet and she’s okay with that. She said that the offer is always available and she’s always ready to accommodate Jack no matter how he needs it. She’s good, Jack thinks he might bake her some cookies eventually. 

Jack for now, has to accept that he’s going to be home and doing some menial tasks. Errands, cooking, cleaning, chores, something that he hasn’t done in awhile. He can do all those things but he has to come to an understanding that he can’t just go into work when he can’t even handle more than 6 hours with his prosthetic. If he’s still thinking of going into work, he has to handle at least 12 hours of constantly up and running and his body isn’t ready for that yet. 

But the thing is, it doesn’t frustrate him as much as he thought he did. Growing up with an army father with a conservative and traditional way of looking into roles, Jack thought he might have some difficulty but it seemed like it all stemmed into the fact that he also wants to take care of Robby. Robby has been helping him for almost a year already and he wants to give back to that. 

Jack doesn’t want to touch on the subject of his feelings with Robby. He thinks it’s too soon, even Andrea, his therapist, thinks it may be a bit too soon to touch into it when he asked her for her opinion. She wanted Jack to focus on himself and his healing rather than how himself affects others. Rushing into a relationship is just not healthy yet. 

“Robby! Dinner is ready!” Jack yells from the kitchen as he scoops some soup into two bowls, already having some bread also ready by the dining table. His prosthetic didn’t hurt yet so he took advantage of it. 

“Smells nice.” Robby comments as he enters the open space, drying his hair with a towel. “Thank you, bunny.” Robby grins as he sits down. 

Jack, even though he knows it is dangerous territory to think about his feelings, has his breath hitched at the sight. He nods, smiles tightly and sits down, already digging into the warm soup. 

“‘Course,” Jack simply responds and the both of them start eating. ”Had a good talk with Adamson?” Jack starts a conversation. 

Robby hums, “Yeah. Not much has changed, really. Just the new CMO. Students, new residents, interns there. Dana is still there, already a charge nurse too since the day shift charge nurse is retiring soon. She’s taking her place in 2 weeks.” 

“Oh wow, Dana as a charge nurse is so fitting.” Jack muses, “She’s going to be great at it.” 

“Ohhh, yeah. Holy fuck, time is really going way too fast.” Robby laughed. “It was like just yesterday when it was our first shift together and it was rough so she handed me a cigarette. I told her I hated that brand and she told me if I was such an asshole for being choosy when I’m already at my end.” 

Jack laughed, “My god, were you that picky with cigarettes?” 

Robby shrugged but still huffed a laugh, “I mean, yeah. I always stuck with one brand and one type. Never took anything else.” 

“Oh my god, really? You used to smoke my cigarettes. Did we have the same taste?” Jack smiled and Robby stilled. 

No. Robby hated Jack’s cigarettes, it was one of those cheaper ones which was reasonable since Jack was a medical student then. Robby smoked those when he was also a student but changed when was earning money, he hated being reminded of his student days because it wasn’t the kindest especially when his grandparents died during that time. 

He foolishly thought that switching brands and having a distaste for it meant that he had moved on but it was all a facade. He knew this, especially when he smoked Jack’s cigarettes and found comfort in it, because it meant a new definition of those, a new life with Jack. 

“No, I just, umm.” Robby rubbed his neck sheepishly, “I smoked those because you smoked it. It was familiar.” 

Jack was surprised and doesn’t say anything. 

“I started smoking those again when you ended your rotation as an MS3. Thought it was comforting, I was suffering but you weren’t there, yet the cigarettes kinda comforted me because…well, you know—it was yours.” Robby quietly said, the first admission that there was something different in how he felt about Jack. 

Robby never brought up anything about his feelings, it was selfish when Jack was trying to get back on his feet. Those words were the first time he is admitting out loud that Jack was different, what he felt was different if you compare two best friends together. 

”Oh.” Jack let out. 

Silence falls between the two of them, they don’t even bother continuing to eat. They just stared at each other in the silence of the apartment. 

“Rob—“

”Jack, just forget I said that. Let’s eat and head back to bed, hmm?” Robby takes control of the situation and continues eating, not even noticing the gears turning in Jack’s head in the sudden admission. 

That night, Jack first smells the hint of his cigarettes that clung to the walls of the apartment, as witness to Robby’s love to him. He finally notices the yellow patches around the living room, a testament to the years of Robby clinging to the comfort that Jack cannot physically give him. 

[ 41:45 ] 

It has been 7 months that night. 

It has been 7 months since Robby went back to work. 

It has been 7 months since it haunts Jack. 

They went back to their normal. Jack makes Robby coffee, breakfast and a packed lunch before he goes to work, Jack tries to clean anything that needs to be cleaned, Jack makes sure that the fridge and pantry is always clean and replenished, Jack makes Robby dinner when he gets home. 

It makes Jack feel like a housewife without kids. He goes back to working out, trying out running but he stops because of the prosthetic rather than feeling out of breath. He can now handle the prosthetic being stuck to his skin for majority of the day but Robby still is strict with maintenance. 

He doesn’t try to think if Robby feels anything for him. Maybe it is too early to think about it but it is a constant thought at the back of his head that he thinks of when he’s alone and doing chores, nothing to distract him. 

He doesn’t even try to think if Robby has a ring somewhere from that stupid marriage pact from when they were young. He doesn’t dig through drawers or closets. The folded laundry that Jack does for Robby sits in Robby’s bed for too long before Robby notices and he places it into the rightful places. 

He doesn’t try to think of anything especially when he finally notices the ashtray that has seen better days sitting on the table next to the couch. He doesn’t open the drawers because he’s afraid to find packs of his favorite cigarettes sitting there that might be confirmation that Robby might harbor something more for him. 

Thank God he doesn’t though, he’s afraid of what he might feel. Even when he doesn’t know that a velvet box with a beautiful ring is sitting there in that very drawer instead of cigarette packs. 

It has been 4 months since Jack talks about it in therapy. 

“Do you think you’re ready?” Andrea asks him and he stays silent. 

He doesn’t know. If he’s ready then he’s lying. Why would he be ready when he’s nothing but a veteran with half a leg, still trying to find his place in the city he used to call home with no job to stroke his ego and pride? He feels like an empty husk of a man, he feels more like a housewife and he doesn’t want to go into Robby’s life any further and be stuck in this state. 

“No. He doesn’t deserve me like this and I don’t deserve him.” Jack says to her and Andrea tilts her head, urging him to continue. “I’m like a fucking housewife. I cook, I clean, I used up his money, fuck, I hate feeling like that. He deserves someone worthy and I’m not yet.” 

“So, what do you want to do with that?” Andrea asks him. “Jack, you’re making excellent progress in your healing and I have to commend that. If you want to do something else then you can.” 

He wasn’t always stellar. There has been moments the past few months that he broke down without any reason, got snappy, got irritated and frustrated and yet Robby still treats him all the same—comforting him with his hand in his, wrapping him into a tight hug and muttering sweet nothings. 

“Do you think that there’s something there? Do you think that you’re ready to face those feelings yet?” Andrea asks him and Jack smiles. 

He does think so whenever he stares at the walls that grow yellow with age. 

He does think so whenever he smells his cigarette that he hasn’t smoked in years. 

He does think so whenever Robby holds him tight in his arms, as if Jack is going to let go. 

He thinks that Robby might remember that marriage pact. He thinks that Robby does feel something towards him that he reciprocates. 

He thinks he can handle it whenever he holds Robby back, tight, hoping that Robby feels the same. 

[ 41:45 ]

“Adamson, I have—Jack?” 

Robby enters Adamson’s office to update him about his patient but is shocked to find Jack inside, having a serious talk with Adamson. 

“Uh, what is this?” He asked cautiously. 

It took awhile for Jack to muster up the courage to come work. Robby isn’t aware of Jack battling with the thoughts of going back but Andrea has been aware for months now. Officially, it has been 2 years since Jack has been healing and he thinks that he’s ready to go back to work. 

Andrea, amused by his energy, clears him and has made a report on Jack’s progress to back him up to any of the administration who questions his ability. Jack read her report and is very greatful to her because of how thorough it is. The report spans for 3 pages which depicts his dedication to continue his service as a doctor in the very hospital that housed him during his education and has shaped how he is today. It actually made Jack cry because he was put in such a good light and Andrea can make a good fucking report. 

He then thanks her by baking her some subpar cheesecake that she has mentioned is one of her favorite desserts. He also made some banana bread for her husband as an additional. 

Jack actually thinks that he can go back to work after some intense discussions with his therapist. It did include in Andrea’s suggestion that he can add more hours into his sessions especially in the first few months because it is a new beginning to him. Adamson has agreed to all recommendations and suggestion his therapist made and is seriously considering taking Jack back on the force. 

Thankfully, his PT and orthopedic surgeon has signed off on this suggestion after Andrea sent in her thoughts. Jack is so greatful on what force she is for guiding him into this path. 

Adamson eyes the two men and clears his throat, “Jack has been thinking of working here.” 

Robby eyes Jack who avoids eye contact, “I haven’t heard of this yet?” He questions and Adamson slowly nods. 

“I’ll leave the both of you here. I have to check on…?” Adamson looks at Robby. 

“South 15.” Robby sternly says and Adamson leaves quietly after the confirmation, leaving the two men in his office. 

“Robby—“

”You’re thinking of going back to work and you didn’t even bother discussing this with me?” Robby asked, hurt by not being informed beforehand. “What else don’t I know?” 

“That’s the only thing.” Jack sighed and stays seated. “Robby, I have been living in your apartment for free like a fucking housewife for almost 2 years already! I think I can get back here and my therapist, PT and ortho thinks so as well.” 

“Jack, I have no doubt that, trust me, I know you. I’m just a little hurt that I’m not included in this discussion.” Robby admits as he sits infront of Jack. “Tell me now, bunny, are you ready?” 

Jack thinks back to his time as a student. Since PTMC is located in a fairly populated district, they get more patients and trauma, which means more cases, which means more work, which also means that he’s always up and going. He does think he’s ready especially he can already withstand majority of the day moving with his prosthetic. 

“Yeah. I am.” Jack said with confidence. “Adamson is thinking of placing me in the night shift just so for the time being. Since it is much less chaotic than the day shift.”

”Smart man.” Robby smiled. “Tell me these things next time, bunny. You know how I hate being left in the dark.” 

Jack looks at Robby properly. The age is getting to him if he’s being honest. Robby now has wrinkles that are more defined, especially by his eyes and Jack is always so endeared whenever Robby smiles at him. Robby’s head is no longer the full head of hair that he remembered when he was a resident. It is now shorter but he still thinks that Robby is the most handsome man he has ever seen. 

“I will, especially with those Bambi eyes you blast at me.” Jack jokes and Robby laughs. 

“Then, I’ll be sure to show it to you if it gets me what I want.” Robby jokes back with a laugh. 

Eventually, Jack’s now a doctor at the hospital after the administration reviews his documents and demands a psychological evaluation at the in-house psychiatrist, despite his therapist stellar review and report. He doesn’t mind, they just want to be thorough and he passes with flying colors which is why after 2 weeks of evaluation, Robby gets home with Jack’s ID badge, a 6 pack of beer and some burgers to celebrate. 

Just like old times. 

[ 41:45 ] 

“You know, you can actually take a seat for the moment?” Lena says as she rounds the corner. 

Lena, Jack learned, that she’s not that subtle and will always vocalize anything that she has her mind in—unlike Dana who likes it when people actually come up with the thought themselves. Jack used to think that it was an advantage for him because he was the same but when it came to resting his leg, he just wanted to run away. 

“I’m fine.” Jack grumbles and Lena rolls her eyes. 

“If I have a 6 foot giant at my ass later then I will snitch on you.” Lena simply said, not even terrified of Robby hounding her as to why Jack seems to be limping more because he refuses to sit down and take a break. 

Jack rolls his eyes. Robby has been so protective ever since Jack went back to work a month ago. Robby was alright with Jack being on the night shift but the constant stubbornness just doesn’t cut it. He doesn’t know how many fights they have been in since a month ago because Jack refuses to take a seat in between lulls of the shift. 

“I don’t know why he’s so overprotective anyway.” Jack simply says before he actually takes a seat beside Lena who snorts. 

“Because Robby cares for you, that’s why.” She simply said, but it was obvious that she’s not saying anything. “And if you ask me why he cares for you, that’s something for you to answer. It seems like you know why.” 

Jack stays silent, hand now hovering over the chart and stopping from his notes. He knows exactly why and he is also actively running in the opposite direction. 

Jack purposely avoids the yellow stains in Robby’s living room. He purposely ignores the curated drawer with his favorite coffee beans and tea brands that is being taken off Robby’s salary. He ignores the way Robby hovers, he ignores the way Robby yearns to touch him in ways that they have never done in the past decades. 

He ignores the way Robby always looks in his direction no matter where they are.

He knows, he’s not stupid. And yet he’s stupid enough to run away. 

[ 42:46 ] 

It has been 9 months since Jack started to work. 

It has been rough and it took some time for Jack to adjust and he’s thankful that Adamson placed him in the night shift. It gave him some time to ease into the workforce and he actually thinks that he now enjoys the night shift more than the day shift. 

He brings it up with his therapist and she laughs, joking that maybe he’s just too comfortable in the darkness of the night. He actually takes it to heart and settles in the darkness of the night. Robby jokes one time that he wants Jack in for days but understands what favors Jack more currently. 

Jack does sometimes take on a shift in the morning, especially if they’re expecting more patients and traumas in special events and holidays but lack the doctors to handle it. He thinks it’s fine, he gets the rush of adrenaline and he feels fine. Hell, even his stump and prosthetic agrees with him but it does take more time to massage and soothe it after. 

Robby and Jack settle in a specific rhythm. They both now have pre-made meals that they make during the weekend if they both aren’t on shift and have it stocked throughout the week. Robby now makes his own coffee in the morning but leaves some hot water since Jack likes to sleep after a hot cup of tea. Jack makes dinner (or his breakfast) for Robby so that the man comes back with a warm meal in the oven. Robby makes sure that there is a heated plate of dinner (or breakfast for Robby) for Jack so that he can fill his stomach before going to sleep. 

It’s strange how easy they fall into the rhythm but they don’t admit out loud on how hard it is for only having less than an hour of interaction throughout the entire day. Robby finds himself missing Jack when he comes home from work and Jack finds himself struggling to wake up to an empty apartment despite having experienced this months before he went back to work. 

Lena, the night shift nurse, is a delight. She has this sense of humor that fits right up to Jack’s alley and even if she’s not as stern as Dana, he appreciates her all too well. He’s used to random traumas that he can never expect properly, his first taste of defeat from the betting pool, the usual drunkards that need some banana bags or their stomach pumped or the occasional weirdness of the night shift. 

Jack also takes into teaching. Eventually he had to do so and he thinks he’s being appreciated more especially with him being a veteran. He may have other ways compared to other attendings but surgeons have taken a liking to his ways. Lena and some of the students and residents who were aware of his prosthetic eventually also makes sure that he’s seated more by the last few hours of the shift and he thanks them but makes sure that he isn’t being looked down on just because he’s short a leg. 

“You have some good evaluations here, Abbot.” Adamson once says to him as he hands Jack some papers for him to look into. ”They like how you teach, how aggressive you are, all of it. I’m glad for that.” 

Jack tends to oppose Robby in terms of teaching style. While Robby is more soft hearted and gentle, Jack tends to be stern and can be hard to get his approval. Students and residents tend to always rush to get his approval and it works in his favor especially since they rush to work better for it. He notices how they light up when he gives a rare compliment or praise for their work. 

His stern and intimidating appearance and composure does come in handy especially since people don’t take him for granted as a disabled veteran. It works well in his favor and he’s actually happy of where he is. He spent three therapy sessions about how happy he is and Andrea didn’t even bother stopping him, just had this happy expression on her face. She eventually said (by the 6 month mark) that Jack didn’t need the additional therapy sessions like she first ordered when he was starting out because he’s coping well into his new life. 

But, that doesn’t mean all is sunshine and rainbows. Especially now. 

“You actually found my spot, huh?” 

Jack glances behind him to find Robby with a sad smile on his face, pockets in his hoodie. 

“This is your spot?” Jack asked. He’s on the wrong side of the railing and Robby stops right behind him. “Never knew you had a spot. I thought the ambulance bay is your spot.” 

Robby shrugs, “Used to be until I became an attending. Students and residents don’t really appreciate their attending in the ambulance bay when they’re either smoking or having a bad shift. I found this instead.” 

Jack snorts, “My bad then. Sorry for taking your spot.” 

“Eh, we can share it. Like we always do.” Robby says and Jack finds a cigarette pack beside him, offered to him. “If you want.” 

“You always keep a pack of my cigarettes on you?” Jack asked as he takes on and lights it up when Robby offers a lighter. 

Robby smiles, “Would you believe me if I said that I always kept one?” 

“How long?” Jack asks as he inhales a puff of smoke and exhales it out. 

“Hmm, ever since? Since you were an MS3.” Robby says honestly and it makes Jack turn to the man with a shocked expression, Robby carries an amused expression from this. “What? I thought you came to that conclusion when we had that awkward dinner.” 

“I…I didn’t want to make an assumption.” Jack said and Robby smiled softly. 

“You’re free to make assumptions when you have the evidence that it’s true.” Robby says and Jack simply stares at Robby. “What were you thinking this whole time?” 

“I, I don’t know.” Jack says but Robby huffs a laugh. “Robby, I—“

”I am not rushing you at all in anything. If you think of something but don’t want to talk about it then we don’t.” Robby cuts him off as he raised his hand to stop Jack from talking further, “You’re perceptive. I know you know but you’re not talking about it because you’re not ready.” 

Jack stops smoking, letting the smoke fill in the silence between the two men as he lets the cigarette hang from his hand. 

Jack had always assumed that maybe Robby liked him back. The evidence was in the smoke that filled in all aspects of both of their lives, it was clear as day but Jack chooses to ignore it in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, Robby didn’t feel the same way. 

Robby was independent. It was a big thing about him that Jack always looked up to especially when he was a student. Robby took care of people, took care of Jack. Them having this conversation meant that both men were aware of something unspoken between the both of them. 

Both of them don’t speak further, the smoke comforts Robby immediately especially when Jack doesn’t seem to put out the cigarette as it burns dangerously, closer and closer to his fingers but Jack doesn’t even flinch when he feels the warmth of the heat. 

[ 43:47 ] 

They never talk about it again but it was evident. 

Jack can see the love in Robby’s eyes that he never saw before, even if it was always there. Jack can see the gentle touches that Robby hesitates first before finally planting on his back or on his shoulders. Jack can see how Robby has a book in his bedside table about how to repair prosthetics. Jack can see with how Robby smiles wider and genuine when he catches a glimpse of Jack entering the floor when it’s time for shift change. 

Jack can see how much Robby loves him when he opens the drawer and finds the velvet box with the most beautiful ring, etched in the inner ring is the date when Jack graduated from medical school, the very same date of their marriage pact. 

When he does find it, he books an emergency therapy session with Andrea who drives past the speed limit since he called when he was already waiting in the cold outside of her office. 

It takes 8 hours of therapy, some take out delivered to the office and some revelations. 

Jack feels guilty, especially with Elise. He still wears the black wedding band on his finger, he never takes it off. He has talked about it with Andrea before and has been working on this guilt ever since that awkward dinner which was 2 years ago. It didn’t take the entire session to talk about but it was brought up several times so his therapist knows how to handle the territory. 

Jack eventually finds himself booking a plane ticket to New York to go see his late wife. 

“Hi, dear.” He says as he places down a bouquet of sunflowers, her favorite flowers. She always loved those ever since. She even had a small bouquet of sunflowers when they eloped, it contrasted beautifully against her white dress. ”It’s Jacky.” 

“I hope you’re doing good wherever you are.” He brushes his fingers on the engraved name on the memorial. He even went to go see his unborn son’s name, ‘Aaron Abbot’ on the children’s side and placed a sunflower there as well. “I’m doing good. I’ve always been good.” 

“I miss you.” He says after a beat of silence and feels drops of tears running down his cheeks. “I love you so much. I really do.” 

A wisp of air flows through his body as he sobbed harder in the dead of the night. 

“Is it alright if I also loved Robby? Shame you never got to meet him but I think it was the right way because…he’s the first person I actually loved.” He admits. 

He was aware he had feelings for Robby when he started to date Elise. He never told her that he was moving on from Robby when he dated her. He eventually came to love her and how she is, how bright, full of life and love, so cheery, it contrasted deeply with how Robby was. 

“I will always love you and I have always loved Robby, no matter what.” Jack said as he feels another wisp of air against him. “I hope that is a sign you’re allowing me to be with him.” 

There was no wind. But the lights that overlooked the memorial came to light. 

Jack smiled sadly. He placed a light kiss on Elise’s name and rubs his fingers against it affectionately. “I will always remember you, I’ll always love you. But I also love Robby, no matter what.” 

He spends the rest of the night talking to her, it varied in topics but it was what Jack needed especially when he finally felt a stronger wisp of wind against his figure when he turns to leave. 

Jack comes to the realization that maybe, just maybe, Elise knew all this time. 

When Jack does get back to the apartment after taking the next scheduled flight the day after, he sees Robby by the kitchen with a sunflower bouquet. He freezes by the entryway. 

Robby turns as he’s sipping a glass of water and smiles at him, “Hey! A patient gave me these. It was so weird but I just accepted it. Too bad I don’t have a vase.” Robby said as he placed the glass down.

Jack stays silent but for some reason, Robby looks alarmed and walks to Jack, “Hey, you alright? Why are you crying, bunny?” 

Jack shakily raises his hand and wipes away the tears, “Nothing, nothing. Sorry, maybe, umm.” 

“Maybe what? Bunny,” Robby coos as he pulls Jack into a hug and soothes. “Come, sit. I’ll make you some tea. You must be exhausted from the flight.” He says as he ushers Jack to the couch. 

Jack didn’t tell Robby where he was going. He just told Robby that he’s going somewhere for the moment and he won’t make it for his night shift. Robby must have been worried since he just left with a last minute text and then came back crying. 

Robby hands him a warm cup of tea, chamomile. Robby continues to comfort him despite not knowing what is going on with Jack to make him cry so suddenly. 

As Robby comforts him, he catches sight of the sunflower bouquet as he’s being wrapped by Robby into a hug. 

Elise did know. Then Jack will get to work. 

[ 44:48 ] 

Jack spends the rest of his therapy sessions getting his shit together. 

Andrea was confused at first at the sudden turn of topic for the sessions but helps him happily. 

They discuss the guilt, the coincidences of sunflowers turning up in his apartment after talking to Elise, his conversation with his late wife, all of these things and Andrea comes to a specific conclusion. 

“Elise might have been saying that she’s giving you permission. Go for it, Jack.” 

Jack does go for it. 

He makes himself better, worthy of Robby and his love. They still don’t talk about it but it is something that is seen in actions rather than said. They still continue with their daily routine like normal, well, Jack tries to. 

Jack is figgety for months now. Robby, Adamson and Dana noticed this and it is making them worried. They keep asking if he’s alright but he shrugs them off saying that he is. 

Jack wonders if he should buy Robby a ring, or if he should even bring up the fact that he knows about the ring. Is Robby going to be mad? Is Robby going to go batshit crazy on him for knowing? But Robby has been aware that they both feel something for each other that can lead to something more but at the same time, Robby doesn’t know that Jack still remembers about that stupid marriage pact. 

“Hey—Woah!” Robby says as he enters the apartment to find the place filled with smoke. 

Robby hasn’t smoked inside ever since Jack came back which was almost 4 years ago. It was a new sight to find the apartment filled and smelled of fresh cigarette smoke after all those years. 

But it was weird. It didn’t smell like the cigarettes Jack smoked, or the cigarettes Robby used as comfort in place of Jack. 

It smelled of the familiar yet long gone cigarettes that Robby loved. 

He navigates his way through the apartment and finds Jack by the couch, smoking a cigarette. He sighed and took a careful seat beside Jack with a respectful distance between the both of them. Jack stays quiet, still smoking a cigarette and Robby can see a glass with amber liquid in front of him, already in the process of the alcohol evaporating. 

“A waste of good bourbon.” Robby speaks up and takes the glass, taking a sip, the burn is not as evident anymore. “You mind speaking your thoughts as to why you would do this to our apartment?” A laugh to make the tension a little lighter. 

“Just some thoughts. Don’t know what it is.” Jack simply says as he extinguishes the cigarette then sits relaxed onto the couch. “Fuck, Robby. I don’t even know what I’m thinking.” Jack admits. 

“I can tell that.” Jack looks at Robby, with his scrubs still on and exhaustion still on his face. “Mind passing me a cigarette?” Robby asks and Jack pulls out another pack, offering it to him. 

Robby mindlessly lights it with the help of Jack and inhales the smoke but it doesn’t taste and smell like the one that Jack has been smoking. It tastes like Jack’s cigarettes, the cigarettes Robby hates but feels like his body has calmed from the exhaustion. 

“I never smoked those. Not since I left for my residency.” Jack says and Robby stays quiet, letting Jack continue with his tale as he continues to smoke the cigarette. “I knew the brand you smoked. I drove miles just so I could hoard it in my space. The first thing I placed in my bag when I left to go to war was the cigarettes you smoked.” 

Robby drops the cigarette in his hands, letting the warm air of nicotine press dangerously close in the middle of his thighs and he doesn’t bother doing anything about it. He lets it sit there, he lets the idea, the smell and the thought of Jack there, dangerous against his skin but he’ll welcome it happily. 

Two cigarette smokes penetrate the living space, so much that it was concerning especially when the yellowing tile that should be faded, seemed to lighten up the place against the midnight rain outside lightly making itself known by the windows. It seemed like that was the only thing that Jack could notice. But it seemed like the only thing on Robby’s mind was how dangerously close Jack was to the ring inside the table beside the couch. 

“Did it work?” Robby asks after a moment of silence. 

Did it comfort you in times of need?

Did it make you miss me like I missed you?

Did it work in replacing me? 

But did you miss me more whenever you smoked it? 

“You were never there, so it didn’t work.” Jack said and Robby bites his lip. “But you’re here now, with me, beside me, for me. I haven’t had a reason to smoke since then.” Jack takes the glass of alcohol and takes a sip. 

“Why smoke now?” Robby asks as he gets another stick and lights it. He doesn’t even bother bringing up the fact that he himself hasn’t smoked a single stick since Jack came back. “I’m right here now, for you.” 

“Maybe we have different meanings to smoking, Michael.” Jack chuckles and places the cigarette on the ashtray, the one right above the ring that Robby has hidden. ”To me, it reminds me of when you were there with me constantly. Just like that time in the ambulance bay. It was never meant to replace you.” 

“Then, what does it mean that you’re smoking again?” Robby quietly asks as he takes a deep breath. 

“I don’t know.” Jack said and Robby laughed, “Back to square one.” 

“Exactly. No wonder you’re racking your brain right here.” Robby says as he stands up. “Well, I’m heading to bed. Maybe you’ll tell me tomorrow if you ever have a reason already?” 

Jack had a reason already. 

And it was in the form of a ring in his bag, the one leaning against the same table that housed Robby’s. 

[ 44:48 ] 

“Jack had a rough night. Get up there, now.” Dana said when Robby ran into the department with casual clothes on, haphazardly thrown on as evident by his ruffled hair and mismatched shoes. 

Jack had handled the day shift for the moment, it was transitioning as Adamson would like to say. He wanted to see what Jack had to offer the day shift while Robby handled the night shift too. It was annoying but it only lasted for 2 months, today was the last day and Robby was glad he didn’t have a shift for the rest of the week to fix his sleep schedule. 

Robby sprints to the elevator then the stairs to the rooftop. He’s not in the best shape but he doesn’t care because it seems like the adrenaline is going in his favor. He skips steps as he goes up the stairs and opens the metal door only to find Jack standing…on the right side of the railing? 

“What the fuck? Dana said you had a rough shift, what?” Robby runs his hands through his fingers, frustrated, as he walks towards Jack who simply stares at him. “You’re not even on the wrong side! What the fuck, Jack. I was literally in bed when I was called up but—“ 

Robby was cut off when Jack pulled a hand out of his pocket. 

Revealing a velvet box. 

“What the fuck?” Robby mutters, all the more frustrated and confused with the sudden turn of events. 

The box wasn’t of a black color like he bought, it was blue in color. He knows because that specific box has been sitting in his pocket for weeks now after that conversation in a smoke filled living room. 

”My birthday is tomorrow, I’ll be turning 45.” Jack starts and opens the box, only to find the exact same design on the ring, the same design that Robby had picked out 8 years ago. “You got me back when you were 44. I think it’s only right if I get you back when I’m 44.” 

Robby’s breath hitches. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. All of those times that they knew something was happening but won’t address it. It was like the smoke that always filled the living room and has made its presence after years of waiting in the yellow patches in Robby’s home. They know it’s there, bright as day and constant as the night. And yet they don’t comment on it, despite the lingering looks and the hesitated touches that yearn to be where they should be. 

“Robby, I love you.” Jack smiled at him, eyes teary as he huffed out a laugh. “I told you I loved you when I left for war because I didn’t know if I was going to make it out alive. But it hurt me more when there was a possibility that I’ll come back alive because you didn’t say it back.” 

Robby sobbed in his hand and stared at the beautiful ring, same exact design. Same exact jewelry store. He now wonders if Jack also stood in the waiting room and kept muttering how stupid it was while he waited for the attendant to come and bring back the ring. He wondered if Jack also didn’t know his size so he asked if he could have it resized when it doesn’t fit. He wondered if Jack also went home with a giddy smile on his face as he kept staring at the ring, hoping that Robby would remember the stupid pact from almost two decades ago. 

“That marriage pact, it was stupid but it was what kept me going. I loved you then and I never stopped. I always hoped you’d remember and when I saw the peeling and yellowing walls that bore witness to the drawer that also had the ring. I knew what I had to do.” Jack was smiling as he said all of this, despite the endless tears running down his cheeks. “It’s late, I’m 44 but I’m still in my 40s, hmm?” 

“You…you always knew?” Robby softly said in a broken voice. “Since when?” 

“Since I went to New York and talked to Elise. It was a coincidence too, I asked for her permission, I didn’t get anything and yet, I came home with you and that bouquet of her favorite flowers.” Robby laughed. He remembered that time two weeks after he came home. Jack commented about how the sunflowers weren’t dying as he remembered, saying that it usually took less than a week before the first dying petals went down. But it never did despite the bare minimum of care the two men gave it. 

“I first fell in love with you when I first saw you. Bambi eyes, soft brown hair, an addicting smile, a competence like no other. It was perfect. I clung to you like this lovesick puppy as Adamson and Dana like to call it,” Jack paused for a laugh, happy enough that Robby also joined in, “You are my everything. I’m not doing this all for the sake of some stupid pact made in a run down dorm room. I’m doing this because I love you. I will love you in every stage of my life and you will always come right back at me no matter what happens. Robby, please, say it back.” Jack’s voice became broken as more sobs escaped him. 

Robby immediately takes the ring from his pocket, like it always was and showed the veteran the ring who sobbed harder upon seeing the similar designs. Robby kneels down and stops Jack who also tries to kneel. Robby brings out a smile. 

Seeing where they are, doing a grand proposal in their very spot, the spot that has been their home ever since Jack came back to work, where they share cigarettes, the occasional beer if Adamson wasn’t on shift, the typical food being delivered at times. All of their moments have been on this rooftop. 

And this rooftop now has the most beautiful night sky, it seemed so clear just for them because it was never this clear. It never had bright stars in a clear sky. 

“Jack, Jack Henry Abbot. I fell in love with you the moment you stood tall on the floor and never wavered against the chaos of it all. You had this gorgeous red hair that had me captivated, always glowed right in the sun and yet glowed even brighter at night. Green eyes that reminded me of the times I played in my grandmother’s garden no matter if the sun shined so bright it gave me red skin, or when it rained and forced my grandmother to take care of me for the next few days. It took me because it made me realize that no matter what force of fucking nature comes at me, I’ll always want to be beside you and love you.” 

Robby takes a deep breath and Jack still has the ring offered to him, standing up in front of him. “I will always love you. I will always drop everything and run to you even if it hurts me. After almost 20 years in the making, if you’ll let me. If you’ll have me and I’ll have you in every single way and I’ll love them with my whole so,” 

“Dr. Jack Henry Abbot,” Robby starts and Jack sobs with a wide grin, 

“Dr. Michael Aaron Robinavitch,” Jack follows soon after, already kneeling with the ring on his hand. 

“Will you marry me?” Robby asks and Jack smiles. 

“If you’ll marry me.” Jack pushes the ring forward with a wide grin on his face. 

“I’ll marry you, Michael. I’m not an idiot.” Jack jokes and Michael made a sound that was a mix of a sob and a laugh. “And you?” 

Robby thought that Jack’s pleading eyes were so endearing, as if Robby, who is on his knee with a ring and has been speaking his feelings the past few minutes, will reject Jack. Robby smiled and nodded. ”I’ll marry you, Jack. I have you back, I’m never letting go.” 

Jack takes off the ring on the box and asks for Robby’s hand who willingly gives it to him. Jack kisses his knuckles, taking a deep breath while it rests against his forehead for a few moments before placing the ring on the finger, and it fits perfectly. Robby feels the weight of the ring against his finger and he smiles at the feeling, even smiling wider when Jack kisses the ring against his finger. 

Robby then removes the ring he bought from the box on his other hand and places it onto Jack’s finger, and it also fits perfectly. Robby takes a deep breath and his fingers shake as they softly caress Jack’s, grazing through every single wrinkle that is starting to form and the freckles that have been there since he knew Jack. 

Robby makes a motion to stand up and he lifts Jack as well who stumbles into his embrace in purpose which makes the taller man laugh, wrapping his arms around the veteran, hands no longer hesitating but still shaking from the sheer amount of love he has for Jack. 

Jack on the other hand, keeps his head onto Robby’s neck, smiling and giggling when he feels the unkempt beard against his forehead, he presses a light kiss by Robby’s carotid and they hold each other in the quiet of the night, in the most vulnerable place that they can be where it feels like the entire world is crumbling onto their feet and the other will gladly pull the other to the safe side, to them, with them. 

“Can I kiss you?” Robby asks in the quiet of the night, Jack can feel the rumble of it on Robby’s throat. Jack pulls away slightly and nods, receiving a wide grin from Robby. 

Jack feels a soft kiss on his forehead, a deep inhale against his hair, hands on his waist to steady him. Robby takes his time, almost 20 years in the making and he’s taking his time. He can feel every single tremor of his being and Jack can perfectly hear every single thump of Robby’s heart, that seems going faster and faster as Robby goes from placing sweet and soft kisses from his forehead, to his nose, to his cheeks and stops fully when Jack can feel Robby’s breath against his lips. 

“I love you, Jack.” Robby whispers, so quiet that Jack was scared he wouldn’t even catch it. “I have loved you since then. I will always love you, even if it kills me.” Robby continues and Jack can feel his heart going faster at every husky whisper and warm breath that smells exactly like the nicotine that he has been smoking before he had met Robby. “I love you, every aspect of my life screams how much I do.” 

Jack rests his hands onto Robby’s jaw, caressing the spiking beard against his skin that seems to shiver at every feeling of it. Jack looks deeply into Robby’s eyes as he looks up and feels his breath hitch at the amount of love that Robby easily showcases through his brown eyes that have held Jack captive ever since he had met him. “Michael, I love you. I’ll never leave you again. I’ll be right here, I won’t go anywhere if it’s not without you.” Jack whispers and Robby leans closer. 

Both of them didn’t know how much longer they were lingering in each other’s embrace, they didn’t know how much they survived this long. All they knew is that the moment their lips met, it caused a deep exhale to escape their being, the type of breath that you’ve been holding after a long marathon and once you finish, once you finally get your bearings, the breath you take is everything for your system. 

Robby tightened his embrace around Jack’s waist and Jack moved his arms around Robby’s neck as they pulled each other deeper, deeper, until they couldn't breathe, until all they could breathe was each other, until their system fully encapsulated each other as their own, their own normal. 

Robby’s lips were gentle against Jack’s. Robby took the lead, as he has always been and Jack always followed suit, just like he has always been. Robby was so gentle, it surprised the both of them. Jack was so putty against Robby’s hold that it took Robby a more tightened grip to make sure he stays upright. 

Jack’s lips followed every single movement, every single smile Robby made against the kiss made Jack smile as well. Jack played with the short hairs against Robby’s nape, enjoying the little sounds that Robby made, almost endeared by how Robby moved against Jack as if Jack was controlling every single movement of his body and soul. 

Robby makes the first move of pulling away, resting his head against Jack’s who hummed in content as the warmth of their embrace and the pull of the kiss gave him. Robby doesn’t let go of Jack and Jack enjoys the little sway that Robby guides both of their bodies, as if they’re dancing with no music. 

They stay there in silence. They don’t know how long they have been there but all they do is exchange kisses, hug tighter and whisper sweet nothings—swaying side by side with nothing else to talk about. Still, they shared the silence but what was different was how it was now said, how much they loved each other and have found their place in each other’s embrace. 

If their rings caught the light of the stars, it was between them. 

If their rings were kissed by each other throughout the night, it was between them.

If Jack’s ring on his finger held the date of their marriage pact, it was between Robby and his stars. 

If Robby’s ring on his finger held the date when Jack first met Robby, it was between Jack and the empty cigarette pack he had that held the cigarette stick that he first offered Robby outside the ambulance bay.

Almost 2 decades of waiting, Robby can finally be at peace. 

Almost 2 decades of running, Jack can finally be at ease. 

A pact was made 2 decades ago, and 2 decades later, a promise will be fulfilled. 

Nothing prepared me for,

What the privilege of being yours would do.