Chapter Text
I made my way to your dark, dark room, like I always did. It still had the Nirvana posters, the paper spider webs you crafted a few years back, the few vinyls you stuck on the wall when you were feeling down and needed change. Even the old electric guitar you would play in your garage. I never told you this, my lovely Till, but I would listened to your distorted Fs and Cs, from behind the door. When what you played sounded great, I would always peek, and see the brightest of smiles on your face. Oh, how I miss that luminous, radiant smile of yours, my dear. Your cat Bean too was still there, sleeping on your ash-coloured bed sheets. She looked well fed, so don’t worry. I heard your mom comes to feed her. Looks like she didn’t have the heart to clean out your house.
Till, my dear Till, oh, how I miss everything about you.
Why, Till, why ? My dear Till, why did you do such a heinous act ? My lovely Till, you knew how much I loved you, didn't you ? So why ? My beautiful Till, I miss your beautill, melodic, slightly raspy voice ; I miss your soft, shy, but affectionate kisses ; Till, my dear Till, oh how I miss the wintery, cold nights where you would cuddle up in my arms, with the both of us wrapped in a blanket, watching the horror movies you had such a bittersweet love with...
I cuddled up on your bed. It’s the only place that still smelled like you. And I slept, slept so, so long, longer than I ever had since you left us all. And I dreamed about you. I dreamed about you, holding my hand giggling my name, running through a beautiful flower field, with grass as green and beautiful as the brightest of spring days. The grass was covered in red flowers, and you would stop to gather some. You then dragged me under a tree, where you braided a flower crown with the red flowers. It was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on, right after you. You were wearing white rags, and had some sort of collar beeping green around your neck. Then, everything flashed. My eyes opened, and you were towering over me, sobbing. You still had the same collar, but it was red, this time. I was laying on the floor, too. You were sobbing like someone had just died. I tried to reach out to your face, to wipe your tears away, but my body stayed immobile. Then the taste of blood engulfed my mouth. I see. I see now why you were crying. I was dying. But you know, my dear Till, as long as you’re alive, death doesn’t bother me. Nothing does, if you’re alive. So, don’t worry about me. Smile, smile so bright the room up. Then I woke up. I wish I hadn’t. Dreaming allowed me to see you, real life didn’t. Till, my dear Till. Life has no meaning without you. Nothing has meaning without my darling. I want to see you more, more, more, so much more than just in my dreams. You know, I wish I was the one to die instead of you, like in that dream. Till. Should I join you in the sky ? Should I join you in the heavens ? Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I took the rope you used on yourself your mom forgot to burn, then I grabbed a stool. Mizi would probably be mad at me, but it’s alright. As long as I get to see you again. As the rope tightened around my neck, I hopped and pushed the stool away. Then followed 10 minutes of pain. But it’s alright. Enduring all the pain in the world would be worth it, if it meant seeing you again. As the spark of my life faded away, my phone buzzed. Must be Mizi. She always has had a sixth sense for suicide attempts. But I didn’t care enough to reply. Because I would see you again soon, my dear Till. Then I died. Finally. Finally, finally, finally. No more living in a world without you. I finally get to join you up there. My Till, my dear Till. Finally. Finally.