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Jeonghan was close to the fire. Not close enough. He needed to be inside it.
No, he was too close. He was hot.
“When did you get sunburned?” Jeonghan murmured, his cheek warm against Chan’s fiery shoulder.
“Probably yesterday. I didn't think I fell asleep out here, but maybe I did.” Chan answered.
Jeonghan sat up. He drifted the back of his fingers over the heated skin of Chan’s chest, trying to feel if he was burned here, too, or if the warmth was just from the air at the moment. The sun crawling down to the horizon didn't help Jeonghan trying to see the pink tinge to him.
“It's okay. We brought lotion, right?”
The heat dissipated further down his body; the worst of the sun had beaten down on his shoulders. Jeonghan remembered telling him to put on sunscreen.
Chan’s boat wasn't giant, or even new, but they liked taking it far into the sea and spending the night in the cabin below. They’d bring sandwiches and wine and card games. Most of the time, though, they didn't need extra distraction. They could make conversation out of nothing. Or they could just sit in silence, watching the stars blink or the waves glitter like the ring in Jeonghan’s bag.
He'd meant to do it yesterday. He wasn't shy, nor did he think Chan would reject him, but any and every type of worry whirled around his mind like birds stuck in an enclosed patio, knowing how important this question was. Jeonghan needed to do it today. Tonight. Right now. Some time.
“Jeonghan?”
“Yeah, we have lotion.” Jeonghan said, settling back down. The sofa’s vinyl cushion was warm even through his shirt. They were facing the right side of the boat, the sunset in front of them. It was too bright to look at directly so they watched the sea reflect the colors instead.
“You okay?” Chan asked, rubbing Jeonghan’s arm. He then chuckled, “I put it on today, promise.”
Jeonghan smiled slightly. “I’m okay. Just tired.” He said. It wasn't a total lie.
“Hate to say it, but… I told you so.” Chan said. Jeonghan huffed, acting annoyed. Chan chuckled. “We’ll go back to one-night trips. Two nights is a bit much.”
Jeonghan had asked for two nights because he knew he'd hesitate. He was making this far worse for himself overthinking so much, but he couldn't help his anxiety. Chan could. He always calmed Jeonghan down. Sometimes purposefully, like when Jeonghan requested his hair to be played with, or unknowingly, just being next to Jeonghan and having skin-to-skin contact. There was something special in Chan’s DNA, Jeonghan thought. There was a drug in Chan’s skin.
“Okay, baby.” Jeonghan murmured.
“You can go to sleep, sweetie.” Chan said. He moved his hand from Jeonghan’s arm to tuck his long hair behind his ear.
Jeonghan needed to do it tonight.
“Not yet.” Jeonghan said.
“Okay. The sun’s about gone now. Do you want to go down and read?”
Jeonghan huddled close to his fire like it was about to be blown out. “I wanna stay up here.” He said. He might’ve sounded defensive, he couldn't tell.
“Okay.” Chan said, soft, maybe hearing Jeonghan’s tone. He caressed Jeonghan’s cheek and brought him into a small kiss.
“I love you.” Jeonghan murmured. When he separated and opened his eyes, the lights of the boat had automatically turned on. They were dim, just some lights to see the cockpit better and yellow guiding lights under the seats like in a movie theatre, but, still, the moon was out, and it was a cloudless sky and so, very bright, and Jeonghan could see his boyfriend well, could see the twinkle in his eyes either from the moonlight or from looking at Jeonghan.
“I love you, too, baby. Are you sure you're okay?” Chan asked, petting Jeonghan’s hair.
This was the right choice, this was the only choice at this point in time, Jeonghan has never been more certain about something, and Chan would say yes, and yet Jeonghan was hesitating. The box in his backpack at his feet was weighing down the boat.
“I'm okay. Sorry.” Jeonghan said. He kissed him again.
“Don't apologize.” Chan said with a surprised chuckle. “We can talk later if you don't want to right now.”
Jeonghan needed to do it. He was making Chan worried, and that was the last thing he should be doing at this moment.
“I just have a question.” Jeonghan said. He kissed along Chan’s cheek and jaw so he wouldn't have to make eye contact.
“Anything.”
With a kick-drumming heart and tingly skin, Jeonghan crouched on the floor to get into his bag. He got the small, black velvet box and turned to Chan. He knelt on one knee in front of him and opened the box.
Chan’s eyes were wide before Jeonghan spoke.
“Will you marry me?”
Chan’s jaw dropped.
Is he saying no? Was this a bad choice? Does he still love me? Was he going to break up with me on this trip? Did he hate me all five years of our relationship?
“Yes. Yes, of course.” Chan said. He pulled Jeonghan up, getting him in his lap, kissing him hard.
Jeonghan melted. He leaned into his boyfriend, his fiancé, face in the crook of his neck and arms looped around his shoulders. He could cry, he was so relieved. He could cry, he was so happy.
“But, wait,” Chan said, moving him so they'd face each other.
Jeonghan’s heart dropped to the sea floor.
Chan laughed. “Shh, shh,” he calmed him, cupping his face to rub his cheeks with his thumbs, smoothing his expression. “It's just that… I was going to ask you.”
Jeonghan’s eyebrows rose. “Really?”
Chan chuckled, sheepish. He nodded. “Yeah. I already have the ring. Not here—at home. I was in the middle of planning a date for me to do it.”
Jeonghan laughed, surprised, elated, and flattered all at once. He kissed Chan hard. He then slowed down, wanting to savor the moment. The air had been cooling, but Jeonghan hadn't noticed due to his anxiety changing his heart rate. Now that he was unburdened, he realized he had goosebumps. They should get down to the cabin soon.
“I love you.” Jeonghan said, barely breaking apart to speak.
“I love you, too.” Chan told him.
Jeonghan couldn't help but smile. “I'm so excited. What does it look like?” he asked. He rubbed Chan’s broad shoulders fast, antsy.
“Can I see mine first?” Chan chuckled.
“Oh!” Jeonghan said. He’d set the box next to them on the couch when he was pulled into Chan’s embrace. He got it and opened it, and the soft velvet and the slight resistance of the hinge felt like a reward. “Here. We can get a different one if you don't like it.”
Chan’s hand was shaking slightly as he took the ring from its cushion. He shook his head, eyes wide and lips parted like he was staring at a chunk of gold. “No, baby, it's perfect.” He said.
Chan passed it to Jeonghan and held out his left hand, fingers splayed. Jeonghan held him, thumb on his palm, to slide on the ring. It fit, and Jeonghan knew it would, because they’ve gotten matching jewelry before. This one was silver with a band of tiny diamonds in the middle. It took Jeonghan months to find one he thought was right.
Jeonghan’s belly was warm and bubbly with delight and satisfaction. He brought Chan’s hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to the ring. Then he had Chan cup his face, pressing his warmth close, shutting his eyes and swaying side to side.
“I'll show you yours when we get home.” Chan told him.
Jeonghan nodded. The cool metal of the ring was warming against his skin like it'd always been there.
“We should go down, Hannie. It's cold.” Chan said.
Jeonghan opened his eyes, remembering Chan was shirtless. They'd been swimming. Jeonghan had stolen Chan’s shirt to wear afterwards.
“Are you trying to get into bed with me?” Jeonghan asked, smirking.
Chan chuckled. “Well, I wouldn't be opposed.”
Jeonghan liked the fresh air and the salty smell of the sea even if he was minutes away from beginning to shiver, but knew Chan was right. Jeonghan hugged him first. The fire that was Chan was petering out, but he was still lit, still giving Jeonghan warmth and comfort and safety.
They moved down to the cabin. It had a bed, a sofa, a refrigerator, a bathroom, and a TV. They showered off the salt and sun together. Jeonghan had wanted to get closer, but Chan made them wait. He didn't want either of them to slip and hurt themselves before the wedding, he said. Just the word made Jeonghan giddy.
They didn't even get dressed before stumbling over to the bed, connected by their lips and hands and eyes. There, they were as close as physically and mentally possible, breathing each other in and swallowing each other down and tracing features they already had memorized and confessing each other’s names in prayer and expressing their euphoria with their whole bodies.
Then, after appreciating each other until they exhausted themselves, they fell into an easy sleep and both dreamed about their wedding ceremony.