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The moment of spacing out you found yourself in ends suddenly, as you blink your eyes and focus on your surroundings – as that familiar gray void is everywhere you look. You find yourself currently sitting by the lake, your legs barely touching the water below as you slowly swing them back and forth. You’re not sure if Kanade or Mafuyu wandered here, but for a split second your mind is worried about whoever came to the lake in the first place – but you drop it quickly, as you figure that there’s no need worrying about that currently. You figure that you’ll have to let them know to stay cautious somehow (a note, perhaps), ignoring the distant thought of “Not necessary.” from within your mind. The long light gray hair feels nice against your neck and back, as you couldn’t imagine wanting it any different. You turn around to see someone else standing there, someone you can only recall from blurry memories of conversations you weren’t involved in, moments you saw entirely from a distance. It seems none of the others are around, which brings you both a sense of peace and a split second of panic – as you’ve always worried about others, for as long as you’ve existed.
The girl standing somewhat near tilts her head slightly at the sight of you, the long gray messy twintails on each side of her head moving in tandem with each other – one slightly longer than the other. Her eyes (one a deep turquoise and the other a faint pink) stare directly at you, albeit not accusingly, as she seems to be familiar with you (or more specifically, Kanade). There’s not any wind blowing around this place, but you imagine for a moment that if there was, you’d find the sight of her twintails drifting in the breeze to be almost calming, in a strange way. She’s wearing a dress you don’t recognize, although you wouldn’t expect yourself to either. Something deep within you says that this girl – Miku – is fine to trust, so you do. If Mafuyu and Kanade both view her as a form of comfort, you shall do the same.
Miku speaks up with a monotone yet soft synthetic voice, matching something similar to the songs you’ve heard from Kanade before – a simple greeting, calling you by their name, as the two of you walk for a while, as a minute turns into many. You’re thankfully able to fill the conversation with knowledge you’re already aware of, so no one’s able to tell the difference between you and the one you’re pretending to be. Miku says something about Mafuyu – the original Mafuyu, Yuki – and asks if you know anything about how she’s been doing recently, as she reportedly hasn’t been visiting the SEKAI much recently. You feel yet another feeling from the back of your mind in that moment, something almost like repulsion, but you pay that no mind as well. You speak truthfully and with the same cadence that you’ve always done, saying that you aren’t aware of any recent changes with her. You’ve been more focused with keeping up your own facade, of course, as the rest of Nightcord can’t be privy to the information about the inner workings of Kanade’s mind – as you can clearly foresee and predict the stress that would inevitably cause Mafuyu in the future. You anointed yourself months ago as their protector, after all – you have to do what’s best for everyone, no matter what’s necessary. You try to not let yourself think about that curse for the time being, as you truly have more important things to do.
Miku looks down for a moment, fidgeting with her hands slightly before she raises her head. “Ah. Your expression changed…? Are you okay, …Kanade?” Even as she talks, you watch her fiddling with her hands again, small intricate movements that you track silently with your eyes. The moment’s broken by a slight sigh leaving your lips, as you look down at your own hands, and you find yourself saying the truth. You’ll tell yourself later that it was just a slip of the tongue, something you said in the heat of the moment, but you know deep down how you profoundly feel. You can’t keep lying to yourself forever.
“I… I’m worried for Kanade at times, and Mafuyu alongside them. T-to be fair.”
You run your mouth, talking even as you stutter. Such horrible, terrible truths slipping for your lips. You know it’s wrong, but you still continue nonetheless. What a failure you are. What would they think of you now? The caring and kind one who’s supposed to look after all of them, succumbing to your own facade right in front of all of their eyes, unable to withhold the pressure anymore. Simply just a joke. How could you think that you were their savior?
“I feel like I’m doing all I can, but there’s moments where they’re out of my reach, moments where I can see and hear their pain, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. The girls in Nightcord as well, all of them. I just wish I could do… something more, you know? I don’t want to be the reason they give up on this world. I… I just...”
Your head falls into your hands, your voice – their voice, the voice of one of the many people you cannot help – breaking as you attempt to gain some sort of control of yourself. You crumble to a ball on the cold floor beneath you, the chill acting as only a small respite from everything. You don’t know if you’ve ever cried in your life before, but you can’t let yourself do that now. You’re supposed to be strong, the one keeping all of this together. That’s you. That’s always been you. Apologies fall out of your mouth endlessly, as your words eventually turn into pure mumbling, a moment of weakness and nothing more, nothing less. Miku speaks up, but you’re not able to make out anything that she’s saying, as you’re directly proving your uselessness right in front of her.
You pick yourself up for a moment to turn your gaze over to that lake again, ignoring the recurring thoughts circulating around your mind currently – the same thing you were worried about only fifteen minutes ago. Your reflection stares back at you: the usual light gray hair flowing down, the same blue eyes that you share with one of the people you’ve dedicated yourself to the most, that familiar jacket. You’re making them look sad, the frown developing on your face right in front of your eyes revealing a sight that you promised yourself that you’d avoid. Something you wish that you could dive in and–
“...Kanade, please. Stop that.” Her hand carefully grabs onto your jacket’s sleeve, as she gently pulls you backwards. You want to push yourself forwards and move away from her grasp, but your body goes limp before you can make that decision. Miku holds you there, softly rubbing your head in an attempt to give you any sort of comfort, ignoring your damp sleeves and exhausted expression. Part of you aches to explain that you’re not Kanade, that you’re your own person – but you stop yourself. You’ve already risked saying too much now, and you can’t ever cross that line again. For the time being, you lay her head forwards, gently resting your head against her. You’re unsure what fabric her dress is made out of, but it feels nice at the very least. You imagine it might be something homemade, judging by the small complicated details you’re able to notice in its pattern. You’ll have to ask about it sometime.
“...Are you alright now?” Miku’s voice is soft above you, as you nod silently against her shoulder, and as she remarks aloud about comforting Mafuyu in a similar way once, years ago. You don’t remember the time that she’s alluding to, as you figure that someone else would recall it instead, but hearing that name brings a sense of calmness in you for once. You ask Miku more questions, as your mind’s not entirely focused in the moment. If you were more conscious in that moment, you’d be considering what exactly you’re saying – and how it’s all coming across. Miku continues the same gentle rubbing gesture from before, and she smiles down softly at you. It’s nice, being able to lay down and relax without worrying, being able to pass responsibilities to someone else. You figure you should get up soon at least, as Kanade has a daily routine you need to get back to. You owe it to them at least, after all of this. You might clean up their computer setup as soon as you get back, as you figure that it’d be a good gesture. They deserve something nice.
As you’re able to hear footsteps approaching distantly in the background (already internally preparing that same facade as always), Miku utters out one final sentence:
“And who are you, then…?"