Chapter Text
Why couldn’t you have found a guy on Tinder? No, you just had to fall in love with the ex-assassin who had unwillingly killed your grandparents.
At age twenty-six, you were living in an apartment at the Avengers Compound. Your dad, Tony Stark, had you at the young age of twenty-two and had signed away his parental rights when he had split with your mother, thinking he wasn’t ready to commit to being a father.
Since the death of your mother five years ago, you had rekindled your relationship with your dad, and he had embraced you with open arms. Whatever had happened to him in the last few years had turned him into a new and responsible man. Pepper had, to your surprise, almost immediately accepted you into her life.
Entering the world of the Avengers has been an eye-opening experience for you. Having met all of the members, you became fast friends with Natasha and Steve; those being the members of the team you saw the most around the Compound. Natasha had been glad to have another lady around the Compound and had quickly become one of your best friends.
Of course, your dad wouldn’t let you go on missions with the others, but alongside Pepper, you handled the administrative side of the work. Writing up mission reports, helping out the team members with their appointments, etc.
That’s how you had met him, the Winter Soldier. Well, you hadn’t met him in person, but you had heard of him before from Steve, and of course, you couldn’t forget the whole Project Insight debacle. Steve and Sam had been scouring the earth for two whole years trying to find this James Buchanan Barnes.
Following thereafter had been one of the most stressful weeks of your life. Your dad had fully supported the Sokovia Accords, whereas a large part of your friends had been against it. You hadn’t been sure on what “side” you were, knowing that on some level the Avengers should be held accountable for their actions, but also understanding Steve’s side about the Accords restricting the Avengers’ freedom.
During that time, you had mostly stayed silent, not wanting to choose a side. The aftermath, of course, had left several difficult decisions on your father’s part. Having discovered that Steve had kept such a big secret from him and had defended the person who had killed his parents, it had taken him a long time to process what had happened. During his stay in Wakanda, James had proven to (almost) everyone that the actions for which the Winter Soldier had been responsible were not done out of his own free will.
Eventually, your dad was able to forgive Steve. Steve had moved back into the Compound, and everything had gone back to a new kind of normal.
Returning from Wakanda, James had been offered a deal by the federal government, wherein they would pardon him for his actions as the Winter Soldier under the conditions that he undergoes court-mandated psych-evaluations.
That’s how you actually met him. He had shown up at the Compound, together with Steve, to sign the documents involving this deal. Your dad had not been able to be there for the meeting, because seeing the man had been too soon for him. Unlike the rest, he had been unable to forgive James for his actions.
The death of your grandparents was not something you could mourn, seeing as you had never met them. But it hurt you to see your father being emotionally distraught.
You had volunteered to attend the meeting, so you could pass along the documents to your father. During the meeting, James hadn’t dared to look at you for the longest time. His eyes had been focused on the documents in front of him and occasionally moved up to look at Steve.
When they mentioned that his pardon would only be approved in the case that he agreed to the psych-evaluations, he had quickly looked up at you, guilt was written all over his face. You had given him a small smile, a gesture to say ‘it’s okay, this is what’s best for you’. Seeing that smile of yours had almost made him burst into tears. After the meeting had finished, you stood up from your chair and shook his hand.
That all had happened a few months ago.
Present-day, you were backed up against your shower wall, James’ hands all over your body. You knew this was wrong and your father would be deeply disappointed in you, but it felt so, so right. Bucky ran his tongue over your neck and planted kisses all over you. The side of your neck, behind your ears, your breasts, down to your stomach, … shit, how long had you been in the shower for?
“We have to stop, Bucky, I got dinner with Pepper and dad in like five minutes,” you estimated, another moan escaping from your lips. He stopped kissing you and placed his hands on your hips, his medium-length water-soaked hair sticking to his face. “Are you-” his voice suddenly became nervous.
“No, I’m not telling them about us, Bucky,” you sighed and removed yourself from his grip. You had talked about this extensively. As much as you both wanted everyone to know that you two were seeing each other, you also knew that the one person whose opinion you valued most would be devastated if he were to discover this little secret of yours.
This past week, you had been bringing it up more and more to Bucky to try to maybe tell your dad at least partially the truth. Something along the lines of that you two had become friends and maybe had been on a date or something. This had scared the living shit out of Bucky.
He was deadly afraid of causing yet another split between the group and how it might affect his process to become pardoned.
But you were starting to get sick of hiding your love for him. At team meetings or events, you had to pretend not to care about him, pretend as if you two didn’t feel a deep connection. Whenever you were at the Compound together, you had to sneak around so as to not be discovered by someone. Wanda had figured it out, obviously, and you had pleaded with her not to tell anyone else. Being the amazing friend that she was, she had promised you to keep your secret safe with her, but had also told you that this wasn’t something you could hide forever. She was right, of course, it was getting harder and harder to find excuses to leave the Compound to visit James at his flat.
At first, your dad hadn’t said anything about it, assuming you were out with friends. But when you started using the same excuses over and over, he had become wary. You had gotten angry with him because you were twenty-six, for crying out loud, you could go wherever you wanted, and you wouldn’t need his permission. Which had only caused him to become more suspicious of you.
Feeling another wave of hurt and hopelessness fall over you, you quickly grabbed your towel and stepped out of the shower.
“Y/N…,” Bucky started, but was seemingly at a loss for words. You had left the bathroom and entered your room, finding clothes to wear to dinner.
“I’m sorry, Bucky. I have to leave now, can you shut the door behind you?” you said, not intending for the words to come out as bitter as they did.
You were putting on your bra as you felt two hands on your waist. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry that I’m not making this easy for you.”
You felt your eyes getting watery and refused to turn around and look at him. “It’s not your fault,” you mumbled, “you aren’t responsible for what the Winter Soldier did to Howard and Maria.”
“I might have been brainwashed, Y/N, but it was still me who did it,” he breathed, removing his hands from your hips. “It’s true what I said to him, I remember every single name,” you felt his voice growing sad.
“We’ll talk about this another time, okay?” You finished putting on your shirt and trousers and moved to your front door, where your shoes were lying on the floor.
Bucky remained silent, sensing that you weren’t up to discussing it any longer. You looked back at him, and he nodded.
Before leaving, you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and closed the door behind you. You quickly made your way towards Tony and Pepper’s private quarters.
“Ah, there you are,” Tony said when you walked into his living room.
“Sorry, I’m late, I didn’t check the time,” you sat down at the dining table. Pepper placed a plate and cutlery in front of you and gave you a quick kiss on the crown of your head. You smiled at her.
“I think I’ve heard that one before this week,” Tony sat down opposite you, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes focused on your face.
You began forming a better excuse as you heard the door to their quarters open. Footsteps filled the room, and before you could turn around to look at who entered the room, you saw your dad’s face fall. You recognised the sound of James’ arm whirring, and you covered your face with your hands in horror.
“Hi, Mr. Stark,” you heard his breath shudder, “I am no longer the Winter Soldier. My name is James “Bucky” Barnes, and you’re part of my efforts to make amends.”