Chapter Text
Steve loved you, he loved you with his whole heart without even trying and that's what you admired most about him. He was always so willing to give himself to people.
That's what made what you were doing behind his back so painstakingly wrong. Guilty was the only word you could produce for yourself.
You weren't part of the Avengers team but you were family to them because of Steve and you were welcome anytime. Steve wanted you to move into the tower with him, so sure of you that he had already asked the team what they thought of it. The reply was unanimous. They loved you. They wanted to see him happy and it was definitely tempting for you but you had always held off when it came to that subject.
~~~~~~~~~~~
You met Bucky, accidently, at the tower, Steve was gone on a mission and Bucky offered to keep you company. He hid his metal arm from you, smiling at you sheepishly. You remember that day like it was yesterday.
“I'll keep you company if you want.” Bucky had said, climbing out of the shadows.
Clint had went to spar with Natasha and Bruce was in his lab away from the people of course. Steve had taken Thor with him for his mission, with a quick kiss goodbye on your forehead before he left. Which left you to yourself, or so you had thought.
“Bucky, right?” You said, sitting at the bar all alone.
You didn't make it a habit to drink but when Steve was gone you always worried and when you worried you tended to drink to try and not worry. It was pathetic.
He sat down beside you, on the side that hid his metal arm from your view. He looked at you knowingly. They all knew you at the tower but Bucky was a newcomer to you at least and you hadn't exactly been introduced to him formally. Steve had mentioned his arrival a few times and spoke of fond childhood memories but never made an attempt to introduce his lifelong pal to his girlfriend.
“Yeah, you remembered.” He said, a smile forming.
“Hard not to.”
He looked at you confused, waiting for an explanation.
You cut yourself off before your stupid mouth got you in trouble. Of course it was hard to forget him. His eyes always looked at you and not through you, he always made it a big deal to pay attention to you even though he thought you hadn't noticed. But, oh, did you notice him in the shadows of the tower, watching you and studying you.
It was fair to say you had been watching him too just not so often. You had noticed his lips first, the way that they curved, how soft they looked. You wanted to feel them and you knew that was dangerous. Everything about the situation was dangerous. You wondered if he knew just how bad it was.
“Steve, he talks about you all the time. I feel like I know you already.” you explained, taking another sip from your drink.
“Does he? I thought he'd want to keep you in the dark.”
“Why would he want to do that?”
“Because the less you know the safer you are.”
He looked at you with those clear blue eyes of his and put his hand on yours, removing the glass you had been holding. He pursed his lips and looked down at your hand in his. You had formally just met and for him to touch you like that with no sense of fear sent a jolt of electricity through you.
“Maybe I don't want to be safe. Tell me, Bucky, how safe is it for me to even be talking to you?”
“Not very, but I couldn't leave you here alone. Steve never introduced us, though he had good reason, I don't meet many of his friends aside from the ones that live in this tower.”
“And that reason was?”
“I wasn't stable.”
You knit your brows in confusion. You had no idea what he meant and he smiled at you because he knew that.
“But you're stable now, otherwise you wouldn't have talked to me. You used to watch me, I saw you.”
“I did watch you, Y/N.” He whispered, sliding his hand away from yours.
You looked up from your now empty hand and tried to read him. He was giving nothing away, he was all mystery and danger. Everything Steve wasn't to you.
“Why were you watching me?” You licked your lips in anticipation to his response. You two were playing a game, treading a thin line that your mind told you not to cross.
“Because you're breathtaking. Especially in the morning when you first wake up. When you walk into the tower kitchen half asleep, your hair in a bun and a yawn on your lips while you make yourself some tea. You always use my cup but you don't know that it's mine, well you didn't, and Steve doesn't correct you because he knows I don't mind.”
He looks at you, you two were sitting so close and you want to blame the alcohol for the way you're staring at his lips but you know you can't.
“I watch you because there's something about me that can't let it go. I'm seeing your eyes up close for the first time . . . . They're ( your eye color) . . . . They're beautiful.”
He closed the distance between the two of you and you melted against him. You were way past coherent thoughts as his tongue traveled the shape of your bottom lip, asking for access that you granted him.
You knew you tasted of strong liquor but he tasted like smoke and honey. He tasted like everything you had been craving and that made you more passionate. You felt him smile against your lips at your sudden burst of enthusiasm. You were drunk off the taste of him.
You heard someone clear their throat and looked over to see Tony. You separated yourself from Bucky who didn't look away from you.
You put on your best smile and acknowledged Tony's presence.
“Hey, Tony!”
“Save it sister, I saw you two sucking face! I'm not gonna tell Capsicle this time because you look completely shit-faced Y/N, plus I've done the same thing.”
“You've made out with Bucky too!”
Tony flipped you off and opened the fridge door, Bucky laughed at your wit.
“He wishes.”
“Now what made you so talkative frosty.” Tony whipped back, slamming down a yogurt onto the counter.
Bucky looked back to you and put his hand on your back comfortingly. “It looks like you've got someone else to keep you company, I'll talk to you later okay?”
“If what you guys were doing is called ‘keep you company’ count me in!” Tony wiggled his eyebrows and shot finger guns at you, you rolled your eyes and said goodnight to Bucky.
“Why do you have to be such an ass.”
“That's what she said.” Tony said, pointing his spoon at you, accidentally flicking yogurt in your direction.
“Can you be serious for five minutes?”
“Yes, but your five minutes started about thirty seconds ago so you better get to what you're wanting me to be serious about.”
You leveled your gaze with his, making sure he was paying attention. He nodded for you to hurry up.
“You can't tell him. I didn't even mean to-it just-”
Tony held up his hands, flicking yogurt everywhere once again and shook his head.
“I won't, it's none of my business. But from my experience when someone says ‘I didn't even mean to’ Usually means they did mean to, trust me.”
“I'm shocked, when isn't something Mr. Stark's business?”
“You're lucky you still have two minutes of seriousness left missy!”
“Oooh, I'm sooo scared!” You said, fake shaking in your chair. He glowered at you playfully and sat his spoon in the cup of yogurt.
“That's it miss face sucker!”
He leaped over the counter and knocked you both onto the wood floor, you struggled as best you could trying to get away from him but soon he had you pinned onto the ground straddling you, hands above your head.
“Miss face sucker, that's the best you've got?” You laughed out, still riding your buzz.
“Tell me you're scared of me and I'll let you up.”
“Never!”
“Come on, it's like saying ‘uncle’ but I like it better.”
“Get off, Tony! I'm not scared of you!”
He smirked down at you and took both of your hands in one of his so his other could be free.
“You shouldn't have said that. Wanna know why?”
“Fine, I'll bite. Why?” You said still struggling underneath him but no longer laughing.
“Word's gotten around that you're ticklish.”
He started tickling you without waiting for a response, you were trying hard not to give him the satisfaction that he was right but you couldn't help but laugh and twist and turn.
Tears started to form in your eyes because of how hard you were laughing as you pleaded him to stop. He stopped and held you still with his thighs.
“I'll stop if you say ‘Tony stark is the dreamiest man I've ever laid my eyes on, any girl would be lucky to be with such a handsome young man like him and I'm so jealous of the other women he chooses over me’.”
“What happened to ‘tell me you're scared of me?!”
He laughed and continued tickling you, you couldn't take it anymore.
“Fine! Fine, Tony, I give!” You managed to get out between the onslaughter.
“Say it, Y/N.” Tony said, eyeing you fiercely. He always had to win no matter what it was about. Screw him.
“Get off of her, Tony.” Steve said exasperated.
“Damn it! Foiled again by Capsicle! You need to lighten up, Steve, she deserved this one.”
Tony got off of you and held out a hand to help you up which you took. He gave you a look that said ‘this isn't over’ and walked out of the room calling out orders to Jarvis.
Steve smiled at you fondly with his kind eyes. You had to look away. Guilt suddenly flushed through you but you held it in the back of your throat. You had just committed the biggest fuck up of your life.
“Hey, you.” He said with a grin, making his way over to you and bringing you into a hug. He was dirty and smelled of sweat badly but you hugged him back, burying your face into him, stifling a sob from your guilt. What had you done?
“Hey, is everything okay, Y/N?”
“Yeah, I'm just glad you made it back in one piece. I always worry.”
He hugged you tighter, comforting you. You promised yourself in that moment that no matter what, what happened with Bucky would never happen again. You made a silent promise to yourself as the weight of Steve around you kept you from breaking.
“I'm fine, darling. Nothing to worry about, see?”
He backed up and spun around so you could get a full look at the extent of the damages. Just a few scrapes, nothing to worry over.
He waited for your response, trying to act nonchalant.
“I know, I'm silly about things sometimes. I'm sorry.”
He tilted your chin up to look him in the eyes, he held sincerity in his eyes, so truthful you wanted to look away. “Don't be sorry for the way you feel.”
You didn't tell him what happened between you and Bucky, swearing to yourself it wouldn't happen again.
You were feeling down after what had happened and he thought it was because of him. He hugged you tight and wiped away your tears. You had no right to let him be like this with you. You deserved his anger and pain, not this forgiveness and love he threw at you.