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The relentless beeping of hospital machines is the kind of familiar noise Robert had heard enough of for one lifetime. If he thought about it too hard, he’d bring a panic attack on himself, thinking of all the times he and Aaron had sat like this – one of them injured, in need of medical attention.
Surely, surely – they’d had their fair share by now.
Robert hadn’t always craved a peaceful life – and maybe the honest truth was that he’d always needed a peaceful life, even if he’d spent years chasing the opposite – but he certainly craved one now; a peaceful life with Aaron, in Emmerdale, where nothing much else went wrong and they got to be happy.
They deserved to be happy, after everything.
Aaron shifted uncomfortably in his seat, drawing Robert’s attention. Aaron was pissed, Robert knew that much. You didn’t need to know Aaron Dingle well to be able to know when he was angry, the emotion always written into every line of his face – and Robert had the great pleasure of knowing Aaron Dingle intimately. He knew that it wasn’t just anger, it was hurt, and fear, too, and all of that made for a perfect cocktail of emotion ready to explode.
“I’ll go and see if I can find a doctor,” Robert offered, moving to get out of his chair, pausing at the gruff shake of Aaron’s head. “Aaron, you’re in pain – you can’t just keep sitting here.”
Aaron glared at him, his boyfriend – fiancé now, again, he supposed – looking as though he was spoiling for a fight. Robert knew him well enough to know that was likely. “Robert, did you miss the massive pile up? They’ve got critically injured people here – my bruised ribs are the least of their concern.”
Robert relented, sinking back into his seat. “You don’t know if they’re only bruised,” he huffed out, wrinkling his nose at the scent of bleach that lingered in hospital waiting rooms. He’d never liked it, but now the smell had the added bonus of reminding Robert of prison – of bleach stained shared showers, and the way the smell felt as though it soaked into the walls during the early days of COVID, the prison service at a loss as to what to do, the only solution to bleach every inch of the prison down in an attempt to slow the mysterious virus.
“When did you get your medical degree?” Aaron bit back, and Robert couldn’t help but roll his eyes.
“Are you just going to fight with me at every opportunity tonight? Because if you are, it’s going to get old quickly,” Robert couldn’t keep the snark from his tone. It was stress, he knew – on both their parts – but it didn’t make Aaron’s willingness to pick a fight any less frustrating.
Aaron glanced around the waiting room, lowering his voice, as though someone was going to overhear their conversation and slap a pair of cuffs on Robert there and then. “I told you not to go after John,” he hissed. “And you didn’t listen to me – like always. Robert Sugden always knows best, right?”
Robert sighed. “Aaron, I already said I was sorry – do you want me to get down on my hands and knees and beg for your forgiveness?”
Aaron snorted, rolling his eyes. “As if you would.”
No, he probably wouldn’t.
Might do, if it would bring Aaron around. Robert tended to lose all self-restraint when it came to Aaron.
“Aaron,” he chided, trying to get his annoyed boyfriend to look at him. “Aaron – darling, love of my life. I’m sorry, alright?”
Aaron turned to look at him, and Robert was shocked to see Aaron’s eyes brimming with tears, anger gone. “Robert, I’m not messing about here,” he said, wiping roughly at his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper. “I can’t have you going back to prison. I can’t. If you’ve done anything to John…”
“I haven’t,” Robert interjected quickly, desperate to reassure his boyfriend. “Aaron – I swear to you, I didn’t do anything. It was stupid of me, to go after him the way I did, but I saw red. Alright? I was just so angry about what he’d done to you, how he’d manipulated you, and Vic – I couldn’t think straight. But I didn't do anything, I promise - I got Cain help, and I came to the hospital with him. I don't even know where John is now.”
Aaron worried the corner of his mouth, shaking his head. He didn’t look too bad, all things considered, one of the triage nurses having done a cursory clean-up of his face to assess if he needed any stitches, Aaron bumped down to the bottom of the – rather long – casualty list for that evening when they realised that he was just a bit black and blue.
“I know I shouldn’t try and fight your battles for you,” Robert continued, and it was an age-old argument – Robert’s obsessive need to prove his worth, his use, versus Aaron’s fierce independence. It had long since been a cornerstone of their relationship, and Robert couldn’t imagine that ever changing, for better or worse.
Aaron shook his head. “It’s not that, not really,” he admitted, twisting as best as he could in his seat. “I always knew prison would be hard for you. We talked about it, before you got sent down. Remember?”
Robert nodded. Of course he remembered – late, anxiety inducing nights after Robert had been charged where Aaron did his best to impart his knowledge of prison, and how to survive. He’d done his best to take Aaron’s advice to heart, but being moved to the Isle of Wight, to a violent offender’s prison, it had gone beyond the horrors Aaron himself has known.
Robert had never known fear quite like it.
“But now that I know how bad it really was for you – the worry of it would kill me, Robert. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I barely handled it last time,” Aaron sighed. “Look where it’s landed us – my insane husband on the run, having tried to kill me – again – and he's killed someone else in the process. I can’t do it again.”
Robert tried to grin. “I don’t think I’ve got any other secret half-brothers lying around – unless dad was a more prolific cheat than I knew him to be.”
Aaron glared at him, making it clear that Robert's joke to relieve the tension was not appreciated - though, Robert had to wonder how much of a joke it really was. Jack Sugden, despite his often holier than thou attitude, was a cheat - Robert could have a half dozen siblings waiting in the wings, though he hoped John was the only one of them who was genuinely certifiable. “I’m serious, Robert – I can’t do it again. I won’t lose you again – not for any reason, but definitely not to prison.”
Robert made an awkward cross over his heart. “I won’t so much as steal a bar of chocolate from David’s shop,” he promised, but the joke – predictably – didn’t land. God loves a trier, and all that. “Aaron, look at me for a second. Please.”
Aaron did as he was told, brow furrowed as he waited for Robert to continue.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert promised, and he wasn’t – not if he had any say in the matter. Wild horses could try and drag him away from Aaron, and he still wouldn’t go. He’d hold on until his fingers were bloody, and bruised, and he was clinging desperately to the fabric of Aaron’s trousers.
“You’ve got to promise me,” Aaron pleaded, and in moments like this, it was ten years ago all over again, and Aaron was begging him to leave Chrissie, to chose him, to find a way to be with him.
The Robert of old, he didn’t know what to do with the sincere pleading, didn’t know how to accept the heart Aaron so gladly offered on a plate – but this Robert did. He wasn’t sure if he was a better man, or if he was just acutely aware of the unique pain of losing Aaron Dingle, over and over and over, every new heartbreak worse than the last, but at least knew how to make Aaron a genuine promise.
“I promise,” Robert wrapped his pinky finger around Aaron’s, giving his fiancé a watery smile. “I promise you, I’m going nowhere. No more stupid, rash decisions – just you, and me, rebuilding our life together. How does that sound?”
Aaron’s expression softened, and he smiled, a little. “Sounds like everything I’ve ever wanted since the first time you kissed me.”
This Aaron was different to the one he’d walked away from in a prison visiting room, all those years ago – older, wiser, quieter, sometimes, a man shaped by grief, and loss, but he was more honest, too, open with his feelings in a way that hadn’t always come naturally. Robert had always loved him, but he loved him more and more with each passing day.
Robert leaned in, and pressed a soft kiss to Aaron’s lips, craving the closeness that physicality had always brought the two of them. “I can’t go anywhere,” he decided to try for a joke again. “We’ve got a wedding to plan again. Third times the charm, eh?”
Aaron’s eye roll was fond, this time, his anger dissipated – for now. Robert was sure it would have its moment again soon, and he didn’t entirely begrudge Aaron for it. He squeezed Robert’s hand lightly, eyes heavy as he let his head rest on Robert’s shoulder, clearly exhausted. “If you put that in your wedding vows, I’m divorcing you again.”
Robert grinned, settling in for the long wait they had ahead, Aaron’s hand warm in his own. “Two divorces from the same man before 40? How very chic of you, Aaron Dingle. Val would be proud.”
Aaron’s soft giggle was soothing, amongst the rhythmic beeping of the hospital machines.
They were alright.
They were alive.
That was enough.