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Eggchan had done did it again.
Another successful mission, another ominous key. This mission was to build a raid farm, and although Egg had looked up a tutorial on YouTube, Ashswag didn't need to know that.
"Magenta Glazed Terracotta, you are getting so close to becoming a diamond player." Ash handed Egg a gold chestplate. Egg gladly took the drip, replacing his iron chestplate.
The Mafia may be a corrupt system, but Egg knew that no player on the outside could take it down. If he wanted to overthrow this godlike empire, he'd have to do it from the inside.
A few of Egg's teammates were given golden drip as well, but none were glazed quite as much as Eggchan was. Ash seeing great potential in Egg aligned with Egg's goals. If he was to dismantle the system, first he needed to understand it, and there was no better way to do that than leveling up his drip.
He wished he could comment on the drip, but Mafia players weren't allowed to speak. Which was probably to encourage Ash's lengthy yap sessions, where he rambled about everything and anything to in an attempt to convince himself his actions were righteous.
Egg missed the days when he and his homie Wemmbu were hanging out. He had plenty of time to fish in the Mafia, but it just wasn't the same when Wemmbu wasn't there to tease him.
He knew Wemmbu was alive, since the Mafia, like all corrupt empires, was unwilling to let anyone oppose them, and was actively hunting Wemmbu down. But Egg knew Wemmbu would be fine, Wemmbu was smart actually kinda decent at PVP.
Even if Egg could reunite with Wemmbu, he had unfinished business. Not to mention that he was a changed man, and he had tasted blood. He was within the system now, and would do whatever it takes to get on top.
In the background, Egg could hear Ash yapping, the way all kings did. He shifted his focus to Ash when he heard his title:
"Magenta Glazed Terracotta, that's what makes you so capable. You are ruthless, willing to do anything to achieve your goals." Ash talked with the belief he had the divine right of kings, but Egg knew his words were worth nothing in the grand scheme of things.
"You want to become a diamond player, correct?" Ash continued to yap. "Then you must prove yourself. You must defeat a diamond player in battle, you must ruthlessly slaughter them in combat. I know you are… lacking… in that area, but I believe your drive more than makes up for it. Are you truly ready for such a challenge of your true strength?"
Egg nodded. Though almost all diamond players were PVP gods, and Egg was a bot in combat, he would take the battle anyway. Because he would rather go down fighting than sit idly by at a gold farm while an empire ruled the server.
"But daaaad! I wanna kill someone! Please???" Cocomelon2 complained.
"No. You are not partaking in a duel." Ash insisted. His son, who was only 8 years old, was ambitious and ruthless, but also an absolute idiot who couldn't be bothered to study combat.
"I hate you, dad!" Coco punched a hole through the wall.
Ash sighed with frustration. Squiddo would know how to handle this. She could always deal with his tantrums.
Maybe Ash had spoiled Coco too much. He'd given his son everything he wanted, and when Coco had asked to be a diamond Mafia player for his 8th birthday, Ash had obliged.
Coco started placing TNT on the ground. "If you don't let me kill someone I'm going to blow up the castle."
"Coco, no." Ash scolded. "You're not ready for a duel. You're too young, and not skilled enough."
"SIX-SEVEN, SIX-SEVEN, SIX-SEVEN, I can't hear you!" Coco ignited a piece of TNT, leaving an explosion in the ground.
Ash walked over to Coco and tried to restrain him, but alas, his son was stronger than him. Ash never practiced PVP, but it was still rather embarrassing.
Typically, if a Mafia player acted like this, Ash would stasis him. But Coco didn't even have a stasis, and Ash wouldn't kill his son even if he did. Ash had no idea how to discipline someone in a way that wouldn't traumatize them, so he was forced to give in to Coco's demands.
"Fine." Ash said. "Just one duel."
Egg was ready for glory. He would be victorious, or die fighting. Knowing him, probably die fighting.
The diamond player stood across from him, aurafarming. Why were these diamond players such aura farmers? Egg had never seen a faction before with so much aura.
They stood in a burned down and deserted house, a place that had clearly once been the home of a player, but now stood abandoned. The only thing that kept them sheltered from the heavy rain was the ceiling of shroomlights, which was low-key ugly, but also a beacon of safety.
"Diamond player, no using a mace." Ash specified. "Unless you get low, then you can use a mace."
"Magenta Glazed Terracotta, you will prove your worth in battle or die trying." Ash yapped. "Probably die." Eggchan was confused. Hadn't Ash been relentlessly glazing him earlier? What was the purpose of the change in mentality?
No matter what, Egg would go down a fighter, and not a coward.
"You may began." Ash said.
Egg charged first, he swung his sword but he missed, which was unsurprising. The diamond player tried to strike as well, but also missed. Now, Egg was no master of PVP, but he was quite certain that this was not good technique.
Egg was the first to actually land a hit, but it still took him a while. As the fight went on, both Egg and the diamond player continued to miss. Maybe the diamond player Egg fought was like him; a person who got the role through sheer force of will, instead of actual skill.
The battle continued for hours, as both great warriors failed to land hits on each other. And when one of them got low, they would eat a gapple. Eventually, Ash started yapping about weird stuff, stuff Eggchan had no interest in.
"And that was when I realized that it was not just my large poops, no, it was because my plumbing was truly broken." Ash yapped. Egg tried to tune out the yapping and focus on the fight.
"Stop being embarrassing!" The diamond player complained. He sounded like he was 6 years old.
"You said you could take an actual battle." Ash replied. "But here you are, incompetently stumbling around as you fail to defeat the Mafia's weakest gold player. Forgive me for getting bored."
Eggchan would be offended at that insult if it wasn't objectively true. What was far more odd was the diamond player talking to Ash, and Ash being fine with it. Ash was the type of ruler who refused to let others share the spotlight, why would he be letting this slide?
Egg landed a killing blow on the diamond player, popping his totem. At the same time, Egg's own hands came into view as his invis ran out.
"Uh, please don't kill me bro." Egg said, noticing neither of them were invis.
"Well this is an interesting twist." Ash said. "My son, and the next aspiring diamond player, both uninvis."
"Brother, you have a son?" Egg questioned. Ash's son was named Cocomelon2 and wore a Steve skin.
"Yes." Ash confirmed. "Perhaps it was a mistake, letting him join the Mafia. Letting him get so close to death."
"Who is this weirdo?" Coco gestured to Egg. "Dad, he's uninvis, you need to kill him."
"Bro, you're one to talk." Egg said. "You're not invis either."
"Dad won't kill me! He's my dad."
"Comrades, I always knew I was gon' die in this fight." Egg admitted. "But at least I can say I went down fighting." He saluted.
" That doesn't seem fair." Ash mused. "You are both equally incompetent, so if I kill one of you, I must kill both of you."
"Dad, if you kill me, I will never forgive you!" Coco screamed.
"I wasn't planning on it." Ash said. "Coco, despite your absolute idiocy, you are allowed to keep your rank. And Eggchan…"
"Egg, you have proved your bravery by going into a fight when you believed you were destined to lose." Ash glazed Egg. "And you have proven your strength by popping your opponents totem, so I believe you are deserving of this rank." Ash handed Egg a diamond trimmed chestplate.
"Yo, I got drip." Egg equipped the chestplate.
"And you are deserving of much more than that." Ash continued to glaze. "From now on, you shall be an honorary member of my family, big brother of my son Cocomelon2. He needs parental guidance that I am not able to provide, and I believe you are suited for the role."
"Bro, I'm Minecraft's Most Glazed Player." Egg commented. "I accept the role as honorary family member."
"WHAT?" Coco exclaimed. "I thought I was going to kill this loser! Not have him be my stupid older brother! He probably has zero robux!"
"Bro's crashing out." Egg said.
"Shut up! I don't want an idiot from Ohio to take care of me! I want mom!"
"Lil' bro's having a tantrum."
"I'll kill you! I'll kill you right not!"
"Bro, good luck with that."
"Dad! Why would you invite him to the family?" Coco continued to crash out. "He's just a dumb chungie, and I hate him! He's not sigma at all!"
"Egg, I trust you will not disappoint." Ash pulled out a fishing rod, and statised away."
"WHAT?" Coco exclaimed. "Dad! Come back!" Coco continued to yell, and Egg just watched him, until Coco got bored and sat behind a stone wall, moping.
"Bro, wanna go fishing?" Egg approached Coco.
"Fine." Coco muttered. "I still hate you though. You're the least skibidi person I've ever met."
"Okay bro." Egg said, and they walked to the river to go fish.