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Christmas is supposed to be the most magical time of the year. A time to be enjoyed with family, full of warmth, soft laughter and his mothers Christmas cookies.
For 8 year old Cheng Xiaoshi, this Christmas is anything but. He feels it the moment he wakes up in his bed, all alone and cold.
He stares at the ceiling. He shivers.
His thoughts are a surge of many things at once and nothing at all. It makes his head buzz, a sting almost.
He gets up hastily, rubbing his temples, and looks out a window.
Outside, everything is under a blanket of snow. The streets are illuminated by Christmas lights, a large tree down the street decorated festively. People are going out and about, families with their kids mostly.
Cheng Xiaoshi grits his teeth and quickly makes his way back into his bed.
He lies down and thinks about his parents. There hasn’t been a single moment he hasn’t since they… disappeared a few months ago. Not a moment of peace.
He drifts back off to sleep, dreaming of last year's Christmas.
Dreaming of a Christmas where they were still here with him.
For 9 year old Qiao Ling, this Christmas should feel like any other.
She wakes up to the sound of Christmas tunes in the kitchen, walking in to see her father, Qiao Wenhao, hum along as he finishes up breakfast. He notices her entering and smiles.
“Morning sweet pea, did you sleep alright?”
Qiao Ling nods reluctantly.
This Christmas shouldn’t feel any different and yet…
“Did you talk with Cheng Xiaoshi, Baba?” she asks, voice small.
Qiao Wenhao sighs worriedly. “I tried bunny, but he didn’t pick up the phone. I’m thinking we should pay him a visit again after breakfast. Try to bring him back with us this time.”
He puts a plate full of her favourite food in front of her. Qiao Ling takes a hearty bite of the red bean steamed bun and savours it. It’s delicious, like everything her dad cooks.
Qiao Wenhao sits down across from his daughter, putting down his own plate in front of him.
“Maybe you can get through to him, he’s always more open to listen to you. I tried to get him to stay with us yesterday, but you know how he puts his walls up when he thinks someone feels sorry for him,” he says solemnly, guilt staining his voice.
Qiao Ling nods sadly. Cheng Xiaoshi is stubborn, extremely stubborn, to the point of refusing any and all help her dad and her try to offer him. But she just wants him to be happy, doesn’t want to see him hurting all the time.
She looks over at her dad, who is poking at his food with his chopsticks looking lost in thought. She catches the silent pained expression on his face, the one he always tries to hide from her, when he feels like he’s failing Cheng Xiaoshi.
“He gets sad when people leave,” she says quietly. “Maybe he thinks we will too.”
“Oh bunny…” Qiao Wenhao says heavily. He puts down his chopsticks and takes her hands into his gently. “You’re right I… I should do better. I should show him that I won’t leave.”
“That we won’t leave,” Qiao Ling stresses and her dad smiles affectionately. He looks proud.
“Of course, sweet pea, that we won’t leave.”
“I’ll try to talk to him,” she says determinedly, clenching her fists.
“That’s my girl! I’m sure he’ll listen to you,” her dad assures. “I’ll pack some food for him too, just in case he refuses to come with us. Let’s finish breakfast and then you go get ready bunny, we’ll leave in about twenty.”
Qiao Ling nods enthusiastically and stuffs her mouth full of food, wanting to finish and get to Cheng Xiaoshi as fast as possible.
Qiao Wenhao chuckles. “Slow down there little bunny, you’ll choke.”
As he says this, he coughs, having choked on his own food. Once he’s calmed down again, he looks at Qiao Ling sheepishly.
She giggles. “Baba should follow his own rules!”
“Yeah, he really should,” he laughs along with her and Qiao Ling almost feels like all is right in the world.
If only Cheng Xiaoshi was here, laughing with them as well…
Walking to the photo studio feels eerily tense. Qiao Ling seems to feel it too, judging by the way she’s just trudging along, a stark contrast to her earlier enthusiasm.
Qiao Wenhao knows she sees it too. Cheng Xiaoshi’s suffering. He wishes it wasn’t like this, but because of his own failure she has too.
He truly has failed, hasn’t he? Failed Cheng Xiaoshi as well, him especially, failed to help this lonely and hurt boy, the one that he himself and his daughter care about so much.
But can he truly claim he cares? Isn’t it nothing short of impertinent to claim he does when he is letting him down every day, letting down Qiao Ling too?
If he failed him, it seems only logical that he is failing her as well.
He wishes his wife was still around to help. She’d know what to say, what to do for Cheng Xiaoshi, how to help him. She always had a solution. No matter how seemingly insurmountable the problem, she could come up with one.
He grabs Qiao Ling’s hand in silent support and squeezes it lightly. She squeezes back.
The streets are pretty, trees at the sidewalk decorated festively with ornaments and colourful lights. Everything is painted in snow, the air is chilly, just the lightest wind breeze brushing their faces.
Their path leads them through a small Christmas market. He looks down and sees Qiao Ling eyeing a candy apple stand and the DIY table, where a few kids are cutting Christmas trees and snowflakes out of colourful paper.
“We can make a stop here on the way back if you want,” Qiao Wenhao says with a smile. “I’m sure you and Xiaoshi could have lots of fun here.”
“You have to join us too, Baba!” his daughter says in an accusing tone.
He holds up his free hand as if to surrender. “Of course, of course. I’d never think of doing anything else.”
“Good,” she says happily and they continue their way along the street until they’ve passed the market and reached the photo studio.
Qiao Ling doesn’t hesitate and hurries to ring the bell, pulling him along. They wait a few seconds before the door opens and they are face to face with Cheng Xiaoshi, still dressed in his pyjamas and looking a little sleepy.
Qiao Wenhao mentally notes, with concern, his prominent eyebags, but he chooses not to mention it for now.
“Hello Uncle Qiao,” Cheng Xiaoshi mumbles.
Qiao Wenhao feels the urge to hug him, but after the last time they talked, he doesn’t think that he would want to.
He had messed up quite spectacularly yesterday, further alienating Cheng Xiaoshi instead of getting him to come to their house and spend Christmas with them.
What great of a father I am, he thinks self-deprecatingly.
But then he thinks of all the times Cheng Xiaoshi has cried in his arms at night, every time he has heard him giggle at a stupid joke he made, even despite everything, the nights Qiao Wenhao spent watching him and Qiao Ling play video games with each other — screaming, marvelling, laughing — and had to practically drag them into bed because it was their bed time-
It’s not too late yet. It can’t be. I just have to play the right cards. I have to do better.
“Morning kid,” he says lightheartedly. “Sorry, did we wake y-”
Before he can finish his sentence, Qiao Ling lets go of his hand, runs up to Cheng Xiaoshi and pulls him into a tight hug. “Merry Christmas!” she says excitedly.
“Landlady!” Cheng Xiaoshi yelps. “That tickles!”
Qiao Ling grins mischievously and starts properly tickling him. “Say it back idiot!”
“Okay okay okay!” he says hurriedly, laughter in his voice, and he returns the hug. “Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Now stop tickling me!”
Looking self-satisfied, Qiao Ling stops her sneaky attack and pulls back from the hug. “Now will you let us in or do you want us to freeze into statues outside? You’re a bad host, you know.”
“I brought some food if you want,” Qiao Wenhao jumps in, holding up the bag he had been carrying.
At the mention of food, Cheng Xiaoshi’s face lights up even more.
“Food, food, food!” he chants excitedly and runs back inside.
Thank god, Qiao Wenhao thinks, relieved that the boy doesn’t seem to be too angry with him anymore.
“Hey!” Qiao Ling says. “Wait for me!” But before she can follow Cheng Xiaoshi, Qiao Wenhao grabs her hand and stops her.
“Baba?” she asks, confused.
He looks at her sincerely. “When he’s eating, please ask him to join us on our Christmas market tour, okay?”
Qiao Ling frowns. “But… but he needs to come home with us too, Baba! We can’t leave him all alone here!”
“Of course, little bunny,” he says. He puts a hand on her shoulder. “I want that too, but we need to be gentle with him. If we keep insisting for him to come with us like I did before, it’ll just be a repeat of yesterday. Small steps, sweetie.”
Qiao ling nods slowly. “Small steps.”
“I’ll ask him again later, but for now try to string him along with us to the market first. Alright?”
She nods again and they enter the building together.
Cheng Xiaoshi already sits at the table expectantly, now dressed.
Qiao Wenhao smiles at him, sets up the food on a plate and places it in front of him. The boy immediately digs in, as if he hasn’t eaten in a month.
Qiao Wenhao watches him for a moment, amused. “So? Taste any good?”
With his mouth full of rice porridge Cheng Xiaoshi nods his head enthusiastically.
“V’ry goof!”
“Ew, that’s disgusting!” Qiao Ling says, making a show of fake gagging. “Chew before you speak!”
Cheng Xiaoshi sticks out his tongue, food now swallowed, and Qiao Ling mirrors him.
Qiao Wenhao just chuckles and gets up from his chair, wanting to get a cloth to clean the table once the boy empties the plate.
“Please don’t choke on your food, okay?” he jokes lightly and Cheng Xiaoshi nods enthusiastically, continuing to stuff his mouth with the food.
Qiao Wenhao gives Qiao Ling a lingering, meaningful look. She nods in understanding, so he turns around to retrieve the cloth.
He suspects that removing himself from the conversation, or at least keeping a little distance at first, should get Cheng Xiaoshi to be a little more open to their suggestion. He hopes that his daughter will be able to convince him to come with them. To not lock himself away angrily in his loneliness. To give Qiao Wenhao the chance to care for him and stay.
You can do it little bunny, I know you can.
Just as Cheng Xiaoshi finishes up the last of his food, Qiao Ling goes for it.
“Hey Xiaoshi,” she says.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to the Christmas market. You’re coming with me.” Her tone leaves no room for arguments.
Cheng Xiaoshi blinks.
“But-”
“No buts!” she cuts him off immediately, poking a finger into his chest. “Buts are for losers!”
“Hey!” Cheng Xiaoshi looks offended. “I’m not a loser, I just-”
“What? You’re scared to go?,” she says with a mischievous grin. “Coward. I thought you were bra-”
“Fine!” Cheng Xiaoshi blurts out. “I’ll come with you. Stop nagging.” He pouts.
Qiao Ling cheers and puts up her fists in victory. She looks at Qiao Wenhao, who gives her a proud nod.
And with that, they managed to initiate the first step of their plan: Convince Cheng Xiaoshi to come to the Christmas market.
Now onto step two: Make him stay with him and his daughter.
The Christmas market is busier than earlier. Still, Qiao Wenhao, being rather tall, manages to spot a rather empty stall and gets both of the kids a candied apple. They take them and happily munch on them as they stroll down the market, looking at all the different goods and decorations
Eventually, they reach the DIY-table Qiao Ling eyed earlier.
“You wanna cut some paper snowflakes and Christmas trees?” Qiao Wenhao asks.
Qiao Ling agrees immediately, sitting down at the table enthusiastically.
Cheng Xiaoshi stays still, standing there, looking hesitant.
“Hey kid, what’s the holdup?” Qiao Wenhao asks.
“I…” he fidgets with the sleeves of his winter jacket, looking at the ground. “I’m no good at cutting…”
Qiao Wenhao smiles at him softly, crouching down to his eye-level. “You know what? Me neither!” He sits down next to his daughter at the table, looking a little odd amongst all the kids. “Why don’t we improve together?”
He makes space for Cheng Xiaoshi, waiting for him to sit down too. When he doesn’t, Qiao Wenhao backtracks. “Or do you not want to do some handicraft?”
“No I want to! But…” he trails off. When he doesn’t continue talking, Qiao Wenhao continues to speak instead.
“C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?” He gasps in fake shock. “You don’t think the Christmas police will come get us if we mess up?”
Cheng Xiaoshi giggles. “That’s silly.” He makes his way over to them and sits down in between the two. “I wanna make the coolest snowflake ever!”
Qiao Wenhao smiles. Once you get through Cheng Xiaoshi’s initial reluctance, he is a very energetic child.
“Well, then we’ll try our best, kid. Let's start on it right now! I can already hear the Christmas police sirens going off, they can’t get us! We won’t let them put us into Christmas jail. Though I heard it’s made out of candy canes.”
“Then I want them to arrest me!”
“Moron,” Qiao Ling butts in, already in the middle of cutting a purple snowflake. “You’ll get sick from eating so much candy!”
“Don’t challenge me!” the boy laughs, loud and happy and real, and Qiao Wenhao thinks that maybe he hasn’t failed him yet after all.
They work on their snowflakes, Qiao Wenhao occasionally helping out the kids, and the end results are actually quite impressive.
“Look!” Cheng Xiaoshi holds up his red paper snowflake in Qiao Ling’s face. “I’m the snowflake master, impressed?” he boasts.
“Hmpf!” The girl holds up her own snowflake. “Mine’s prettier!”
“But mine’s cooler!”
“It’s way too spiky! Mine’s so much-”
“Kids, kids!” Qiao Wenhao interrupts their bickering before it can escalate, though there is a smile on his face that he can’t manage to suppress. “They’re both amazing.”
He pauses for dramatic effect, then says, with overplayed seriousness, “But mine is the best of them all, of course!” He holds up his blue snowflake, which somehow actually looks the worst.
“No way!” “You shouldn’t lie, Baba!” The kids talk over each other.
Qiao Wenhao laughs and gets up. He opens his bag and safely stores his snowflake inside, then holds it open for Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling.
“I’d say we all did a pretty good job! Now c’mon, store them safely, before they get damaged.”
The kids obey and put the snowflakes in the bag, making sure not to crumple them.
He closes the bag. “Now what do you say, should we have a walk through the park and check if the little pond is frozen?”
“Can we build a snowman there?” Cheng Xiaoshi asks excitedly. He looks at Qiao Ling who looks just as excited at the prospect.
“Of course you can. Let’s do it!”
Qiao Wenhao watches as Qiao Ling and Cheng Xiaoshi roll around snow, bickering back and forth, while trying to get it just the right size for a snowman.
There is a permanent smile etched onto Cheng Xiaoshi’s face now but for some reason… for some reason it doesn’t quite reach his eyes yet.
Qiao Wenhao watches as they finish up the snowman. He takes out his phone and aims the camera at the kids and their little building project.
“Cheese!” He says as he takes a picture.
He makes his way over to them showing them the picture and Qiao Ling demands to take a selfie with the snowman, so of course, he lets her.
“Great job,” Qiao Wenhao says and the kids grin at him proudly.
He takes a deep breath.
“Cheng Xiaoshi.”
Finally, Qiao Wenhao drops the question he’d been meaning to ask the whole day.
“Do you want to celebrate Christmas with us today?” He looks at Cheng Xiaoshi. “You two could have a Christmas sleepover! Doesn’t that sound fun?”
Cheng Xiaoshi lets out a stunned little gasp. “Really?” he asks, sounding as if he thinks he shouldn’t be allowed to.
Qiao Wenhao nods without hesitation.
Before the boy can react, Qiao Ling jumps at him, pulling him into a hug.
“Pleeeeease!” she begs. “Won’t you come with us Cheng Xiaoshi? I want to open my presents with you…”
There are a few seconds of silence. A few agonizing seconds, that make Qiao Wenhao fret, fear that he’s lost Cheng Xiaoshi again. That he will scream at him just like the day before and turn away, close himself off and be left alone with his sorrow.
But before his mind can spiral further, a little smile breaks out on Cheng Xiaoshi’s face.
“Okay,” he says.
Qiao Ling gasps. “Oh, I’m so happy!” She takes his hands, laughing and spinning them in a circle. And the smile on Cheng Xiaoshi’s face stays too — and it’s an earnest one.
They come to a stand.
Qiao Ling grins cheekily. “Thanks for not leaving me alone with Baba, he’s boring,” she says, pointing at her father.
Qiao Wenhao dramatically wipes away a fake tear, hoping to keep the mood light for Cheng Xiaoshi. He wants to put as little pressure on him as possible. “Ouch bunny, you wound me!”
Both of the kids laugh at his expense, but Qiao Wenhao doesn’t mind, not one bit. Not when Cheng Xiaoshi is allowing himself to stay with them again.
After the park, they get lunch in a nearby restaurant.
It’s packed because of Christmas, but the food is tasty, so the kids don’t seem to care.
It’s not really anything special, but in Qiao Wenhao’s opinion, anything feels special when you’re with your family.
Family…
He looks at the two kids sitting across from him and a warm feeling spreads in his heart.
That’s right, you’re my family. You too Xiaoshi. And I promise I’ll make you see it clearly.
That evening, after the kids had made use of their Christmas gift, Qiao Wenhao puts them to bed.
He got them the video game Wu Dao, which both of them had been raving about for weeks now. They were so excited, practically begged him to play it immediately and did just so for hours.
Now, as they lie in bed, they look tired, eyes threatening to fall shut any second now.
Qiao Wenhao tucks Qiao Ling into bed first, leaving a kiss on her forehead. Then does the same with Cheng Xiaoshi, but decides on a careful head pat instead.
“Can you read us a bedtime story, Baba? Qiao Ling asks into the quiet room.
“Of course sweet pea, if Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t mind?”
The boy shakes his head and looks at him expectantly. Qiao Ling does the same.
Qiao Wenhao looks back and forth between them, chuckles quietly and starts telling a Christmas bedtime story.
They fall asleep pretty fast, not even a third into the story. But it’s not surprising since it’s been such a long and emotionally charged day.
Qiao Wenhao carefully switches off the small bedside lamp and is about to stand up to leave the room, but then he feels a hesitant tuck on his sleeve.
He looks down and…
It’s Cheng Xiaoshi.
He looks up at him, and even in the dark Qiao Wenhao can make out his expression, all sleepy and vulnerable.
“You’ll stay, right? You won’t leave me too like they did?” Cheng Xiaoshi mumbles.
And Qiao Wenhao’s heart feels like it’s being ripped out of his chest.
He sits back down on the bed, leaning down so Cheng Xiaoshi can hear his whisper, not wanting to wake Qiao Ling.
“Of course I will stay with you, Xiaoshi. I’ll be by your and Qiao Ling’s side. Always.”
And when the boy hugs him, he returns it immediately, holding him gently.
Cheng Xiaoshi slowly starts drifting off to sleep and Qiao Wenhao feels like things might finally start to become better for them.