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It'd been 7 painful years since Saori let the love of her life get away. It was during high school, a time where most people end up dating the wrong person and have a messy break up due to inexperience or immaturity. Saori knew better though. She knew if things had been just a bit different, she would've been her wife.
It'd been 5 painful years since Saori had found out the truth of how she got away. A string of unfortunate events spearheaded by multiple selfish old men. Saori was not a vengeful person. She didn't feel happy that the people who indirectly murdered her should be wife were gone. She hated that they were possessed by their greed, and many suffered as a result. There was nothing to be happy about in this situation. No winners, everyone lost.
She prayed that nothing like that would ever be repeated. No one deserved to experience the grief she experienced, and honestly still felt. For a long time, she thought she'd never recover. Saori would spend every waking moment not working doing her damnedest not to break down sobbing. She missed her every single day.
She missed her laugh, she missed her smile, she missed her determination and kindness. She was truly too good for this world. Now her soul is trapped in limbo, to make sure that humanity can continue to prosper. The only thing that kept her from spiraling into a desire for death was the fact that it'd only make things harder for Kotone.
She was able to maintain any form of stability tanks to the support of Kotone's other friends. Aigis loved her too, and felt just as lost for a while. Saori was so grateful to that woman, she was apparently the one who suggested telling her the truth of her death. Which officially was due to illness. It hurt that not many people knew the truth.
People were going about their lives, completely ignorant to her sacrifice. Perhaps that was for the best. Kotone wasn't the kind of person who needed to be in the spotlight. To be worshiped. Just another way that woman, or that girl, was magical. She never even got to be a woman. There was something very painful seeing Ken Amada, another friend of hers who was originally so much younger than her, now being older than she'd ever be.
She liked to think that Kotone could see her now. She hoped she was smiling widely, as she always did, at how far Saori had come. If only Saori could actually hear it in her own words. If only things were different. If only the world they lived in wasn't so ruthless.
She was honestly a bit tired of this dark and cold graveyard, where she'd been buried. For obvious reasons, it was always difficult to show up. She came here at least once a year to pay her respects. It was the least she could do for her first love. The girl who'd always hold a special place in her heart.
In spite of everything, Kotone lived. She found her answer to life, and happily gave it up for not just the world, but HER world. Saori. The fact that she'd never see her again, even on the other side… it hurt her to her core. She smiled as tears began to fall down her face.
She put a hand on the dirt that was keeping the two of them worlds apart. Just another casualty of cruel adults making everything a child's problem. A child who should've lived a long happy life. She had to clean up the mess of grown men with god complexes. Part of her wished they were still alive, if only so they could truly atone for their crimes.
She fell onto her palms, knowing full well she couldn't keep herself together for much longer. She felt a light tap on her back that she wished was her, but was instead the beginning of the changing weather. The rain started falling harder and harder, as her gentle tears became bawling.
"Why…!"
She knew it was selfish, she knew it was evil, but there were so many worse people in this world who were living great lives. She couldn't help but wonder why they got to experience the best the world had to offer, while Kotone didn't get to experience anything but a short trial run. She balled her fist and punched the ground. She didn't want to feel this way, this happened every time. Every time this day comes, she'd think to herself "this time will be different." It never was.
The woman always breaks down, looking pathetic. Looking weak. Kotone would grab her face and tell her otherwise. That she was one of the strongest people she knew. She didn't see it then, and she didn't see it now, but Kotone genuinely believed that. She could see the best in everyone.
Saori almost didn't notice the water no longer hitting her back, so lost in her head. She sniffled as she adjusted her position, now sitting on her legs. She rubbed her puffy red eyes, ignoring the fact that she was ruining her make up.
Saori swallowed the excruciating lump in her throat. She was still here, Kotone's other friends were still here. They were all in their own way fighting for a better future. A future where kids wouldn't have to give their lives away. Where kids wouldn't be so hurt that they'd grow to hurt others. From her understanding, there was even someone trying their best to make sure Kotone could properly rest in peace.
Not everything was miserable. She knew that. It didn't make it hurt less, but it at least made the pain more tolerable. Her aching scars would never truly leave, but she could live with them. In a way, they were proof that she was still here. She was still alive, as long as that was true, she could fulfill her duty to Kotone.
"She would've loved you you know." Saori finally said.
Sadayo smiled as she adjusted the umbrella. "I'm not sure about that. I did steal her girlfriend."
Saori giggled. "She wasn't that petty. She'd be happy to see that I'm still thriving. Thanks to everyone. Including you."
Sadayo shrugged. "I'm glad I could help, but I hope you're included in that 'everyone.'"
Saori sniffled. They were so different, but in some ways Sadayo was so similar to Kotone. They were both such loving people. They cared so much about the people around them, they were both hard on themselves even when they were doing so much. They never allowed themselves to make mistakes. It was frustrating, but no one was perfect. She was here to keep Sadayo from beating herself up too much over past failures. Just as she was here for her.
"Sadayo… it hurts but… I don't want it to stop hurting. Is that weird?"
"I don't think so," she answered. "In a way, it's proof you loved her. That she was real, and that she really existed. She sounded amazing."
"She really was something else." Saori said.
"…You know," Sadayo began. "I'm the same way. Sometimes… I still blame myself for Takase-kun. I know it wasn't my fault, but my heart… I still miss him. It still hurts so much. I hope wherever he is… he's happy."
It was just another reminder that Saori wasn't alone, and never would be. They were both struggling with grief. Neither of them would be able to forget their loved ones. And that was okay. They still had each other. They could still smile over their memories of them.
"Sorry for this… You have it so much worse."
"Hey, none of that!" Sadayo scolded. "You don't need to compare your pain to mine. They're unique in their own ways. Even if I did have it worse, which I don't think I do, you'd still be allowed to feel hurt."
Saori shook her head before pulling herself off of the ground. "Thank you so much. Sometimes I just… need to hear that. Thank you so much for coming."
"How could I not?" She asked with a grin. "I had to meet the girl who captured my partner's heart. She had to have been special."
Saori giggled before she turned around to face Sadayo. "I… hope this isn't weird. To still miss her while I'm with you."
"Not at all," Sadayo reassured. "Most people have people they loved before their current relationship. It's not cheating or anything to still miss them. Especially under these circumstances."
"Yeah… yeah," Saori agreed.
Saori hugged her and leaned her forehead on her shoulder. She wasn't sure what she did to deserve a partner like her, but she wasn't complaining. There was a time where she felt that she'd never find another person. That it'd be like insulting Kotone's memory. Like… she was betraying her for trying to move on with her life. It was silly of course. She now understood that Kotone would love nothing more than to see her be happy, even if it wasn't with her.
If anything was insulting, it was thinking Kotone would be angry at her for that. Thinking that she was selfish enough to demand that Saori keep crying over her daily. Kotone wasn't just someone who smiled a lot, even when her heart bled. She was also someone who always wanted the people around her to be happy.
Saori smiled softly. "You didn't have to come out you know. You could have stayed in the car."
Sadayo put her free hand on Saori's back. She gently rubbed circles into it, much to Saori's pleasure. There was something so comforting about it. "Of course I did. I wasn't going to just sit in the car while you sat in the rain."
"I suppose so. You're so good to me." She told her.
"I'm only giving you what you deserve Saori."
She still struggled with the idea that she deserved much of anything, but she was getting better. She knew Sadayo used to have problems with that as well, feeling she was a bad person unworthy of any form of affection. It was another way in which they bonded, and how they can hold each other accountable when they found themselves relapsing. Apparently she had a student who helped her with that, just as Saori had her friend who helped her.
She had never met the boy, but just from how Sadayo described him, he reminded her a lot of Kotone. That was part of why she didn't want to meet him, she didn't want to embarrass herself by breaking down. At the same time, she'd have Sadayo there with her, which would help a lot. She insisted she'd be fine, and who knows, maybe it'd be comforting. Knowing there were other people like her out there, living a happy life.
Sadayo took Saori's hand and rubbed her thumb on its back. "Not to rush you, but should we get going? Unless there's anything else you need to do here."
Saori turned around and looked at her tombstone. She then looked back to Sadayo. "No… I think I've let it all out."
Sadayo leaned in and pecked her on her lips. Once she pulled back, she smiled at her, and Saori did the same. She pulled her girlfriend back towards the car. "Let's go then. I'll make you a nice meal in honor of her."
Saori smiled wider as she let the teacher guide her back to the vehicle. Having a former maid as her partner really did come with advantages. She was glad she was able to quit at least, considering how much she seemed to dislike the profession. Now she could just focus on raising the next generation. Now she could put her all into being a teacher, and a girlfriend.
Despite her anxieties of meeting this famous "Amamiya-kun," she was somewhat excited to be introduced to her class. To be introduced to them as her girlfriend. She had been told that the current principal would be okay with it, they were just waiting for when Sadayo was ready. She knew they wouldn't all be okay with it, that was just the world they lived in.
However, it was the world Kotone died for. The world she wanted to protect. As a result, she'd do the same. She'd never give up on this world. She'd always fight to make it an ideal place, the world that Kotone should have grown up in. A world that she could look down on with her trademark grin.