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His father died for love, when he was 10.
Granted, his parents weren’t ever together in any way except flirtations, though many relationships in the spy world were this way, but they both were fond of imparting the life into him, too. Better parents, perhaps, would have wanted him out of it, but many saw it as normal.
When the others vaguely imply children - Mira speaks in terms of “in her 30s” and Jou says he always figured he’d adopt and Taiya nods - he wonders how he’d feel about it now. If he’d teach his children how to hide their emotions from strangers, if he’d teach them code or if Taiya or Boondorio would, if him or Sakito would put a gun in their tiny hands and teach them how to shoot before they could write a full paragraph in kanji.
…Sakito might actually do that.
Chasshiro doesn’t think he would unless they asked.
(He doesn’t think he would be a good parent, either way.)
He told himself he couldn’t make that mistake. Letting an employer close, letting flirtations lead to something real. It was danger, it was death, and it was a watery grave.
His father’s hair was such a shade of black it looked blue, and his mother’s was a soft warm brown. He takes after his mother in that, but he dyes his hair black because it’s cleaner. It suits him better. Brown hair would stick out, on a man like him. Black hair adds to his aesthetic. It makes him look like his dad, which could mean nothing.
He meets Hando Taiya.
…he falls in love before he meets Hando Taiya, which isn’t entirely fair of him. A sudden race, a burst of adrenaline. He is careful, he has to be. Missions he can understand. Employers who won’t take too much.
He falls on a trip wire.
Falling in love feels like that tripwire, every time - unfair, childish, a weakness, a flaw. He’s staring up at Taiya’s grinning face. I think I want you too. Jou is as pure as he seems. I trust you. Mira in his face yelling for going alone after saving him, using a tire chain like a weapon. You have my respect.
Sakito grinning and full of energy, but by then, it was easy to fall.
A tripwire, a childish mistake. A flaw in all his careful planning.
When he was young, his mother chastised him for his big head and bigger energy. His father laughed.
“Let the boy have fun,” he said. “We can’t all be straight laced as you. Do you want him tied down?”
“Better tied down than left adrift,” his mother replied.
Genba went adrift, and they all knew he would come back. Of course they did, it was inevitable. Taiya’s orbit was absolute, a safety net. Chasshiro remembers how he shook when he came home, and how no one knew.
A tripwire, a deal too many with a man too ambitious, it all came down to how it began, which isn’t fair.
Sadist.
They’ll understand.
A tripwire - He tells Taiya his plan and Taiya says no. Chasshiro tried to warn him, and Taiya said no, and it’s too late to back out now, they just have to make it through. He will understand understand understand. Eventually, right?
We don’t need this.
A tripwire - Genba leaves one out. Chasshiro sees it this time. He’s a near-perfect shot - never one for assassinations, but he could manage close or distance. He doesn’t hit Genba once.
I know this is to save them.
A tripwire - Mira meets his gaze and that rage shows knowledge. Knowledge of him.
We do need this. I trust you. I’m so angry for all of us.
Coming home and Jou is the first to hug him. So much left to say. Sakito is bouncing closer and saying ohhhh wasn’t he clever and ridiculous.
Love was a deadly game and death itself, and then he tripped and all of his plans changed.
He can’t say they fell apart, though.