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Jayce sinks into his hoodie, watching the crane a few blocks over as it spins in circles, the construction workers slowly adding the next level to a new apartment building. He swirls the wine in his mug around a few times and sighs.
Viktor’s going to be home soon and he’s going to be livid.
He pulls out his phone to stare at the text that’s gone unanswered on his phone.
VIK<3: honey did you just charge $500 to the credit card?
He’s such an idiot. He’d meant to use his own, but he’d been too excited and hadn’t changed over the saved card and Viktor, who’s better at actually reading the emails that end up in his inbox had seen it and texted before he’d even realized his mistake. Now he’s going to have to ruin the surprise by explaining himself and convince his partner that he’s allowed to be trusted with financial decisions again.
He’d just been so excited. He’s generally much better with things like this. He’d been good up until the purchase, all secretive about the reason he was asking Viktor to take time off and the supplies he’s started stockpiling in the closet of the office. Viktor hadn’t suspected a damn thing and now – gods. It’s hardly worth it anymore.
The typing bubble flashes across his screen and he cringes, unable to look away.
VIK<3: i’m home. on my way up.
His heart lurches up into his throat, and his vision goes a little dark around the edges. He really doesn’t like it when Viktor’s upset with him, his anxiety always turning it into a spiral of he hates me he hates me so much he’s going to leave me which isn’t fair to either of them. Viktor wouldn’t leave Jayce for an accidental charge on their shared credit card, but the thought remains. He rereads the message.
VIK<3: honey did you just charge $500 to the credit card?
Maybe he’s thinking about it too much. Maybe Viktor won’t be upset at all. Maybe he’s just thought the worst from his own embarrassment at the mistake.
Inside, the apartment the door opens, and there’s the normal chaos of Viktor herding the cats away from the entrance and taking off his outside clothes. Jayce normally meets him in the kitchen, but he finds himself solidly glued to the loveseat on the balcony, his attention taken by the crane once again, his stomach an open, roiling pit of worry.
“Jayce?” Viktor calls, after a few minutes of soft cooing at the cats. “Where are you, honey?”
Jayce opens his mouth to call back, but nothing comes out. He’s really blown this whole thing out of proportion and now Viktor is going to be upset about the charge and upset about him being upset. Viktor’s going to question why a grown-ass man such as him can’t answer a text message or respond to his lover asking where he is.
He listens to Viktor’s cane and his slippered footsteps head toward their bedroom, and then back, to the office. In his hand, the mug of wine begins to shake, and he closes his eyes with shame, his breathing shallow.
The footsteps finally begin their way to the balcony, and Jayce lifts his chin, his head tilting back to rest against the loveseat. He clenches his teeth together, a sob building somewhere deep inside of him.
This is so stupid.
The sliding glass door opens, and then the screen, both shutting quietly behind Viktor as he steps out into the chilly air. “Jayce?” He questions, taking a shuffling step forward. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
He loves it when Viktor calls him honey.
A tear forces its way onto his cheek, and he clenches his jaw tighter, his free hand balling into a fist in his lap.
“Is this about the credit charge?” Viktor’s voice is closer now, and the loveseat’s edge dips with his weight. “Here let me take that.” Jayce is relieved of the mug, and then Viktor is taking both of his hands, flattening them out, rubbing little circles into the centers of his palms, humming softly. “It’s okay if it was you. I was only asking in case I should report it. You’re allowed to spend money, sweetheart, I trust it’s for a good reason.”
“But we didn’t talk about it,” Jayce forces out, his anxiety eased by the touch and the soothing tone Viktor’s taken. “It’s your card too.”
Viktor tuts quietly and shifts closer. “We’re talking about it now. And if it was for something that I don’t wish to contribute to, then you can just pay it back, right?”
Jayce sighs, his eyes still closed tightly against his shame. “I was gonna pay it all. It was supposed to be a surprise.” He’s been saving up for months, to be able to do this for his partner. To take him away for a few days, somewhere secluded and beautiful where it’ll just be the two of them.
There’s a pause, Viktor’s fingers flipping Jayce’s hands over and holding onto them tightly, his thumbs tracing a line over Jayce’s knuckles. “I still don’t really know what it was for,” he starts, shifting again so his knee presses against Jayce’s, a third point of contact for him to ground himself with. “I have an idea of the shape of what you’re planning, but not the details. You can keep it a surprise if you want, love.”
Finally, Jayce opens his eyes and lifts his head to look at Viktor, who’s watching him with a keen expression. “You’re really not mad?”
A gentle squeeze to his hands, and a small smile. “Not mad at all, honey.”
He swallows, the tightness in his throat loosening marginally. “Are you okay with it staying a surprise?”
Viktor nods. “I trust you.”
He hunches forward, and Viktor pulls him into him, his face pressed into the place between his partner’s neck and shoulder. “I feel so stupid,” he says.
“Stupid for what?” Viktor lets go of him to place a cool hand at the nape of his neck, soothing. “For being worried I was going to be upset?”
He nods into Viktor’s shoulder, inhaling Viktor’s scent, soap and home.
“Mm. Perhaps a little dramatic,” Viktor admits, pressing soft kisses into his hair to show him he is not taking it to heart, and neither should Jayce, “but we haven’t had to handle a situation like this before. It’s okay to be anxious about navigating something new. Doesn’t make you stupid, love. And you can talk to me if it’s too much.”
“I know.” The rest of tension Jayce was keeping in his chest and back release, and he leans against Viktor in full, forcing him to settle all the way back against the loveseat with a little oof. “Love you,” he whispers.
“Love you too. So, so much.” The grip that Viktor has on him tightens, and there are more kisses, light, tender things.
A comfortable silence falls over them as Jayce lets himself be loved, held, safe, and Viktor traces light patterns over his back and shoulders. It’s been so long since he’s worked himself up into such a mess, but Viktor’s always been able to bring him back, to ease his worries and he hasn’t seemed to have lost the ability.
Viktor is the first to pull away, after a few minutes, and he smiles at Jayce, pressing the tip of his nose to the tip of Jayce’s for a moment, making Jayce smile back at him. “Whatever it is you’re planning, I’m excited,” he says.
The secret pulls heavily against Jayce and he blinks. “Do you wanna know what it is?”
“No, honey. You wanted to keep it a secret and I’m happy to leave it as that.”
Jayce nods. And then his stomach growls and Viktor laughs.
“Dinner time? We could order from that new place you’ve wanted to try?”
A bloom of warmth in Jayce’s chest. “I’d like that.”
**
Jayce has set up the passenger seat up to be as comfortable for Viktor as he can, knowing that longer trips sometimes aren’t the best for his leg. It’d been a part of the internal debate he’d had around booking the trip, but the overall appeal of the quiet, lakeside cabin won over. He hopes that Viktor will agree.
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, the thrum of nerves right under his skin are making him shaky and unsure. Maybe this entire thing is a bad idea, maybe Viktor won’t enjoy it or maybe Viktor will think the reason Jayce has booked it is stupid. He shouldn’t have kept it a secret, he should have told his partner, he should have involved him from the beginning he should –
“Hey,” Viktor says, behind him, “Aren’t you supposed to be a gentleman? Help me unload this stuff.”
He turns to see Viktor, wearing one of Jayce’s ballcaps and pulling his grocery cart, full of all the supplies that Jayce had thought they might need. Which is a lot, probably too much. The cabin is supposed to be fully stocked of everything but food, but Jayce is worried they’ll get cold, or maybe something will happen to their car while they’re travelling.
“You were supposed to wait until I texted you,” Jayce hurries to open the backseat door and start transferring everything inside.
Viktor shrugs, not an ounce of regret, passing Jayce a bag of blankets. “You were taking too long and I’m excited.”
“Oh,” Jayce whispers. “Well. I’m glad you’re excited.”
“Did you think I would not be?”
Jayce mumbles something stupid, his cheeks heating, suddenly very involved in balancing Viktor’s backpack so that it has no chance of tumbling off the seat.
“Honey, you have been planning this for months,” Viktor levels when Jayce is brave enough to stand up, out of the car. He puts a hand on Jayce’s arm and squeezes gently, looking up at him with eyes giddy and sparkling, reinforcing the truth of his next statement, “Of course I am excited.”
Jayce lets his worry fade, just a little. Of course Viktor is excited. They’re going on a vacation together! He finds himself nodding in agreement and then leaning down for a quick kiss that tastes like coffee and skin. “Me too,” he says, gesturing for Viktor to keep passing him stuff. “I like your hat.”
Viktor only grins, victorious and vicious and big enough to show off his snaggletooth.
And oh, how Jayce loves him. So entirely. So fiercely. He wants that grin to never leave Viktor’s face, he wants that tooth pressed against his throat, his belly, all the softer parts of himself, if only for Viktor to know he trusts him, loves him, loves him, loves him.
They finish loading, and Jayce folds up the cart, shutting it away in the trunk while Viktor gets situated in the passenger seat. Jayce joins him, passing him the aux, and then they’re off, angled towards the mountains and the little cabin tucked into a valley somewhere in the midst.