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“You’re here again…”
“Yeah… I think this is the only place that allows me to escape from reality.”
“It’s funny. I come here to escape from myself… and my thoughts.”
“Does it work?”
“Does it work for you?”
“No… no, honestly… but I feel lighter when I come here, even if it’s just a little.”
“Yeah. Anyway, we humans are willing to give meaning to anything so we don’t go crazy from the meaninglessness of the world.”
“Do you think the world is meaningless, Nico?”
“I think the only meaning of the world is us humans, but…”
“So we’ve lost our meaning and identity…”
“We’re just alive.”
Nicholas said and sat down next to Euijoo on the bench, staring at the view in front of them.
Euijoo and Nicholas were sitting together on a broken bench on top of a place shaped like a hill or a mountain, surrounded by grass and plants. They were very high up. The view of the city from where they could see was very beautiful and small—the buildings were tiny, and people were barely visible.
From up there, it was as if the world was separate from Nicholas and Euijoo, as if they had found a way out of the bubble of reality, and now from here they could feel that they were human, that they had hearts, that they had identities, and that they weren’t just two people caught up in life, work, people, problems, happiness, and so on.
It was as if here, on this bench, they were just existing without any labels.
Nicholas had found this place a long time ago, and every once in a while he came here, sat on the bench, and stared for hours without doing anything… just watching.
Nicholas was almost sure that no one would ever figure out this place or find it, because after all, this place was on top of a hill, somewhere between a deserted village—a place people usually weren’t interested in visiting, not even stubborn teenagers who wanted to prove they were fearless and reckless.
Because this place wasn’t mysterious or scary enough to attract teenagers, nor was it beautiful or interesting enough to attract ordinary people.
This place just existed, and at the same time, didn’t exist…
But one day, when Nicholas, like always, found his way to this place, he saw a boy who seemed to be about his age, sitting on the bench with big but unreadable eyes, hugging his knees. And when he saw Nicholas, the first thing he said was:
“Are you lost too?”
And Nicholas simply answered:
“Yeah. Ever since I came into the world.”
And from that day on, Nicholas and Euijoo became tied to each other.
They saw each other every day, exactly in this same place. Outside of this place, Nicholas and Euijoo didn’t see each other and didn’t even talk to one another—as if these two people didn’t exist outside this place and were only each other’s illusion.
Nicholas only knew Euijoo’s name, his interest in the anime Ponyo, and that his favorite fruit was orange.
And Euijoo only knew Nicholas’s name, his real name, and his interest in fashion.
They were almost opposites in everything—exactly like water and fire, night and day.
But the only thing they were similar in was being lost.
They had found each other when they were lost… and had become dependent on each other.
“Sometimes I seriously don’t know what to do…”
“About what?”
“Life… I have no idea what I’m doing, Juju.”
“I don’t know what the world is doing to me.”
“It’s like it has taken me hostage, tied me to a chair, and forces me to watch the movie of my own life.”
“And this movie isn’t happy or a comedy. I see the worst things, the worst events, the worst feelings.”
“It forces me to watch all of it, but it doesn’t tell me what to do to escape.”
“It doesn’t tell me what to do to make it better, to change its genre.”
“I’m just watching and…”
“Are you just waiting for it to end to see what happens in the end?”
“Honestly, I just want it to end… I don’t care what happens.”
“In this life, I was only alive; I didn’t live.”
“So I hope if there’s another life, that life treats me more easily, and lets me live a meaningful life with myself and with the one I love.”
Euijoo said this and, after finishing his words, took a deep breath and avoided looking at Nicholas.
But Nicholas, with a mischievous smile, put a hand on Euijoo’s shoulder.
“The one you love? Oh, Juju, you didn’t say—”
“You.”Euijoo said and suddenly looked into Nicholas’s eyes—deep and full of meaning, meaningful unlike the world, meaningful exactly like their hearts.
“What?”
“The one I love… I’m talking about you.”
“Oh.”
“And I don’t mean like Pinterest pictures or romantic movies—going on dates, buying you flowers, taking you to a restaurant, watching movies together, kissing you, hugging you, or any of that…”
“What I mean is to be.”
“For my entire existence, all my feelings, all of myself to feel love and affection.”
“I want to love you in my own way, to love myself in my own way.”
“Not the customs and traditions that have been established for romantic relationships for years—and not just relationships, but everything.”
“If you look at it, everything in this world is pre-planned, pre-regulated, pre-understood…”
“And I don’t want that.”
“If I could build my own world—and you know a big part of my world is made of you…”
“I don’t know the meaning of anything.”
“Honestly, I’m tired of being human.”
“I’m tired of having meaning.”
“I’m tired of existing without meaning.”
“I run my whole life trying to understand who I am and what I want, but when I look at my hands, in one there’s money that keeps me alive in this world, and in the other there’s desire and purpose that makes me want to stay alive.”
Nicholas stared at Euijoo without saying anything. Of course, tears had gathered in his eyes. Of course, he loved Euijoo. He loved Euijoo madly.
That’s why, when Euijoo talked about the one he loved, Nicholas’s heart almost stopped. That’s why in that moment he felt he might lose the person who could touch his heart—the person who had found Nicholas.
That’s why, in that moment, Nicholas felt he was about to lose the world he had unconsciously built with Euijoo.
Nicholas let out his breath and gently placed his hand on Euijoo’s cheek, caressing it. His gaze moved between Euijoo’s eyes and lips, and for the last time he leaned closer, so close that Euijoo could feel his warm breath on his lips.
Euijoo stared at Nicholas with his always unreadable, big eyes. His eyes looked calm and at the same time like a storm. He gently traced his hand over Nicholas’s cheekbone, pulled his face closer, and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
Then he gently touched the place of that kiss with his thumb, lifted his head, and placed a long, deep kiss on Nicholas’s forehead.
Both of them had their eyes closed so they could feel each other’s existence better.
“You fill my meaningless world with meaning, Juju.”
“You found me, Juju.”
“You saved me from the world and the life I was trapped in.”
“At the same time, you remind me that I’m human, and you also show me that I don’t have to always carry this label of being human.”
“You give me permission to be nothing in this noisy world, and at the same time, everything.”
“You give me permission to be both the desire for life and the freedom of death.”
Euijoo rested his head on Nicholas’s shoulder, and Nicholas had his arms around Euijoo, holding him, whispering his words into his ear.
“I wish life treated us more gently, Nicholas… you know?”
“It’s a bit unfair that you enter a world without your choice, where you’re forced to learn how to survive, just to die in the end.”
“I don’t understand what the purpose of all this is.”
“I never wanted to come into this world.”
“My heart isn’t even the size of my fist, but it has ruined me.”
“Sometimes I feel like the entire weight of the world is on my small heart, and breathing genuinely becomes hard for me.”
“And that’s when, when I think of you, I feel lighter, as if I can breathe.”
“As if it’s you—and only you—who can pull me out of reality and take me into a sweet dream that I wish were my reality.”
“But I am your reality, Euijoo.”
“I’m real.”
“Isn’t that wonderful?”
Nicholas said and placed a kiss on Euijoo’s earlobe, gently stroking his hair.
“As wonderful as it is, it’s scary.”
“Reality isn’t permanent.”
“I’m afraid of loving someone… I’m afraid of being in love with someone—because I’m afraid of losing them.”
“This is very hard, Nico.”
“It’s like life gives me the people who matter to me, the people I love, as a trust, and then comes and takes them from me.”
“They are my people, my loved ones—but at the same time, they aren’t mine.”
“They belong to no one.”
“And that makes it easy for life to take them, because they are free.”
“Humans are inherently free.”
“They belong to no one.”
“Not to this world, not to this life…”
“Oh God… it drives me crazy.”
“Why exactly am I here?”
“For me.”
“So I could find you when I was lost.”
And this isn’t about love or liking…
This is the thing that keeps me tied to life, to this world.
Before you, I had to hold on to several ropes just to keep my world standing.
I had to walk the same paths over and over again—
each time with a different pain, a different wound.
It was never enough…
And then suddenly, you appeared.
And suddenly, I let go of all those ropes.
Suddenly, I forgot all the roads I had walked…
all the wounds, the pains, the bitterness, the struggles.
You don’t belong to me, Euijoo, and I don’t belong to you either…
but you know…
Nicholas gently pulled Euijoo out of his embrace, kissed the tear that had dampened Euijoo’s cheek, took his hand, and placed it over his own heart.
“This belongs to you…”
Then suddenly, he placed his own hand over Ijo’s heart and pressed softly.
“And this belongs to me.”
“Have you ever thought about it?
Our hearts are imprisoned inside our chests.
They beat there for years—
they break, they heal, they feel joy, they feel sorrow—
yet they remain trapped in that cage.
My heart was imprisoned inside my body all these years.
I watched over it, protected it, and sometimes it protected me…
but it was never free.
I know it sounds funny, but I romanticize everything.
I try to find meaning in every little thing…
so listen—this is my romantic theory.
When a heart finds its love,
when it finds its rhythm,
it escapes its cage
and moves into the cage of the one it loves.
And you know what?
There, it’s free.
There is no prison anymore.
The chest is the same.
The place of the heart is the same.
But the person is different.
That’s how the heart finds its home.
And now…
my heart has found its home.
You found me, and my heart found its home—
my heart found you.
So even now, my world has meaning.
I will never lose you,
and you will never lose me.
You and I are each other’s home—
the home we always return to,
even if we’ve been away on a long, distant journey.”
Euijoo laughed—
a laugh that made his tears fall,
a laugh that bent him forward as he kissed Nicholas’s tear-filled eyes through that laughter.
“You’re crying.”
“You’re not any better.”
“Aren’t we supposed to be happy right now?”
“We are living right now.
I think this is what being alive feels like—
the feeling that you have meaning,
and that you’ve found it.”
“Am I your meaning?”
“I don’t know… but you are everything to me.”
“And you are the hope and the light of all of this.”
“Hope is a big word, Ju. Don’t use it lightly.”
“I know… I love that word. Hope.
Knowing there is a light.
Knowing there are good days ahead.
Knowing there is a purpose to life.
Hope is what keeps you alive long enough to live.
Hope is when you have no idea what’s coming,
you don’t know what life has planned for you—
but you keep going anyway.
Hope is something that, without you even realizing it,
takes your hand
and leads you toward a better place—
a place where you can smile more freely,
where you feel human,
not just a machine of thoughts and routines.
That’s hope, isn’t it?”
“You are my hope, Nicho.
You are my final light.
You are the brightness at the last step.”
Before you, I knew what hope was…
but I didn’t have it.
Before you, I knew hope existed,
but I couldn’t feel it.
I was a walking corpse.
Then suddenly, I saw you.
I started getting to know you.
I started truly seeing you—
and by seeing you, I finally saw myself.
I saw the little Euijoo inside me—
the one who hopes for a better life,
a happier life he deserves,
a freedom that is his right,
a happiness that is his right.
I understood all of this with you.
You are my god on this earth,
and the beating engine inside my chest.”
Nicholas’s tears fell silently.
With every word that left Ijo’s lips,
another tear slipped from his eyes.
“You’re talking like this is the last time…”
“No. This is just the beginning.
My world was built with you,
and my life is about to begin with you.
This is the beginning, my Nicho.
We deserve happiness, joy,
and everything we were denied for years
by this unjust world and this cruel life.
We go on.
We don’t give up.
We keep going until it happens.
We are more than our thoughts.
We are more than these limitations and struggles.
We are humans—with two hearts that became one, and are free.
We fight for our freedom.
We take back what life took from us
when we knew nothing.
We are strong now.
We know now.
We have each other now.
We are hope now—
the hope of the life waiting for us.”
“Like soft rain after a storm?”
“Like sunrise after a restless, painful night we never thought would end.”
“Like the moon in the heart of darkness?”
“Like a sea that finally rests in the arms of its shore after a terrifying storm.”
“Like your existence for my happiness?”
“Like your existence for continuing life and building our own world.”
“Do you promise it will happen?”
“I promise.”
Euijoo said, then placed another kiss on Nicholas’s forehead, pulled him tightly into his arms, and scattered small, repeated kisses through his red hair.
That was when Euijoo felt the soft drizzle of raindrops on his face and body…
He lifted his face and looked up at the sky—clouded, heavy with rain.
And after a few seconds, the rain grew stronger, faster.
“Look,” Nicholas whispered from within Euijoo’s embrace,
“You made the sky cry.”
“They’re tears of happiness,” Euijoo replied softly.
“Nature is on our side.”
Nicholas laughed, slipped out of Ijo’s arms, pressed a kiss to his cheek, then quickly pulled his phone from his pocket.
He played Every Breath You Take by The Police, turned the volume up, and tucked the phone back into his pocket.
“Get up,”
Nicholas said, taking Euijoo’s hand and pulling him to his feet.
Nicholas wrapped his arms around Euijoo’s neck, and Euijoo circled his arms around Nicholas’s waist.
“Dance with me?”
“Under the rain?”
“Yes. It’s romantic.”
“It’s cliché.”
“Doesn’t it make you happy?”
“With you, everything makes me happy.”
“Good. Me too.”
Nicholas said with a smile as he began moving their bodies to the rhythm of the song.
Their dancing wasn’t organized or perfect.
They were just moving, getting soaked under the rain—
but they were happy.
Far from every thought, every duty.
Just two hearts in love, finding each other, becoming one—
one for hope, one for happiness, one for love.
“After this… can you come to our home?”
Euijoo asked, hesitating slightly on the word our, waiting for Nicholas’s reaction.
Nicholas’s hands were still around Euijoo’s neck, Euijoo’s hands still around his waist.
Now they were swaying slowly—
the opposite of the rain, which was falling fast and hard.
“Our home?”
“Yes… you know… I’ve been getting it ready for months.
Our room. Our kitchen.
The things you like…
It was supposed to be a surprise, but I’m terrible at keeping surprises.”
“Juju...”
Nicholas said, his deep gaze aiming straight at Euijoo’s heart.
Euijoo couldn’t tell whether Nicholas was crying again or if it was just the rain.
Whatever it was, Euijoo stepped closer, kissed his forehead first, then each of his eyes.
“I didn’t want to bring you into my reality…
I wanted you to stay in my sweet dream.
But without you—especially in a reality that was breaking my back—I was ruined.
I was falling apart.
My reality without you is gray.
Lifeless. Empty of any sense of living.
And you…
only you can turn that reality into a rainbow.
I love rainbows… and you are my rainbow.
Wherever you are, you color that place.
You give it life.
So can I ask you to come and color my gray life?
Just like you brought my dead heart back to life,
gave it love, and accepted it as it was.”
“…Are you proposing to me?”
“Yes—and...
Not just for this life, but for every life I’m given the chance to live.
I want you to be my only chance at love.”
“It’s better be me, or I'm gonna kill you in another life,” Nicholas said.
“because for me, there is no one but you—and I don’t want there to be.”
“So… is this a deal?”
“This is a promise.”
“Yeah?”
Euijoo asked—and suddenly captured Nicholas’s lips in a deep, hungry kiss,
so intense it stole the breath from both of them.
But they didn’t stop.
They kissed again and again—
with the music looping endlessly,
with the rain witnessing their vows,
their world,
their own universe.
Nicholas and Euijoo
Forever.