Chapter Text
[The below is a transcript from the hit capsulecast: Survive your surroundings, Become the Best YOU!]
Aeru, P.: Gooood afternoon everyone, I’m your host, Aeru, and today we are back with our latest installment of Survive your surroundings, Become the Best YOU!
With me today are the trio known for following mischief and havoc, Gono, Tracho, and Pallie! I am sure many of us want to hear stories from their billion year survival!
Gono, N.: HOOOOOWDDDYYYYY EVERRRYYOOONEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Tracho, C.: Gon, keep your voice down, and your tone polite. Not everybody’s going to be as accepting as we are of your flamboyant-ness.
Palli, T.: Tracho, you can’t expect Gono to stop. Gono’s been dividing and sticking onto everything, those two cell pairs cannot comprehend patience. Or decorum. Imagine fitting that much knowledge into two nucleic acids.
Gono, N.: WHat did you say?! Both of you!
Aeru, P.: On topic, these three pioneers of infection will share their strategies on how to best Spread your influence!
Gono, N.: I love to go fast, fast, FAST!!! Divide divide divide and CONQUER! Summon the Defence! I can take her on!! I’ll just move INSIDE the Eaters!!!!
Tracho, C.: I often follow Gon, and a lot of times Gon’s antics trigger huge responses from the Big Eaters. And the Small Eaters. They’re so scary… Sometimes, the Eaters bring with them poison that pokes holes in your wall!!
Tracho, C.: I prefer a slower approach. Did you know: If you manage to go inside an Eater and multiply, you’ll be a lot safer? Especially a Big Eater! They can try to send the sour water, but it doesn’t work on us!
Gono, N.: Boo… You go so slowly, I can feel my wall degrading by the time you’re Done!!! One Division and we are four, Three and we are Eight, just go faster, and faster, and eat all the food you see, and you’ll survive!
Palli, T.: I take the slowest approach of us three. For this reason, Gono’s… speed causes me problems. I need time to multiply and set in, but if Gono triggers a bomb onslaught, I will have nowhere to hide.
Palli, T.: I prefer to establish a base first, right here, in this comfy hole, and then multiply. After this hole has no more food, I head into the Red River, where I can hide in another comfy place with food and divide. By this time, there are enough of us, so many of us can head into the Red River and at least one will survive to multiply.
Gono, N.: You talk like I don’t do that! I Loooovee the chondrocytes and the sea above them! The Red River brings us to places which have so Much FOOD!! We can eat and Eat and EAT!
Aeru, P.: We get that, Gono… Seems like you cause the others quite the bit of trouble with your… flamboyant-ness…
Tracho, C.: You have no idea. One time he summoned a Big White Giant who took away some of our friends. We never felt them again. Like they disappeared into another World to divide.
Palli, T.: And that may be for the best. We need to continue the Big Dream. Gono likes to spread to many Worlds, while both of us prefer to establish a presence in one World first before travelling out.
Palli, T.: I cannot argue with Gono liking the sea of food and chondrocytes. Sometimes, I manage to get into another sea, one with cells of fat lining other cells. They’re a great source of food, and I divide there so easily.
Aeru, P.: I’ve heard some relatives mention such a place before! But they only got in because of the metal they were on. Oh man, did they have a Life multiplying there! Nutrients galore!
Gono, N.: You guys say that like I never see such a sea! I do! I’ve been there before, on another World! It was so good, I divided and divided and Divided!! And then many Eaters came!
Aeru, P.: I’m sensing a theme with this one..
<Muffled noises, followed by a whooshing sound>
Aeru, P.: COOOLIIII!!! STOP IT
Gono, N.: Collie’s conjugating with Pneumo again? RIGHT NOW?? What’s his ****ing problem?!
Tracho, C.: Good for them… Good for them… But they need to have better timing and a better sense of when to multiply…
Gono, N.: That’s your concern?
Tracho, C.: Have you forgotten? Sharing plasmids is how we survive.
Gono, N.: They didn’t have to do it in front of EVERYONE. They want conjugation? They want plasmids?! I’LL SHOW THEM CONJUGATION AND PLASMIDS-
<The contents of the below transcript are heavily censored, with Gono, N. taking up most of the dialogue. An apparent battle using pili is heavily redacted.>