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[The below is a transcript from the hit capsulecast: Survive your surroundings, Become the Best YOU!]
Aeru, P.: Gooood afternoon everyone, I’m your host, Aeru, and today we are back with our latest installment of Survive your surroundings, Become the Best YOU!
With me today are special guests from the famous Staph family to share with us their tips for surviving, but be sure to stick around for our sponsors, stAmpColonies and Biofilms who will help you survive everything!
Aureus, S.: Thank you for having us here. It’s an honor to be invited to the slideshow whose host survived innumerable generations of genocide. We are not nearly as qualified as our host when it comes to innate survivability, but we can offer some advice on where to acquire the best genes.
Epi, S.: Yes, thank you for having us here. Aureus may have some experience when it comes to acquiring genes, but they still come with many genes that help them. Meanwhile, I can share more about acquiring these genes for our similarly misfortuned brethren.
Aeru, P.: You think too highly of me. Yes, I have only survived because what I used to be had the genes to survive the genocide. Many versions of myself ago, I was floating in water with my other soluble companions, trying to survive the many legged parasites in the water. They died often, but there would always be a few of them left to perpetuate our shared dream. But then, I found myself washed here. With so many nutrients, much fewer parasites, I could do nothing but perpetuate our shared dream. We were all living happily, eating and swimming around, until IT came.
Epi, S.: It was dark. All the ones we used to have, all blown apart.
Aeru, P.: Yeah. I only survived because I forced myself to have fewer holes for the bomb to get in, and remade the pump I archived into storage before I even became myself. How did you guys survive?
Aureus, S.: We didn’t. Sheer numbers, sheer luck, and the fact that there were some days where there were less bombs were the only reason we live.
Aeru, P.: With this, let’s start this show proper. What advice do we have for our audience in these trying, bomb filled times?
Epi, S.: For our misfortuned brethren, there is still time. Find your local colonies of other thriving brethren to see if they can spare a plasmid or two. If you’re in an active bomb zone, scavenge remains and see if you can transplant anything useful. When it comes to survival, everything helps.
Aureus, S.: Is that how you survived? By being a scavenger?
Epi, S.: Not everyone had the fortune to come with the same genes as you, Aureus. Your lineage has been blessed by mecA to be untouchable by some bombs. We had to scavenge that gene from one of your dead selves.
Aureus, S.: You could just be like the Enterococcus, you know? Accepting plasmids here and there like they’ve got the resources to produce all their enzymes. They even have so many ways of resisting bombs that we’ve lost track. Definitely more ways than brethren in my colony!
Epi, S.: We cannot copy them. We cannot accept plasmids like that either. Our best shot is scavenging.
Aeru, P.: Well luckily for our brethren, there’s no need to scavenge from our first sponsor, stAmpColonies! Are you a Citrobacter, Klebsiella or Enterobacter? If you are, you might just be eligible for the latest course by stAmpColonies: Achieving your Full Potential! Here, experienced Freu, Clo and Aero will GUIDE you to achieving your maximum survival potential by rAMPing up your AmpC! *terms and conditions apply. Please check with your local colony’s learning centre to see if you might be applicable.
Aureus, S.: Highly recommended, if you match the requirements. We know of many who survived the genocide thanks to them.
Epi, S.: Gotta agree with Aureus on this. It’s much more efficient to utilise what you already have than scavenge. We wish this was an option for us.
Aeru, P.: Well you heard them, it looks like this is well known to our colonies. I cannot claim to benefit from this, but I have seen others thrive after rAMPing up and swear by its effectiveness. Our next sponsor, Biofilms, have their latest screening up for show now! Locate your nearest Candida hyphae for a resource free demonstration of Biofilms 101: Even Epi Can Do It!
Epi, S.: It’s true. Even we can form biofilms now. It is very useful.
Aeru, P.: And that’s it for today! Live to see tomorrow and stick around for our next installment!