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If you ignored the fact that the atmosphere was mostly poison, Titan was actually a really nice place to live. Vaguely Earth-like, kinda chilly, not too humid, great view of Saturn’s rings once it got dark out. Really, if you didn’t mind living in a crowded habitation dome, it was probably the best option you had if you didn’t want to live on Earth or Mars. But in the mind of N-0X0010010, or N for short, the best part about living on Titan were the mornings. Beautiful, golden, and the methane atmosphere made the distant sun look far closer than it actually was.
N made sure to enjoy those rays of sunlight by cooking breakfast for everyone. He was an early riser, so that was usually his job. Not that he was complaining, he loved doing anything! And it was a comfy job, he was standing in the surprisingly warm Titanian (that’s what it’s called, right?) sunrays, sizzling bacon on the stove, wearing some casual sweatpants and a t-shirt, both of which he could dubiously identify as belonging to him and probably not someone else in the house. Oh, and he had his pink apron with a picture of a dog on it! Yes, this was so relaxing, very therapeutic for his CPU.
Also he was also the only one in the house other than V who hadn’t been kicked out of the kitchen for cooking something completely inedible or causing a fire, so that might’ve had something to do with why he was the one who always made breakfast.
It had been… about a year since his former owner (technically her parents owned him, but the less said about them, the better) and current… friend? N wasn’t sure, their relationship was kinda weird; Tessa James Elliot had taken as much of her parent’s money as physically possible and moved here with the three of them, which was still probably the best thing to ever happen to everyone involved (except her parents, but they deserved it). So by now, N had gotten everyone’s breakfast memorized. J, his coworker, kinda sorta unofficial girlfriend if N really squinted, and Tessa’s close companion, usually just wanted a hot mug of brewed oil to start the day. His little sister Cyn subsisted almost entirely off of junk food and bugs she found in the walls, but sometimes a nice bowl of batteries and well-made oil tea could get her to eat healthier in the mornings. Granted, it didn’t stop her from eating the bugs, but perseverance could only get you so far sometimes. As for Tessa, she was the only human out of the five of them, so he had to make her breakfast separately (didn’t want to make that mistake again). But how could anyone say no to pancakes, bacon, and orange juice? Sure, he was a bit behind on the pancakes, but Tessa always slept in (humans had trouble getting used to Titan’s daylight cycle), so it’d be alright. And V, his… well, ex-girlfriend and still really good friend (they’d only stopped dating because she realized she wasn’t into men), she was pretty much fine with anything he made, so N made sure to set some oil aside for her.
N had just started mixing Cyn’s oil tea when he heard the sound of the kitchen door opening, as well as a whole lot of groggy grumbling. That last part already told N exactly who it was.
He turned to J, “Oh, good morn-”
“Oil. Now.” J said as she collapsed into a chair near the counter. She looked about as tired as she sounded. Her silver wig, normally styled into twin pigtails, was messily hanging down, as it normally looked in the mornings. Only one of her eyelights was active on her visor, as the other one was currently running boot-up diagnostics. And, while her normal fashion was business suits, right now she was only wearing a t-shirt that 100% was Tessa’s.
“Oh, sorry!” N took the oil off the stove and poured some of it into a mug. “Here you go, J!” He said, handing it to her. J mumbled “come to mama”, before downing half the mug in one swig.
“Oh, um… You look great this morning, J!"
J slammed the mug down with a sigh, now fully awake. “You know that’s a lie, stud.”
N shrugged, going back to the stove. “Well, I think you look great!”
“That’s more like it…” J sipped from her mug. “Sweet stockholders, this is some good oil. What did you put in it?”
N shrugged again. “Nothing, it’s just full synthetic. It was on sale.”
J looked at the oil in the mug. “I’ve had full synthetic oil before, and this tastes much better than that.” She gave him a sideways glance. “Are you sure you weren’t a coffee machine in another life?”
“I…” N suppressed a snicker. “I don’t think they make worker drones using spare coffee machine parts.”
J shrugged. “Well, not factory standard ones. I think some of our internals are spare car parts, why wouldn’t she use coffee machine parts?” J did have a point. Tessa had upgraded the four of them, apparently to stop something called “planned obsolescence", as well as to make them bigger and get rid of some hard-coded technical limitations. N wasn’t sure, he really didn’t understand technical stuff. But he knew she didn’t exactly have the most expensive parts on hand when she upgraded them, so she had to make do.
But at the same time…
“Because…” N failed to suppress a snicker. “How many parts does a coffee machine even have? Like… we’re human-sized robots? A coffee machine’s kinda small?”
“Tessa’s creative. She could probably use something.”
“And coffee machines are for heating things up? Don’t we have overheating problems?”
J sighed. “Well, maybe your screws are from a coffee machine.”
“I… guess?” N laughed. “I mean, it’s possible.”
“Of course.” J sipped her oil. “That, or you used to be a microwave.”
“Cool! I think.” N started mixing some oil with antifreeze for Cyn’s tea. “I guess you used to be a calculator, then.”
J raised an eyebrow. “A calculator?”
“O-or a fax machine! Because you’re so smart, and good at business stuff!”
“…Well, a complement’s a complement.” J shrugged and took another sip of oil.
“…J, what does that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“J…”
“I’m just saying, you could do much better than that…”
“You said I used to be a microwave!” N laughed. “How is that any different?”
“Well, you’re… you.” J gestured towards herself in a way that was not at all self-aggrandising. “I think I used to be something more… corporate.”
“…Corporate?”
“Yes.” She crossed one leg over the other. “I was probably a private jet, or a JCJenson-branded pen.”
N turned to look directly at J, and blinked. “…What part of the pen?”
“What?”
“Isn’t the only metal part of a pen the spring?”
“That…” J crossed her arms, visibly upset. “Fine, maybe not a branded pen.”
“Uh…” N scratched the back of his head. “You’re still as cool as a branded pen!”
J looked at him with a blank stare.
“E-even if you didn’t use to be a pen, you’re still cool! And- and you like branded pens, so you’re as cool as them?” N chuckled nervously, well aware that he should probably just stop talking.
J sighed. “…You know what, it’s the thought that counts.”
N perked up. “Really?”
“…Yeah, sure. Anyways, if my parts really were taken from a car,” she spat the word like it personally insulted her, “then I probably used to be… a Bentley Continental, yeah, that sounds right.”
N stared at J for a while. “Cool.”
“…What is it?” J deadpanned.
“Oh! Uh, nothing… I just…” N laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head, “realized how much of an existentially horrifying conversation this is.”
J shrugged, taking another sip of oil. “I guess it is. As I was saying, your parts probably came from a Honda Civic. And a coffee maker.”
“What’s a honda civic?”
J leaned on the counter. “A cheap car. Used by PEASANTS. Really fits someone of your manufacturing quality.”
N stifled a laugh. “Mhm. Lovely AND condescending. There’s the J I know!”
J rolled her eyes. “Listen, N, you might be fine with living in squalor, but I have more…” J looked at her non-existent fingernails, “expensive taste.”
N looked at J blankly. “…J, we live in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment.”
J paused for a moment. Then she flicked her eyelights away from him, bringing her mug of oil up to her mouth and pretending to take a sip. “…Shut up, moron.”
“I love you too!” Then N looked back at the stove, and- “AH! The bacon!” He quickly started trying to salvage the situation. “pleasedon’tbeburnt pleasedon’tbeburnt pleasedon’tbeburnt-”
J rolled her eyes with a sigh.
“Uhhhhh, hey, J, while you’re here-” N turned off the stove and started rapidly trying to get the bacon off the pan, “could you help me get Tessa’s pancakes started?”
“…Why didn’t you do that sooner?”
“Well… I thought you two were going to sleep in today. Oh, uh… speaking off, was V awake when you got up?”
J sighed, but got up and walked over to the fridge. “No. You know how she is, once she’s asleep…” She trailed off as she opened the door, and started scanning the contents. “Milk, butter, eggs, jam…” She did a double take. “Hey N?”
N had successfully gotten most of the bacon onto a plate without getting burnt. “Yeah?”
“I think we’re out of jam.”
N glanced over at her. “Did you check the door shelves?”
“Ye- wait, not that one… I don’t see anything.”
N looked over at her. “Huh. That’s weird. Tessa said she was going to get some when she went shopping yesterday.”
“She couldn’t have eaten all the jam in one day.”
“Weird…” N snapped his fingers. “Oh! That’s right, she said the regular store was out, but heard that there might be some at that new bodega, so she asked… Cyn… to go there while she was in line…” J looked at him with a flat stare, which N accepted whole-heartedly. “I see my mistake now.”
J sighed as she closed the door. “Please tell me that Tessa didn’t give that little gremlin any of her money.”
“She probably did. I don’t think Cyn has any money of her own, she’s been in a gacha mood all week.” N sighed. “Agh, gosh, Tessa won’t eat her pancakes without jam.”
“Mother of an Equity Partnership,” J muttered, “she is such a child sometimes. She wants her pancakes, but only with jam! She’ll eat the lasagna, but not the chicken! She wants her beans and toast, but with absolutely NO vegemite!”
“It’s alright for her to-”
J was not done. “She is literally a baby! My baby! My precious little CEO! She is so small… and CUTE!”
N raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t she taller than both of us?”
“nnnnNO!” J slammed her hand on the table.
“Uhhh…” N tapped his fingers together. Agreeing sounded like a good idea, he liked agreeing to things. “Right, smallest possible child!” He said, his voice as close as it could get to sarcasm.
J threw her hands up in the air. “The most perfect girl out there!”
“The best!” N said more genuinely.
The two of them sighed in sync.
“She’s not going to eat pancakes, is she?” N deadpanned.
“Absolutely not.”
“…I’ll just make her eggs. Could you..?”
J opened the refrigerator door again, grabbed the eggs, and put them on the counter. “Here.”
“Thank you!” N started making the eggs, while J went back to her mug of oil.
“So, stud… What were you thinking of doing today?”
“Oh, well, V asked me to help her figure out how to make scones drones can eat, and Cyn wanted to show me how her Minecraft channel’s coming along. What about you?”
“Hmm?” J put down her mug. “Well, between asking Tessa what in the name of a fourth quarter profit gave her the bright idea to trust CYN with her money… ”
N laughed. “Yeah?”
“It’s honestly a pretty quiet day.” J sighed. “Though apparently I’ll have to go shopping for jam.”
“I can do it, V’s going shopping anyway, we could make it a trip.”
“No, you trusted Tessa with trusting Cyn, so it’s up to me to do everything.” She leaned back in her chair. “As always.”
N visibly deflated. “Aww, but I wanted to stop by the puppy store…”
“…Fine, you can come with me.”
“…EEEEEE!” N dropped everything and started hugging J. “Thankyouthankyouthankyouthanky-”
J groaned. “What did I say about hugs?”
“Oh! Right, sorry.” He gave her a quick peck to the top of her visor. “Mwah.” A few years ago, hugging J, let alone kissing her, would’ve sounded insane to N. They’d always been pretty close back at the Manor, but J used to only be an icon of professionalism. And she still was! But N was glad she wasn’t as cold anymore. And especially glad to know that, despite all the insults she threw at him, she never actually hated him.
Still, N didn’t be weird or anything, so after giving her a tight squeeze, he let go of her and went back to cooking.
J stared at him for a moment, blush lines fading into her visor, before she shook her head. “Whatever, moron.” She murmured, starting to take another sip of oil. N just giggled in response.
N had just gotten the eggs started when the sound of a door slamming open echoed through their apartment. “Oh! Cyn’s awake.” J just groaned in response, tilting her head back and chugging the oil in her mug.
“BIIIIIIIIIIG BROOOOOOOOOOTHER NNNNNNN!!” Shouted the unnervingly monotone voice of Cyn, who threw open the door with the blender she had accidentally made sulfuric acid in last week at a speed that was definitely physically possible. Then she leaned her head around the doorframe. “LEEEAAAN. Good morning, N!”
“Good morning, Cyn!” N said. He thought he heard J mutter “Zero DNA test needed.” under her breath, but he chose to ignore that. “Your tea’s almost ready.”
“Okey.” Cyn walked over to the counter, sitting as close to N yet as far from J as possible. Cyn had never liked being around most other drones, which she said was because she felt unwanted by everyone but N and Tessa. Though, she got along okay with V. Well, she used to, at least. Then when V and N had broken up, and he had kinda spent the first week feeling guilty about it and lost all sense of meaning, Cyn took that as reason to completely write her off for “breaking Big Brother’s heart”, even after N got better, and he and V reconnected, and he asked Cyn to stop being so cold to her. That was still a problem, but things could be worse.
Unlike the standard white or blue that worker drones had, Cyn’s eyelights were a bright yellow. Not even Tessa could figure out why that was, but it explained why Cyn’s favorite color was yellow. None of her clothes were yellow though. The only clothes she wore were an oversized black sweater with a black tank top under it, as well as cargo shorts and a large black bow on her head. Her wig was more platinum blonde than silver, and styled a lot like N’s, but swept right instead of left and with two straight-down twintails with smaller black bows on each end.
Despite having the same exact chassis as any other drone, Cyn looked slightly smaller than N, V, and J. Her core had trouble distributing energy to her motors and joints, making them underpowered a lot of the time. That left her posture unbalanced and a bit hunched over. Tessa had looked into it, and apparently it was a software issue instead of a hardware one. Even if she was transferred to a new body, it’d still happen. But N didn’t really care about that. She was still his little sister, why should a software bug make him see her any differently? She wasn’t broken or any of the things Tessa’s parents used to call her. Though Tessa had told him that Cyn’s joints being underpowered meant that they’d end up grinding together and getting damaged, which was pretty bad. But it was nothing that forearm crutches couldn’t fix.
“Did you sleep well?” N asked her while paying close attention to the tea. “After… you know.”
“Yes. I had a dream about: Jurassic Park 2.”
“Really?” N asked, but he knew he shouldn’t be surprised. Jurassic Park 2 was Cyn’s favorite in the franchise, which Cyn had explained to him in length whenever they watched anything Jurassic Park-related.
“I was one of the T-Rexes inside of the shipping containers.”
“Oh.” Cyn had a lot of dreams about being inside small spaces for some reason. “Uh… was it a good dream?”
“Yes.” Cyn leaned her head on the counter. “I wish shipping containers were real.”
“…There are shipping containers at the Fensal Spaceport.”
Cyn perked up. “Where’s that?”
“The uhhhhaaaaaAmerican sector? I-” N was interrupted by the kettle. “Oh, your tea’s done!” N poured the tea into a cup and gave it to her with a saucer. “Here you go, Lil’ Buddy!”
“Thank you!” Cyn carefully moved the saucer. “Light sip.” She managed to drink about half of the tea before one of her hand motors got overstressed and the tea started spilling onto the saucer. She probably planned for it to spill onto the saucer; N was the one who cleaned the kitchen, and Cyn didn’t like giving him more work.
Cyn looked down at the saucer. Then she put the cup down next to it. “Annoyed sigh.” Her eyelights flicked towards him. “N, can we go there?”
N tilted his head. “Hm?”
“Fensal Spaceport?”
N glanced at J. “Uhhhhh…”
“Cyn.” J leveled one of her infamous glares at his sister. “I have it on reasonable authority that the Boss asked you to buy us jam yesterday.”
Cyn blankly stared at J. “…I-”
J leaned forward. “That jam isn’t here, is it, Cyn?”
“…No.”
J leaned back. “And why is that?”
A sweat bead icon formed on Cyn’s visor. “…I want my lawyer.”
J stood up and slammed her fist on the counter. “This is an internal investigation, you can’t request your lawyer!”
Cyn glared back at J. “Annoyed glare. I want my lawyer.”
“Unless a matter involves the customer, the company is allowed to investigate a matter without notifying the public, or the judiciary!”
“I plead the fif.”
J threw up her hands. “We’re Australian!”
Cyn turned to N. “Big Brother, can you be my lawyer?”
N looked between them. “I…” This was a difficult situation. If he was Cyn’s lawyer, J would be disappointed with him. But if he didn’t, then Cyn would be disappointed with him. Either way, someone would be disappointed, and he couldn’t have that.
Fortunately, there was a third solution, one that V had taught him back when they were still dating. “I’m… not getting involved with this.”
“But Big Brother…” Cyn covered her visor with a stock image of a puppy. “P-pweese?”
“Aww, don’t give me those eyes.” N couldn’t say no to Cyn’s puppy dog eyes. He’d have to be heartless to do that.
“Giggle. I am so naughty.” The image faded from her visor. “Please be my lawyer.”
“Ah, okay, little buddy.” N ruffled her hair.
“N, you traitor! You can’t be her lawyer! You don’t have a license, and that is clear nepotism!” J shouted from across the counter. “And even if neither of those things weren’t true, this is still a mistrial by misconduct of the parties or counsel!”
N did the Phoenix Wright pose. “OBJECTION! Your honor, my client pleads… uh…” N leaned closer to Cyn. “Cyn, how do you plead?” He whispered.
“Oopsie-daisy.” She whispered back.
“Thanks.” N looked at J. “Your honor, my client pleads oopsie-daisy.” Cyn stuck her tongue out and replaced her eyelights with a :3 while tapping her fingers together.
J looked at N with a disappointed look on her face. “I could hear you both.” She crossed her arms. “And also, I’m the opposition, not the judge.”
“Oh. Whoops.” N went back to cooking. J took another sip of oil.
Cyn looked between the two of them. “Who is the judge?”
“Tessa.” N and J said simultaneously.
“Okey. That makes sense.” Cyn poured the tea in her saucer back into the cup. “POUR. Should we wake her up?”
J slammed her mug down and leaned over the counter. “Listen here, synergistic liability!” She pointed at Cyn. “We are going to let Boss have her beauty sleep, end of story!”
Cyn stared at J. “Too close.”
J leaned back, crossing her arms.
“Thank you.” Cyn looked at J from the corner of her eyelights. “Bitch.” Cyn drank her tea with her pinkie out while J fell out of her chair. “Light sip.”
“Cyn! Profanity!” N scolded.
Cyn put her cup down. “Giggle. It is too late, N. I have discovered gambling, the swear jar has no power over me now.”
N tried to come up with a counterargument. But then he realized she was right. Cyn couldn’t put money in the swear jar if she had no money.
So he focused on- “J! Are you okay?”
“I’m…” J clambered to her feet, “I’m fine.” She looked at Cyn. “Never do that again. You're bad enough normally, I don't think I can deal with you swearing.”
“…No promises are made.”
“CYN!” Both of them scolded.
Cyn shrunk into her seat. “Okey, no swears.”
“Thank you!” N went back to focusing on the eggs. The kitchen became quiet. Other than the sound of eggs, obviously.
J leaned over the counter. “Cyn, did Tessa give you money for the jam?”
“Yep!”
“Did you spend the money?”
“No.”
J leaned back in her seat. “Thank Human Resources.” She muttered. “Where is it?”
“…I forgor.”
J collapsed onto the counter with a groan.
“It’s probably in our room.” N added, hoping he was being helpful. “Right, Cyn?”
Cyn blinked, before moving her head up and down with her hand. “Sheepish nod.” She looked away from the two other drones. “I do not remember where it is in our room.”
J looked up. “I’ll get it…” She sighed. Then she finished off her oil, got up, and started marching straight to Cyn and N’s room.
Cyn's eyelights followed her. “Please do not-”
“Can it, tax write-off. If you didn't want me to go in your room, you shouldn't have lost our money in there.” Then she yanked open the door to the room, and grimaced. “Sweet stockholders, when’s the last time you two cleaned this place?”
N and Cyn looked at each other. “It is not that bad.” Cyn said.
J looked between the room and Cyn. “There are oil cans lying on the floor.”
“I am not finished with them.”
“Then put them in the fridge!”
“I can not do that.”
J raised an eyebrow. “You can’t?”
“The fridge is very far away, and when I put my oil in the fridge, V always drinks it.”
J groaned. “Then put a label on it!”
“Or get a minifridge!” N added. “They’re only about thirty dollars.”
Cyn put her hand on his shoulder. “Big Brother. I have no money.”
“That’s not true.” J grumbled. “You have the money Tessa gave you. For some reason…”
N glanced at her. “J…”
J sighed, rubbing her hand on her visor. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m getting the money back.”
Cyn turned towards her. “I am coming with you.”
“No you-” J started to say, but when she looked back towards Cyn, she wasn’t there. N pointed next to her helpfully. J rolled her eyes, but looked where he was pointing.
Cyn was there, looking very respectfully. “Oh hai Jay.”
J was visibly confused for some reason. “How did you-”
“Do not worry about it.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it!” N agreed, giving them a thumbs-up. J just groaned and stomped into their room, closely followed by Cyn.
Once again, N was alone in the kitchen. At least for a couple of seconds, as V chose exactly that moment to walk through the door.
N quickly poured her a mug of oil. “Good morning, V!”
“Morning…” V yawned. She was wearing the dog pajamas he had gotten her last Christmas. The matching pajamas she had gotten him were probably still in the laundry right now. She wasn’t wearing her glasses though. That made sense, she just got up. V squinted at him, groggily pointing in the general direction of the mug of oil. “Is that… for me?”
“Yup! Here you go!” N slid the mug over to her.
V grabbed the mug and sat down. “Thanks. You’re the best.”
N sat down next to her. “You’re welcome!”
V chuckled softly. “Hey, N… have you had anything to eat?”
N froze. “Uhhh…”
V sighed. “N…”
“I was making everyone breakfast!” He hoped that would get her off his back.
It didn’t, as V continued looking at him with a concerned expression. “N, please. I don’t want to see you put yourself last all the time.”
“I…” N sighed, and stood up. “I think there’s still some oil left over.”
V nodded. “That sounds good.” She sipped some of her oil.
N grabbed a mug from the cupboard. “Sooo, V, how’d you sleep?”
V put her mug down, groaning. “I almost didn’t. J was listening to that ‘girlboss grindset’ podcast or whatever it’s called…”
“The one she uses to sleep?” N poured himself a mug of oil.
“Yeah, that one. She put the volume too high, I could hear it through her headphones.”
N grimaced at that. “Oh, wow.”
“Yeah. So I was just lying awake, listening to some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard from some… so-and-so who I never want to meet.”
N sat down next to her. “Yikes.”
“Yeah.” V rubbed her visor. “How Tessa can sleep next to her, I have no idea…”
N scratched the back of his head. “If you want, I can… talk to her, or something.”
V nodded. “Thanks. Anyways, how’d you sleep?”
“Ehh… Cyn woke me up. She had a bad dream and wanted to cuddle.”
“Oh, again? Isn’t that the thirteenth time this month? Is… doing alright?”
“Yeah, she’s… been doing better, actually. She went back to her bed after a few minutes. Without me asking, too!”
“That’s good.” V sighed, reaching into her pocket. “That’s weird… where did I put my glasses?”
“Aren’t they on your shirt?”
“That’s the thing, I’m checking my pockets-” V blinked. “Oh, you mean-” She checked the collar on her pajamas. Sure enough, that was where her glasses were. “Thanks.” She put her glasses on and blinked for a couple seconds. “These things are so annoying sometimes.”
“Don’t say that, you look great with your glasses on!” N said automatically. He hadn’t even registered that he’d said anything until about halfway through. He knew why he did that, V had always been a little self-conscious about her glasses, so back when they were dating, N had decided that those were his favorite thing about her. Even though they weren’t together anymore, he still thought that. N couldn’t help but feel guilty about that. He knew she didn’t like him in that way anymore. So why couldn’t he stop?
N looked away from her. “Sorry.”
“You-” V sighed. “We’ve been over this. Don’t apologize. I’m always happy to let you compliment me.”
N… didn’t really have a response, so he just gave her a small smile. The two of them were quiet for a while.
“Actually, speaking of J, where is she? I didn’t see her when I got up.”
N was glad to change the subject. “Oh, Cyn lost some money somewhere, so J’s helping her look.”
V raised her eyebrow. “…J and Cyn are doing something together?”
“Yes.”
“Without anyone else?”
“Yep!”
“…Wow, how did you get them to do that without them killing each other?”
As if on cue, the sound of a loud crash, followed by indecipherable yelling, reverberated around the apartment.
N scratched the back of his head. “I… uh, didn’t.”
V sipped her oil. “Cool, cool. How long was that?”
“Uhh…” N checked his internal clock. “Two minutes and a half…”
“New record. Remind me, what did J leave me in her will?”
“Uh…” N raked his logic coils. “Not her branded pens collection, she’s splitting that between me and Tessa.”
V laughed. “What can you even do with over two hundred JCJenson-branded pens?”
N shrugged. “I don’t know. They have to be useful for something.” He tapped his visor. “Oh! Right, she left you her suit jackets!”
“…Just the jackets?”
“And the shirts. Just… not any of the skirts or pants for some reason. I don’t know who gets those.” N sipped his oil. J was right, this was pretty good.
V took a moment to process what he had said. “…Huh.”
Whatever V was going to say next, she never got to, as a blinding flash of light burned its way through the cracks of the door to Cyn and N’s room.
“…Sooo, do you want to find out what that was?” N asked.
V shrugged in response. “Not really?”
“Yeah, me neither.” After a moment, he raised his mug. “Cheers?”
V smiled. “Cheers.”
They clinked the mugs together, and both took a sip of oil, just as the sound of metal pipes falling came from the room, followed by J screaming.
“So… scones?” V asked.
N nodded. “Yeah, good idea.”
V steepled her hands. “We should start simple. What… is a scone?”
N racked his logic coils. This truly was the question. “Tessa said they taste good.”
“Lots of things taste good. Did she say anything else?”
“Not…” N scratched the back of his head. “Not really, no.”
V sighed. “No… We can’t eat human food. How are we supposed to figure out what scones taste like?”
N thought for a moment, humming to himself. It helped him think, and also helped him drown out the sound of his sister being throttled by his kinda-sorta girlfriend in the other room. “We could wake Tessa up and ask her.”
“Ehh…” V looked unconvinced. “I’d rather not get up.”
“Fair point… Oh! Scones are like bread, right?”
“I…” V raised an eyebrow, “don’t actually know? I heard somewhere that they’re like cakes? But then again, Tessa said that anyone who says that doesn’t know what they’re talking about, so-” she shrugged, “I don’t know what to think.”
“…Well I’ve heard a lot about what bread tastes like. What’s the drone equivalent of bread?”
V looked at her mug. “Oil, I guess.” She shrugged. “It’s the most basic food we have.”
N raised an eyebrow. “But… oil is a liquid.” They both looked at the oil in their mugs. “Does solid oil exist?”
The two drones sat in silence, pondering this question, their concentration interrupted only by the sounds of J and Cyn trying to kill each other. To both, it seemed as if this question was unsolvable. A truly terrible fate. If they couldn’t figure this out, then they could never eat scones. Unless they just bought human scones and ate them, but eating human food was risky. It could clog their internals. So they scoured their logic coils for any solution to this problem.
“Um, actually, V, speaking of oil… Cyn mentioned that you keep drinking her oil, whenever she leaves it in the fridge.”
“I am?” V’s expression fell. “Oh god, I had no idea. Why didn’t she tell me?” She sighed. “I’ve been trying to get her to start liking me again after…” She glanced at him, “you know. No wonder she still hates me.”
N nodded solemnly. “Yeah, that’s-” He sighed. “I can tell her you didn’t know. Maybe that’ll help?”
V didn’t seem to hear him. She rubbed her hand on her visor. “God, how could I be so stupid?”
“V-” N felt terrible. He shouldn’t have brought this up. “You aren’t stupid! You just… didn’t know.”
V laughed. “What’s the difference? Either way, she still hates me. God, I never should’ve…” She trailed off. N could guess what she was going to say.
“…It’s not your fault.” N put his hand on her shoulder. “I don’t want to watch you treat yourself like it is.”
V glanced at him. She didn’t say anything.
“Cyn doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t treat you like J, that's for sure.” He gestured to Cyn’s room, where the sounds of… someone getting repeatedly curb-stomped could be heard. “She just… doesn’t do well with change. I’m sure she’ll warm up to you again.”
V slowly nodded.
“Oh, I know! Maybe you can get her a minifridge!” N said. Then he realized that V had no idea what he was talking about. “To put her oil in!”
V softly smiled. “Thanks N. You’re the best.”
N picked up his mug of oil. “I’m just happy to help.”
They didn’t say anything for a bit. Quite frankly, both of them were happy to not talk about anything for a while.
V sipped her oil. “Actually…” She grimaced. “Speaking of Cyn, I… did want to ask you something.” She scratched the back of her head. “I mean, it won’t really matter until after Cyn stops hating me, but I just… wanted to get your opinion on it.”
N paused, before putting his mug down. “Uh… sure, is it something serious?”
V nodded, looking away from him. “You could say that, yeah.” She exhaled. “I… I want to date your sister.”
N blinked. No thoughts, RAM empty.
V held up her hands defensively. “I-I know, this is kinda sudden, especially since it’s only been a few months, but I just… I think she’s cute, and really sweet, and I… I still want to stay in your life, so… y’know?”
N opened his mouth to speak.
“I know, I know!” He didn’t get to, as V interrupted him. “I feel… kinda guilty doing this so soon after we broke up, it does kinda feel like I’m just replacing you with her, but I…” She rubbed her visor and groaned. “God, why does this have to be so difficult? I… I love her, and would feel so, so… happy, to be with her.” V sighed. “There is no way to make this not awkward, is there?”
N chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah… But I-I’d be fine with that! If you wanted to date her.”
V blinked very quickly. “Really?”
“Yeah, I think it’s a great idea.” N leaned closer. “She loves your glasses too! Uh… don’t tell her I told you.” He whispered.
“Oh…” V pushed her glasses up her visor, making it easier to see the blush lines slowly creeping up it. “She does?”
“Of course! She’d definitely want to be with you… well, after, y’know.”
She slumped down on the table. “Yeah… that part.”
N had an idea. “Oh! We’re going shopping later, and J said she wanted to come with. What if I just go with her, and you can go with Cyn? Sorta like a double-date, I think?” He shrugged. “You could buy her the minifridge, and spend time with her! You two could even go to the puppy store! If that won’t make her warm up to you, I don’t know what will!”
V smiled. “…Thank you. So much.”
“You’re welcome. Just…” N grimaced at having to ask V this, “when you two do start dating… PLEASE get her to take a bath. Or a shower. The last time she bathed ever was…I actually don’t think she has… You know what, you don’t have to do that, I mean, she won’t do it if I ask her, so it might just be impossible.”
“I… I feel like I have a moral imperative to at least try.”
N gave her a thumbs-up. “Cool! Cool… So, should we stop J and Cyn from killing each other now?”
V nodded. “I’m awake enough now to deal with that.”
“Sounds good.”
And so, after finishing off the rest of their oil, N and V left to officially start their day by preventing a double homicide. A perfectly normal, golden morning.