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It's not that Zanka didn't like it. Or who he was spending his nights with. Just, it didn't match up with his moral code to keep letting this guy in. Jabber was snoring, breathing on his neck without a care in the world. They'd made so many mistakes, and he was sound asleep on top of Zanka. Like normal.
He hated that this was normal for them now.
Or, he didn't.
Jabber stirred enough to rub his nose into Zanka, and breathe him in like he was a plant, and not the enemy he just slept with.
He heard something about psilocin murmured from Jabber's mouth before he decided to throw him off.
Like any trained individual, the raider woke up, wide eyed and a little hurt when he realized what had happened.
“Zanka~” Jabber called him like he was gonna scold a pet. He was *not hurt*, like. At all.
Zanka hated that, too. Just as much as he hated the heat rising in his face.
“Don't act like you don't deserve that.”
“Do I?” The older asked, his frown only deepening.
They were both quiet. Neither really knew at this point. It was hard to tell when Jabber acted like they were really *something* more than enemies.
Jabber wiggled back into Zanka's arms, getting closer until their noses brushed.
“I like you, cleaner boy.” Jabber said, for the millionth time. Zanka heard a lie, for the millionth time.
“You're just saying that.” Zanka responded fast, far too comfortable just *denying* any of this could be real.
“I don't stick around for people I don't like,”
…It hung in the air. And Jabber didn't break eye contact, so Zanka did. He pulled away, again. Turned away, again. And Jabber still wormed up behind him, hugging his waist.
“I like you.” He repeated, biting Zanka's neck.
Zanka didn't reply, so he said it again. “I like you.” His voice got softer. Too soft. “I like you, I like you.” The lunatic would have gone on forever.
“No, you don't.” Zanka said at last, his voice sharper than he wanted it to be. “You're just high or something.”
The silence that passed after that wasn't the kind either of them would just sit in. Not without a fight happening the next moment, and Zanka was bracing for it.
He's gonna ruin everything, running his mouth and-
Jabber just kissed him. Same spot he bit, same gentleness. “...’m sorry, I had to think. I'm not high though.”
Zanka felt his heart squeeze uncomfortably. He felt Jabber's hand rest on his chest, like he somehow felt it racing.
“Am I scarin’ you?” He asked.
Zanka didn't answer. Jabber could always read him better than he could a book.
“I don't care if you like me back. You don't have to. Just know, I ain't lying, either.”
Zanka exhaled. A real one for probably the first time that night. “You're not supposed to like me.”
It was almost like he *wanted* Jabber to yell at him. To say it a little louder so Zanka could believe it. But a short silence followed that only did more damage.
Jabber withdrew his hands. Zanka thought he was getting up to get dressed or something. He turned around just to make sure—but Jabber rolled right on top of Zanka and kissed his lips.
Zanka didn't pull away. He didn't want to, and that was the problem. Jabber deepened the kiss, and kissed him again after that.
“Jabb-” Zanka was fixing to lie and say he didn't want this to happen.
“Hey. Be honest for five seconds, will you?” Jabber narrowed his eyes, brushing back some of Zanka's hair. “You're kissing me back, so don't say stop unless you really want me to.”
Zanka groaned. He pushed Jabber a little. Just a bit. “We were *talking*.” He murmured.
“We can still talk. With our bodies—” Jabber slid his hand up Zanka's chest.
“Jabber!” Zanka hissed.
The older boy paused. Not in surprise. Just patience, he watched Zanka, waiting for all that resistance to waver. It always did.
Except for now.
“We need to talk. No bullshit, no..kissing.”
No kissing.
That sounded scarier than the first four words.
“..I don't want to, Zanka.”
And why should he care? It *has to happen*.
Zanka sat up, his hands on Jabber's thighs. They just stared at each other for a moment, one daring the other to move first. Neither did.
“We're bad. For each other.” Zanka started, like he had to be the mature one.
Jabber shifted on him. Already uncomfortable, already wanting to move. Yet, he didn't run, didn't look away.
“We can't keep..acting like we're not *enemies*. Enjin's gonna expect me to kill you one day, and I won't be able to, because-” Zanka tried to explain, but Jabber perked up and, like always, he interrupted him.
“Because you like me back.” He finished. And he was technically wrong, that wasn't where Zanka was going at all. He was leading away from that thought.
“*No*— well, yes. And still, no.” Zanka explained, in the least helpful way.
Jabber leaned closer. Their foreheads touched, but he didn't kiss the other's lips yet.
“You said yes.” Jabber whispered, pointedly. That wasn't even close to the point-point of this talk. They both knew it.
“I said no, twice.” Zanka pushed him away for probably the hundredth time that night.
“You said yes *and* no. Still yes.” Jabber argued.
“Stop changing the subject,”
Zanka was gonna get upset, probably ramble about how Jabber was always doing that. But he saw that grin on Jabber's face, the one where he expected to get chewed out, he *wanted it*.
Again. They were quiet.
Jabber shifted closer, for a kiss. But he didn't let their lips connect yet. And Zanka didn't pull away.
“I'm giving you three seconds to do something.” Jabber said, like he could just ignore Zanka's very direct rule. “Three, two..”
Zanka kissed Jabber himself. It was fleeting, hardly even what Wonger considered a peck.
“Stop playing with me.” Jabber narrowed his eyes on Zanka again.
“Talk to me.” Zanka stared right back.
Jabber still didn't want to. It was etched into his frown that Zanka was bothering him. Zanka was winning.
“Or, just listen.” Zanka added, because he didn't want the guy to walk out or anything. His hands reached up, held Jabber's face like he was keeping him there.
Jabber melted right into him. “Fine,”
As a reward, Zanka kissed his lips. Firmer that time, making sure Jabber didn't try taking more than he was given.
“...Like I was saying,” Zanka cleared his throat. It didn't help. “You ‘like’ me. But we're not on the same team.”
“So be a raider.” Jabber suggested.
“No. No. That's not- …Jabber.” Zanka sighed. He wasn't giving up on this talk. Just…maybe they aren't ready for it.
“You're gonna be mine anyway, right?” Jabber kissed him again. “No pressure, just.. it'd be easier.”
“It's not possible. I *hate* raiders.” Zanka explained, pushing Jabber back and still getting kissed anyway.
“More than you like me?”
Another pause.
“I don't know. It's *complicated*.” Zanka murmured, laying back on the bed again.
“Not for me. I just like you, however you want me to be with you.” Jabber followed him down, nudging his nose against Zanka's neck.
Zanka wrapped his arms around Jabber, resigning himself to the fact that this was simply his life right now.
“I like you too, I guess.” He admitted.
“You know you do,”
Jabber's lips quirked upward into a smile. It wasn't a full one, he didn't *feel full*. He wanted more than just some half-honest confession.