Work Text:
Aiden had been busy stuffing his face with a slightly too soggy chicken wrap when James walked into the room, much to his embarrassment, which did little to help his already frayed nerves- he wasn’t really sure when he had started to care at all whether James found him cool, but he did know he felt far too aware of how stupid he must have looked, mouth full and hunched over and face smudged with mayonnaise. He hummed something akin to a greeting, then realized a moment too late that that only served to highlight the fact that his mouth was full. He turned to the side to wipe at his face, cursing internally- he had told himself he wasn’t going to freak out like this.
“Hey, Aiden.” Something about the familiar way he said his voice helped ground him a little bit. He was definitely overthinking- James didn’t care,-this kind of thing probably happened to him all the time- and he was getting way too into his own head about something that really wasn’t a big deal. James greeted him just the same way he always had, in the few months they had known each other, because of course none of this was a big deal to him.
Aiden took a couple moments to finish chewing and swallowing his food. It felt like it took three times as long as it normally should have, now that he could feel James’ eyes boring into him. “Um, hi. What’s up?” He finally let himself look back up at James, who sat on the couch next to him. He was leaning back leisurely, shooting him an easy glance, and Aiden was finding that he was having trouble meeting his gaze. He fumbled with the wrapper in his hands, letting his food rest back in its container in his lap.
“Not much… I was hoping if I got here a little early I would have some time to rest before shooting. But I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do much of that with you around.”
He wasn’t really sure what to do with his hands, now that he wasn’t holding onto anything. He pursed his lips. “Um… I mean, I can be quiet, if you want to try to sleep a little before we start?”
James stared at him blankly for a moment. “...No, that’s fine. I meant that I like talking to you.” He was looking at him as if he had made a joke, a little smile playing on his lips. Aiden felt a little bit like he had missed something- he felt his mouth hanging open for a moment as he fumbled for a reply, and James went on. “Have you read over the new scripts yet?”
Aiden had half expected him to be making some sort of smug expression at that, but it was honestly kind of hard to read the look on his face. All the more to show he was making a bigger deal out of this then he had any reason to. He took a deep breath, trying to regain himself. He wasn’t sure why he was acting like this.“Oh, yeah. What, have you? I kind of figured you’d put it off to the last minute.”
James scoffed in mock offence. “I’ll have you know I take my job very seriously, Aiden. As if I’d do something so irresponsible…” More like he had gotten an earful from the director a few too many times. As stupidly good as he was at ad libbing, it always seemed to irk their supervisors that he clearly had no idea what his actual lines were half the time. “Plus, I had a good feeling about this one.” What was that supposed to mean? He could feel his mind racing all over again.
He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you did.”
“Yeah? Well, what did you think about it?”
Aiden shifted his attention over to the wall absentmindedly. “Uh, well…They seemed fine, I guess?” He trailed off, and the room fell into silence, like James had expected him to say more.
“You’re acting weird,” James said abruptly. “What’s going on with you, man?”
Aiden sputtered a little at his bluntness. “A-am I? I must just be worn down or something. You know I’m not nearly as used to these kinds of schedules as you are.” Because it was the first time he’d ever been cast for anything close to a major role like this before, he didn’t say, because it was plainly obvious in his inexperience, and- And James was famous, and he did this kind of thing all the time. The role that was literally his biggest achievement in his own life was just another pebble in the mountain of what he had accomplished. It was hard not to feel a little intimidated by that, even now that they were… friends, James had called them one day, and Aiden was still a little embarrassed by the incredulous smile he had shot him in response. It had all still felt a little fake to him back then- he had almost been sure he was just messing with him, but…
James clicked his tongue, and Aiden turned his head back to him. His constant trailing off was probably boring him, he figured. He had never been known for his exceptional attention span. “Are you really that bothered by the idea of kissing me?”
Aiden felt an involuntary chuckle leave his lips. James had said it so nonchalantly, but his own mind was running completely blank, even though he had known this conversation was bound to come up eventually. “N-no, that’s not it at all.” He forced it out before he really had time to think about whether he meant it or not. “It’s not you.”
James leaned forward, and Aiden had a hard time meeting his piercing gaze. He tapped his fingers on his lap idly, trying to control the nervous grin involuntarily spreading on his face. “Oh? What is it, then?”
…He had sort of figured it was something he wouldn’t bring up if he didn’t have to, because it felt embarrassing to make a thing out of it when it really wasn’t, and it really didn’t matter, but something about talking to James had a way of making those kinds of stupid things slip out freely. He leaned back further into the couch, flicking his teal eyes up to the ceiling. “It’s so stupid,” he began. “I’ve never, uh, kissed anyone before, which- it’s not like that matters or anything, but I guess I’ve been getting really into my head about it, because, like… I don’t know, it feels like everyone around me here has their shit together, and I feel like I’m just a kid pretending I belong here. It feels weird being surrounded by so many famous people with actual experience, and like, a life direction and shit…” He fell into silence, a little embarrassed about rambling on so much. It wasn’t like complaining would do anything but highlight whatever insecurity he was feeling to the guy he was trying to convince he wasn’t completely clueless. He looked back over at James, half surprised to see his undivided attention still on him.
“...You’ve really never kissed anyone?”
Aiden felt his face getting warm, and he glared back at him. Why was that what he had decided to focus on? “Uh, like I said, it’s totally not a big deal, so-”
“No, I just meant- I just wouldn’t have guessed.” He gave him a meaningful look, and for what it was worth, he did look genuinely surprised. Aiden narrowed his eyes.
“What do you mean by that??” It was James’ turn to turn away, bringing up a hand to rub at the side of his neck.
He only shrugged in response. “Like you said, it’s not a big deal, right? And what does how famous any of these people are now have to do with anything? Our fans love you. There’s no way you won’t be a big name one day if you keep doing what you’re doing.” The logical, almost bored way he said it caught him off guard, and Aiden had a hard time chewing on those words. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had people throw empty assurances at him before, but coming from James… He wasn’t exactly the type to lie to comfort someone. He hadn't known he had felt that way. “...It’s normal to feel that way. Everyone here started off somewhere. And none of them feel nearly as put together as you think they do.”
“...Maybe. But like, Riya’s got her own talkshow, and Ivy’s got a fucking mansion, and every time I talk about what I’m doing no one even believes that I’m working with the James Costa-” He heard James chuckle at the overdramatic way he said his name- “until I show them a picture, and I’m just some stupid virgin college dropout loser that keeps getting mistaken for an assistant.”
James snorted. “I’m pretty sure none of us have finished college. That’s not a bad thing, you know”
“Um! So you’re not denying any of the other stuff!” …He was feeling petty, if only because he knew James would humor him.
“I feel like you’re overselling it. Ivy’s parents live in a mansion, and Riya’s shitty excuse for a talk show airs on Friday nights, and I- Hey, you know it’s totally your fault that you keep doing whatever any random person on set asks you to do! Why would you think it was seriously your job to get that random grip coffee?”
Aiden grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know, he looked like he knew what he was doing. Which I didn’t! So.”
“I don’t think you're stupid, or a loser, or whatever,” James said, and his eyes were fixed on some picture hung on the other side of the room.
“...Yeah?”
“Oh, come on. You’re so dramatic. You’re doing a great job. How many times has the director had to get onto you in the middle of a shoot?”
He chuckled more genuinely- James was fairly shameless, all things considered, which made the sight of him caught like a deer in the headlights getting chewed out about something he definitely should’ve known he shouldn’t be doing all the better. “Oh, come on. That’s hardly the same.”
“Isn’t it? Dude, you have way more acting experience than I do. Just because I have a ton of followers on social media doesn’t magically mean I know what I’m doing. I can’t believe you’re trying to act jealous of my acting abilities. At least you know you’re here because of your skill and not because of your name.”
It took Aiden a moment to really process that- it felt so surreal, coming out of James’ mouth, something that almost resembled an admission of inferiority- He couldn’t remember a time he had heard James say something anything but boastful about himself in all the time he had known him. Maybe he was dreaming… “Man, who am I even talking to right now?” He nudged James with his elbow playfully, and James grinned back at him. “Come on, I know bad actors, and you’re not even close. I think you just need to try reading the scripts ahead of time, and like, not wandering off and doing a bunch of stupid bullshit in the middle of scenes all the time.”
James scoffed. “I know I’m a fantastic actor. I’m just saying you’re not so bad yourself.”
Aiden rolled his eyes. “You literally just-”
“I don’t know what never kissing anyone has to do with any of that.” Aiden grumbled softly; he had hoped they were done talking about that. That’s just what he got for trying to say something nice to this asshole every once in a while.
“Um, I’m just saying, I might not really know what I’m doing, so- I don’t know, that just seems like a kind of awkward thing to figure out on set. It’s so embarrassing to be in your twenties and figuring that out in front of all those people. It’s just been making me overthink everything, I guess.”
Aiden could already feel his shoulders tensing up at the sly smile that appeared on James’ face, before he even had a chance to open his mouth. It was always painfully obvious when he was coming up with some stupid idea (...which usually resulted in him pleading with him to help him with another video to post online, or sneaking off in the middle of a shoot, or both). “If you’re really that nervous abo ut it, we can always practice before the shoot,” he finally said, far too easily, and Aiden laughed immediately.
…Although, when he scanned his face, it almost seemed like he hadn’t been joking, and that made his face burn up.
It made sense, he figured belatedly, although his mind was racing a little too much to really think clearly at all. It wasn’t really that different from practicing lines or blocking together, really. This kind of thing probably didn’t phase James much at all now, anyways. It was nice that he was willing to take the time to help him feel more comfortable, and he almost felt bad for laughing about it. “...Uh, sure, if you think that would help?”
….He wasn’t really sure what to do now, frankly. Did he want to do this now? Or maybe it had been a joke, and he was reading this whole situation wrong. He felt his eyes almost involuntarily flit down to his lips, and he could feel the sharp increase in his heart rate as he thought about it all for a moment too long.
He was so startled by the sudden sound of the door opening that he accidentally dropped his box of food onto the floor. He scrambled to pick it up before jerking his attention back to the person entering the room. “Oh my god! Riya! Hey! What are you doing here?” He cringed at the pitchy sound of his own voice.
“Um… for the same reason as you, I would assume? What, aren’t we supposed to start soon?” She gave him a strange look, and he laughed awkwardly.
“Oh, yeah. I totally forgot you were called today too… Uh, should be any minute now, I’m pretty sure.” He took a deep breath and let his head fall back onto the couch. They really would be starting soon, and he was still full of nervous energy.
“Later,” James’ voice rang out from beside him, far too casually. “I’ll meet you at your dressing room at… nine-ish?”
Aiden nodded his head far too rigidly. “Ok! Yeah. Thanks.”
…He really needed to hurry and get his mind off of all of this if he didn’t want to make a fool of himself on set today.
….
Today’s shoot had gone fairly well, all things considered. James had a way of making him feel grounded, ironic as it was. It was easy to get intimidated by all the important people around him- he had been acting on the side his whole life, but this was an entirely different level, and there was some nagging voice in the back of his head telling him it must have been a fluke that he ever landed a role like this, and he was one wrong glance away from everyone realizing he wasn’t really supposed to be here. It was probably only because James was so irresponsible and impulsive that he felt more at ease when he was around, but still. It was hard to feel so intimidated by it all when he was there making a fool of himself. Working with him almost felt more like goofing around with his old theatre troupe from high school- he stopped thinking so much about his circumstances, stopped worrying about all the pressure he was feeling and remembered why exactly he loved acting so much in the first place.
He had always enjoyed pretending to be someone else. He liked being told exactly who he was and what his motivations were- There was something fulfilling about working to build this new world through his choices, about a place that wasn’t real, where he could make a mistake and get a note and try again, and walk away from it all at the end of the day.
…This particular project seemed to be bleeding into his life in a way he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle. There was a point where he wasn’t really sure if he could chalk up his racing heart at a lingering touch to good acting. It was pretty embarrassing to think that such fleeting displays of affection from a guy he knew was acting were able to trick his brain like this- James was his friend, and playing his love interest was definitely making his brain glitch out. He could feel his ears burning up as he thought over the way he had looked at him today, at the feeling of his firm arm wrapping around his shoulders- it made him feel guilty, that he enjoyed it so much, that he liked pretending to be the person it was all directed towards. Especially since he really did have so much fun acting with him. They hadn’t known each other for long, but he still felt like they understood each other in a way he wasn’t really used to- he liked the way they could riff off of each other so easily, even wordlessly, and he was able to stop worrying so much about exactly what he was saying and how he was moving and more about how it all felt. …He was just a charming guy, he guessed. That’s why he was so damn popular, after all.
He sat on the edge of the couch in the cramped excuse for a dressing room, working at a piece of gum idly. He felt a little stupid waiting here like this. He glanced up at the clock again. 8:54- which hardly meant anything, because James was notoriously running late, and he hadn’t even promised to get here right at 9 anyways.
…He really was late a lot. At first he had chalked it up to a lack of caring, because he had never really seemed all that apologetic about it, but the longer he spent with him the more apparent it became that he really just had a horrible sense of time. Always getting distracted, always underestimating how long it would take him to do something, always getting swept away to another world on his phone… Which didn’t really make the habit any less annoying, especially when he was always coming up with excuses for it.
He had been the target of that blame on more than one occasion- unfortunately, being paired together seemed to mostly have James’ tardiness rub off on him instead of the other way around. Early in the day when he had offered to walk to set with him on those rare days when their morning schedules lined up, just to spend a few minutes longer in the corner store than they really should have, because he had spotted a figure in the window that had caught his attention, or the time they had showed up half an hour late to the bar their costars had decided to visit after a shoot one night because James had had the lack of foresight to trust him with directions, or the time they had accidentally let three walk cycles pass before pressing the crosswalk button because he had gotten a little too invested in whatever musical James was letting him rant about- still, he didn’t think any of those were entirely his fault at all. Especially since he hadn’t been late a single time without him.
…Although, maybe he didn’t entirely mind taking the blame, sometimes. He did enjoy his company, and he felt rather grateful to have him here to help him, and he probably wouldn’t have believed it if he had told himself that at the beginning of all of this. It was kind of funny, looking back, how much he had rubbed him the wrong way back then- he had seemed so fake, the exact kind of person his parents had warned him to be wary around. He had flashed him a smile and talked to him like he knew him already, like he expected him to go along with whatever he said and thank him for it, and it made him feel on edge, like he was about to be the punchline of a joke that everyone knew about but him.
He was paranoid, obviously, but his friends had always told him that he was too naive for his own good, which stung, and he really didn’t want to make a fool out of himself after finally managing to get his foot in the door of his dream job. It wasn’t like he was here to make friends with famous people, after all- but he couldn’t say he wasn’t growing at least a little fond of the version of James that came out when they weren’t in front of the camera, who made sure he knew what to do when he looked lost and asked how he slept after late night shoots and made stupid little jokes only he could hear between shots- whose eyes lit up when he got a text from his sister, or at the chance to talk about the latest slasher film that had caught his attention. He was a sweet guy, and he had enjoyed getting to know him, and he wished he was able to think about anything else as he watched the minutes tick by. He was sure James latched onto someone on set for just about every project he was working on, anyways. He seemed like the kind of guy to go crazy if he didn’t have someone to talk to.
His leg was shaking by the time he finally heard a knock on the door, and he really thought he might have a heart attack, from the stress of this all. He rushed up to the door and fumbled to open it before he had the chance to talk himself out of it, to pretend he wasn’t here at all. He smiled up at his visitor, clenching his eyes shut as if he could squeeze the apprehension out of his head. “James! Hi, um-” he glanced at the clock. 9:01- “You’re here earlier than I thought you would be. You wanna… come in?” He tried his best to rid the awkward tension from his body. This was hardly different from any of the other times he had come over to watch tv with him, anyways. He stepped to the side to let him in, closing the door behind them both.
“Hey, dude. What’s up?” Some half-formed joke about calling him dude when he was here to- whatever,- passed through his head, unfunny and not even true- he hated that he let his mind wander so much, because now he really couldn’t stop thinking about it. He wished he could act cooler about all of this. The fact that he was letting himself get so caught up in it felt embarrassing in itself.
“...Thanks for taking the time to help me. I know the schedule we’re on right now is a lot, so…”
James made his way over to the couch, flopping down and stretching out. “Don’t mention it. I’d rather be here with you than trying to communicate with those lame boomers anyways.”
He felt an exasperated huff leave his mouth. “Aw, that’s sweet of you,” he said dryly. He rounded back over to the couch, then paused in front of James. He couldn't decide if he should sit down beside him or not, and now he was just hovering awkwardly.
“So… What exactly happens in this scene, again?”
Aiden glared down at him incredulously. “Um, what? I knew you didn’t actually read it!”
James lifted a hand up to his face, looking over his nails. “I totally did. I skimmed through it last night. But you should probably go over it again, in case all the blocking didn’t stick.”
“Well-” Aiden huffed dramatically, and James smiled up at him. “Your character is sitting down, like you are right now, I guess-”
“See, I told you I read it,” James mumbled.
“So why are you making me explain it to you!?”
“I don’t know, maybe to get you to stop acting so damn tense. You’re clenching your fists again." …Aiden hesitantly relaxed his hands, letting his fingers stretch out numbly by his sides. It was probably just that James was bored. “Come on, get over here.”
He took a couple steps forward, until his shoes were almost close enough to brush against the couch. He narrowed his eyes at the man in front of him warily. It felt weird that he was nearly the same height as him, even when he was sitting down. “So…”
“Hm? Whenever you’re ready.”
…He wasn’t really sure what he had been expecting from any of this, but he wasn’t really sure how this was supposed to help. He had no idea what to do, and he felt a little frozen in place, and his heart was beating hard enough to be distracting. “Um…I’m really not…” His voice sounded strange, and he felt warm, and his head was spinning. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” At least he had the sense to be embarrassed about how pathetic he sounded right now. Not that he would’ve been this awkward for a real first kiss, obviously. It was this whole situation making it feel weird and awkward and wrong.
James pushed himself up a little bit from where he sat, so they were properly on the same level, and before he had the time to wrap his head around what he was doing his lips were already retreating from his own- it had only been a little peck, soft and warm and too quick to process.
“James!”
“Wrong name for this scene, I'm pretty sure,” he joked, and Aiden couldn't help but laugh nervously, still half stunned by the fleeting feeling of pressure against his lips. He had to fight the knee-jerk reaction to bring a hand to his mouth. To wipe the kiss away, or to keep it there, to trap it right there before it could leave. “Look, now you’ve done it already, so there’s no reason to overthink it so much. Just do what you would normally do for a new script, yeah? There’s no point in worrying so much about messing up. It’s just us in here, and I don’t care, whatever you do.”
“...I know. I’m sorry for freaking out so much. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” He rolled his shoulders back, untensing his arms and letting them hang awkwardly at his sides. He took a breath and started over. “You’re sitting down, and I come sit down next to you and we talk for a bit,” He circled around and sat down beside James, trying to position himself in a way that didn’t feel completely unnatural. “And then you lean forwards, and…” A warm hand came to rest at his cheek as James moved himself closer. It made him realize he probably really didn’t need to be reciting it all like this, but he wasn’t sure what else to say to fill the awkward silence. He liked the feeling of James’ hand against his face, of his thumb slowly rubbing circles against his skin, and he had to make a conscious effort to find his words. He tried his best to fill up the space with more casual conversation. “It’s funny, this really does kind of feel a little handsy for a first kiss, don’t you think?” He let his weight shift forwards, more onto his hands, and he started inching forwards slowly, closer to him.
“Maybe. I think it feels fitting, for what it is, though. I think all that tension would drive anyone insane."
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Aiden chuckled distractedly, mostly focusing on climbing over James as uninvasively as possible, caging him in with his arms against the back of the couch. “...I don’t know, I was thinking of it more as…. Relief, than desperation, exactly.” He regretted saying it almost immediately, because he didn’t even think that really made sense anywhere but his own brain.
“...Like, to have found that kind of connection with someone?”
“...Yeah. Like, they’ve both spent so long thinking they’d never find someone who actually understand them like this. Or whatever. Like it feels more comfortable than anything. Like, uh, coming home. Probably.”
James hummed thoughtfully. His second hand had found its way to the back of his head, fingers running through the dark strands there idly. “I like that…I think I’d feel pretty desperate for that too, though.”
“Mm, I guess you’re right...” It was a miracle he was still able to form coherent sentences at all at this point. He was a little too caught up in the sight of James’ lips so close up, of the feeling of his hands slowly moving against him. His eyes were boring into him far too intently, and they were still so pretty, dark and half lidded from gazing down at him, bordered by pretty lashes that mesmerized him each time they fluttered down to blink-
He pressed his lips against James’ before he had the chance to psych himself out of it again, letting his eyes fall shut and his shoulders drop. He felt James press his head closer towards his own, and he let out a soft, completely, totally intentional hum.
…James was a good kisser, and he felt himself able to get lost in the flow of it all relatively easily, and he rather enjoyed the feeling of towering over him like this. The little breathy noises he made below him made his heart flip. He leaned more of his weight into him, letting one hand clutch at the collar of his tshirt. Because that’s what felt right for this kind of scene, he thought- he would want to be closer, closer.
He wondered why exactly he had gotten so worked up about all of this. It felt natural enough, even if only for James’ experience. He was so slow and gentle and careful it made him dizzy. He felt a hand drift down to hold him by the hip, and he could feel him mumbling something up against his lips that he couldn’t entirely make out.
“Mmm…” …And he could hear the soft sounds of kisses drowned out by the noises emerging from his own throat, something that he could only think to describe as something of a moan, which should have been a mortifying thought.
James pulled back slightly, pressing his forehead against his own. He looked fantastically disheveled like this, with ruddy cheeks and ruffled hair, gorgeous, kiss swollen lips, and all he could think about was how warm they had been, how they had felt against his own. “See, you don’t need to worry so much,” he managed out between labored breaths. “You’re amazing…”
Aiden closed the gap between them again, feeling a little too tingly at the praise not to indulge in a few more of those hot, perfect kisses.“James,” he heard himself groaning against his lips.
James fastened a fist into his hair, letting his fingers press firmly into his skin wherever they made contact. “Mm… You’re so loud,” he groaned out lowly.
Something about that caused Aiden to snap back to reality, pulling away and realizing just how wrapped up he had gotten, how pathetically far gone he must look, practically melting into the attention James was giving him. The thought of admitting how much he was enjoying it all made him feel guilty, and he wondered when exactly he had forgotten this was an acting exercise. He was certain James would be able to feel his racing heart from here.
“Um,” he began dumbly. “I think I get it now. Thanks for this.” He was still pressing his hands against James, he realized, and he set about peeling himself off of him. “I, uh, forgot I totally have somewhere to be right now.” He climbed off of James quickly, and he was caught off guard by how cold he felt now that he wasn’t pressed against him. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” He fumbled with the door, pointedly avoiding looking James in the eye again, shoving himself outside the door before he had a chance to interject. He darted away, without any real destination in mind, only trying to put distance between the door and himself like it would ease the thundering in his chest or the burning in his cheeks. He couldn’t believe he was letting himself act like this.
…Or that he had left James in his own room, where he had conveniently left his keys, along with all his other possessions, he realized a few minutes too late. He groaned loudly to no one in particular. Now he really was stuck… The thought of returning to face him seemed impossible. He needed to take some time to process all of this, anyways.
…At least he had his phone, he realized, feeling around in his pocket. He should probably text James to let him know everything was alright. It was a little odd, the way his fingers itched to text him- somehow he had become the first person to pop into his mind whenever he wanted to talk about whatever crazy thing had happened to him that day.
He crossed his arms over his chest absentmindedly, chasing the warmth he found himself missing so badly already. He shivered, even though his cheeks were still absolutely burning. James had a way of making him feel terribly attractive, desirable, he had found, and his head was still spinning with it- he had never really been able to picture himself feeling that way. It seemed like a terrible time to be doing this kind of self reflection, to be thinking about his coworker this way.
…Well, maybe he could just wait a while for him to leave. He flipped his phone over, face down, inexplicably anxious to see whether he had gotten any text messages or not.
…He wasn’t really sure what else to do in the meantime, and it was hard not to let his mind wander to James again. Well. That probably wasn’t anything he should bother paying too much mind to for now. He had lines to study, anyways.