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“Explain yourself, Finster…”
Rita’s growl was scarier than her bite. Almost always, the headache-prone she-devil would make her displeasure known following defeat—yelling, screeching, and blood vessel-popping facial expressions. But a low growl meant:
I’m very likely going to fucking kill you.
Zeddy Krueger was the latest loser from Finster’s stable of monsters. He wasn’t a monster per se, but a product of a spell gone wrong, a spell he now had to answer for.
“I’ve already analyzed the situation knowing you’d come asking, your Excellence,” a nervous Finster said, standing at the foot of the balcony.
Sitting across on the throne was Rita—legs crossed, face scowled, mind contemplative. She wasn’t ready for bed after last night’s fiasco, instead choosing to stay up and think of ways to shoot Finster into the sun. “I have less than one Earth day until the real Zedd gets back,” she said, breaking the extended silence. “I wanted to show him how wicked I am… that I could defeat the Rangers alone… and you took that from me.”
“My Queen, I—“
“Zeddy Krueger simply gave up,” Rita cut in, her eyes narrowing. “Tell me… Why?”
A petrified Finster looked like he was performing a quick prayer before he could form the words. “Put simply, I didn’t use enough... carrot and raisin salad.”
“… What?”
“Carrot and raisin salad, Empress.”
“I heard you, Finster! But… a southern American side dish?”
The monsterologist pulled a slip of paper from his apron, then pushed his slumping eyeglasses up: “The spell ingredients were as follows—cardamom, frog semen, cayenne pepper, a virgin’s diary, a missing frisbee, five-to-six evil spirits older than Jupiter, and, um… carrot and raisin salad.”
“… Where did you find this spell, Finster? Martha Stewart Living?”
Rita stood from the throne and glided toward her cowering henchman. Off in the corner stood Squatt and Baboo, each holding a bucket and a mop, each awaiting the inevitable blood bath.
Now in Finster’s face, Rita snarled as she inhaled his fear. She enjoyed this part, circling her prey before striking. All previous henchmen before this current lineup of misfits met a violent, sometimes hilarious end because of their nonstop fuck-ups. And now Finster would soon join them.
“Lasagna.”
Rita’s face scrunched hearing the unexpected word from Finster’s mouth, like he was short circuiting right before execution. “Lasagna? Explain!”
“It’s what Zeddy Krueger said he was going to make for Scorpina. I heard it when I was observing their, um… you know…”
“Fucking. They were fucking, Finster.”
“Yes, that,” the bifocalled alien said, bashfully. “He also said some other things in the throes of passion. Things that indicated he loved Scorpina, or at least felt a way.”
“You’re trying to give me a headache, aren’t you?” an annoyed Rita asked, rubbing her temple. “Why are you telling me this?!”
“Krueger wanted to make lasagna for Scorpina because he felt his magic weakening from the failing spell!” Finster frantically answered, basically shouting. “He was desperate, knowing he couldn't, not with the looming specter of death. But I theorize his romantic inclinations were from... well, from me. I put a little bit of myself into the spell—literal sweat and tears—which made Krueger yearn for Scorpina... because I yearn… for you. And he didn’t care he was set to die! He loved her, and when you love someone, you make them lasagna!”
Finster was breathing heavily following his ranty monologue. He looked upset, angry, and in love all at the same time. Rita just stood there with eyes wide and mouth open, not saying a word. A lifetime of stolen glances, unprompted favors, and surprise takeout from the Waffle House on Mars flashed in her sad, narrowed slits.
Finster was quite literally mad in love. With his Queen.
“Not okay. This is not okay,” Rita huffed, turning her back. “If you think trying to appeal to my emotions is going to save you, think again.”
Finster crossed the throne room to create some distance. The feeling of doom was growing by the second, so standing away was certainly pointless. But maybe he wanted more time—time to think, to convince his Empress he was worthy. “Cunnilingus!”
Rita snorted but stopped short of a laugh. “I’m sorry?”
“Putting myself in the spell also meant cunnilingus," Finster explained, more carefully and quieter this time. “But it wasn’t Zeddy administering the, um, tongue lashings, as it were. It was Adam, the Black Ranger, who was rollin’ bean.”
Rita was stunned into silence before she could speak again. “…the fuck, Finster? You were self-actualizing as a Power Ranger because you wanted to eat my Repulsacooch?”
The bewildered villainess could barely get her words out. Her long-time friend-turned-servant had been in love with her all this time, and he just expressed his desire to nom nom her nani in the most convoluted way possible…
… which was kind of amazing.
Rita’s scowl relaxed. Finster, his dog ears hanging down as if shamed for peeing on the carpet, looked up at his fast approaching Queen.
“I have an idea,” Rita said, with an appraising look. “I know, at times, I can be irrational…”
Squatt and Baboo covered their mouths to stop themselves from screaming NO SHIT.
“... but what if,” Rita continued, her voice softening. “What if you showed me what you can do… before my husband returns from his stupid conference for losers?”
Finster’s ears perked right up. Even Squatt and Baboo were shocked, which caused them to drop their buckets and mops with a distracting clang.
“I-I’m sorry, Empress?” Finster asked, clearly confused, but also aroused. “You want me to—”
“Eat me, yes! Do I have to spell it out for you?!”
Her command reverberated off the walls and throughout the palace. Even the Tengas a level down in the pens heard.
“Oh! I, um, sure? I would love to!” Finster said, almost in disbelief. “But why would you let me?”
“This is your final test,” Rita replied. “To save yourself… from elimination!”
The vibe shifted. If spotlights were present, they’d point at Finster and Rita and the rest of the room would fall dark.
Rita placed her index under Finster’s chin and lifted it ever so gently, “You will attempt to eat me… to the dulcet tones of Smooth Operator by Sade.”
“I love Sade.”
“Who doesn’t? But this is your chance, Finster… to prove to me why I shouldn’t incinerate you… by eating me… for your life! Are you ready?”
Finster gulped, hard, as nerves flushed across his fur. The shape of his red rocket poked at the lower half of his tightening apron. “Yes, ma’am. I am ready.”
Baboo and Squat, exchanging horrified looks, bolted from the throne room to hide in their respective chambers. They did not want to see or hear what was about to go down. No one with good sense would, no one except those involved.
“Excellent.” Rita began to unsnap the back of her dress with a quiet purr beneath her breath. “It’s Munchin’ Time.”
The early birds chirped over the less-than-affluent Angel Grove Heights, the West end of town. This late October morning felt quite different for Rocky DeSantos, a Power Ranger of one year. His typical weekends—party on Saturday, recover on Sunday—were becoming less frequent thanks to his superhero duties, but last night was one for the books—and he certainly had the cuts and bruises to show for it. Fortunately, there were other matters to distract him from his pain, both physical and emotional.
… “Stop looking at me!”
…… “I’m hungry!”
………“It’s my turn for the remote!”
Rocky’s three younger brothers were relentless. As the eldest of four, it was his duty to make sure they got fed on weekends, and more importantly, dropped off at Sunday School, AKA, the only affordable childcare around. Church was his one opportunity to get their humble home back in order for their mother, who frequently worked doubles to keep a roof over their heads.
“¡Coño, I’ve got a headache! Sit down!”
Rocky directed his comment at the second-oldest, Benny, who was busy harassing the third-oldest, Danny. Eggs were scrambling and bread was toasting as they fought over the TV, while the youngest, Jaime, sat at the counter with his Ninja Turtles.
“Is it ready yet?” the seven year old whined, whilst slamming Leo into Raph’s head.
“Almost. Relax.”
“Why do you look like that?”
Rocky, from the stove, shot daggers. “Like what?”
“Like The Shredder beat you up and threw you in a dumpster!” Jaime laughed, hard.
Rocky didn’t answer, instead shaking his head as he plated the eggs. “If that squirt only knew…”
Last night at Billy’s was nothing short of wild—the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties, thanks to Rita and her latest Crystal of Nightmares fail. The ache in Rocky’s body was mild compared to the one in his head, the aftermath of fighting demons and chasing Fireball with Coke. Turns out, fighting the supernatural while drunk ain’t easy.
Soon, the trio was shoveling grub before big bro could haul their unruly culos to church. But an unexpected knock came as they headed to the front.
“Oh great, did Mom forget to pay rent?” Benny cracked.
“Stop it,” Rocky snapped, “We’re not behind on shit. Just stand back.”
He unchained the top lock and pulled the door just enough to peek, his heart dropping once he identified their visitor. “Uhh… hey, Kim.”
Kimberly Hart’s smile was peppy and perfect, even after the night she and Rocky endured. The door, now fully open, revealed a 5’3 vision in gym-ready pink—pink sweatpants and a pink hoodie, topped by an impeccable French braid pony over her shoulder.
“How does she do that? To be this put together, no matter what?” Rocky silently wondered.
“Hey,” Kim said back, her warm smile faltering. “Guess I caught you at a bad time?”
“Oooh, who’s that?” Danny, adjusting his tie, came charging forward.
The unexpected guest extended a hand to the beaming eighth grader. “I’m Kim, handsome. Nice to meet you.”
“Name’s Danny, but handsome works!” he said, taking the hand.
“Alright, enough of that,” an embarrassed Rocky pulled him back. “You’re right, definitely a bad time. I was about to haul these snot rockets over to church.”
“Oh! I, um, just wanted to talk for a few. I guess I’ll go and—“
“Ernie’s outdoor cafe?” Rocky blurted. “I can be there in, say, 20, if that works.”
Kim’s smile returned, albeit a nervous one. “Oh, sure. But maybe, like, not where people know us? Maybe a little further out, like the diner on Third?”
A chorus of ooohs filled the hall behind Rocky, who shot a murderous look back. “My second diner in one morning… Sure, why not?” he said, looking forward again with a nervous laugh.
“It doesn’t have to be there, I—”
“No, it’s fine,” the Red Ranger stopped her. “The diner’s fine. See you there.”
Rocky didn’t care about speed limits today; he was going to get to that diner on time. He also wondered what Kim wanted to talk about, although he had a good idea. Having sped past three reds just to sit in a booth in awkward silence, he would soon learn why.
Kim spent an inordinate amount of time perusing the menu as Rocky, seated across, stole glances every few seconds. The anticipation was killing him, more than a hangover on three hours of sleep ever could. “Sooo,” he started, hesitantly, “What brings you to Brown Town?”
Kim looked up from her menu with a reluctant giggle. The nickname for Rocky’s part of town was one she never used, given its derogatory nature, but hearing it from him handily eased their tension.
“First, can I say how adorable your brothers are?” Kim asked, setting her menu down. “Especially the one that came to the door—Danny, right?”
“Ha, yeah,” Rocky lightly chuckled. “He’s a smooth talker, that one.”
“I bet. I wonder where he learned that from.”
Rocky grinned as he lifted his coffee. He sipped it, then leaned back into the booth. “Anything else on your mind? Maybe about, I don’t know… us?”
Kim swallowed, knowing delaying further was futile. “Sure, I… I wanted to talk about last night,” she started, her cadence slow and holding a slight tremor. “I was going to wait ‘til Monday after school, but I thought this would be easier.”
Easier? Rocky’s face furrowed at the word, unsure what she meant. Was meeting in private “easier?” Or was it not being recognized in Brown Town? Before he could respond, the waitress returned to take their order. Rocky didn’t get to eat earlier, and with his hangover, he ordered something a trucker would devour, while Kim settled on egg whites and Earl Grey.
Rocky stared, waiting patiently for his teammate to continue. But Kim appeared lost, like she was in her head, or worse, back inside her nightmare. “Zeddy Krueger got your tongue, Pinky?”
The wisecrack brought Kim back from wherever she went. The dreamverse version of Lord Zedd was, in fact, responsible for her drifting. “What a creep he was, right? Like, I know he wasn’t really Zedd, but those claws… way too close for comfort.”
“Pfft, yeah. I stayed up for a bit after I got home from the other diner. Sucks you didn’t come with us.”
“Yeah, I, um… didn’t feel good, about how things ended in the Dark Dimension, about Tommy.”
Rocky nodded softly, his eyes falling to his mug with a weary smile. “Krueger really exposed our shit, huh?”
“Yeah…”
Rocky lifted his gaze back to Kim’s, whose eyes were just as reflective, if not nearing tears.
“Look, what we saw last night,” she picked up, “In that shared dream, about us, I wanted to talk about it. Sort it out. I need to know if you think it means anything.”
The elephant in the room was now seated. And it ordered pancakes.
“I don’t know what to think,” Kim continued, leaning forward, her voice low and shaky. “Tommy knows. He believes Krueger. I saw it in his eyes, how cold he felt after we were freed. He knows it wasn’t some made up thing, and now I feel sick, and… and… I don’t know, Rock.”
Rocky’s frustration with their fling, held in check for months, officially boiled over. He threw his crush a skeptical smile and hardened look. “What am I supposed to do about that? What do you want from me? You want me to say something that magically absolves you from your guilt? Because I can’t do that,” he said, not hiding his anger.
Kim’s eyes went cold, hurt flashing across her already flushed face. “That’s not fair. I’m just trying to work through this with you.”
“Fair?” Rocky shot back, leaning in, his voice low but harsh. “What’s not fair is you not asking about my feelings. That night at the festival, when we spent hours alone, I told you I liked you—more than liked you. I spilled my guts to you. Then, we… you know…”
Kim nodded as she brushed some loose strands of hair behind her ear. Her discomfort was as palpable as her forming tears.
But Rocky wasn’t finished. “You swore me to silence, so you could protect Tommy. And then we carried on and pretended everything was fine, blaming your stolen coin and alcohol for why we did what we did… but it hurts, Kim. It hurt when you said it wasn’t real… because for me, it was.”
Harsh silence fell over the corner booth, their raw feelings exposed to the syrupy air and soundtrack of clinging utensils and customer chatter. Rocky and Kim stared at each other, neither sure what to say next. Thankfully, their food had arrived.
Once the server left, Kim released a long-held sigh, picking up her fork but not eating. “Firstly, I’m sorry. I’m incredibly sorry, and I never meant to hurt you. Second, you’re right. You’re absolutely right.” The sorrowful Pink Ranger looked up from her plate. “So, I decided, after a lot of thinking last night… I’m going to do it. I’m breaking up with Tommy. Today, maybe.”
Rocky, caught off guard, felt the punch of sadness, but also a rush of hope, like a Power Sword charging for a final strike. But the next few words crushed that hope completely.
“Then, I’m going to ask Zordon about leaving. It’s time,” Kim continued. “Coach Schmidt said it’s basically a done deal after all our workouts—and he’s already coordinating with his camp directors in Florida. I’m officially training for the Pan Globals come January.”
The news was a kick to the heart. Rocky, flinching, stared at the mountain of food beneath his gaze. “Oh… congrats… So, you’re leaving then… for good…”
“I have to, Rock. This is my big break, I just know it,” Kim replied, her voice cracking. “And I’ve given thought about my replacement, too. Katherine, obviously. She rescued my coin and bonded with the power, which feels natural, right? Like, maybe, the coin already knew?”
“Yeah,” was all Rocky could say at first, followed by a deep breath out. “I, um… it makes sense. And bonus: no Sword of Light drama this time, heh…”
Kat’s name sat bitterly on Rocky’s lips. She was a complicated new addition to his life and the team’s. The Aussie had been a pawn of Rita the entire time, a spellbound plant ordered to inject chaos at a music festival, where Kim’s coin and Dex’s Super Gold crystal were stolen. Rocky even had feelings for the girl prior, but that instantly dissolved once her agenda became clear.
“So, about Kat,” he said, cutting into his waffles. “You really think she’d want to? Ever since the spell ended, she’s been… very… how do I say this?”
“I’ll say it. A bitch,” Kim finished the sentence with a half smirk. “And I get it. Rita’s magic is powerful, and she’s still needing space to recover. But I check in often, to see how it’s going.”
Rocky chewed as he considered Kim’s motives. Was it a calculated effort, to rush for the exit by quickly securing a replacement? Or was she driven by guilt? His cynicism wasn’t unwarranted, given their mess, but the Pink Ranger could sense the resistance permeating across from her.
“Kat deserves a second chance,” Kim said, holding her tea. “Just like Tommy, she went through it, has all the same guilt, but you know what? She’s free now. And as you know from personal experience, she has a mean left hook. She’ll make a fine Ranger.”
Rocky held back his smile; he wasn’t ready to let Kim off the hook so easily, but what else was there? He couldn’t have her, and punishing words wasn’t his style. Still, he felt a way. Kim analyzed the pensive face staring back and decided on a new subject to help cleanse their palates. “So, what about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, if I’m going pro in gymnastics, what are your post-Ranger plans?”
Rocky hesitated, surprised by Kim’s interest. “Right, college. I originally wanted to study architecture—design things, build better neighborhoods than the one I live in. But, um… right now, I guess football and martial arts are my main focus. College recruiters are making their rounds around LA, so maybe something will come from that. But either way, I can’t simply bounce and leave my mom alone with my brothers. You know…”
Kim nodded, understanding completely what he meant. Their strained silence returned, thicker than before. Rocky looked at Kim with softening eyes. He loved her—this confident, fearless bird who was ready to fly. But he was also upset with her, for choosing Tommy over him, and for choosing a path that’d sever ties with Angel Grove and the team. Still, he understood.
Their time at the diner was soon over, and they found themselves in the parking lot. The late morning sun and cool autumn breeze were a fitting metaphor for their conversation—the promise of bright futures and the winding down of their present. They walked side-by-side toward Kim’s red Mitsubishi Eclipse, in silence.
“I’ll see you later, I guess,” Rocky said, leaning against the side of the car.
“Yeah. I’ll give Zordon a buzz later about my news, and um… Tommy…” Kim trailed off amid a fresh wave of anguish.
Meaningless small talk started to fill the void, but died the same minute. Rocky and Kim’s undeniable chemistry had flared up, this time through a prolonged, sad stare. In that stare sat memories, each one projecting like an old film onto a screen:
Kim latching onto Rocky at the festival, overwhelmed by her coin separation, mistaken for drunkenness.
A shwastey-face Rocky making Kim laugh over a shared plate of nachos.
... Kim confessing her ill feelings over Tommy, Rocky confessing his for her.
...... The vulnerability.
.........The kiss.
............The sex.
...............The fear and denial the morning after.
The film ended and the credits rolled, leaving only their desperate, fading spark to pull their lips together. The kiss was messy and hurried, tasting of waffles, coffee, and regret. It wasn’t the crackling start of a relationship, but the foregone conclusion of goodbye.
Once their lips parted, they lingered, just for a moment, before Kim could pull herself away. She dug for her keys, unlocked, then slid into her seat. Rocky watched until his Hart was out of sight, into the thick of traffic, before entering his own vehicle. The Red Ranger waited to turn his engine as other memories whipped by—some from the battlefield, others containing stolen glances and chances never taken.
“Hurting Tommy is going to be brutal… and it may end our friendship completely… but fuck… it’s going to be a long wait ‘til I find someone like you, Kim. And whoever she is, I’m gonna give her everything I would have given you. Catch you on the flip, Pinky.”