Chapter Text
*Chime*Chime*Chime*Chime*
Squall’s eyes twitched as he was pulled from his deep slumber by the sound of the Garden Intercom System.
“Good morning, everyone.” Greeted Xu’s voice from the Bridge Intercom system. “Today is Monday, May 23rd. The time is currently 9am. I hope you all enjoyed your late morning start, as today we are restarting business as usual at Garden. That means all students are expected to attend classes as usual….”
The warm figure next to him started to moan, as the sound was waking her as well.
“Thought you told them to hold off on the intercom announcements.” Rinoa complained, her voice soft with sleepiness. Squall smiled, though he hadn’t opened his eyes quite yet. He could feel her pulling herself closer against him and snuggling into the covers.
“It wasn’t my idea, trust me.” He told her, sighing as he turned his head toward her, breathing in her scent from her hair.
“It’s been over a week, Rinoa.” Quistis’ voice was coming from the doorway where she stood, dressed in her usual clothes and straightening her hair. “The students needed normalcy back, after everything that’s happened no one really knows where center is anymore.” She explained.
“Ah, who needs center anyway?” Selphie was complaining from where she and Irvine were still laying.
After the battle with Ultimecia in the time-compressed world, the group of them had slept for nearly a day and a half. Squall and Rinoa hadn’t left each other’s side longer than it took to bathe and use the toilet since they’d almost gotten lost in time. The others were equally hesitant to allow much distance between them. It was for that reason that they’d abandoned their single dorm-rooms for the time being and instead chose to occupy a large suite where they could all sleep together. It wasn’t exactly in line with Garden Policy, but after having just saved the entire world, the group found the headmaster to be somewhat willing to look the other way in this instance. At least that way when they jerked awake from nightmares they could easily determine that they were together and safe without having to run to 6 different rooms.
Squall, still acting Commander of Garden, had requested that no one utilize the Garden-wide PA system for at least a week so that they wouldn’t be disturbed from the sleep that was alluding them. With some negotiation, Xu had agreed that a week’s vacation wouldn’t cause too much chaos amongst the student body and the rest would do them all some good. Today was the first day that was back to normal, and they’d agreed upon an hour later start time of 9 am, to ease everyone back into the swing of things.
“They do.” Quistis answered. “Especially the junior students. They need normal. We all need normal.” She reasoned. Squall had finally opened his eyes, but stayed laying on his back, one arm around Rinoa, who cuddled next to him, and the other behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling, recessing into his mind while the others talked.
‘Normal.’ He thought to himself. ‘What is normal anyway?’ He wondered, thinking that it had been so long since he’d experienced anything remotely close to the word. Probably not since that day in Timber...when Ultimecia had first made her appearance under the guise of their possessed matron Edea Kramer. A woman who had raised them all together at the Orphanage by the sea, save for Rinoa. A woman whom, until recently, they’d all forgotten because of the GF’s influence in their mind. It wasn’t just her that they’d forgotten. They’d forgotten that they’d grown up together, forgotten each other. Forgotten Ellone.
‘Sis.’ Squall thought. ‘If I could forget her, what else will I lose because of the GF?’ He mused. ‘It was worth it to use their power when we had to fight...and we will likely have to fight again in the future...but is it worth losing our memories again? Forgetting each other again?’ As he pondered this, a large furry animal jumped up onto the mattress and forcibly inserted it’s nose under his elbow and poked at his head, nearly making him jump as he was pulled out of his mind by Rinoa’s dog Angel. The dog nudged his face with her nose and Squall moved the hand that was behind his head, scratching her behind the ears. Angel had developed a habit of doing this whenever he went too far into his mind. It was as though she could sense that he was beginning to feel distressed. A corner of his lips curled up momentarily as Angel’s presence soothed him, but he quickly frowned again and turned his head, looking down at Rinoa, who had reached out to her dog as well, patting her under the chin as she kept her head rested on Squall’s chest.
‘Will I forget you too, Rinoa?’
“Yo, Squall!” Squall was again interrupted from his reverie with the appearance of Zell, who entered the room balancing 2 pink boxes in one arm, cradling a large paper bag in the other and followed by Ami, the girl with the pigtails that he’d finally gotten the courage to ask out, who had her arms full with trays of coffees. “You zone out again and you’re not getting any donuts.” He toted, earning a laugh from the girls in the room, Rinoa’s he could literally feel as her giggles shook the bed.
“...Sor-” he began, and then stopped when he noticed all the expectant looks from his comrades. Zell had a look on his face like he was about to try to jinx him with speaking the word at the same time. Squall pursed his lips and just glared at him. “Ah, screw you guys.” He muttered, rolling his eyes they all simply chuckled at his response.
“As if we’d jinx you anyway.” Selphie was saying, having deemed coffee and donuts worth getting out of bed for as she gratefully took a tray from Ami and brought it over to where Irvine had sat up, taking his drink from her. “The last thing we need is to give you more excuses not to talk.” She toned. Squall mentally wondered if giving her caffeine was really such a great idea and daydreamed of what it would be like to catch her in a jinx. Some movement next to him caught his attention though, as Rinoa moved her head, planting a light kiss to his tee-covered chest before smiling knowingly at him and sitting up, reaching for their coffees from Quistis. The action caused him to smile warmly at her back and quelled his desire to cast a silencing spell at Selphie. That wasn’t exactly how they worked anyway.
“Mmm..” Rinoa was humming, having taken a bite of her cinnamon crumble donut and followed it with a sip of the warm beverage. “Zell, your mother is amazing, these are always delicious.” She praised in appreciation. Three days into their near-constant slumber, Zell had decided he wanted to go home to see his mother. After receiving a harsh scolding for not coming to see her sooner and keeping her worried sick about all the commotion that she heard about what was happening with SeeD, he then started coming to Garden every morning with freshly-baked treats, courtesy of Ma Dincht. They were all beyond grateful.
“There’s bagels this morning too, and cream cheese, and bacon, and juice…”
“Zell, did your mother forget that we have a Cafeteria here?” Squall questioned, eying the items as Zell and Ami went about setting them down in the middle of the room. Zell shrugged. “She said she didn’t know what sort of supplies we had left after everything, and wanted to make sure we had something other than sugar.”
“Sounds like a mom to me.” Rinoa commented, licking her fingers before eying what she would eat next.
‘I wouldn’t know.’ Squall thought, ‘None of us would, except Zell.’
The group fell somewhat silent as they filled their stomachs to the brim, having nowhere they needed to be or report to. To Squall, it was a welcome reprieve, but he could tell that some of the others were getting fidgety, Quistis in particular. SeeD was created to defeat the Sorceress; having done that, what tasks lay ahead of them now? They’d defeated Adel, they’d defeated Ultimecia, Edea had been relieved of her Sorceress’ powers...as they’d transferred into Rinoa. She was the only remaining Sorceress that they knew of, and one that certainly wouldn’t require defeating. Even in Esthar, they’d referred to her as ‘Hyne’s Descendant,’ which Squall knew to mean that they judged her to be benevolent and good. Not a threat. Especially now that there was no one to possess her.
‘That we know of, at least. What if that should change? Would we have to fight Rinoa? I know I wouldn’t be able to do that. What kind of SeeD does that make me? Can I really be fit to be Garden’s Commander if I would refuse to fight a Sorceress?’
Angel whined.
“He’s doing it agaaain!” Selphie complained. Suddenly, he felt a soft kiss at the side of his jaw, effectively rousing him from his thoughts entirely as his face turned pink at the display of affection in front of everyone. “Oooh you’re blushing!!” Selphie pointed out, he turned his head away as Quistis stifled a chuckle.
“Don’t zone out around us, or that’s what you’ll get.” Rinoa told him, smiling mischievously. He couldn’t quite decide if he should take that as a threat or a promise.
“In an effort from keeping Squall from going back inside his head, I think it’s best that we bring the question on everyone’s minds out into the light.” Quistis announced, wiping her hands on a napkin. “What do we do now?” She asked, looking around at them all.
Squall’s eyebrows rose. So he wasn’t the only one thinking about it? He looked around at them as they’d all gotten somewhat contemplative.
‘Apparently not.’ He realized.
“You mean, as in today?” Selphie asked.
“I mean, moving forward.” Quistis answered, motioning into the air with her hand. “The sorceress is defeated, the purpose of SeeD is realized. And yet, here we are, still existing, still learning, still needing to eat and earn a living...but doing what?” She said, further explaining her point.
“Well, before the Sorceress we were mercenaries, right?” Zell answered from where he sat cross legged, Ami at his side. “We could keep doing that.”
“Speaking of which, don’t we still sort of work for Rinoa?” Selphie pointed out. Rinoa’s eyes widened, and she turned to Squall. He shrugged and made a motion with his hand.
“The contract did say ‘until Timber is liberated.’” He pointed out. “So, technically, yes, Zell, Selphie and myself are still under contract with the Forest Owls, led by Rinoa.” He agreed. Rinoa straightened in her seat, processing this.
“With everything that’s happened...it seems so strange to go back to something as...normal...as liberating Timber.” She said, saddening somewhat “I feel a little bad about it, now that you mention it. I haven’t thought much about Timber since...we left it. What kind of Resistance Leader am I?” She voiced.
Squall eyed her, he had been thinking the same things about himself only moments ago. Apparently, he wasn’t as different from the rest of them as he originally thought.
“What is the status of Timber currently, anyway?” Quistis asked now.
“Well, when we left it was under Galbadian control...Galbadia itself is somewhat...well…”
“Their president was murdered by the Sorceress who took it over, whom we then defeated.” Squall explained. “So next in line would be…”
There was a moment where the answer hit each one of their minds near simultaneously.
“General Fury Caraway.” Irvine voiced. “Father to one Rinoa Heartilly-Caraway.”
“Yikes.” Selphie grimaced. “So, in order to carry out the contract and liberate Timber...”
“...You’d have to come into direct conflict with your pa.” Zell finished.
Rinoa’s shoulders slumped. This complicated things. It had been some time since Rinoa thought of General Caraway as her father, the two of them had had more than enough discord between them, even before Timber’s occupation. They’d grown more and more apart since her mother had died and they had never really reconciled. She wondered now, after everything, were their differences really worth it? Nearly losing everything and everyone had opened Rinoa’s eyes to a lot of things that were important to her. While she still desperately sought Timber’s independence, with President Deling no longer in power she wondered how things might change for Timber. What would it be like under her father’s leadership? How long would her father lead? He was next in line until another election could be held, would he run for President himself? What had this done to the political infrastructure of Timber and Galbadia?
She needed Watts & Zone. They were good at gathering information.
“I guess...before we do anything at all the Forest Owls would need to regroup and gather information. So, our only order of business right now would be finding Zone and Watts.” She decided.
“The last we saw them was onboard with the White SeeD Ship.” Squall stated. “We could find the ship and see if they’re still with them, if not, the White SeeDs might know where to look.” Squall suggested. Rinoa nodded her agreement with this.
“What about the rest of us?” Ami asked, timidly.
Squall looked at her, not understanding.
“Well, Commander, you said that you, Zell and Selphie are under contract with with the Forest Owls, but Quistis and Irvine aren’t...and technically Irvine is still a student at G-Garden, and..what about the rest of Balamb Garden’s SeeDs and students? Even if we pursue mercenary work again, where will we find the work? Who will decide?”
Squall was reeling. There were a lot of decisions to make.
“You don’t have to call me that.” He said, pursing his lips at the word ‘commander.’”
“But you are the Commander of Garden, Squall. Who else can decide but you? Will Headmaster Cid take over again?” Squall frowned. He’d had this discussion with the Headmaster as well. Instead, he’d decided he would return as headmaster of the Military Mercenary School, Balamb Garden, but could not in good faith, act as Commander of SeeD knowing the choice he’d made when faced with his wife. Squall looked at Rinoa. Hyne’s Descendant or not, wouldn’t the same apply to himself?
‘You’re not married or anything though.’ He told himself. ‘It’s different.’
Was it really different though? What he felt for Rinoa, for any of his friends, would bias his decisions. Was it really best that he lead if that was the case? How did anyone do this?
“....There are a lot of people that are recovering their lives from all the destruction.” He said, finally. “Before SeeD can move forward in any direction, I think it’s best that we make sure all the Gardens are intact and on the same page. It would be bad if something would cause Garden to turn on Garden again. Maybe we can send out recovery groups to build good will...to Trabia Garden, Galbadia Garden and Esthar...we can reach out to all the cities that have been affected by what happened. If we help people rebuild...then maybe they’ll start to regain trust?” He said, shrugging and feeling uncomfortable voicing his idea before it was fully thought through. He had a frown between his eyebrows, but when he looked up he was met with only looks of approval. Selphie was jumping up and down with excitement.
“Can I lead up the Trabia group?” She asked, her hand in the air waving around excitedly. Squall sighed, he could have expected that.
“You’re under contract with Rinoa…” He toned, witnessing her immediately sink before perking up again.
“But that means Rinoa is my boss right? Pleeeeasse?” She said, now looking at the Resistance leader next to him. Rinoa was wide-eyed.
“O-of course you can...we’re not going to be acting anytime soon anyway, right?”
Squall smirked somewhat internally.
‘There was no way she was going to be able to resist that.’
“I can help you out, Sefie.” Irvine offered, grinning at her. Squall pursed his lips. ‘We could really use Irvine’s help coordinating with G-Garden though..’
“As much as we all want to help Selphie with Trabia,” Quistis piped in. “You might be able to help us more with mending our relationship with G-Garden. A lot of the students are wary of us since the battle there.” She toned. Squall looked at her, appraisingly. Quistis was always good at that, being able to disappoint people in a way where they didn’t get upset about it. Squall was no good at that sort of thing. It was why he avoided talking aloud in most cases. He wondered if Quistis would be willing to help him coordinate tasks like that more often. After all, a lot of people at Garden still thought of her as an instructor.
“Right, so Selphie will lead up the Trabia Garden team, until such time that the Forest Owls are ready to act. Irvine, you will lead the Galbadia Garden team.” Squall said, his voice decisive. “Where else, aside from Esthar, took damage from the battles?” He asked.
“Balamb’s pretty much got things under control.” Zell reported. “Dollet might still be recovering from the mess Galbadia caused there.” He added, “Me and Ami can head up a team there, if you want. Ami’s from Dollet.” He added, as though needing to give a rationale. Squall considered this and then nodded his agreement.
“What do you want to do about Esthar?” Quistis asked now. “Perhaps we should talk to Laguna and see what help he may need?”
Squall considered this. Laguna. There were still so many questions he had about the man. There was something strange about the way Ellone talked about him to Squall. There must have been a connection with him, because Ellone and Squall came to the Orphanage together. His memory wasn’t clear as to where they were before that...all he remembered was the Orphanage. Sis called Laguna ‘Uncle’ but what was his connection to himself, and why would he put Ellone in an orphanage when he was perfectly well and leading the most technologically advanced city in the world? The last time Ellone sent him into Laguna’s past it was when he was rescuing her from Dr. Odine’s experiments. Ellone had said she’d wanted to change the past so that Laguna would have been with Raine when she died. That Raine had wanted to show him her new baby boy. How did Ellone know that, if she too was away from Raine when she died? And what happened to the baby? What happened between Laguna rescuing Ellone and Laguna putting her into Matron’s care. How did Laguna meet Matron anyway?
“HellllooOOOoo? Earth to Squall, come in Squall?” Selphie called
“Rinoa, kiss him again.” Irvine encouraged.
He blinked his eyes and shook his head, snapping out of it before she had to, catching her smirk at him as he rolled his eyes.
“Alright, we can head to Esthar first. Ellone may be able to help us find the White SeeD ship, since she spent so much time with them, that way we can check for Watts and Zone AND talk to Laguna. Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Ami, you four figure out how many people you’ll need on your teams and what skills would be best suited for your tasks.” The group nodded in understanding each time they heard their orders, and stretched readying themselves for action.
“Squall.” Quistis said, turning to him. “What should I do?” She asked.
“Talk to Xu.” He said. “Let her know the plans, and have her direct Nida to our destination. We could use a status update about our inventory as well, while we’re at it.” He toned.
“Yessir!” They each toned, moving to begin their duties. Rinoa stretched and stood up, moving toward the bathroom to being getting washed and ready for the day. As the group of them began filing out, Squall caught Quistis by the elbow.
“Wait.” He requested. “I wanted to talk to you about something..” He began, waiting for the room to empty somewhat before he voiced his request. He pursed his lips, putting his hand on his hip as he thought of how to word this.
‘No matter what you come up with, it will be no good. That’s the whole reason you’re asking.’ He told himself.
“What’s on your mind, Squall?” Quistis asked, her arms folded at her waist.
“....I was hoping you might...help me….with coordinating orders and making decisions.” He voiced, feeling awkward. He hated asking for help. Every fiber of his being was squirming with the very idea that he had just spoken the words. Years of training himself not to depend on others was taking considerable work to wear off. He felt himself feeling weaker and more vulnerable as he even thought about it. “You...are better at talking to people than I am, and telling them news they’re not going to like….” He said.
‘I still hate this part of me. I hate caring so much what others think.’
“...Headmaster Cid...gave up control of garden because he is biased toward Sorceresses...if that’s the case...I don’t see how I can be sole commander of Garden either….”
Quistis was studying him.
“You mean, because of Rinoa?” She asked. “I don’t see how I would be any better...Rinoa is one of us Squall, we’d all be biased toward her. But there’s no reason why that should stop us, Rinoa is good.”
“Matron was good too.” He commented.
This stumped her.
“You’re not seriously considering that we’d have to..”
“NO!!” Squall said, more forcefully than he’d intended. “No, not at all..I just mean...if something happens again, where sorceresses are being possessed like that..I don’t think I’d be able to order Garden to attack her; I’m unfit as commander.”
Quistis pursed her lips, swaying her hips back slightly as she leaned forward, thinking.
“You may have a point. But right now, this Garden has had more than its fair share of change. I don’t think they can handle another. They trust you, Squall.”
Squall sighed furrowing his brow. They shouldn’t trust him.
“Well...until someone better can be chosen, it’s best at least to have more than one person calling the shots. People still see you as an instructor here, and you know how to talk to them. I want you to act as a second in command, that way if I am thinking something stupid, there will be someone else to stop me.”
Now he was really uncomfortable. He had spoken a great deal all at once, and felt as though he was admitting far too much weakness. Even though he had known Quistis since Matron’s Orphanage, he still felt too vulnerable. Quistis took a breath, seemingly considering this and then nodded.
“Alright.” She agreed. “It will be an honor.” She told him. Squall nodded in gratitude and Quistis left, off to tell Xu the course of events that was to take place and feeling somewhat euphoric that Squall had trusted her with such a task. She couldn’t help the wide smile that formed on her face as she walked straight and tall with confidence toward the elevator that would bring her to the bridge.
Back in the dormitories, Squall sank to a seat on the mattress, leaning forward with his head on his hands, feeling at home in the empty room as he receded back into his mind.
‘Would I feel more comfortable with people if I remembered being with them all more clearly? I meant to bring up the concerns about GF...maybe Quistis is right...too much change all at once will be too much for them…’
He didn’t notice that the shower had turned off some time ago, or the sound of the hairdryer as Rinoa finished her morning routine and came out refreshed and fully dressed for the day. She spotted the troubled and distant look on Squall’s face and approached him with a knowing smile as she gently shook her head. The room was empty save for the two of them and Angel, so rather than the chaste peck on the cheek she’d given him earlier, the girl planted herself across his lap, lifting his face off of his hands and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. Squall tensed at first, surprised by her actions, but then he relaxed, remembering that the room was empty, and slid his arms around her waist as she pulled back from his lips and rested her forehead against his.
“You’ve gone into your head again.” She said, her voice soft. She hadn’t asked, but Squall knew it was a question.
“I was thinking about the GF.” He admitted. “How it makes us forget. Balamb Garden teaches magic and junctioning GF as a requirement...knowing now what we lost from it...I don’t think it’s fair to require students to use it.” He explained without really voicing his true concern.
“Are you worried that you’re going to forget more things?” She asked. Squall sighed, letting his eyes close. Talking with Rinoa was easy, partially because she saw so clearly into the truth of his concerns that he almost never had to really voice them.
‘How is she so good at that?’ He wondered. ‘Everyone is able to interact and understand each other so easily...why can’t I just…’
“Hey,” She said, nudging him with her nose. “You’re doing it again.” She coaxed.
“Why are you and all the others able to understand each other’s thoughts so easily, and I can’t even sort through my own?” He wondered aloud. Somehow, opening up to her was easier with her playing with the hair at the back of his neck like that.
“Because we’ve had more practice than you.” She said. “You’ve avoided it for 10 years, they’ve all sought it out.” She told him simply. “You’ll learn, you’re not as bad at it as you think.” She encouraged. “You knew that Selphie was going to want to help Trabia, and Irvine was going to want to follow Selphie….” She lowered her voice slightly. “You know that I’m going to want to stay where you are.” She toned, biting her lip gently and lowering her eyes away from his gaze for a moment before tilting her head and looking back up at him. “You know a lot more than you think you do...you just never really use what you know.” She told him.
Squall looked at her, studying her face as he considered this and reliving the moments when he was fighting his way out of time compression and struggling to find her. There were moments when he couldn’t remember her face clearly. His body tensed, and his grip on her tightened.
“Maybe Dr. Odine will know something about why the GF affects memory...maybe there’s a way to prevent it.” She suggested after a few moments.
Squall exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
‘I can’t forget you, Rinoa.’ He thought, holding her close to him and patting down her hair, breathing in her scent as he calmed his nerves. ‘I can’t.’