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Though it’s almost 4 in the morning, it’s still so humid outside that Neil isn’t surprised at all when he finds Andrew sitting next to the open window. They just returned from Eden’s Twilight and while Neil’s made sure Kevin, Nicky and Aaron wouldn’t break their necks by drunken tripping over whatever, Andrew has already went to their bedroom.
Their bedroom. Not just Andrew’s, which Neil is allowed to share while they spend time in Columbia, but theirs. It’s a thought Neil sometimes still stumbles over. He shuts the door behind him, making sure Andrew can hear him while Neil closes the distance between them. Andrew already changed into his pants for the night but decided not to wear a shirt, though his bandages are in place.
Confronted with this sight – not for the first time, but still so unexpected and precious that it takes Neil’s breath away - Neil feels the desperate need in his fingertips to touch Andrew. To feel the warmth of Andrew’s skin against his. Because he knows exactly what it means that he’s allowed to see Andrew like this, what it means that he’s allowed to sleep next to Andrew. He wants to prove that he’s worth Andrew’s trust.
So it’s a quiet “Yes or no?” that escapes his mouth when he’s close enough for Andrew to hear him.
Andrew turns his head, his expression calm as always but with something in his hazel eyes Neil can’t quiet place. Still his “Yes” is firm enough for Neil to be sure so he closes the gap between them and loops his arms around Andrew’s waist, pressing his chest to Andrew’s back and snuggles his face into Andrew’s neck. The smell fills his nose immediately, of smoke and the lingering scent of Andrew’s coconut shower gel. It’s purely Andrew and it makes Neil feel quiet, finally. The day had been rough, filled with hard practice and his attempts to get the new Foxes into shape while being constantly under Kevin’s disapproving observance. But now there’s only the quietness of the night and Andrew’s solid presence in his arms. It’s everything Neil needs.
He takes another deep breath, smiling when Andrew shivers.
“I already told you what I think about your neck fetish,” he says, bored as ever but Neil knows him by now. He knows how to translate what Andrew says.
Neils smile deepens. “It’s actually your smell, you know? Why am I even surprised that you shower with something as sweet as coconut?” he teases.
It honestly did surprise him when he first found out. But when he thought about it, it made sense. The amount of sweets Andrew consumes is ridiculous, why should his shower gel be any exception?
“How would I know?” Andrew deadpans.
“I like it.”
Andrew doesn’t bother with an answer but Neil still smiles and closes his arms even tighter around him. There is a bolt of excitement rushing up his arm and down to his stomach when he feels Andrew’s fingertips on the back of his left hand. Touching each other might not be exactly new to them anymore but it still sets Neil’s heart on fire. It’s still something he’s not used to and he hopes he never will be.
“May I touch you?” he mumbles against Andrew’s ear.
“Arms and shoulders,” is Andrew’s immediate answer as if he already thought about it.
Neil takes his time. He makes sure not to make any sudden moves, instead he caresses Andrew’s skin, lingers on spots where he feels Andrew shiver in his arms. He carefully watches Andrew’s face, watches the calm indifference but also how Andrew sometimes – just sometimes - closes his eyes and breathes a little heavier. It makes Neil’s heart racing and he has to swallow hard to get rid of his dry throat.
“May I kiss your shoulders?” is Neil’s next, a little breathless question.
There is a tense silence following his words. And immediately Neil backs away, giving Andrew room while silently cursing himself. He should have been satisfied with what he already got. But before Neil could completely let go off Andrew, Andrew holds him back. His grip around Neil’s wrist is hard, his stare intense when he looks Neil in the eye.
“Do it,” he says.
Neil hesitates. He remembers that moment when Andrew made him touch his chest, when it hasn’t been actual consent but surrender. He remembers Andrew’s words, his own words. I won’t let you let me be.
“Yes or no?” he asks again. He hast to be sure. He must be.
Something shifts in Andrew’s eyes and for a split second there is a tenderness that leaves Neil breathless. But then it’s an insistent “Yes, idiot!” and a harsh kiss and Neil just gives in, trusting Andrew not to trespass his own boundaries. He buries his hands in Andrew’s hair and meets Andrew’s tongue with his, before placing soft kisses on Andrew’s neck and tracing a line to his shoulder. Andrew’s grip gets harder when Neil uses his teeth, leaving a mark where Andrew’s neck and shoulder meet each other.
“Junkie,” Andrew hisses but shivering at the same time, when Neil soothes the spot with his lips and his tongue.
“You like it,” he whispers.
“I hate you,” Andrew answers casually.
And Neil smiles again, he can’t help it. They find each other again, all hungry lips and tongues and Neil just stops thinking. It feels like they made another step tonight though Neil can’t quiet put a finger on it. But at the same time it doesn’t even matter. Because this is enough. Kissing Andrew, feeling Andrew’s hot lips against his, Andrew’s strong hand on his nape and the warmth of Andrew’s body which is still pressed tightly against Neil’s is enough. It’s more than Neil ever hoped for, more than he ever thought he could have and he doesn’t want to do anything else ever again.