Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time Dongmin met Jaehyun, all the stars in the sky disappeared.

It was scientifically incorrect to make that statement, the world was spinning as it normally did and it would have been impossible if the stars had really disappeared, but Dongmin remembers it as something groundbreaking, not as much as the total loss of control of the solar system nor the approaching end of everything, but his world was turned upside down to such an extent that the date became a turning point in his life.

In a not-so-crowded diner, Dongmin found the courage to open the journal he was holding in his hands, doubting whether he wanted to know its content. He hadn't written anything important there, at least not enough to destabilize himself again, but the simple act of opening it meant going back to the past, and he didn't like that at all.

Letting out a sigh, he opened the journal and frowned when he saw the horrible handwriting.

The date was September 6, 2019, and from what he could make out from his terrible handwriting, he was complaining about the gift his mother had given him: the journal. It was a valid complaint, because he had nothing to write about and his mother knew it. A twinge in his heart made him want to close it and throw it out the window; he hadn't changed much since then, he still had nothing to write about.

The next entry was from a few months later, in 2020, a choked sigh left his lips when he remembered running away from home. Yes, it was not the best decision and at least he recognized it as a teenager, the change with the previous entry was significant now that he thought about it, the last paragraph expressed his desire to do great things, his conviction that he could be in a better place if he recovered. Poor, naive 2020 Dongmin.

The cruel reality came to him a month before the end of that year, the conviction of going far didn't match his lifestyle at that time, the discouragement was so huge that he also gave up on even writing his thoughts on those sheets.

Shortly after his birthday in 2021, he wrote again, and he smiled a little at his constant changes of mind, but the smile faded as soon as he saw the note. He couldn't get halfway through, a lump in his throat asked him not to continue reading after seeing how since then he was desperate to feel something other than sadness and loneliness. Nothing had changed since then, his innocent wish for a star to escape from the sky and be next to him was forgotten.

When he closed the journal, an unexpected noise beside him caused him to lose focus, shifting his attention to his surroundings and placing the journal back into his backpack.

Next to him, a boy had just hit his head against the diner counter. The silence that usually adorned two strangers was interrupted by the brown-haired boy, who seemed to be muttering one complaint after another to himself, Dongmin observed discreetly, watching as the waiter left a glass of water for the stranger near his hand and walked away, leaving them alone with the complaints hanging in the air.

"I need some advice," the guy suddenly said, finally raising his head.

Dongmin sat up straight in his spot and turned his gaze to his own drink, a carbonated lemonade that was too tart for his taste. When he felt someone else's gaze on him, he knew the words had been directed at him.

"Can I help you with something?" Dongmin asks in barely a whisper, and he instantly hates himself for taking so long to respond.

The other one turns completely towards him, blinking a few times as if surprised to be heard.

"I am consciously about to make a bad decision, but I think I need a totally external opinion to see future consequences."

He looked a little bit tipsy —was he even legal for that?— and Dongmin was too sleep deprived to engange on that kind of conversation.

He sighed, looking back at his drink.

"I don't think anyone who has alcohol in their system should make decisions," Dongmin answered honestly, taking the opportunity to take a sip of his lemonade. He wrinkled his nose at the taste.

When he looked at the stranger, he expected to see some expression of discontent at his comment, and he was greatly surprised to see that it was quite the opposite. The boy smiled in amazement, seeming to have forgotten all his internal debate, and started a conversation with Dongmin for no reason. He began to talk about one topic and then another, asking him his zodiac sign among his ramblings, without either of them having introduced themselves yet.

Time flew by without Dongmin noticing, busy remembering what was wrong with being an Leo according to the stranger and all the other words he had babbled. At one point, he was about to ask him to read his birth chart, but decided to leave it for another time and finally asked him his name.

Myung Jaehyun, Sagittarius, great resistance to alcohol, he didn't respond if he was legal enough to drink.

Jaehyun was incredible at explaining things, even though he rambled on some occasions and his conclusions on the topics were lost between giggles, which Dongmin didn't mind, because every little detail about him was more fascinating than the last, and he couldn't help but feeling dazzled by Jaehyun's gestures when explaining and telling funny stories; he always picked up the thread again, luckily, although on several occasions it was minutes later.

Dongmin peferred to listen most of the time, mainly because he never had anything to contribute to conversations, but it was also a delight for him to listen to others, especially if they had a talent for speaking like Jaehyun. On one occasion Dongmin made a comment about the stars, to continue with the topic, and mentioned reading an article on the internet about them, which he didn't trust very much but it sparked his interest.

"The stars shine brighter in autumn or winter," Jaehyun declared after taking a sip of his water, a small smile on his lips. "I don't know how correct that information is, but if our sources are internet articles, then I will make one that is 97% true."

"And where do you leave the remaining percentage?" Dongmin  asked with a smile.

Jaehyun raised his eyebrows, as if he had been challenged.

"It's the margin of error I allow myself to have, it's just in case I don't finish it. I am 100% sure," he continued, tilting his head. "During the summer, the sky is clearer, obviously the stars are more visible, but I'm talking about when they shine brighter. See them close. Feel them close."

At those words, Dongmin nodded, taking a moment to discreetly look out one of the windows in the naive hope of seeing a star peeking out; instead, he was greeted by a view obstructed by buildings and rotating signs promoting skin care creams. His shoulders slumped with obvious disappointment at not being able to observe the sky.

"I'll call you in the winter to tell you the results," Dongmin proposed absently, checking the time on his phone.

The clock read 00:34 and, as expected, there was not a single trace of fatigue despite the  exhausting day he had. A bit of his energy recharged when Jaehyun appeared, too.

"We have to do it together" and it was not a suggestion from Jaehyun, it was an order. "Starting now."

The next thing wasn't difficult to process: the bill was paid in the blink of an eye, the stools were empty, and Dongmin was dragged through the side doors of the diner.

The cool night breeze against his face woke him up more, breaking him out of the trance he had been in for seconds since the other took his arm.

After blinking a couple of times, he glanced at Jaehyun, finding the precise moment in which his eyes lost the glimpse of emotion as his vision wandered across the sky. Dongmin imitated the action, and it was no surprise when he saw a scene similar to the one he saw before: buildings blocking the view, almost becoming a roof above them, and advertisements for useless products that he would surely buy at some point in his life. 

They weren't going to find a single star, at least not so easily.

"Maybe on the other street..."

Nodding without listening to the rest of the idea, Jaehyun pulled on his jacket to take him to the end of the street, one that headed downtown.

In appearance, the street was not filled with skyscrapers obstructing the view, at least not directly. However, luck was not on their side.

"Damn light pollution," Jaehyun growled, clenching his fists, his eyes falling in fresh disappointment.

The city lights shone as always, like all those around the world: a city that never sleeps with its lamps illuminating every corner of the streets. Personally, Dongmin never found the gradual increase in screens in the city a problem, especially as a person who went to convenience stores at odd hours of the night, he liked that his path in the late night was illuminated. However, after that night he had a different perspective when he saw how all those lights dispersed into the sky and created a type of luminous halo, which decreased the darkness in the sky, and, consequently, made it difficult to see the stars.

If anything, the only thing he could admire that night was an immense orange cloud above them, which he had never paid attention to before.

Narrowing his eyes and standing on his tiptoes, as if that would bring him closer to the sky, Dongmin set out to find a small light in the sky and show it to Jaehyun.

"Hey, look, there's one, isn't there?" Dongmin asked pointing above his head, guiding Jaehyun to follow his finger.

A small light was barely distinguishable.

"That's an airplane."

Dongmin never felt so ashamed of his poor eyesight as he did that night. But if you ask him, it was the most memorable occasion, the one he got a laugh out of Jaehyun with and the one that lightened the mood of sadness that surrounded them that night.

Minutes after the plane incident, they kept wandering from left to right to find a good place. 

No matter how many streets they passed or how many buildings Jaehyun wanted to break into to go up to the roof and look for stars, from the downtown of the city it was impossible to find any.

If they wanted to check the veracity of Jaehyun's words to support his belief, the only option was to move away from the city to have a sky free of lights, large buildings and promotional displays.

Jaehyun convinced himself that the first step was comparison.

"Winter is like eight months away," Dongmin reminded on the way back to the the diner.

For a moment, he forgot the street they were originally on, and his house was closer to where they were than the restaurant, but his car was waiting for him in the parking lot.

"Don't you think you can put up with me until then?" Jaehyun asked with feign sadness. "If I am to much to handle..."

"I don't think you have that much patience," Dongmin confessed, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Jaehyun swayed from side to side on the sidewalk, nodding with a sly smile.

"I'm not known for finishing things I start," he admitted with a shrug. "But it seems like you do, so we would be a good team, don't you think?" he asked, tilting his head to look at Dongmin, who already had one of his hands out of his pocket to react in case Jaehyun lost his balance. "I have the knowledge, you have the patience. Let's wait till december... No, wait, that's barely winter, huh... Next February we could be writing an article that is in 24th place in searches about the best days of the year to see stars."

Jaehyun talked a lot, his tongue became loose with the alcohol but something indicated that this was his sober aura too, and Dongmin noticed that he calmed down after walking in search of the stars. These words, at that moment, were pure excitement.

A research proyect didn't start like that, but it wasn't something formal that they had to present to experts, if anything it was posting something on the internet that, surely, no one would read because no one gets past the first ten results of an online search unless they were bored. Nobody wanted an article with zero scientific support and one hundred percent experience, it was just a good hobby to keep their mind occupied and take the time to get to know each other, under a, hopefully, starry sky.

There was more to gain than to lose, Dongmin just needed a little company and Jaehyun a little adventure.

“Make it number 22 and I'm in.”

Jaehyun's huge smile stopped Dongmin's heart for a moment.

His eyes reflected excitement for what awaited them, and that night it felt like it was the plan they had both been waiting their entire lives to put into action instead of an improvised plan in a diner. And it wasn't a problem, at the end of the day, Dongmin decided it was worth it because of that smile.

That night, Dongmin did two things he never thought to do before: put a stranger in his car to drive around half the city and make plans for the future.

The first one, had him excited on the way back home, smiling discreetly.

The second thing was something that made his chest feel heavy and he promised himself not to do it again.

When the clock struck 4:39 in the morning, Dongmin remembered the small journal he was flipping through earlier at the diner and decided he finally found something to fill the blank pages.

After doing so and being on his phone for a while longer, he fell asleep with the device on his chest and seven different tabs open in his browser. All related to each other, in some way.

The first one was his complete birth chart, which he took a screenshot to later send to Jaehyun. Derived from that, Dongmin was forced to read superficially what it was like to be a Leo sun, and he was taken aback by the accuracy in that description.

Maybe he was someone easy to impress, he thought for a moment, but that didn't stop him from continuing his research.

In another tab, he looked up what it meant to be a Sagittarius. And he was delighted to have the embodiment of it after that night, just as he made a mental note to, in the future, look into compatibility with Leo despite not having understood half of what he read.

No doubt the next day he would look up his friends' zodiac signs as well.

And in the last tab, he decided to get serious and look for what would happen in a world without stars, because after that night, he was convinced that they all abandoned the sky to make fun of Jaehyun and him.

He slept with a vague idea of ​​what it would mean if there were no stars in the sky, but he concluded that he had to find them first.

03/16

I met someone today. His name is Jaehyun, he's a Sagittarius and we're starting a research.

I don't know what a Sagittarius is and why there's a problem with me being a Leo, but we clicked well! He was a little bit drunk but he got sober over the night and he listened to me talk about the stars.

The research is about what's the season stars shine the most. He bets on winter, so we're stargazing until February 14th.

I'll be writing down all of this cause I'm excited, maybe we can be friends.

08/03

I don't like your handwriting.

-MJH.

This wasn't for you to see!

Searching for stars involved more than just looking up at the sky and being lucky to see them.

For years, Dongmin did not stop a single night to look at the sky and admire it. The vague memories he has of seeing the stars were from when his aunt took him to the cabins outside the city, where she once pointed out a star that shone bright enough to light up the eyes of little Dongmin, who made a wish after the star.

Maybe only the star he made the wish on remained in his mind, but he was sure there were more hanging in the sky that night. He then decided, the place they were looking for was on the way to the mountains, outside the city.

They had to look for a place where the pollution would not reach them, which was one of their biggest obstacles to face.

As soon as Dongmin received a text from the contact number listed as “Colleague”, the details of the pseudo investigation began, which quickly diverted to other topics such as getting to know each other, since Jaehyun proposed knowing who they were working with. But the first thing they agreed on was that they had to meet for the first step: finding the right location.

It was difficult to find it, mainly because both of their schedules were tight.

Jaehyun was an accounting student with an internship at a financial advisory company, which consumed much of his time due to the effort of completing each small assignment that was given to him, in addition to completing his classes in the afternoon, starting projects that, indeed, he did not plan to finish and some family issues that he did not detail much.

On his side, Dongmin was a mechanical engineering student whose time was used to maintain his status as an exemplary student, in addition to language classes and sports; also making honorable mention that he had two friends who required his constant attention or they withered without him (their own words, not his).

In the midst of routines that didn't seem accessible to create a little space for the other, they found a small crack and inserted themselves in it.

A month and a half after their first face-to-face meeting and countless texts shared, they were finally able to meet on a Saturday afternoon to find the location where they would stargaze. It was then that Dongmin shared his idea of ​​going to the mountains and they set off in the car.

“Did any of them come true for you?” Jaehyun asked after hearing how Dongmin was a believer in wishing on the stars. In the rearview mirror he saw how they left the city behind, while in front there was a little-traveled road that was the complete opposite of civilization; the further uphill they went, the freer the atmosphere felt.

“I guess not,” Dongmin replied.

Jaehyun nodded while asking permission to turn up the volume of the car radio, to which Dongmin nodded absently, thinking about his wishes.

If one had been fulfilled, he would probably have remembered and treasured it without needing someone to remind him. For a moment, his mind was stuck on whether his wishes had been so impossible to achieve.

The only thing that brought him back to reality was Jaehyun murmuring the lyrics of the song that was playing on the radio, and that made him take a breath. He didn't like to think about the past, it was better to stay in the present.

A lump always formed in his throat when he spent too much time locked in his mind, a memory of the lonely and fear-filled nights he spent as a teenager. The hardest part, after all, was getting himself together and remembering that he wasn't there anymore.

In the present, he was in a car on the outskirts of the city, with the windows down and nice music playing in the background. And he had company. Jaehyun was there.

Thinking that it could be a recurring activity put a smile on his face, as he stole a glance at the boy who was now close to shouting at the top of his lungs a song that Dongmin didn't recognize.

There was no set course, nor a well-studied or scientifically useful position intended for this occasion, but he supposed their teamwork was about him behind the wheel and Jaehyun sticking his head out the window, pleased with the wind blowing in his face and the view of the city to the side.

Just thirty-six minutes later, Jaehyun jumped in his seat, excited, pointing in front of them and almost leaning against the dashboard of the car.

"There! That seems like our ideal place.”

Without questioning it, Dongmin pulled over carefully, despite there being no cars nearby, and took a look when they finally stopped, understanding why Jaehyun chose the spot.

When they both got out of the car, a cool breeze greeted them again and Dongmin closed his eyes, remembering the first night they met. At the side of the road, conveniently, there was a huge rock that overlooked the edge of a cliff, and when they looked down they could see the lights of the city from which they practically fled away, and when they raised their heads, they were welcomed by a sky more starry than the other night.

In a few seconds, Jaehyun was already installing himself on the rock, determined to turn his back on the city; he hugged his knees and let himself be captivated by the sky, to which his face shone under the light of the moon and the stars, but what stood out most was that sparkle in his eyes because of what he witnessed, a shine that stole Dongmin's breath.

Silently, he followed his steps and climbed onto the rock, adopting the same position as Jaehyun, forgetting about the city and focusing on his object of study: the sky above them that contained thousands of stars.

It wasn't as orange a sky as the one they witnessed in the city, it looked darker than Dongmin had ever seen from his balcony, and it certainly looked clearer.

The sky full of little flashing dots in the distance, all of different sizes and scattered in every possible corner in the sky, it was a sight impossible to forget.

“I don't remember ever seeing the sky like that,” Dongmin commented almost in a whisper, still amazed.

“You must be a quite the city boy,” Jaehyun mocked, bumping shoulders with him, a smile that Dongmin couldn't see was plastered on his lips. “And to think it could get better,” he whispered excitedly.

There were chances that, indeed, the sky and the stars would captivate them more as time went by, with their clear objective being winter.

Little adventures like these were the ones he dreamed of as a teenager, just driving away from all the noise and familiar places that hold more bad memories than good ones; it was moments like this that his mother once hoped he would write in the journal, and it was then when an idea crossed his mind.

He asked Jaehyun to wait as he went back to the car, where he reached into the back seat for his backpack and pulled out the journal. Decisively, he searched for some tape as well, sticking the first few pages to the cover of the journal, incluiding the note he made when he met Jaehyun, and leaving a blank page as the new start for the journal. Perhaps the notebook had more potential for this than for writing down his feelings.

He knew the tape on the first pages wouldn't last forever, but he hoped it could hide his past for a couple of months until winter came.

He soon returned to the rock with the journal in his hands, which caught Jaehyun's attention.

A hard cover that contained a small drawing that Jaehyun recognized instantly, a drawing of the little prince leaving his planet, his rose, while flying tied to some pigeons, with the starry sky in the background.

It was a blank notebook, with stacks of pages ready to be filled.

“It's for taking notes,” Dongmin informed with a smile. “How are we going to compare the stars if we don't have notes?”

Jaehyun smiled, looking away from Dongmin to return his gaze to the starry sky, letting out a sigh and not wasting a second before taking the journal in his hands while Dongmin searched for a pen. He rested the notebook on one of his knees, accepted the pen, and began writing while Dongmin counted stars.

He felt a nudge on his ribs that made him turn to look at Jaehyun after a few minutes, who returned the journal to its owner. Without waiting any longer, he looked at the sky again while Dongmin read the first entry.

05/02

Thousands of stars fill the sky, and they look beautiful shining in the distance, looking unreachable, but I stick to my hypothesis that they will shine brighter as winter approaches.

I want to feel like I'm nothing away from touching them if I get up on this rock; for now they are away, but I know they will come to us eventually and, this time, they will fulfill a wish.

-MJH.

“Are we going to make wishes?” Dongmin asked after a while, feeling the tiredness taking over him.

Jaehyun nodded happily, looking at him with those big, expressive eyes.

“We will ask all the winter stars for a wish and they will be forced to fulfill them, do you know why?” he asked, not expecting an answer. “Because we believe in them without even knowing them yet.” he assured seriously. “So think carefully about what you plan to wish, you can't forget it again.”

Dongmin nodded, thinking about the things he could ask for to the winter stars and why he wouldn't ask the spring or summer stars, or even the autumn ones. He certainly wanted it to mean something in the future, but there was no pressure at that moment.

After all, he had a few months until winter and Jaehyun's company to think about his wish.

Nights watching the stars became an escape for Dongmin, each day longing for the moment when Jaehyun's text would arrive telling him they were going to their spot.

From the first moment Jaehyun entered his routine, the change in it was drastic. For years of his life, his routine never varied in terms of the plans he made: school, projects, time for himself, and, in recent years, time for his friends.

He was never a guy who surrounded himself with friends, he tended to be the awkward kid who found it difficult to socialize in larger groups, and that was the root of many nights of tears shed.

Feeling part of something was always difficult and, without understanding why, he accepted that perhaps this was his destiny. Lonely lunches, being the last one in the class to get a lab partner, birthday parties with a maximum of three people (all family members), and a pain in his chest that didn't go away until high school when he finally found a place in the world.

Sungho and Woonhak came into his life just months before the older one graduated high school and the younger one changed schools; although lunches were lonely again and he didn't have a lab partner because his friends were in different schools, at least now his birthdays consisted of five people and he had company after classes.

When he entered university, they began to have more specific times to see each other, there were days dedicated exclusively to them because Woonhak refused to give Dongmin's mind time to think when he was alone, there were some emergencies and timed of comfort, but they, naturally, were busier than Dongmin, but the his free time was always theirs.

So it was a big shock when, suddenly, in the last few weeks Dongmin stopped having too much free time.

His friends mockingly complained the third time he told them he was busy on a weekend, but they didn't want to be intrusive and ask why, so they bit their tongues from commenting as they watched their friend smile while answering texts.

They took care of him like a a brother, and Dongmin knew that they had their reasons to worry if he didn't answer messages for days or didn't show up to their hangouts during the week, he couldn't blame them for that extra attention because of the background he had, but they definitely started to worry. Also, they got curious when Dongmin started showing interest in places they didn't frequent and uploading Instagram stories visiting cafes in the city with someone, especially since there were only rare occasions of him drinking coffee in his life without ending up having a nervous breakdown, Sungho had the count.

They never inquired about his weekends, so they were in the dark about who was the person who accompanied Dongmin when they weren't there.

One Friday night, the three friends met at Dongmin's place, but it was by mere coincidence.

Sungho came to the rescue because Dongmin spent half of his Friday trying to put together a desk without success, and Dongmin assumed Sungho was the kind of guy who knew how to do it because he just looked like it, but his presence wasn't a saving grace, not even their combined minds were enough to move forward from the last piece he put together.

By the time night fell, Woonhak walked through the door with some pizza boxes he bought with a coupon he had for days and he wanted to share it with Dongmin before he left for his mysterious weekend plans. To his surprise, he found his friends on the verge of tears from the stress of not being able to put a little wheel on the desk.

After a session of breathing exercises guided by Woonhak to relax them, they sat on the floor around the half-assembled desk, with some pieces still scattered around and with the shipping boxes serving as individual tables. The three of them ate in silence to contemplate how to put it together without Sungho hurting another finger, because he almost lost three in the last hour.

A knock on the door brought them out of their trance, reflecting confusion from the three of them as they bit into their pizza in sync.

Woonhak looked at Sungho on his left, who looked at Dongmin also on his left, who was confused when on his left there was no one to answer his questions because the usual three were there. His mind slapped him causing him to throw his pizza onto Sungho's plate before standing up and running to the door, Sungho passed the slice to Woonhak and he returned it to the box.

To the surprise of the two sitting on the floor, but not for Dongmin, a boy at the door entered smiling while speaking at an impressive speed and their friend just nodded. They didn't listen to the conversation, just watched the interaction silently as they finished their slice of pizza.

If it weren't for Woonhak biting his tongue and letting out a squeal, the other two's bubble wouldn't have burst.

“Uh…”

“Ah, this is Sungho and Woonhak, my friends,” Dongmin introduced, scratching the back of his neck, embarrassed for not introducing them earlier. “And this is Jaehyun.”

He said that last thing as if his friends had the slightest idea who Jaehyun was, as if he had already told them how, when and where they had met, when he never mentioned him even by chance.

Quite the opposite of them, Jaehyun greeted them as if he was aware of who they were.

“Do you want some pizza?” Woonhak said, holding up his slice in an attempt for him to see the pizza and have the option to accept or reject it and thus sit at their new table. At least the pizza didn't get wasted. 

Jaehyun looked at Dongmin in a way that made Woonhak think that those two communicated with their gaze, which was impressive because he and Sungho had not managed to communicate telepathically yet and had known each other for several years. He didn't understand when Dongmin invited him with his gaze nor when Jaehyun accepted, but it was clear when he sat down.

In Sungho's opinion, he did it with too much familiarity for it to be the first time he visited, which made him look at Dongmin, but he didn't catch it because he was gawking at the new guest.

Dongmin found himself back in his position next to Sungho, and now had Jaehyun on his own left.

“We were trying to set up the desk,” Dongmin informed as Woonhak silently handed Jaehyun a plate and Sungho offered the open pizza box for him to take his slice. “None of us are very good at this.”

“I told you I could help,” the brown haired boy reproached, taking what the boys offered him with a grateful smile. "Thank you so much."

They both murmured “you're welcome” and went back to eating their pizza.

Woonhak chewed in silence, sure he understood that little exchange of words: Dongmin had told Jaehyun about the desk, something he didn't tell them until he needed their help and the other interrupted when he arrived with pizza, and the new guest offered to help him, almost sensing that he wouldn't do it right.

Who was that boy and why did Dongmin keep him so hidden?

After years of knowing him, Woonhak knew that Dongmin was reserved in many aspects of his life, but if there was one thing that excited him, it was having friends, being able to start a conversation with someone without stumbling over his words, and he always told them about those small achievements. However, things with Jaehyun never pointed in that direction, if you ask Woonhak, but then he remembered which aspect of his life Dongmin was more reserved than ever: his romantic interests.

“So… you're Dongmin's classmate?” Woonhak asked curiously, alternating his gaze between the two of them.

He needed to at least know where they met.

Sungho, as support, moved closer to Woonhak and gave the other two a curious look.

Jaehyun cocked his head at Dongmin, who shrugged and nodded. They communicated telepathically again.

“We have been colleagues in an investigation for a few months now,” Jaehyun announced seriously, straightening himself to maintain his act. “It is a serious investigation of approximately eight months. We plan to write an article that will be published.”

Sungho and Woonhak nodded, the latter feeling embarrassed for having invited Dongmin's colleague to eat pizza on the floor, on small boxes that were probably carried all over the city on a delivery truck, and especially for thinking that there was something between them when he knows better than anyone that Dongmin wouldn't mix his personal life with his professional life.

However, it was because of the piercing look Dongmin gave him that the brunete burst into laughter, unconsciously leaning on the youngest's shoulder, as he rolled his eyes.

“We met at a diner,” Dongmin clarified with a sigh, patting Jaehyun's cheek, who seemed to melt at the contact. “Later we agreed to make an attempted research”

“We were planning to continue tonight,” Jaehyun added, almost sitting on Dongmin in an attempt to get closer to his friends. “But it seems there was a bump in the road.” He concluded with a smile, looking straight into the eyes of the boy next to him.

Woonhak didn't want to overanalyze that, really, but the way they both looked at each other and immersed themselves in their own world...

“We can leave if you like,” Sungho murmured, blinking, understanding why his friend expressed such urgency to finish the desk.

Jaehyun looked away from Dongmin, widening his eyes in surprise and blushed, shaking his head repeatedly, in obvious panic.

“That's not what he meant,” Dongmin said with a nervous chuckle. “He’s talking about the desk” At that, Jaehyun nodded.

“I bet him he wouldn't put it together by the this hour. Now he owes me a gourmet dinner,” he commented proudly.

“You wanted fried chicken-“

“And of course they are invited, he pays” Jaehyun interrupted with a smile. “He has told me a lot about you, also showing photos. He told me about your podcast together, we've listened to it a couple of times over dinner.”

They wanted to say that it was the same for them and they had heard countless times about him and had something remarkable about him on the tip of their tongues, but that was not the case. They knew about his existence ten minutes ago and still didn't understand his place in Dongmin's life, although neither of them would say that out loud.

On the other hand, they blushed at the things Dongmin mentioned about them, especially the podcast and them listening to it. Woonhak was a bit hung up on the fact that they heard it together, while they were having dinner, together.

But he eventually left all his thoughts behind, deciding to talk to Jaehyun a little more now that they had the topic of the podcast on the table. With that, Sungho gradually became encouraged to do the same and try to talk more with the new guest.

Thus, an hour later, the three friends were laughing when Jaehyun recounted his first encounter in front of the printer in his first days of internship, while the pizza disappeared until they were satisfied.

Discreetly, Sungho indicated to Woonhak that it was time to leave, but not before offering to help Dongmin wash the dishes used during the night, to which the owner of the place promised to do it alone.

Sungho nodded and helped carry the plates to the kitchen either way, Dongmin brought the empty pizza boxes, and that's how the other two were left having a conversation about a game they had in common, apparently they got along well.

“So…” Sungho began once they entered the kitchen. “Are you two dating-?”

“Yah, yah, yah, stop there,” the youngest quickly cut in, almost dropping the pizza boxes from his arms. “It's not what you think.”

Unlike Woonhak, Sungho did not spend minutes locked in his mind thinking about the relationship between the other two, he just dedicated himself to observing their small interactions and that was enough, he did not need to write an essay to reach the conclusion nor interrogate hit friend.

But it was fun to see Dongmin embarrassed, it was an opportunity he wouldn't pass up even if he got paid.

“Sorry, it just seems so,” he said with a shrug.

“We are research partners-“

“For a non-formal investigation,” Sungho added. “It seems that you are also meeting outside research purposes if you have dinner listening to our podcast.”

“That… was also for research purposes.”

“Our podcast is just Woonhak complaining and making fun of the college life he's forced to live.” Sungho said dryly.

“… That day we took a break and listened to your podcast,” Dongmin tried to excuse, finally leaving the trash in its place.

“I guess you just talk about the research and see each other for it, then.”

“Not necessarily,” he considered, leaning against his fridge, watching his friend rinse the dishes, with the clear intention of cornering him in the kitchen for a while. “We've been here a couple of times, I've been to his place, we had dinner, we talked about banal things…” he explained. “It doesn't mean we have anything either.”

“Hmm… I just think you get along well,” the older one hummed, handing him the dishes to dry.

“That's what friendship is all about,” Dongmin murmured obviously.

Was this the price to pay for not washing four plates and a spoon?

“And I also think you look cute invading each other's personal space without realizing it.” Sungho teased giving him the last plate.

"That's not-"

Sungho just laughed at his friend's blushing face, drying his hands once he had finished.

When they were face to face, he patted Dongmin's red cheek, as a sign of affection, and showed him a soft smile.

“I hope you are successful in your investigation.” And with that, Sungho turned around and returned to the living room, just in time to stop Woonhak from approaching the desk and try to put it together on his own. Dongmin followed when he was sure his ears weren't red anymore.

After their friends said goodbye, the apartment fell into a pleasant silence for the two who remained there.

Jaehyun watched in silence as Dongmin collected the boxes and bubble papers that adorned the space all night, alternating his gaze from time to time to the desk that was upside down, and that was when he quickly detected the piece that they placed incorrectly and made it impossible for them to the three boys complete the task.

Without much to say, he got up from the couch where he had been for the last few minutes and headed to the half-assembled desk, determined to help.

Neither spoke as they did their tasks, they didn't speak either when Dongmin sat next to him to hand him the small parts according to instructions. They both felt comfortable like this, regardless of the fact that it wasn't the plan of the night, and Jaehyun was smiling as if they were on the rock on the outskirts of the city.

Seeing that smile in a warmer and more private space made Dongmin's heart pound.

“It was nice to meet your friends,” Jaehyun said after a while, playing with one of the wheels on the desk. “I thought they would hate me for meddling in your plans.”

Jaehyun never liked inserting himself in other people's plans, he didn't like feeling like he was occupying spaces that didn't belong to him, it was his concern throughout the night, especially because it was Dongmin's friends, but being with him gave him enough comfort to not feeling out of place, plus his friends were nice and never made him feel like an intruder.

“It was an impromptu meeting, don't worry about that. I'm sure they liked you,” the youngest comforted. “I'm sorry I didn't keep up with today's agenda.”

Jaehyun puffed out his cheeks instead of answering, quickly covering them with his hands as he lowered his head, knowing that they were turning color.

“I like spending time with you, it doesn't matter if it's outside of our research,” he muttered embarrassedly.

Dongmin fought the smile that threatened to appear, but, as always, it was stronger than his will and he ended up giving a warm smile to the boy in front of him when he finally met his gaze.

“I like spending time with you too, Jae.”

Trying to ignore the blush on his face, Jaehyun looked around the apartment, stopping at the balcony that overlooked the city. With a smile no longer embarrassed, he stood up and motioned for the other to follow him.

“Bring the notebook, we can still add something,” he said, sitting on the floor of the balcony.

It wasn't the outskirts of the city and they didn't have the clearest sky in the world, the space was smaller and that made them brush shoulder to shoulder, but that's how they dedicated themselves to seeing the sky.

“I want to continue spending time with you,” Jaehyun murmured without looking away from the stars.

The air was trapped in Dongmin's chest, preventing him from answering anything in the moment, or in the seconds in which Jaehyun blindly extended his arm to ask for the notebook, so routinely that he handed it to him without a second thought.

He worried more about regulating his breathing as he heard the pen being dragged to capture the words on paper.

By the end of the night, when Jaehyun left after finishing setting up the desk, Dongmin finally decided to take a look at the night's notes.

06/26

We didn't see the stars up close tonight, but we still had a good time with Dongmin's friends, who are certainly almost as interesting as a night watching the sky.

Anyways, the stars look good from his balcony, and somehow here I feel them getting closer and closer, I hope my colleague feels it too.

-MJH.

06/26

You're always welcome to hang out with us. I like spending time with you.

-HDM.

Dongmin concluded that maybe the escape from the routine wasn't getting out of the city and seeing the sky, but being with Jaehyun.

As much as their journey watching the stars found itself colored with joyful nights full of new feelings for both of their hearts, there were also days when those new feelings were not what they expected under such a cozy atmosphere.

There were days when Jaehyun was not in the mood but wanted to fulfill their schedule, others when Dongmin was a minute away from collapse due to exhaustion and days when their exchange of words was no big deal. However, Dongmin did not dwell on the gray days of their research.

At least, not like one of the real gray days they faced.

"It seems to me like there are no stars today" Jaehyun said, shivering.

"Oh, you think?" Dongmin grumbled, hugging himself.

Summer came in a few months ago without paying much attention to it, at least not until it was accompanied by the first storms they had to go through together.

One of them, unfortunately, hit while they were on their rock in the stargazing.

Jaehyun insisted on going that night to the mountain, with more stubbornness than other times, he argued the sky could be cloudy and with threats of rain but that did not mean an impediment in their mission for the night. Since it was Saturday, he suggested leaving the car at the foot of the mountain and walking while the night fell, after all it was only a kilometer to walk, what could go wrong? On the surface, nothing, until halfway through the walk the gray clouds closed the sky, just when it was too late to come back to the car.

Dongmin must have been aware of the trouble it would mean if the rain caught them halfway up the mountain, and regretted for the first time following Jaehyun without ever questioning or stopping him in his impulsive ideas. However, he didn't stop Jaehyun, and they both reached the usual spot, where they could only sit for twenty minutes before the first drop fell on Dongmin's face.

That was the sign that it was a bad idea.

Right after that, a heavy storm let loose on them, forcing them to walk back to the car, with the thick raindrops hitting against their backs.

Dongmin wasn't upset, at least not like Jaehyun thought he was. He was just a little grumpy when the rain started to hit his face from the change in the wind. And he wasn't mad at Jaehyun, he was mad at himself; multiple times he thought he was being the cautious one who considered all scenarios on his stargazing excursions, that Saturday he checked the weather before leaving home, he was aware of the approaching storm; while the storm was an hour early, he should have expected it and also should have taken with him an umbrella.

So yes, that was his problem, his own carelessness.

He felt like he was freezing under his jacket, and how could he not? Soaking wet in the middle of a mountain almost an hour from the warmth of his home, anyone would feel that way. That only added to his annoyance.

He let out a growl, hugging himself tighter.

Shaking a few drops from his face, he slowly realized that Jaehyun wasn't walking by his side, he stood a few steps behind, his gaze fixed on his own feet, not even paying attention when Dongmin stopped in front of him, so he impacted with his chest.

"I'm sorry" Jaehyun whispered without looking up, stepping aside to continue his way.

Dongmin knew it wasn't an apology for bumping into him, the way he let out barely a whisper and didn't look for his face made him think he apologized for the situation in general. His heart shrank a little.

"Hey" he called, raising his voice, he quickened his pace to catch up. Hesitant to grab the other's arm to get his attention from him, he chose not to so as not to build more tension in the atmosphere. "Jaehyun..." Slowly, Jaehyun stopped, standing in mid-stride, until they finally made eye contact. "Is something wrong?"

It wasn't the rain, it wasn't about not seeing the stars, it wasn't the cold either. There was something else and all of this only ended up adding more weight to Jaehyun's shoulders, pushing him to his limit that night. It was more than just a bad day with a storm bearing down on them like the icing on the cake.

An intense stare was all the response he got, and he saw the internal debate in Jaehyun gaze. What would be going through his head?

"I feel my heart heavy" Jaehyun whispered, his lower lip trembled and the lump in his throat became noticeable. "But sometimes it feels empty. And I think I'm using you as an escape to ignore that I feel that way."

Dongmin said nothing, he was at a loss for words to say or moves to make.

In the time they had known each other, Jaehyun expressed, in his own way, that he had difficulties in his life that pulled him down often, mostly emotionally; Dongmin knew it from the first day they met, even though his mood was improving along the way to the point that he arrived with a smile at the rock, as usual. The insistence of going out or being with Dongmin mostly depended on those situations that he didn't know about Jaehyun's life, and he never knew what he was referring to nor did he have the slightest idea what it was about. And he never asked, because Jaehyun didn't want to talk about it, so he just stayed, just waited, just followed him.

It was the first hint he ever gave about feeling sad, although Dongmin didn't quite understand it. It was a breaking point for Jaehyun and Dongmin felt a prick in his heart as he saw how, right after he said those words, eyes that normally held a glint of excitement and curiosity were filled with tears.

He could distinguish them from the rain because they fell down his cheeks faster than the drops in the sky.

The tears suddenly seemed uncontrollable, with the sole intention of bringing Jaehyun down. Slowly he began to tremble, and without a second thought Dongmin took him in his arms just in time to prevent him from falling to the ground; he held him even though his legs were also faltering and he did not have the strength to respond either. He gently dropped down in the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere, under a rainy night.

And Jaehyun cried, he cried inconsolably. His sobs were not lost in the sound of the drops hitting the asphalt or the air moving the wet leaves of the trees; if anything, his crying silenced the whole world for Dongmin, who could only listen to how he let go of everything he carried with him day by day, everything he could not leave behind in the city because it would follow him to the top of the mountain.

Jaehyun clung to him as tightly as he could and didn't think much of hugging him back with the same intensity, fearful that he would fall to pieces if he didn't hold him tightly enough. Part of that hug would stay with each of them, at least for that night.

Neither knew exactly how long they spent there, but at some point it stopped mattering when the heavy drops fell on them; Dongmin was more concerned with monitoring Jaehyun's breathing, lightly stroking his sodden back to reassure him. They needed to get back to the car, because they would both end up sick, but that was not a priority.

Like the rain, the crying gradually diminished, the storm turning to drizzle as the sobs became little hiccups that annoyed Jaehyun. Still, neither of them had any intention of breaking the embrace.

Dongmin was afraid of letting Jaehyun go and him breaking into his arms again, he was hesitant for minutes about whether it was the moment of calm he waited for to move or not. Jaehyun said nothing, just stayed tucked into his chest, melting more and more into Dongmin's arms, clinging to the warmth he gave him and, above all, the calm.

It was an embrace that didn't involve any kind of promise about everything being okay in the future, nor one that Jaehyun had someone to hold him if he fell. It was just the moment, a moment he had someone, unattached to a future, and Dongmin assumed Jaehyun preferred it to be that way.

"Do you want to go to the car now?" Dongmin asked in a whisper, voice soft and somewhat hoarse from the cold, a whisper accompanied by caresses in the hair of the boy he rocked in his arms.

They were so close that he felt when Jaehyun closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and shook his head, sinking as much as possible into the embrace. He clung onto his jacket in a silent plea for him not to move.

Dongmin raised his head, finding the dark blue sky barely clearing, the gray rain clouds scattering freely and letting the wind rush through the trees. He closed his eyes carefully, letting the wind dry his face, well knowing he would catch a cold in the morning anyway, and rested his chin on Jaehyun's head.

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, and maybe he had rocks embedding themselves against his knees so obviously that they bothered him even with his clothes in the way, but he didn't move until Jaehyun gave a sign that it was okay to do so.

He almost fell asleep in that position, and would have done so if it wasn't for Jaehyun beginning to be aware of his surroundings second by second, slowly pulling away from Dongmin, not quite breaking the embrace, just enough to come face to face .

Dongmin watched as he blinked with the intention of wiping away the rest of his tears, wiping away all traces of them even if the irritation in his eyes was an indicator. He pouted at Jaehyun, as he did whenever something didn't feel right.

The lighting wasn't good, they couldn't ask for more if they considered they were halfway up a mountain, but the moonlight dulled by some clouds was enough, their features still distinguishable amidst the darkness, then Jaehyun smiled, and Dongmin couldn't' help but reciprocate the small smile.

"Have you ever thought about kissing in the rain?" Jaehyun asked out of the blue.

An inexplicable warmth rose in Dongmin's cheeks, causing him to open his eyes wide and let out a nervous giggle, the same that made way for a chuckle from Jaehyun, who opted to hide in the other's chest again.

"We'd better get to the car" Dongmin barely mumbled, wandering his gaze through the treetops beside him, as if the other was still keeping his eyes on him.

He felt Jaehyun nod against his chest, letting out a sigh. It was time to return to the city.

With regret and a terrible pain in his knees, Dongmin took enough strength to lift them both up, drawing groans from them for the awkward position they found themselves in for the past few minutes. The small stones that bothered Dongmin earlier were stuck to his jeans, and they were soaked from head to toe, adding that Jaehyun complained because one of his legs went numb and he felt an uncomfortable tingling that made him let out groans of not being able to walk.

Of course that lightened the mood, Dongmin noticed before how he always joked or deflected the topic after a tense moment, so he decided to play along and tease him about the tingling, or rolling his eyes when Jaehyun swore that his leg would stop responding forever.

Without a second thought, he offered his hand to Jaehyun, who accepted it with a lopsided smile, hopping on his leg that wasn't numb, and so they resumed their walk back to the car.

Dongmin couldn't help but think of his car as he glanced down at his jeans. He always hated dirt on the car, he couldn't explain how mortified he felt at the thought of climbing into his seat like that, his thoughts instantly went to how he would have to take it to be washed first thing in the morning.

But when he got in and let out a sigh, all those thoughts took a back seat when he saw Jaehyun shivering, possibly because of the cold, and that's when he didn't mind moving all over the car in search of a small blue blanket he always carried with him everywhere; when I found it, he handed it to Jaehyun with a small smile. And the thought of seeing his favorite blanket full of mud wasn't pleasant to him either, but he let it go for that one time, just after seeing the older boy wrapping himself in it and sink down to his cheeks for warmth. With that image, Donmgin drove back to town.

By midnight, Dongmin saw himself in the mirror one last time before leaving the bathroom, fresh from taking a shower and already finally in his comfortable pajamas.

In the living room, he saw Jaehyun on the couch watching some movie he probably put on randomly, not too interested in looking for something to watch. He was wrapped in another blanket and drinking a cup of tea, behind him, through the balcony, Dongmin watched as the storm followed them into the city, but this time they had a shelter from it.

He took a seat on the couch, right next to Jaehyun, who had his hair still wet from the shower he took earlier, and without warning ran his fingers through the brown strands, surprised when the other snuggled up next to him. For an instant his fingers paused, just processing what he'd just done, but when Jaehyun patted his own hair in a signal to keep doing it he didn't hold back any longer.

The plan was that he'd take him home after his shower, but there was a slight change when it was mission impossible to stay awake, both of them falling into a deep sleep on the couch, in a position that would make their necks ache in the morning.

It was like that, as the night passed, and Dongmin slept feeling Jaehyun's warmth next to him.

In the morning, Dongmin woke up because of the pain in his neck, and found his living room empty, with no sign in sight of Jaehyun, only a note informing him that he had unfinished business that morning, but that he would be back in the afternoon to have dinner and compensate him for last night. Dongmin sighed, wanting to tell him right there that he should not compensate him for anything that happened.

Next to the note was the journal, which fortunately was not damaged. Jaehyun must have kept it with him.

Still half asleep, Dongmin took the notebook and laid down on the couch, yawning because, well, it was eight in the morning on a Sunday where he normally slept until ten, and he took the time to open it and see if there was a note from the night before.

Sure enough, Jaehyun wrote his contribution.

08/03

The sky was cloudy, the results were not good... in any way. It was a different night, the sky was falling apart and, amidst all the chaos, one star managed to escape the clouded sky.

I'm proud to say that Dongmin couldn't see it like I did.

-MJH.

That note left him confused, because he didn't remember seeing a single star last night, not even a plane, but Jaehyun seemed to have his own research for which he made those notes.

He thought about putting a question mark in his complementary note. However, in the end he decided to put something else.

08/04

How nice that you can see stars even when it seems impossible. You deserve to see each and every one of them.

-HDM.

It was admirable to him how Jaehyun saw the light in his most difficult moments, how he could get up after crying for hours and sleep with tranquility on his face despite everything.

With a sigh, Dongmin tried to sleep, waiting for the afternoon to come to see Jaehyun again, but something caught his attention.

The tape holding his previous entries was gone, probably because of the rain, but he felt exposed.

It wasn't like his biggest secrets were contained by a teddy bear tape that Woonhak gave him, nor that he had confessed to a crime there, but the simple fact that his past words were resurfacing made him uneasy.

He was fine that morning, he was fine the last few weeks, he was no longer the hopeless boy who once wrote that, he was in a better place, why can't he forget all that? Those entries, while they weren't really descriptive, take him to the worst moments of his life. He remembers what is behind those words, why those dates exist. In that moment, he regrets not having ripping off those sheets when he had the chance.

The night of the storm was never brought up again and Dongmin never asked about the star the other claimed to see.

He found himself thinking about that night more than he should, but not necessarily about what happened with Jaehyun, but about himself.

Rethinking himself for so many nights in a row whether he had improved took its toll on him, to the point that he could not sleep nor did he feel well enough to see anyone. He sent a few texts to his friends to ask for space during that week, and with Jaehyun he communicated as always but without agreeing to go out to see the stars.

The difficult part about healing, perhaps, is that it will never be linear. It is a phrase that was repeated to him for years, that he even saw online without even asking for it. It was part of his journey, sure, but it was frustrating.

His life was so suddenly filled with good things that it was horrible to feel that something was wrong in the midst of it, and even more so because he couldn't put his finger on the line.

The nights of crying came flooding back, the fear of being alone while pushing away the few people around him also settling in with familiarity. Suddenly, everything good was put in a drawer to which he lost the key and spent days debating whether it was worse to have an empty mind or overthinking.

It was one afternoon at the middle of August, days past his birthday, that in the middle of a free period one of his classmates asked him a question.

“Didn't you feel like this year went by too quickly?” His classmate asked, frowning when he saw the date on his phone.

Dongmin shrugged.

“No,” he answered without thinking much. “Maybe I don't have anything notable going on.”

He saw the boy nod at that answer, considering that he was right and that's why the eight months slipped through his fingers. Neither of them spoke again.

And that doesn't mean Dongmin didn't think about it afterwards.

Especially not when all the memories hit him at once at the end of the day, when he drove his usual road to the mountain with Jaehyun in the seat next to him, who looked out the window with his eyes closed and the lights of the city shining on his face.

His summary of the year so far was simple: a New Year's party, a snowstorm that found him without a sweater and meeting Jaehyun.

It didn't seem like much, but it was.

Since that night in March, most of his memories were tied the image of a boy smiling, rolling his eyes and also crying.

Suddenly, the last few months were just the boy next to him, the one who had put his world into a different focus in the blink of an eye, so discreet that he didn't notice it when it happened.

The first night in search of the stars seemed far away, so far away that Dongmin felt like he had known Jaehyun for his entire life and not just for months. Their routine didn't seem recent either, but rather he felt like it was something they had been doing for years. It was a lot in such a short time, not as if Jaehyun had inserted himself into his life just because, but as if he had always been a part of it.

Calm and something close to happiness. That was what it felt like to have with Jaehyun in his life.

From the beginning he was captivated by the brown haired boy, with his infinite topics to discuss and a laugh that he will never be able to forget. He didn't want to think about how he had an instant crush, because he didn't, he just thought about how amazing it was to meet him, and how there was always a new side to discover.

Stargazing brought so many things to Dongmin that he wouldn't want to list them for fear of forgetting one, but among them it brought him moments of tranquility, where the world disappeared and the problems stayed in the city, and he got into the car with the clear feeling that Jaehyun brought him back something he thought he had lost at some point: hope. At the same time, it became a bond that he didn't want to share with anyone else.

Dongmin's feelings arose somewhere in those months of stargazing, between impromptu dinners on his living room floor and early mornings on the phone having conversations about their worries for the future.

He didn't have an exact date for those feelings, there was no specific notebook for them, but he was sure that they progressed as the days went by. He felt that his heart harbored something deeper than a friendship for the other one, at the same time he didn't know how to express it to himself in a way that his mind wouldn't scream at him that he was falling in love.

Rarely in his life did he have feelings more than friendship for someone, infinite crushes perhaps, but never anything serious. Never anything that made him feel like the moments he shared with Jaehyun.

For the first time in his life, he built something from scratch without the intention of doing so, and for the first time someone opened the doors to small details in life like Jaehyun did, even if it was unconsciously.

The sunsets reminded him of Jaehyun, and since he met him he started to have more photos of sunsets from his balcony, sometimes from the university and sometimes when Woonhak sent photos of the sun bothering him in his window while he had online classes in the afternoon and the rays were shining right at his desk. Small details that had a backup on his phone to always remember.

Saying it was something different was understandable, something Dongmin wanted to cling to. The only downside was that it didn't seem to be reciprocated, at least not to the same intensity. Thinking about being reciprocated was what discouraged all of his crushes at some point. And this time it didn't seem like the exception, it was just too late. So much so that he became aware of his feelings before he could even deny them.

He needed to express those feelings, or else they would end up suffocating him, but he was afraid of getting too ahead of himself and ruining what remained certain of their research. That night, with some words making a lump in his throat, he decided to wait until the winter passed to say everything that overwhelmed him that day.

By the time they reached the rock, Dongmin concluded that his little feelings would grow over time and need a home, one that Jaehyun was the one for.

“I feel too lazy to make notes today,” Jaehyun whimpered, leaning his head on Dongmin's shoulder, pouting and looking at him with pleading eyes. “Can you do it?”

Dongmin rolled his eyes and nodded, preventing him from having a free view of his blushing face at all costs.

“Are you going to dictate to me what to write?” he asked sighing. He felt Jaehyun nod, and that gave him the cue to start writing. He flipped through the journal, reviewing some of the past entries, coming to a blank page. “Why don't you put the year in the notes?”

All the sheets had the months and days at the header, also a count of the corresponding night, but never any indication of putting the year, which made him think it was intentional.

Jaehyun shrugged, bumping his shoulder into Dongmin's, and smiled a little.

“You don't like the idea of being timeless?” Jaehyun asked.

“I had never thought about it, I'm going to say no,” Dongmin responded seriously. At this, Jaehyun laughed and Dongmin only managed to push his head off from his shoulder. “Yah, just tell me if you don't remember what year we're in and I'll remind you. It's the year-"

“Of course I know what year it is!” Jaehyun interrupted offended, opening his mouth in disbelief of him thinking he was so lost in space and time. He shook his head and leaned back into the younger's shoulder, then heaved a sigh, giving up to explain. “I like the idea of ​​transcending time, I like to think that someone is going to read this and be able to place themselves in any year they want.”

“When someone reads it on the internet or for us?” Dongmin asked smiling, to which the brunette nodded, not paying much attention.

“Anyone,” Jaehyun murmured. “I want only you and me to know the exact moment it happened, I want it to be no notion of time if someone reads it, just let them know that it began one day in March when it was barely spring, another night in August when it rained on us and… We will probably see the most starry night in a winter far from us.” he continued with a wistful smile. “I want only you and me to know that we exist today, under this combination of stars in the sky.”

Dongmin nodded, moved by Jaehyun's mentality; If someone read their article online or found the small journal, the question might arise as to when it happened, whether it was days ago or years ago, but the two of them would know perfectly well the period of time in which it took place, the time they spent together, the stars under which they hid. It would be their secret, their moment in time, their way of staying there.

He didn't ask any more questions about writing the year, he dedicated himself to making the note dictated, and, in comparison with the previous ones they written, this one didn't fit.

Jaehyun only told him to write something about a star that shone in the west and, although that was relevant and worthy of admiration, the note felt empty. Dongmin spent the rest of his time on the rock crossing out the year in his past notes.

When he read each and every one of the notes written in the journal, he felt that all of them held another meaning, not being related to the research; as if Jaehyun was leaving clues of something to be deciphered. There was a hidden meaning in the middle of those sentences, one that only Jaehyun knew and he was proud of that, which is why he himself always smiled when writing them or reading the supplementary notes.

Jaehyun was a direct person with his thoughts, many times it even seemed like he didn't have a filter and they just came out. He was transparent, but only with what he was willing to let be seen, never more and never less, he preferred to blush from saying his feelings out loud rather than keeping it to himself, and at the same time he did not let everything be known.

The notes meant something, maybe related to Dongmin or maybe not, and the omission of the year could also go beyond what Jaehyun explained to him that night, but he wouldn't know that unless he read between every single line, unless he analyzed each moment from the perspective of the other.

When Dongmin previously reviewed several of his moments with the brunete, he did it in a different light, that was clear. While he lived it all under a veil of feelings being revealed, of affection blossoming, Jaehyun lived it in another way, one that he would not know how to interpret because it was from the side that he never showed.

Their night ended with Dongmin closing the notebook without making an additional note, just thinking that he was being very transparent with his feelings on this occasion, and he slept worrying about not knowing how to interpret Jaehyun's words in time.

The first time Dongmin saw a star shine brighter than any other, so far, was one night in August.

He didn't like to admit it, but he didn't deny it either: he was a nostalgic person, especially at the end of summer.

The feeling came on several occasions during June and July, accumulating fragments of nostalgia that he did not let go during those months, threatening to explode one August evening while performing a task he was struggling with.

Whenever something in his daily life got more complicated than usual, especially something to do with school, his mind flew to his mother. To the one person he loved the most, but the same one who overwhelmed him like no one else.

With an uneasy feeling, he got up from his desk chair and walked to his closet, looking for a box whose contents didn't often see the light of day. A photograph album that laid out his entire life from birth to age 10, pictures taken by different people, in different places, with different family members, things that were no longer in his memories, and a few childhood friends he left behind when he learned to tie his shoes properly.

Going through the photos was fun, he always loved seeing how much he had changed and loved even more finding things that stayed with him. His smile, most of all, always stayed the same. His father said it was his mother's smile, and that made him prouder to wear it.

However, among the dozens of photos of his childhood, there were only two with his mother: one on the day of his birth and another on his fourth birthday, with him hanging from her neck. There was never another one where they were together, let alone one where his father was also in the picture.

His mother was a complicated person, someone who found it difficult to show her affection even to her own son, and whose list of priorities was short, but always put her work first.

Dongmin didn't resent her for that, at least not like he used to do during his teenage years, but now when he thought about it, maybe he would have liked to have a little more of that time for the two of them. He would have liked her to support him in his homework instead of just solving it for him, just as he would have liked her to attend his festivals or dance competitions instead of sending his aunt, to the extent that his entire fourth grade class came to think of his aunt as his mother.

He sometimes thought about the times he received hugs and how he never got used to them, because hundreds of people could have given them to him, but he always waited for his mother's arms. He consoled himself that at least his father hugged him every day after work, although he couldn't hold on to it completely.

When he moved alone to the other side of town, intending to move close to the university he would attend, the distance between him and his mother became more evident than it already was, as it was complicated for him in the early years to move from north to south often, and his schedule didn't give him enough time. Besides, something always told him that it was in vain, he would arrive in an empty house.

It was on those days, in the summer, where he missed his childhood, where his mother still had time to pinch his cheeks, scolding him for being dirty after spending all day in the park because there was no school. That was when he missed his mother the most, now that she wouldn't answer a text from him until the next week.

Dongmin sighed, closing the album and getting up to go get something to drink from his fridge.

Summer also made him think of his aunt, whom he curiously saw more often because she lived downtown and often invited him for coffee, although lately he canceled on her because he was continuing his research with Jaehyun.

She supported him when his mother was not with him, from picking him up from school to taking care of him for the vacations. Dongmin was an only child with busy parents, and his aunt Yunhee never had children, so they found a refuge in each other.

She walked him around every corner of the city, by car, bicycle and bus; in the outskirts of the city as well, and that's where they built their most precious memories: wishing upon the stars.

He could have spent the day recalling every adventure with his aunt, but a text pulled him out of his trip down memory lane and brought him back to the present.

Jaehyun wanted to see the waning moon, he was at the door of his building and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

It's not like Dongmin was able to refuse, but he played hard to get for a few minutes even though he was going down the elevator to see the other in the parking lot of the building.

"There's something in the atmosphere today" Jaehyun said as they were already on their way to the mountain.

"Is that good or bad?" Dongmin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Meh," he replied with a shrug. "I feel a lot of energy, but I don't know what it's due to." Dongmin agreed, not understanding if he meant energy per se or something to do with the energies of the universe, things Jaehyun always brought up. "The waning moon is when only the left side of it is visible, then I will also tell you what sign is under."

Without further ado they reached their destination, at the right time to see the moon above them, so close but so far away, just as Jaehyun liked it.

The sky, as on several other occasions, was full of stars dancing in the sky, clearly seen in the distance, making a spectacle over their heads. The moon was also beautiful, and shone as Dongmin had not seen before, but the scenery in the sky didn't capture his attention as he would have liked.

Instead, he found himself looking at Jaehyun in the moonlight and in front of his car lights, sitting on the rock they knew so well, with a charming smile and stars in his pupils.

The feeling of nostalgia attacked him again, not knowing why, not knowing what his heart longed for if he had Jaehyun right in front of him, looking more real than ever.

There was something about the way his eyes sparkled and his lips curved into a smile, something about his hair swaying in the wind that made Dongmin's heart squeeze. He wanted to stay with that image forever, caught in that moment.

He didn't have a camera to capture it, nor did he need one, it was just a matter of keeping looking and hoping never to lose the memory, because Jaehyun looked as bright as a star.

"Dongmin," he called softly from his place, still looking up at the sky. Dongmin made a sound, barely gaining awareness of his surroundings. "Can you hug me?"

A request Dongmin didn't expect to hear in that sweet tone, one he agreed to without a second thought, he moved as close as he could to Jaehyun, and slowly began to wrap his arms around him.

He regretted the little experience in hugging that he managed, because at first it was awkward to find the right position for both of them to fit into each other's arms, but Jaehyun didn't seem to have a problem with that. On the contrary, he too seemed to be looking for ways to make the hug feel right.

Having Jaehyun's face on his chest was both a relief and a danger, as he felt glad to have him so close, but at the same time his heart could give away everything he felt with its outrageous beating.

To his surprise, when he tried to see Jaehyun's face, he looked relaxed against his chest, oblivious to the hammering of his heart, melting more and more into the embrace with his eyes closed and his lips forming a soft smile.

Dongmin would have wanted to look so peaceful, because he felt that way, at the same time he was a whirlwind of feelings.

They stayed like that for several minutes, until the moon that looked so close moved away from them discreetly, as if it didn't want to interrupt the moment.

"My great-grandmother used to tell me something when I was a child," Jaehyun began to say, causing Dongmin's chest to vibrate. "She used to tell me to look for the person with whom I felt able to close my eyes in a hug" he murmured letting out a sigh. "For tonight, I think I found that person.”

The accumulated nostalgia finally detonated, making his mind form a chain of fragments that, one by one, took him back to his first journal entries, the ones he avoided all this time.

Would it be too pathetic if I wish for a star to fall from the sky and be by my side?

It might have come years later, so many that it had remained in the back of his mind, but he would not like to have it any other way.

Jaehyun's embrace was so strong that it mended the small cracks his heart carried for years, wiping away every trace of nostalgia he felt throughout his day, fitting a piece he didn't know he needed.

That night, Dongmin held a star in his hands, and was lucky not to get burned in the process.

08/15

The moon was below the horizon, under the sign of Leo, at a distance of 397.533.0 km fron the Earth. Not that it has any relevance to writing this, but I didn't know how to break the ice with my next question.

Will my colleague remember when I asked him if he has thought of kissing in the rain? I hope not, because I have a change of plans.

I like the idea of ​​doing it under the stars better.

-MJH.

08/15

The chances of rain are low for now, so kissing in the rain might be a little difficult.

On the other hand, I also like the idea of ​​kissing under the stars, during winter, when they shine brighter.

-HDM.

October arrived accompanied by the calm before the storm.

For some reason, that month brought with it a stronger emotional burden than usual, and Dongmin will remember it clearly from beginning to end. The month where everything ended before it even began.

In October the leaves of the trees were found on the ground, like every year; The moon shone and he felt it like his companion because of how close it felt. The world was spinning without any problems, but for Dongmin there was something that changed everything: Jaehyun.

He looked happier than ever, with smiles here and there, with jokes for the small inconveniences in his day and with the desire to take over the world. But his eyes reflected none of that. They were an eternal void, one that Dongmin couldn't help fill.

Worst of all, he didn't know if Jaehyun wanted to fill it.

They spent more time together than usual, which Dongmin enjoyed, but he couldn't help but feel that it was all a deception; that closeness felt superficial, as if they weren't moments with the Jaehyun he previously shared. He seemed like someone foreign, a new stranger with whom he had to be careful not to cross the limits that he did not know, someone with whom he had not built anything before.

Jaehyun claimed that everything was fine, and even better, but his actions reflected otherwise. Although Dongmin didn't want to push, he didn't leave the topic there.

With the obvious deterioration of his relationship with Jaehyun, he began to rethink a couple of things throughout the month.

How well did he know Jaehyun?

No matter how much they shared information about each other's lives, he never knew the name of the brunete's best friends, nor about his life in general beyond his current studies and his internship. He knew that his family consisted of his mother and his older brother, but only because he saw a photo of them in the apartment on one of his visits.

It wasn't that he needed to know all that, but he did find it curious how he had no idea who he was falling in love with.

He was delighted by the Jaehyun who knows all the songs on the radio, both current and from forty years ago; a smile appeared on his face when he heard him talk about astrology with so much emotion, and he liked seeing those pretty eyes shine while observing the stars, but the questions did not leave her mind: who was Jaehyun outside of that space created for the two of them? 

“I have something to tell you” Jaehyun exclaimed one day under the libra sun.

It was something like a date, more unofficial, but they were both in a cafe, sitting side by side, with their hands barely touching because neither took the initiative to join them.

Dongmin snapped out of his thoughts, blinking a few times to give the other his full attention.

"What's up?" he asked still absently.

“Can we go to the mountains later?” the oldest asked timidly, nervous, almost. “It seems more appropriate to say it there.”

Dongmin didn't question anything, he just nodded and promised to take him after their visit to the mall was over.

After finishing their coffee, they both decided it was a good idea to go shopping, spending half of their afternoon hopping from store to store, with Donmgin loading up on bags of clothing with different hoodies for the cool fall nights and the approaching winter. Jaehyun showed no interest in buying anything, so Dongmin decided it was time to leave if they weren't going to buy anything else, until they passed by a small store that caught Jaehyun's attention, who asked the younger to wait while he bought something he saw in the shopwindow.

His purchase took six minutes, the trip to the parking lot another four, and an hour of traffic later, they both found themselves in the car halfway through the mountains, with a song that Jaehyun had been repeating for weeks on the car radio.

“Regulus?” Dongmin asked, reading the song title out of the corner of his eye.

He rarely paid attention to the lyrics, honestly, because Jaehyun talked over the song in specific parts, as if he didn't want him to listen to it, and he certainly hasn't had time to review it on his own, so he feels a little lost in the feeling with which his companion sang it. Especially because that night he is absent, but not enough cause he changed the song when he realized Dongmin was listening to it attentively.

“That's old. This is my next song of the week,” Jaehyun smiled, switching to a song Dongmin vaguely recognized. A silly love song.

"That was your July obsession.”

“Yah, it's not like I can't repeat it” he refuted, offended. “This song makes me think of you.”

“Wow, romance is not dead.”

Jaehyun laughter echoes through the car in a genuine way, like it hasn't before, and for a moment Dongmin believes it was all in his mind. They were fine, they would be fine.

When they arrived at their usual spot, Jaehyun did something out of routine.

This time, he did not turn his back on the city, but sat with his eyes on it, his back on the mountain.

"I feel like we don't give the moon enough credit," Jaehyun said in a muffled voice.

His eyes were illuminated by the distant lights, making him seem to cherish part of the stars in the sky. However, they did not reflect any emotion.

And it was strange, as he spoke of the moon but didn't give it a glance.

Dongmin took a seat beside him, but he turned his back to the city, allowing himself to come face to face with Jaehyun.

"I think everything has its audience," Dongmin replied in a sigh, looking away from Jaehyun to look up at the moon. "There are moon enthusiasts, there are star enthusiasts, and there are those who dare to love the entire galaxy." he nodded to himself, considering his words.

"What do you consider yourself enthusiastic about?"

He was enthusiastic about many things.

Writing, music and video games, among other things. There are even foods in their own category that make him feel excited.

He would also consider himself enthusiastic about Jaehyun, about his laugh, his eyes and his carefree attitude. His intelligence, his words, everything he was. But it didn't seem like the time to say it.

Not yet. He could wait a little longer, just a little longer and he would confess his feelings.

"Lately, about the stars," Dongmin replied instead.

It wasn't a lie, after all he found himself seeing stars up three times a week, and if it was because of the boy next to him he wouldn't say it out loud.

"It's nice to share something with someone" Jaehyun whispered, suddenly moving closer to Dongmin's face.

There was something, in that moment, which overshadowed everything around. Everything in that moment was Jaehyun: the lights in the distance, the air between the leaves of the trees, the sky, the moon and the stars.

Jaehyun.

Just Jaehyun.

And Dongmin felt like his heart would shoot out of his throat right there, ready to release all the feelings he had been keeping for months. But quickly his heart returned to its place, pushed back by the air he sucked in when Jaehyun was so close to him that their noses brushed.

It was a moment to let go of all his inhibitions and kiss him, everything was pointing to be the moment Dongmin had been waiting for so long. But it wasn't time. Not yet.

"Under a starry sky" Dongmin muttered, and it seemed like the other understood, as he moved a few inches away from him.

It was a promise made by both of them, backed up in the journal.

They would kiss under the starriest sky of the year, in the winter, in a few months.

"S-sure" Jaehyun stuttered, his eyes straying to the city again.

If he thought anything else, he didn't vocalize it, and just stared silently.

"What did you want to tell me at the cafe?" Dongmin questioned after a while, raising alarms in Jaehyun's head.

"Oh..." he blurted out barely, blinking rapidly. "Just... Thank you, for doing this with me for so long... For seeing me" he whispered the last part. Before even giving Dongmin time to respond, he reached into his pockets for something he carried with him from the mall and held it out to the other's hands. "I bought this for you."

Dongmin took the small notebook that Jaehyun bought for him, seeing in detail that it was smaller than his journal, and with the size of his handwriting he could barely fit a line on each page, but he smiled at the sight of the small drawing of a cat sleeping in a cup.

"Thank you" Dongmin whispered with a smile. "I'll take it with me everywhere."

"Just don't write about me," Jaehyun tried to joke, although it sounded more like a plea to seriously not do it. "Write about things that make you happy in one word every time you realize it."

Dongmin nodded, patting the little notebook.

"I won't write about you, I promise," he said firmly. "Thank you for being here, with me, for all these months."

Thank you for everything you make me feel, was what Dongmin didn't say that night. 

At the end of the night, Jaehyun's eyes showed a little sparkle for the first time in the night, and Dongmin could finally see himself reflected in those eyes.

A warm atmosphere, a sigh was all that separated them, an almost kiss that never came. A night that ended with a lopsided smile, pinkies intertwined and a sky with half the stars Donmgin hoped to see in the future.

They didn't write anything that night.

With all the pain in his heart, Dongmin understood that the 3% margin of error turned out to be necessary.

It had been a few weeks since they last went to stargaze together, he even noticed that there were a few missing pages in the journal since the last night on the rock, and he had heard little about Jaehyun in that time other than a few exchanges of texts and a quick visit to the nearest convenience store on a night in the middle of the month.

While it was normal for the interaction with Jaehyun to falter from time to time, this time it gave Dongmin a bad feeling when Jaehyun took the journal with him.

The day he woke up to a text from Jaehyun, it was just a link he sent at 2:55 AM, eight hours before Dongmin woke up.

Still somewhat sleepy, Dongmin clicked on the link, quickly discovering that it was the song that Jaehyun was obsessed with in a not-so-secret way at the beginning of October, and decided that it was time to listen to it carefully if he already had permission to do so.

As soon as he heard the first line, he felt enveloped in an inexplicable peace conveyed by the vocalist's voice.

The name of the star I live on

Often they call it the Regulus

Even thoughit may be dark all day,

I'm not lonely at all.

Everything in that song seemed to have a certain essence of Jaehyun and they journal, as if it had been written for him. Dongmin could imagine Jaehyun humming the lyrics from time to time, repeating them in his room until dawn, letting himself be hugged by the same peace of that voice as he walked with headphones down the street. At some point he knew that Jaehyun enjoyed singing, and he always wondered what his singing voice would be like, he felt that this song would be perfect for him to perform sometime, maybe he could learn the chords on the guitar and play for Jaehyun to sing.

It was a nice melody with lyrics that he had to read between the lines.

In this place where I live and breathe,

there's flower that resembles you

it doesn't withers or fades away,

it always stays by my side.

Dongmin sighed, enjoying the song as it progressed, until a certain line took away that moment of peace, forcing him to rewind that part to make sure he understood it correctly.

Even if I can't remember 'cause I have faded away

So that you're the only one who knows

Under the horizon star, I will bury the secret

Tock-tock, so the flower of you can bloom again

His breathing quickened a little, and he decided to continue with the song so he could enjoy it in its entirety and not get carried away with an isolated line. However, the feeling of unease had already settled in his chest.

I'm withering, but you don't be withering

Remember me even when I'm gone,

just a little selfishly.

This star is precious, a living and breathing memory

Even if it's far away from the earth.

Dongmin sat on his bed, eyes filling with tears as he thought about the distance between him and Jaehyun. Just a few kilometers, a few minutes by car, right?

Out of the many that I've met

You're the only one I'll remember

You who is listening to this song now

I'll remember you.

The moment those lines ended the song, everything broke.

The illusions, the promises and his heart.

Finally reading between the lines that Jaehyun couldn't make clearer for him to understand the first time, he felt his soul break into thousands of pieces as tears began to fall down his face.

A part of him was hopeful, a vague illusion that he had misunderstood the message and Jaehyun would write to him in a couple of hours to ask his opinion on it.

But the text didn't arrive in the following hours that he spent in his room crying. In its place, a few others arrived who finished trampling on the last ray of hope that hid heart kept.

A text that said “I'm Jaehyun's brother…” accompanied by other words that he did not want to read, confirmed what he feared so much. And the world stopped there.

It was as if he had been thrown into a dark nebula, as if the solar system was dispersing little by little and heavy clouds of dust obscured the stars with each tear. The dust became thicker, the night became colder and suddenly Dongmin felt like he was alone under a black sky even though it was broad daylight.

At some point he stopped crying, at some point Woonhak and Sungho came to his place and he bursted into tears before he could even explain the situation.

“Dongmin… Minie… What happened?” Woonhak asked scared, trying to keep him in his arms.

Sungho tried to sit them on the couch without any success, Dongmin just clung to Woonhak's arms while crying.

“My chest hurts…” he murmured through tears. "I can't... I need... Jae-"

Saying his name burned his throat. He couldn't pronounce it after that, he doesn't even know if he told his friends what happened, he just cried until he fell asleep.

He felt sheltered by arms that were not warm enough, he was comforted by a voice that was not the one he expected to hear, he spent the weekend disoriented by everything that was happening around him, waiting for the nightmare to end.

But this one only dragged on, so long that Dongmin felt like he ran out of tears to shed, but they always came back; the days passed in a blur and the pain in his heart only increased with time.

There were so many words that got stuck in his throat, so many things he wanted to do but didn't have the courage, there were so many ideas for the future winter that suddenly disappeared on an autumn day. Crying was not enough to regret all those things.

And every day he woke up was another day in which regret grew in his chest.

Sometimes it was a note on his phone that he had saved, scheduled to be sent on a day in November. As the date approached, everything fell apart as he remembered the situation he was in. There was no reason to send it now.

A week and a half after Jaehyun's last message, someone knocked on his door.

He didn't want to open it at first, because there was no point knowing who it was, he knew it wasn't the person he was expecting. It was thanks to the other person's insistence that he forged himself to open it after five minutes, encountering a man dressed in black.

Due to the onset of cold winter, he appeared warm in a coat and wrapped in a brown scarf that only left his sunglasses visible, when he took them off, he let his eyes be seen. Eyes so penetrating that they created a lump in Dongmin's throat just by looking at them.

They had the same eyes.

“Hello,” the man murmured, standing up straight. “I am… I…” he cleared his throat and continued: “I am… I was… I am Jaehyun's brother-” he murmured with difficulty.

“I understand,” Dongmin cut in softly, showing that he wouldn't pressure him to say anything else. “Formality is not necessary on this occasion… Can I help you with something?”

The man nodded, reaching one of his hands into his coat pocket to hand out with trembling hands a blue envelope with his name and the journal underneath it.

Dongmin had to hold on to the door frame cause he felt a stab in his heart when he saw the calligraphy.

“He left this for you.” he murmured with difficulty. “I'm sorry… I'm sorry I read it,” he apologized, taking a breath. “I know it was a violation of his privacy… And yours… But I needed…” At this point, the man was choking on a sob, and Dongmin wasn't far from it. “I wanted was looking for someone to blame” He admitted, putting his glasses back on. "But... This is not the case."

He was not offended by the confession. On the contrary, he understood how difficult it must have been for him to read what his brother left in the envelope. Although he didn't know about their relationship, the other's devastated look told him that, at least, he loved his younger brother. It was understandable that he wanted to look for answers, even if there weren't any where he expected, Dongmin didn't know what was behind it either, but he would also have preferred to blame someone else than face Jaehyun's true reasons.

“I'm not upset,” he said, taking the envelope delicately. “Thank you for delivering this, it must have been difficult to come here.”

Jaehyun's brother dropped his hands to his sides, as if feeling defeated.

“The funeral…”

Those words pierced his soul.

"I don't want to attend,” Dongmin said quickly, tears in his eyes. “Please, I can’t… I couldn’t stand it.”

“I understand,” he sighed, closing his eyes. It seemed to be all he was going to say, but before he turned around, he forced himself to make eye contact. “I have a lot to say and little strength to do it,” he said with a humorless laugh. “First of all, promise me that you will write to him that… I will be fine. I will recover and I will be fine” Dongmin didn't say anything, he just nodded, and with the little strength he had he held his gaze. “Second... Thank you, Dongmin-ah... Thanks to you I was able to have my brother for a few more months.”

The air caught in Dongmin's throat, fortunately he didn't have to say anything else because the man bowed in front of him and turned around, quickening his pace and roughly wiping the tears from his eyes as he walked away.

It was overwhelming to be there, plowing at his door with pajamas that did not protect him from the cold, watching from a distance how a man was trying not to fall to pieces in the middle of the hall, and even though he wanted to help him in his pain, he was being suffocated by his own.

He didn't have siblings, he wouldn't know how to interpret what it's like to lose one, but they both had something in common, they both lost the same person, they were both adrift for the same reason.

With trembling hands he closed the door, heading to his couch to take a seat with the envelope in his hands.

He asked himself: was he ready to see the contents of the letter?

No, he wasn't. But he wouldn't be one day either.

Prolonging things didn't work for him before, much less now. So he could only force himself to open it at once.

A letter written especially for him, it was clear just by looking at the paper: it was from the journal, the pages that were lost the last time he met Jaehyun.

The ink on the envelope showed Jaehyun's delicate handwriting, and Dongmin smiled for the first time when he read who it was addressed to.

To my star boy.

10/15: last night.

I don't know how to start this, or if I really have to, but I feel you deserve to know and, after so much debate in my mind, I concluded that if anyone should know my feelings, it's you.

I felt I stopped living at thirteen. I'm off to a strong start, don't you think? But this is the first time I say it to someone else, and somehow this way my pain is finished materializing.

I won't go into details, especially because I only manage to steal 3 sheets of paper from the journal and I have to take advantage of the space, I don't plan to write you on a common sheet of paper. Anyway, back to… that, I felt like this for years of my life.

The night we met, hah, is it silly to think you saved me? The day you found me debating with myself and said I shouldn't make decisions with alcohol in my system, I was planning on ending my life before I entered the diner, but I stopped thinking for a second and asked you a silly question, but you still responded even though I was a stranger to you.

That night, you listened and it changed everything. I stopped thinking when you awkward smile made me feel that you cared, and it somehow felt like it was my last chance to be heard by someone. And you did. You listened to me for hours, days, months.

I liked to think of myself as a star, for the simple reason that I was left behind and no one ever noticed. Everyone could see me, but I was no longer here. Even I wasn't aware of this, until I wanted to return to Earth for a reason, for you, and realized that it was already impossible. I couldn't reach out to you.

I never thought I'd have the perseverance to spend months with the same goal in mind, especially if I never once thought about letting it go. It didn't feel like an obligation nor did it feel like a game, instead it felt like the moment I'd been waiting for my whole life to know there was something for me in this world.

I spent years looking for answers in the stars, until I found them in you, in the guy who mistook a plane for a star, the same guy who played along with me for so many nights admiring the sky no matter the weather conditions, and the same guy who made me feel enough peace to close my eyes in a hug. It was a minute, but I felt alive again.

I can't explain all this I feel for you and the connection with what I'm about to do, because maybe there is not connection as such, I'm just a complete mess who deserted in the research. Why isn't it enough? Why is all this love I feel for you not enough to make me stay? I want to stay with you, be with you, and get better together with you.

Dongmin, you gave me so much hope I don't know what to do with it now. Where would it go when I'm not here anymore? Would you still be able to feel it? I hope you do. I won't take it with me; I want it to stay where it belongs.

It weighs on me that our research is the last line on the list of things I never finished, and that kissing you under the starriest sky of the year is the first of the things I will never do.

I trust you to finish our research, I hope that someday you will go in winter (warmly dressed, please) and sit on the rock and look at the sky, that you will write down your thoughts on whether the stars seem to come down to earth during that season, that you will write if any of them reminds you of me. Hopefully it will, hopefully this time I can actually get a little closer to Earth so I can be alone for a moment with you, quietly in my heart this time.

I never saw as many stars in my life as I saw with you, and I never saw one that shone as bright as you did. I hope your brightness doesn't disappear, so I can keep looking for you from wherever I am.

Thank you for the stars, I carry them in my heart, just as I carry you.

-From a lost star.

The paper was soaked with tears by the time he read the signature.

His mind spun, invaded by images of Jaehyun, one after the other, from the day they met until the last night, even being cruel enough to imagine him writing the letter.

With that letter, thousands of things made sense in their story, Dongmin could now see it, but they no longer had a reason to exist if Jaehyun was not there. Everything was darkness and he couldn't find the direction to go, he could only think about the last night stargazing, where nothing existed but a pair of eyes illuminated by the city lights. Eyes that were artificially illuminated for months until it was no longer enough.

The journal sat on the desk for days, not being look through as frequently as it had become used to. Dongmin outlined the drawing on the cover, paying attention to the distance between the little prince and the rose. In the drawing it looked short, just a few centimeters apart, but taking the place of either of the two it could be enormous. He sighed before opening it, feeling his hand tremble as he did so.

All the notes were there, starting with the first entry he made when he was a teenager, the ones he and Jaehyun had made took more than half of the journal, he smiled weakly, biting his lip to keep from crying when he saw the note that corresponded to the day when they met. After Jaehyun's full name was his age, which was supposed to change that day. With a pen that was on the desk, Dongmin scratched the age written on it, trying to be careful not to tear the page. He felt his eyes burn, but it felt right that way. At least this way it was easier to ignore that Jaehyun's age would no longer change.

He read the journal for a while, passing by where the missing pages were ripped, in the middle of the month of August, perhaps in the between the end of summer and the beginning of autumn. When he thought he reached the end, he took a deep breath, and saw a note from the middle of October. A note from that night.

10/15

Han Dongmin, you're the universe I'm helpless in, you have all the constellation in your eyes. I'm in love with you, and it will remain this way forever.

Please, be happy.

-Myung Jaehyun.

Tears traveled the path they seemed to know by heart, but this time a smile was on Dongmin's face.

What differentiated that note from the letter, despite being written the same night, was the intention with which it was written. The letter was not part of their story, the note is. Directed intentionally for Dongmin, written by Jaehyun, the last names on display taking away a bit of the anonymity they were used to, and, of course, the intention that, no matter what day Dongmin opened the journal, Jaehyun would be declaring his love.

It would have been the perfect ending to that journal, but Dongmin knew it wasn't the end. As much as it was a new wound to his heart when he opened it, he tried to keep writing.

He wrote a simple message for Jaehyun on his birthday, not sure he could write more without having another emotional breakdown.

Some time later he wrote in the company of Sungho and Woonhak, who never read the notes but held their friend's hand while he wrote little words for Jaehyun, thinking that one day he would be able to see them from wherever he was.

The holidays came, the year went by, another one began, and none of that made things easier for Dongmin. It was difficult to get out of the constant state of sadness he harbored, and when he made even the slightest progress, the world fell apart again.

His friends accompanied him as much as they could, but at some point they sought more help from his mother, who stopped her busy schedule after years to see her son, feeling her heart sink when she saw that all the sparkle in his eyes had gone.

“I don't think you should have this anymore,” his mother murmured, placing a hand on the journal. Dongmin pulled it away from her.

“I need it with me.” he scoffed, frowning. “I'll find my peace, I can get through this alone.”

The woman pursed her lips, and Dongmin knew she kept what she thought to herself: that he wouldn't be able to get through it alone. But he convinced himself that he would. He did it before, with the help of an empty journal and no one to judge him while he cried, why couldn't he now?

Ups and downs took him until the night before Valentine's Day, where he wished not to wake up so as not to face the reality of spending that day alone. But, as was always, there was no one who could grant him a single wish.

The first thing he did when he woke up was cry, surprised to still have tears after so many weeks of carelessly shedding them. He ran to the desk to sit down and write, praying with all his might that something in today's atmosphere might be a sign that someone was listening to him, that Jaehyun hadn't completely abandoned him.

He had told his friends that he didn't want to go out, they understood and, although Dongmin was determined to wallow in his misery all day, before midnight he called Woonhak to ask him if he would take him somewhere before the day was over. When his friend's car stopped in front of the building, he noticed Sungho smiling sweetly at him from the passenger seat.

With a grateful smile, Dongmin got into the car and told Woonhak where to go and where to stop.

He hadn't been there since early October, the first thing he noticed was that he didn't feel as at peace as before when he was in front of the rock. For a moment he wanted to close the car door, tell Woonhak to go back to the city and apologize for making them go out so late, but before he could do it, Sungho extended his hand to him, letting him know they would keep him accompany on the rock.

Dongmin took his usual place, but this time he felt empty, with too much space around him because his friends didn't get on, they just tood next to him while they saw the city and Donmgin looked towards the mountains.

The stars were shining, he felt surrounded by them, as if they were slowly descending because it was the day he had waited so long for, the moon accompanied him too, positioning itself firmly above him like the last time he saw it.

“They say the October moons are very beautiful,” he told his friends with a lump in his throat.

“I think today's is also very pretty,” Woonhak responded, leaning his head on Dongmin's shoulder.

“He's not here,” Dongmin muttered barely, shaking his head. “It's the night we were waiting for… And nothing screams to me that he is here.”

“Dongmin…”

“It's not fair!” he sobbed, hugging his knees. “We should've been together today… We should've… Our first kiss would have been here… We will never be together again” he lamented, directing his desperate gaze to the sky. “I could go through an entire galaxy looking for Jaehyun and he could've been roaming every sky looking for me but we will never meet again.”

He hadn't say his name in months. It physically hurt him to say it.

Sungho looked up at the sky, not because he wanted to see the stars, but to prevent tears from falling from his eyes. Woonhak hugged Dongmin by the neck, sobbing silently as his friend fell into pieces again, with all the stars and the moon being witness to his broken heart.

It wouldn't get any easier from then on. Time would just get by and, even if they wanted to take away all of Dongmin's pain by just making a wish, they knew they couldn't interrupt his friend's process.

When they were back in the city, Dongmin made a note, complaining to Jaehyun and the entire universe for having been abandoned like this, but reflecting on his words, concluding that perhaps they were only destined to be a moment in time, a once in a lifetime opportunity.

There was no indication that what they had would last, and the only thing that had a clear limit was the investigation.

On February 14th, Dongmin concluded the research.

Some time later, long enough for a heavy layer of dust to mostly cover the drawing in the diary, Dongmin decided to open it one last time, remembering that he never made a complementary note to the one Jaehyun left on October.

I found the notebook you gave me. You didn't want me to write about you, so I won't do it.

It's been a while, I'm not happy, I'm not better. I'm just still here, sometimes I think about you, sometimes I remember you without bursting down into tears and that's a good sign!

You told me to be happy, and I'm trying. Not just for you, but for me. I'm tired of always walking while looking at my shoes, and I promise you the next time I'm able to look up at the sky, you'll see me smiling. Dont's stop looking for me, please, I'm still here.

I didn't want to put a date to this, because we have the most important things documented already, and I don't want to put a deadline on my healing, so I'll just leave it like this. 

I miss you, every day. You left so many pieces of you on this town, every good memory I have is tied to you. I don't want to forget you, I just want to smile again when I think of you.

You had the prettiest smile and the shiniest eyes in the whole universe. 

P.S. I never gave you an answer.

Myung Jaehyun, you were the first star I've ever met, the one I will always look for in this galaxy, and I was equally in love with you.

I hope you're in peace, you always deserved it.

-Han Dongmin.

The last time Dongmin saw Jaehyun, he took all the stars in the sky with him and, so far, they haven't returned to where they belong.