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The more that Ludo paced back and forth in front of Zero’s house, the more he became convinced Phenn had to be pulling his leg.
“Oh, just invite him out for a drink, Ludo, it’ll be great!” Ludo mocked aloud. Those were not the exact words Phenn had given him, but it was easier than acknowledging his own doubt on the matter.
First, as far as Ludo knew, Zero didn’t drink. He’d sure never seen it. He’d even seen Zero turn it down before. Though, maybe he was just the private type about it? That was possible. Maybe he just had a reputation to uphold. The Flamebringer can’t be seen drunk or something like that.
Second, the brand. It was just some cheap export from Valore. Was the great Ringbearer really going to be satisfied with that? Ludo felt like the only appropriate level of gift should have at *least* been a fine white wine from the area, not this near-piss Ludo could buy for a couple leaves.
Third, perhaps heaviest, was whether Zero would want to drink with him of all people. What Zero had done for Ludo was special but Zero himself was special, and surrounded by amazing people. “Give him a chance to unwind. Be there for him.” Those were Phenn’s actual words. But surely there had to be people better suited to it? Surely Stia or Phenn, his longtime friends, would better understand. Or even any other longtime resident of Wishvale. Or hell, even some of the companions he often traveled with had to be better drinking buddies.
Ludo paced under a cloud of doubt, ignoring the occasional side-eye from residents passing on their returns home, as the sun approached the mountains.
“Ahhh! This is stupid!” Ludo declared, finally bringing himself to a halt. Why the hell was he so worried about this, anyway? He’d been just as nervous when he’d first asked Molly out. And sure, she’d nearly died laughing at first, before giving him a ‘sure, we can try.’ Only his pride had been wounded, and surely that had healed by now.
So Ludo firmly pivoted to face the door to Zero’s home. He marched to it, each step heavy with determination on the cobblestone. A quick rap, a moment’s wait in the tension, but before Ludo could even start contemplating backing out, Zero had answered.
“Ludo?” Zero, as always, bore a smile like the sun. “Was that you I thought I saw pacing about outside?”
“What? No, of course not,” Ludo immediately denied. “No reason for that.”
“Okay.” And either Zero bought it, or didn’t feel a reason to push it. “Still, this is an unexpected visit. What’s up?”
“What, I can’t just come say hi to you?” Ludo grumbled a bit.
“No, I mean, yes, of course you can!” Zero’s smile faltered, his apology quick. “It’s just a surprise, that's all.”
Ludo rolled his eyes. He’d just made such a firm resolution to get this done and now they were putting it off. Screw that. “Well, I have another for you. Surprise, that is.” He pulled the gift from his satchel, offering the bottle. He didn’t dare look at Zero, as he held the bottle out. “It’s for you.”
What he got in return was dead silence. That wasn’t what Ludo wanted at all.
He had been set up. This was all a prank. Damn Phenn, mocking him yet again, and this time getting Zero involved? Unforgivable. Utterly unforgivable. He was going to drag Phenn through the streets for this--
Zero’s hands met his, just for a second, to take the bottle. His voice, his answer, was smaller than before. “How... how did you know about this?”
When Ludo turned to look at Zero, all the frustration evaporated from the merchant in a second.
Zero had always been an expressive person, from the moment they’d first met until now. Just a couple hours ago, Ludo had the joy of watching Zero regale him (and the rest of the tavern) with a grand tale of adventure born out of the smallest encounter. Zero always had a big smile and a bigger presence.
Except now, Zero looked like a small, terrified animal. No one expression was readable, as it flickered far too fast among conflicted states to name any of them. His chest rose and fell visibly in tune with the sharp breaths he took, his eyes almost twitching as they jumped between feelings, glancing at the bottle, him, away, the bottle, him again, shutting tight in thought.
“Phenn!” Ludo blurted it out. “It was Phenn’s suggestion! I said I wanted to thank you, and get you something, and he said I should ask to go drink with you!”
The sense of terror, at least, left Zero. Yet the smile didn’t come back. Zero stopped looking at him. He tried to give an answer, only for it to die in his throat. Then he chewed over the next few, brow furrowing deep.
When no answer came, Ludo sighed deep. “Hey, listen, if it’s wrong, forget I said anything. I can take it back.” Now he just felt awful. This had not at all gone how he’d hoped. In fact, Zero being outright insulted might have been better than whatever all this was. He’d clearly struck something deep. “I can find something else, and while I’m at it I’ll shove this bottle right up Phenn’s--”
“Why did he give you...” Zero muttered a half response. He stole one more glance at Ludo, then turned away. Even without seeing his face, Ludo could watch his body rise and fall in a deep, rolling sigh.
Then Zero spoke again, his voice hollower than Ludo knew it to be. “If you wanted to, sure, we can. But I, listen, I’m not capable of always wearing a smile when I drink, Ludo. I’m not gonna look like the hero everyone thinks I am.”
“Well,” Ludo started, pondering his own answer. Or rather, his own question. And there, he found his answer. “That’s okay. You’ve seen... well, you know. It’s only fair, right?”
“Only fair, huh?” Zero repeated those words, quietly. Then his voice rose, finding its confidence again. “Okay. If you’re sure.”
Having seen that reaction, he wasn’t at all sure, but Ludo was awful at backing down.
This was not the first time Ludo had a bit to drink, at a graveyard, in the falling night. Back then, it had been Molly, himself, and a couple friends, all there to knock over the fresh grave of an asshole soldier who’d been anything but kind to them. It was celebration and mischief and rebellion. Now, well, Ludo could claim to at least be out of the most rebellious parts of his teenage years. It would’ve felt wrong to do any of that here, anyway. Wishvale and its deceased had done him no wrong.
Besides, sitting next to Zero and watching the last rays of the sun here, he didn’t think there was a whole lot he wanted for.
Ludo heard lots of the stories about what Zero and his companions would get dragged into. Sure, there were tales like that little fishing adventure. Lots of little things like that. Somehow, everywhere Zero went, incredible things always happened. Small, amazing adventures, as he told them. Yet when Ludo asked about the rings, he heard the bitterness in Zero’s voice.
“Truth is, I don’t want to be the Ringbearer,” Zero told him.
“Why not?”
Zero took a long swig, direct from the bottle, before setting it down between them. He needed the courage. “The rings seem to attract the worst people... or maybe they make them the worst. I don’t know.” Zero sighed, pulling up one knee and throwing his arm across it. He looked at the ring upon his finger, a scorn in his eye. “I thought seeing Wishvale burn would’ve been the worst moment of my life. But somehow, every time I leave because of this ring...”
Trailing off finished the thought for him better than any words could. Ludo felt a shiver run through him. He knew a bit, not much.
“Not very heroic of me, is it?” Zero sighed.
“Yet you’ve kept the ring,” Ludo noted.
“Yeah.” Zero fidgeted with it, between his fingers, letting it reflect in the last of the sunlight. “I thought a lot about throwing it away, you know. But... well, someone else would find it. And at worst, there would be another Pardis. And at best, well, someone else would have to endure them.”
“Sounds pretty heroic to me,” Ludo smiled, but it didn’t quite break the distance that had overtaken Zero’s gaze. “Once I found out how much trouble it was, I’d have just pawned it off, so you’re one up on me.”
That, at least, earned the corner of a smirk from Zero. “Thanks.” He took up the bottle again, another deep swig. Ludo hadn’t drank much himself (it really did taste cheap), and definitely not in comparison to what Zero was imbibing. Then again, it was a gift for Zero first and foremost.
“Do you normally come out here to drink?”
Zero paused, and set the bottle beside him. “No. I usually just do so at home. Quieter that way. Nobody knows.”
“Yeah, I sure didn’t,” Ludo nodded. This, all of this, was a side to Zero he’d never seen; but all of it made sense. It pulled Zero from that pedestal of hero and set him down in the grass next to the merchant. He felt within reach, and not just literally. Ludo reached for the bottle instead. “Seems only Phenn knew?”
“And now you,” Zero nodded absently. His eyes were straight ahead, watching the sun drop. “And here I thought he was good at keeping secrets.”
“That dumbass? Nah. It took some pressure, but I got him to spill.” Ludo paused, those words sour in his mouth. Or was it this swill? How did Zero like the stuff? “I mean, well, okay, I wasn’t prying on you deliberately. I just wanted a gift idea.”
“Why me?” Zero asked, idly. “What did I do to deserve this, anyway?”
“What, did you forget what you did for me already?” Ludo elbowed his companion.
He was surprised at the earnest shock on Zero’s face. “No! I just didn’t think it was anything special.”
“Of course it was!” Ludo poked at him once more. “I owe you big for going out there with me. If you didn’t come along to help me look into Molly’s... well, I mean. I’d probably would’ve ended up dead.”
“And that means coming out here to drink next to a bunch of graves that have nothing to do with you?”
“Well, yeah.” Ludo answered like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Zero finally looked back to him, and Ludo felt embarrassment creep up on him. At the very least, that booze was doing a good job putting a little haze on it. That sense of shame could shove off right now. Ludo had to get this off his chest.
“Zero, you saw me at my worst. Unless you think me crying a bunch is normal or something.” It’s the first time he’s acknowledged it aloud. He didn’t even say that at the time. On the final walk back home, the documents long squared away and justice impending, it had become too much for Ludo. He’d finally given into tears of pain and relief both.
And Zero had held him through it, without a second thought or a word of judgment. Just a firm, warm embrace, a support Ludo hadn’t felt since he’d had Molly. Zero had let him cry until he had no more tears. Then he’d let him go, and when Ludo asked they just move on, he’d done it with that smile of his.
“So,” Ludo slammed back one more drink to shut his pride up, then slammed a hand on his own chest. “Seriously, thank you. I don’t know if Molly or I would ever have rested well without that. So of course I owe you, Zero. If there’s ever anything I can do to make it up to you, just ask.”
Zero made a noise of acknowledgement, but his eyes didn’t meet Ludo’s. Once again, he was trying to find words, and failing. It was scary. It felt like his bared heart had gone unaccepted. Zero wasn’t smiling, he was once again unknowable.
The world had gone into shadows and a deep orange, the last rays of the sun dipping down, and Ludo felt his heart sinking in tandem. It would have been a gorgeous sight, if Ludo had looked. Yet even Zero, who stared towards it, wasn’t seeing it. They sat in silence like that, for a time, as night took the grip of the world.
As the sunglow gave way to the first rays of moonlight, the Hero of Wishvale shed a tear.
Ludo swore at first that it had to be a trick of his eyes. But Zero’s cheeks rose and fell visibly, a choked noise escaping him. His shoulders hunched, his legs drew up. Another tear, and this time Ludo heard the whine with it.
Ludo began to panic. “H-hey, huh? Was it something I said? Listen, I can stop being all sappy, I just thought I’d try something different, but if it’s bad--”
“This is... this is why I don’t--” Zero was shaking. It wasn’t just from the fact that the temperature had dropped and his clothes were always so light. Something had come over him. “I’m glad, I am, Ludo, but I--you--I wasn’t supposed to...!”
Ludo tripped over himself as much as Zero tripped over his words, but he did so with focus. He settled in front of Zero, to look his friend in the eyes. But when they met, Zero refused to look. A lean, to meet it, and Zero looked away again. “I can’t. I can’t do it.”
Ludo could feel his heart in his stomach. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Not at all. “Hey, listen--”
“Give him a chance to unwind. Be there for him.”
Phenn’s words rang again in Ludo’s ears. Only now did he understand. This is what Phenn had expected to happen. This is what the merchant had signed up for. And he was not one to back out of a deal, no matter how much this one hurt.
“No. I’ll listen.” Ludo reached out, to put a hand on Zero’s shoulder. Carefully, like he was afraid he’d scare Zero away. Slowly pulling him in. He didn’t know how Zero had made himself so small despite being taller, but soon Ludo found himself patting Zero’s back. “So what if you need to cry? You’re the bravest, coolest--”
“Bravest?” The word snorted from Zero’s lips, a hollow laugh in between sobs. “Yeah right.”
“Yeah, it is right,” Ludo forced a smile. It was better to have any conversation, any at all, rather than to just watch Zero break. “Who stopped the Covetous Witch? Who slew a corrupt King and saved the entire damn continent? Hell, that’s just half the stuff I’ve heard you did, never mind what I’ve seen you do! For me!”
It wasn’t just recently. He still remembered Zero and Phenn coming to Sunshade. Seeking him out. He’d never fully forgiven Phenn for the sleight of thinking he was a kid. But even less had he forgotten the carefree honesty with which Zero had agreed to risk his life for Ludo and the other merchants, just for Ludo’s consideration. It had been a move so bold and selfless that Ludo’s own conscience ate away at him until he went after them. That bright, warm smile of Zero’s had stuck in his head. That courage was why Ludo was here, in Wishvale, at all. He couldn’t abide it being brought into question.
“So why do you think you’re a coward, huh?” Ludo stated it firmly, his presence forcing Zero to look at him. He knew he was right. He just had to make Zero believe too. “What’s impossible for you?”
Zero’s voice caught, an answer failing him again. But this time, he didn’t look away. “You are.”
Ludo watched the hero sniffle back a tear, watched a breath come in ragged and desperate. What the hell did that mean? “You can tell me anything, Zero. I told you. I owe you. You can tell me you murdered a dude for fun and I’d keep that secret. ...though I hope that’s not it.”
Zero managed another strangled laugh. “No. I just, I...” he trailed again, “you’ll hate me. I can’t...”
“Oh? No, I just said I won’t!” Ludo chided him, in confidence. He looked Zero right in those watery eyes, trying so hard to force a smile, just for him. “Come on, what could possibly--”
“I like you, Ludo.”
Zero’s answer was so quiet that Ludo almost thought he didn’t hear it right.
Then, so small. So meek. He said it again. “I like you. ...please don’t hate me.”
Ludo could only stare. “Zero?”
“Forget it,” Zero turned away, finally, batting the merchant’s hands off him. Ludo had only a few moments to see the color on his cheeks, before the brave hero had withdrawn completely into his knees. “Forget I said anything.”
Somewhere in the back of his head, Ludo remembered Phenn once more. Or rather, remembered the crazy question Phenn had asked him. “Are you into guys?” Was this why? Wait, had Phenn known? Had this been the intent the whole time? At some later point in time he was going to have some very, very choice words for the Hunter.
For now, only in this moment, did Ludo fully understand the dozens of emotions he’d watched unfold on Zero’s face earlier. He couldn’t choose a single one beyond an easily expressed summation: “Fuck.”
But that did nothing to help Zero, or him. And Zero had all but shut down in front of him. He was shaking. The casual swear had made him tense up even more. It centered all of Ludo’s attention away from all those feelings. This was not about Phenn right now, or any of Ludo’s own issues. This was about Zero, and him, and a lingering question of what exactly led to the two of them drinking together like this.
“Sorry.” Ludo sat back, needing to ground himself for the moment. “Those aren’t exactly words I’ve had sprung on me before. It’s hard to...” He could feel the grass between his fingers, but the right words were not so simple to grasp. “I’m just surprised. Okay? But, I guess... Damnit where do I even start? I don’t hate you. Yeah.”
Silence. Far too long of silence.
Then, slowly, Zero dared to look up at him. “You don’t... hate that I like you?”
“No. I just said it--but I’ll say it again if it helps. I can’t hate you, Zero.”
“...But you don’t.” Zero breathed deep. “Don’t feel the same way, do you?”
Ludo’s answer died in his throat, and Zero’s gaze averted. “I get it. You liked Molly. There’s no way you’d be into a guy like me.” Zero’s reservation was heavy. He didn’t hide his face, but he sheltered himself more.
Ludo saw before him, not a brave hero, not an accomplished performer, not a legend and a list of deeds longer than the merchant’s invoices. He saw Zero. The scared, lonely survivor of his journey. The one cursed by the ring. Someone choosing to walk alone to spare others the pain, and ready to be alone again.
It shouldn’t have to be that way.
“Listen. Zero, I--”
“It’s okay, Ludo. I shouldn’t have let myself be like this, I--”
“Zero!” Ludo cut him off, firmly and louder than he expected. “Listen to me, okay?”
Finally he closed the distance again. Hands placed upon Zero’s shoulders. The hero dared to look up at Ludo, scared of an answer he needed. One way or another, he needed to hear it.
“So I guess, first off, yeah, I had Molly. She’s... well, she's gone. That I dated her doesn’t mean I don’t, you know, kinda like guys too.”
“You... huh?” Zero sniffled a bit, surprised, but it seemed to bring a bit of hope back to him.
“Yeah. Never actually dated any or gotten up to anything, but I mostly just haven’t had the chance, I guess. Figured out I do kinda like guys too a while ago, though,” Ludo sighed in relief. It felt mundane to talk about, in comparison to the immediate issue.
“How?” Zero raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I went to Sunshade once with Molly on a job. Both of us got swindled by the same dude. Didn’t even think about it until she was laughing at me for it. The guy was very cute. And, uh, less dressed than I was used to. I got pretty distracted.” Ludo laughed it off, looking at Zero. How funny to think about it. Here he was, once again swept up in the charm of another dancer, and--
Oh.
Oh.
“Uh, anyway,” Ludo tried to slam that door as fast as he could, though staring directly at Zero made it rather difficult, never mind the metaphorical fat cait of the confession being a doorstop at the moment. “What about you? You know, if you wanna tell me.”
Zero chuckled nervously. “Well, would you believe.. when I was younger I had a crush on Phenn?”
“Wait--really? Him? Damn, man, you gotta do better than that idiot.” Zero chuckled a bit, looking right on at Ludo. And Ludo winced, the door blown right open. “Ah. Right. Guess you have, huh?”
He’d said it as a joke, but being a bit cocky seemed that it did help Zero, just a bit. He relaxed a little, finally, lowering out of the cage he’d made himself. Ludo let him go, letting Zero settle more naturally, even if they stayed face to face.
Yeah, there was no running from this, or the thought that had just crossed his mind. Even if he couldn’t find any further words, it had to be faced.
“It’s fine,” Zero spoke first. He took a deep breath with those words, and then reached for the bottle, taking another long drink; his longest yet. Ludo had a moment of worrying Zero was trying to drown himself. Yet Zero set it back down, wiping at his lips with the back of his arm, and put on the most forced smile Ludo had ever seen. “You don’t owe me an answer. I shouldn’t have dumped that on you. You can forget I said anything.”
It was mature. It was reasonable. And, Ludo thought, it was deeply sad. It was like Zero was afraid of his own heart. Ashamed of wanting something. Someone. The man who did everything for others would not dare want for himself.
Ludo didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but it wasn’t that fake smile.
“Hey.” Ludo asked, voice betraying his next words with a crack of fear. “Can you... maybe close your eyes and relax, for a minute?”
“Huh?”
“Just do it.”
Zero blinked in curiosity, but before long, he followed the instructions.
Sat before Ludo, the hero waited. Ludo took the sight in. The glisten upon his cheeks of the tears that had felt so wrong to watch. The quiet of his lips, bereft of the smile that brought a greater light than the sacred flame itself. The teasing hints of skin beneath the dancer’s soft clothes, stronger than expected from adventure, but that Ludo knew was all too welcoming to rest against. It was familiar, but now he considered it all as though it were the first time.
If he faced the question head on, Ludo knew an answer. He’d just never had reason to ask that question before.
Zero was kind. Adventurous. Attractive, even, which was something he’d tried not to think about until now. He was special, as the ringbearer. But Ludo felt like he’d finally seen the person beneath that, too... and he still felt special.
Did that mean Ludo was in love? It was hard to know. He’d loved Molly. But that was over. That chapter had come to a close. What love he’d had for Molly was hers to carry in the afterlife, and still he’d probably carry some of his own... but whatever came of his own life from here? That was his future to decide.
Then, a future with Zero? Ludo had no idea what that looked like. Then again, his life now in Wishvale was once a future once beyond his imagination. Zero had brought him that. The outlook seemed pretty good. Exciting, even.
“I don’t know why you’d choose me of all people, Zero. And... I don’t know my own answer yet. Which is kinda scary.”
He put his hands on Zero’s shoulders, feeling the other tense up. He was close enough to hear the short breath that escaped Zero’s lips, to see the tremble it produced.
“But sometimes you gotta do it even if you’re scared, right?”
And so Ludo leaned in, and gentle as the moonlight, he kissed Zero.
Zero did a poor job keeping his eyes closed. Within the second that the kiss was shared, they saw deep into each other’s eyes. He saw the tears as they formed this time.
“That... that wasn’t bad at all,” Ludo admitted. It wasn’t magical, but nothing about it felt wrong, either.
“Don’t try to force it, just for me,” Zero whispered.
“Since when can anyone force me to do anything I don’t want?” Ludo smirked. “It’s a lot to unpack, kinda out of nowhere, but what I’m saying is: I’d like to try. If that’s okay?”
Zero carefully reached forward, and his hands found the sides of Ludo’s face. His fingers gently threaded along his hair, and Ludo felt as though he were a bird that Zero was scared to make fly away. The merchant’s hands entwined with those of the dancer, interlocking, drawing them down together. Leaving the two to smile at each other. It was all gentler than Ludo was used to, but it wasn’t a bad thing. He was pretty sure the heat on both of their faces was from the alcohol, but he couldn’t prove it.
“Okay.” And finally, the smile returned to Zero’s face. Hesitant, but there. “Then please, let me say it properly.”
A nervous swallow, once more, then Zero spoke with the most confidence he could muster. “I like you, Ludo. Will you...” his voice still broke, despite himself, but Ludo found it charming. “...go out with me?”
“I guess I can,” Ludo teased back, meeting Zero’s smile with one of his own. “This mean I’m going to get courted? You’ll make me fall in love with you, that’s the plan?”
“Well, I have already fallen for you. So I guess that’s just fair play,” Zero chuckled, and his smile lit up. Just for Ludo. And Ludo thought that, if Zero was going to be like that, he’d probably succeed.