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Language:
English
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Published:
2026-01-11
Updated:
2026-04-09
Words:
16,942
Chapters:
6/?
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15
Kudos:
48
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shows what if(s?)

Summary:

what if pyro didnt have the survival instincts of a hampster? how would this effect the story ?well im here to tell you that

aka my attempted vampires smp rewite au

aka aka liquid copium im injecting into myself after that ending

Notes:

pyro has survival instincts yay

OH GOD HES BLEADING

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Two of a feather and one superfluous

Chapter Text

Pyro was out in the woods with Scott and Owen. Owen had spoken about an odd structure in the deadwood and had invited pyro to come research with Scott trailing behind; pyro was just happy to be included he had never had many friends before this preferring to stick to the solitude of his books.

 

They chatted amicably amongst each other, mentioning wealth both material and immaterial as well as Avid’s strange ramblings and pyro was content for it to stay this way.

 

But it couldn't, he should have known it couldn't

 

They reached the river separating them from the deadwood and after a precarious hopping between some jagged stepping stones they made it, it was unsettling to say the least , the ground was a pale Gray and trees twisted unnaturally upwards as if they were all roots of a single great tree nestled underground. It would be a great research topic if the place didn't give him the heebie-jeebies.

 

“I would not have come with you if I knew I was going to get my clothes wet” Scott huffed indignantly.

 

Scott was an attractive man, about 5’11,pale skinned ,with a slim build and a stunning face with a small nose, pale lips and well defined cheekbones but his most defining feature was his cyan hair that rested softly on his head, on top of that he seemed like an all right person as well ,pompous and arrogant sure but under the money he seemed nice ,certainly didn't deserve to be accused of killing his roommate because she was gone for less than an hour last night.

 

“You didn't have to come you know” Owen said with a chuckle; Owen was a very tall man about 6’8 if pyro had to guess he was lanky with unearning sunken brown eyes and a long ,thin face, his fluffy brown hair was tied back into a ponytail. he wore a bronze looking locket around his neck that he opened and stared at when he thought no one was looking , pyro figured it was a family heirloom or a gift from a lover but when asked about it he provided no context on what it was and simply left the convocation.

 

Scott huffed again. “were happy to have you here Scott” pyro added , at this point he had turned to continue their convocation, walking backwards as he did, he made it all of 15 steps before catching his heel on a rock and falling in to a thorny bush of black roses much to the amusement of the others who had both promptly burst out laughing , after they took a minute to compose themselves they helped him get untangled. Pyro pulled some berries out of his inventory to heal up a bit, grumbling as he did so, he was covered in scrapes and cut and was bleeding from his right cheek.

 

“I'm hungry” Owen muttered looking glassy eyed at no through pyro.

“Oh, I have some berries spare” pyro replied eagerly handing him a couple to him as he was speaking (this was slightly difficult as pyro was only 5’6) Owen was looked startled before quickly handing the berries back with a polite no thank you. ‘odd’ pyro noted to himself but gingerly re-accepted the berries in an effort not to be rude.

 

After the exchange pyro felt himself withdraw allowing Scott and Owen to lead instead while pyro only imputed minimally when prompted , he did know why Owens actions were puzzling him so much, it probably wasn't anything to deep but he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, he ended up chocking it up to Owens overall demeanour and avids ramblings going to his head.

 

As the Group round a tree they found themselves on the banks of a small lake with a strange structure resting on a small island near the center, it was a verry bottom heavy structure which seemed to be emitting a similar orange glow and white sparkles as in town though the glow was fainter and paler here. “This is the spot" Owen stated as Scott let out a lowed groan when he saw the small lake snapping pyro out of his thoughts.

 

“You can stay here if you want” pyro suggested trying his best to elevate scotts obvious annoyance,

“it's fine” Scott replied dejectedly “my clothes are wet as it is what's a little more dirty river water.”

“I suppose your right” pyro replied with a chuckle as Scott stepped gingerly into the water.it was only just under waist height for pyro so he elected to swim while Scott (who was submerged up to about mid-thigh level ) and Owen (who was submerged just below the knee) decided to wade instead with Scott complaining the entire way.

 

Once they reached the center island, they scaled the surprisingly tall base of the structure to find a similar beacon to the one in town only it was a slightly paler orange

“It appears someone beat to the punch” Owen said boredly while crouching for some reason, pyro again noted this as ‘odd’ but didn't bring it up.

“Hey, could you back up for a sec” Scott said in his charming Scottish accent, pyro shot him a puzzled look before complying,

“sure” he replied nothing this as odd as well; “thank you” Scott replied before crouching pyro again noted this as odd, and he was now suddenly very aware of his heart rate quickening , bu-dum bu-dum bu-dum, he quickly surveyed his inventory for means of an escape just in case things went south he grabbed a crafting table and two spruce logs he had on him.

“Oh!” Owen and Scott exclaim in unison braking pyro from his trance, on Owen’s face there's a look of confusion, but Scott looks calculating clearly putting the pieces together before Owen or pyro,

“oh” Owen says again clearly coming to the same realisation Scott has come to putting together a picture pyro doesn't have remotely enough pieces for.

Ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum

“What are you two doing up there” pyro asks trying (and failing) to not allow any fear to slip through his voice.

“Nu-nothing” Scott says unconvincingly looking directly at pyro.

“I just don't like sharing rarely” Owen replies almost under his breath glancing at pyro.

“Well, I was here first” Scott says in a sing song tone redirecting his attention to Owen, pyro lets out a silent thanks as he quickly turns the logs into planks then into a boat.

“I think I was here first” Owen replies with a forced politeness his eyes locked on Scott, pyro starts backing away slowly ‘I just needs to make it to the water’ he thinks griping his stone shovel for dire life

“Eh I doubt it” Scott responds playfully, pyro is nearly there he can see the mouth of the river just behind him he just needs a few more seconds!

BA-Dum-BA-Dum-BA-Dum

“EH 200 years” Owen says sharply, at the word 200 pyro bolts, slamming his boat into the water with a loud CRASH! drawing the 2 things attention, they look up in shock at the noise heads locking on pyro who is desperately rowing away.

“HES GETTING AWAY! "One of them screeches pyro can't tell right now his mind is only focused on one word ‘ROW’ his arms are screaming for respite hew grants them none rowing like his life depends on it because well... its dose.

 

BADUM!BADUM!BADUM!

 

Two bats glide past him “I don't think so” one of them says in scotts signature superior tone, pyro powers on. Owen transforms back and tries to land on the back of his boat but seams inexperienced and clumsy overshooting and going feet first into the deep water with a yelp. “idiot” Scott mutters following a tad ahead of the small boat eyes fixed on pyro, content with letting him tire himself out.

 

As he rounds a corner behind the castle ruins Pyro spots what Scott has undoubtably already seen through the dark, a small cluster of jagged rocks directly in his path ‘shit’ pyro thinks to himself trying to spy an exit after seeing none pyro starts to resigning himself to his fate he doesn't slow though only racking his head around his two options ‘he can either a. smash into the rocks and die of either blunt force trauma or drowning ,b. Becoming vampire food or c. all of the above’ pyro decides on option a resigning himself to his fate by speeding up.

 

He is mear inches away now, hurtling towards deaths door ready to break it down, his life flashed before his eyes ,the day he broke his leg when he was 7, the day he broke his nose when he was 9 , god he had never realised how accident prone he was , the day he had first met his future murderee age 12 that was the day his life ended, he oh so vividly remembers his vile face, repulsive to the eye it made pyro feel sick just thinking about it the way he sneered and snatched his book, throwing it into the lake then he remembered his fathers disappointed face, a face he knew all too well, looking back it was one of the only faces he made when pyro was around, only supplemented by his agitated face and his disinterested face then the face morphed again into his mothers in a very similar expression her chiding words echoing in his mind, he wished he could forget that part.

He flashed forward to Oakhurst to apo and the doctor connections he had started to form for the first time in his life, he remembered exploring with Cleo and ren, hey that was around here wasn't it yes it was just. Beyond... These rocks.... he remembered a small cave at the base of the hill obscured from one side by these verry rocks this was it his out.

 

In a split second discission pyro leapt from his boat scraping a good layer of skin of his arm and leg and swam down, down ,down deep into the depths of this cave he was unsure how long for and how deep he went but he kept going until he found a small out cropping where he could drag himself to shore .

For a while he just sat there, breathless, in pain but alive , millions of thoughts screamed throughout his head all begging for his full attention but he couldn't afford to be logical right now, he glanced down at his mangled left leg it was oozing a river of blood , he reached out to touch it, only then did he notice his torn sleeve and gushing forearm , wincing in pain he grabbed and ripped his collar off and held it to his arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding it works thankfully he rolls up the sleeve of his trenchcoat until it was tight around to gash affixing the makeshift bandage in place then he gets to work on his leg . By the time he finishes he has a usable splint over his (on further inspection) defiantly broken leg and has managed to stop the bleeding with his non-shredded trouser leg. He finds what little food he has (being 1 loaf of bread and 7 carrots) it's not much but he’ll make do he always has, and he always will. “I'll dig myself out in the morning” he mutters to himself luckily he hadn't gone down very far as he could still see moonlight above him why Scott didn't make chase will always be a mystery to him ‘wait Scott was a bat... scotts a ah shit’ pyro thinks the realisation that avid was right washing over him “I can worry about that in the morning” he says to himself as he slowly loses grip on consciousness.