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For as long as Izuku can remember, writing has always been his main form of self-expression. Growing up quirkless, he grew into the habit of spilling out his ideas on paper.. never having anyone to share them with, writing was always the easier outlet.
Scribbling notes, always overanalyzing people’s traits, their looks, and especially their quirks. Up until meeting All Might, he never had something of his own so why not study others? Especially ones that always leave him enamored, like Katsuki’s quirk.
The quirk of Explosion was always a power that was around, even if its owner didn’t want to be for half their lives. The incredible science behind it all, breaking down the chemistry between acid and glycerin forming into the most unique ability on the best person in Izuku’s life, no matter the conflict between them in their earlier years. The way Katsuki maneuvers himself with it, blasting himself through the air, finding ways to distract and destroy with the upmost precision, filling the area with that bright orange shade.. with everything, it was no secret that sooner or later, Izuku started to submit to the feeling of only wanting to write about Katsuki himself.
It’d start off with small entries,
“My mind races at the thought of you, but I never know what to put on paper. I never want anything to feel fabricated, just natural as we always are.. but the urge to write about you always lingers.
You always crowd my space.
Everything I do, everywhere I go, fate always puts you next to me.
My best guess is that your presence is what pushes me the most throughout my days.. it’s fogging but in a really good way.
I know it’s crazy, but I can never get you off my mind.”
Then Izuku will get self-conscious and freak out over even having the desire to want to write about his best friend like that, but he knows he really can’t help it. How does one not always think about the person they’ll turn into their personal embodiment of victory, loyalty, and trust?
So he starts writing longer,
“How could someone ever be as gracious as you are?
You’re such a pretty sight to see, always with those uniquely red eyes and that hair that captures your face so well.
You’re so intense on your external surface, but internally you melt into such a pure and caring light.
I’ve always seen through your madness, especially when you’re close in battle.
The sacrifices you make are always generous but so dangerous, making me lose my mind when you tell yourself you have to put yourself in the most petrifying position in order to protect people.. toprotect me.
You’re such a figure of contradiction, but I wouldn’t have you any other way.
My figure of a star, one who makes me feel safe.
One who makes me feel more proud to be myself in everything.
I wish you could understand what you do to me.”
And the next time him and Katsuki come face to face, all Izuku can do is fumble over his words and grow more and more embarrassed when he notices how Katsuki just keeps giving him soft smiles, probably just thinking Izuku’s being his usual awkward self. But, Katsuki’s the only person Izuku isn’t ever awkward with. They’ll have their moments, sure but Katsuki just gets how Izuku is and never questions him for it so he must catch how weird and jumpy Izuku’s acting right now.
Through all his rambling, he hears Kacchan ask him if he’s feeling alright and whips his head around to give a rough nod before he’s told his face is as red as a tomato. ‘How lovely.’ Izuku says to himself, he’s being an overreacting fool over nothing really. It’s not like Katsuki knows how he’s been feeling lately.
..Would Izuku even want him to eventually know?
He wouldn’t want to ruin what they have. They’ve been friends for as long as Izuku can remember himself in every form; to risk all of that history for a crush would be truly ridiculous.. right?
Maybe this’ll be his next journaling topic.
Him and Katsuki finally going through those double doors of their dorm building couldn’t come fast enough. He waves and thanks Kacchan for walking with him back to their home and makes his way upstairs, wondering if he imagined the content look on the other’s face when giving his goodbye. As soon as he finds himself in his room, he drops his backpack on the floor and flops himself on his bed, groaning in frustration before reaching for that sacred notebook of his.
He flips through the countless pages he used to talk about his childhood friend, days of him writing small paragraphs and free verse poems of how good looking he is, of how strong his quirk is, of how built his body is. Izuku feels slightly disgusted with himself; Kacchan could never know he’s writing about him like this.
He feels like going for something more thorough today, telling himself that maybe if he ever did go insane enough to tell Katsuki it’d probably be through a letter, but knowing how stubborn he is he’d probably run away like the last time he left a letter under the blond’s door.
“I hate how much power you have over me right now. You were always something that held space in my brain, but things are different now. Every time I think about you, my face grows red and heated and my words come off the tongue as if I’m dysfunctional. My stomach twists into knots like I’m scared, but I know that isn’t what it is. I could never be scared of you.. I know what being scared is. The way I’m starting to think of you is a frightening thought, though.
I believe I’m in love with you..”
Physically writing those words out for Izuku’s own eyes to see makes his heart jump and he gulps down a knot forming in his throat before continuing,
“I feel like a freak every time I put myself around you, telling myself I should get closer and do things like touch you in ways that don’t have to involve sparring or helping you with your injured arm..”
Izuku starts to feel his hand shake; he doesn’t know if he should continue any other paragraphs he may have deep down. Seeing the words that usually only crowd his head displayed in front of him is starting to make him ill, so he puts the pencil and takes a deep breath before flopping his head back down into his mattress. What the hell was he thinking? Scribbling out fantasies about his best friend who’s worked just as hard as he has to rekindle their relationship after all these years of unnecessary tension. He can’t do this to him.. to them.
So, Deku stops writing for some time, at least anything about Katsuki. No matter how much it kills him, it’s better this way. He knows he has to save face, doing his best to act as normal as he can especially knowing Kacchan’s too observant for his own good.. but that only works for so long.
“What the hell is up with you?” Kacchan asks out of the blue one day as they sit and eat lunch with each other at a bench table. The question catches Izuku off guard so he dumbly replies with a “huh?” and he immediately notices the slight irritation on Katsuki’s face.
“You’ve been acting weird lately. What’s the deal?” And Deku watches as Katsuki tilts his head to really look at him; it makes him want to squirm.
“You told me you’d stop keepin’ shit from me, but I can see it all over you that there’s somethin’ steering in that stupid head of yours, so what is it?”
That statement annoys Izuku, but only because it always makes him wonder how Kacchan can always see through him so easily. Is he really that predictable or is it just because Kacchan knows him that well? ‘Crap..’ is the only thing he can really say to himself as he places down his chopsticks before he can get a breaking grip on them.
“It’s nothing, Kacchan..”
“Bullshit.” Katsuki says and places his own utensils down before glancing around, making sure there’s no one around. He carefully guards his injured arm to make sure it doesn’t bump on anything and treks over to slowly ease himself next to Deku, shoving himself in closer and boring his eyes in the side of Izuku’s head before continuing to speak, “You’re clenching your jaw. Just tell me what the issue is.”
Now Izuku’s really freaking out. Kacchan always knows how to get under his skin, even if that isn’t the proper intention. He knows Izuku can’t lie to him, that’s why he moved over here. That bastard.
So Izuku sighs and mumbles under his breath, “..I’ve been thinking.” before feeling a harsh pull at his ear, making him yelp in pain and whip his head over to look at Katsuki, “What was that?!”
Katsuki chuckles at him hiding his ear with his hand and says he couldn’t hear him, “Stop bein’ dumb, just tell me what’s wrong. I’m sure it’s nothin’ to fret over.”
“You don’t know that.” Izuku says with building nerves.
“..Okay, then say it is. You know I’ll be here to help you fix it, yeah?”
There’s that softness in his tone Izuku still has a hard time getting used to. He feels his face start to grow hot again before giving the blonde a small smile and lightly balls his fists on his lap under the table; if Katsuki notices, he doesn’t mention it.
“It’s just..” Izuku’s leg starts bouncing, “Promise you won’t make fun of me?”
Katsuki snorts and returns a smile before saying gruffly, “Can’t say I haven’t started to already, but go for it.”
’Such a you thing to say’ Izuku thinks before letting himself ramble, “Say hypothetically, a person likes you but they don’t know how to tell you.. the person is so used to keeping things to themselves in a certain way so they stick to it because they think telling you they like you will jeopardize something. How would you go about the person telling you the truth?” He gulps at finishing that scenario, knowing his face is well red now and he no longer has the courage to look at Kacchan.
Katsuki’s eyes have slightly widened since Izuku sputtered out the first sentence. He isn’t stupid, he knows Izuku’s referring to himself, but he doesn’t want the guy to freak out more than he already is. He’ll definitely admit though, he is very liberated to hear Izuku likes him back.. so he approaches this carefully.
“Well,” he starts, observing how Izuku forces himself to stare out into the world in front of them with a bright red crowding his face, “personally, I’d want the person to just.. be honest with me. Ya’ know I don’t like people who aren’t straightforward.”
That line makes Izuku’s glance trail down, and he hums in response.
“I don’t know how to handle someone liking me. I’ve acted too much like an asshole to understand the idea of someone wanting me in their life like that, but I’d just want that person to tell me straight up. No beating around the bush bullshit.”
He hopes that can make Izuku build the courage to ‘fess up, purposely looking out in front of them as well so the other won’t feel so ill about Katsuki having his eyes all over him.
He supposes that was the way to go about it, after a few more minutes of silence between them, Katsuki feels a very light press of Izuku’s head on his shoulder and hears him mumble, “..I like you.”
All Katsuki can do after is relax himself, leaning his own head on top of Izuku’s before quietly telling him the feeling’s mutual. He feels how the boy’s cheek quirks up as he smiles at his words and listens to his hand shuffling for something in that yellow bag perched up next to them before lightly startling at a notebook slapping onto the table. His eyebrows shoot up before Izuku slips his head off of him, squealing in embarrassment and says, “Open it before I start begging you to burn it.” making Katsuki laugh at how he hides his face in his hands afterwards.
He flips through it, never knowing someone could ever describe him in a way such as this. It doesn’t surprise him as he reads more into it though. He knows exactly who Izuku, how he is when he has his mind set on something.
Writing about what he likes or even loves is always something Izuku will do.