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“My goodness! Has my son finally brought me a grandchild?”
Kurogane tensed a little, his smile going a little stale as his eyes darted to the back of Fai’s shoulders. But he seemed fine. No tight line of tension. No flinch or stumble. This was fine.
He shut the car door and adjusted the diaper bag strap on his shoulder while carrying their suitcase in the other hand over the loose gravel of his parents’ driveway.
Fai surprised him by answering with a cheerful tone. “Just a god-grandchild. How does that sound?”
“Sounds good to me.” His mother smiled warmly as she intercepted Fai and Syaoran Jr. with a welcoming hug.
“Are you a little monkey too?” She asked, booping the infant’s nose. He reached for it, missing by half an inch before correcting and latching on, trying to drag it to his mouth. “Kurogane was ‘My Little Monkey’, you know.”
“How adorable!” Fai grinned to her conspiratorially as across the room Kurogane eyed them with suspicion. He’d only half heard them, deep in conversation as he had been with his father.
“He’s certainly the most squirmy infant I’ve ever met.” Fai laughed with an easy relaxation, adjusting his hold for what felt like the millionth time since Sakura had handed him over earlier that day. “Maybe we should call you ‘Little Caterpillar’? Always wriggling around!”
As he spoke, Kurogane approached, his broad hand coming to rest on Fai’s shoulder. “He looks fussy.”
“Don’t be silly, Kurgs, that’s just what babies look like.”
“Maybe he needs a diaper change?”
Fai’s brow knit a little. “I think I would have noticed, Kurobear. Really, you don’t have to keep watching me so closely with him.” Fai adjusted the baby, facing him in towards his shoulder. “Honestly we are having a perfectly good time, aren’t we, Wiggleworm?”
In answer, the baby burped up all down the fabric of Fai’s shirt, blinked sternly, then continued to try and squirm away.
Fai grimaced. “Oh.”
Kurogane snorted a laugh while his mother did a much better job at keeping her mirth silent. “I’ll get him cleaned up.” She offered kindly, taking the baby from his hands and going to find a change of clothes for him.
It left Fai to blink sadly down at his shirt, pulling the wetness gingerly from his skin. He glanced up and Kurogane at least had the decency not to say ‘I told you so’.
“You want me to grab you something?” He offered instead.
“This is designer.” Fai said a little morosely. “Not even last season.”
“Did you even bring normal clothes?”
Fai shot him a frown.
Kurogane huffed. “I’ll lend you one of mine.”
In the kitchen, Kurogane’s father opened a beer and passed it over. It was a little on the dark side and perfectly cold. Kurogane nodded his thanks.
“How’ve you been?” He asked in quiet Japanese.
Kurogane smiled the slightest bit, feeling so at ease in this place. Through the archway, he could just see Fai asleep on the couch, baby curled up on his chest.
“I’ve been good.” He answered in kind. They tried to stick to English when Fai was around, not wanting to leave him out, but it felt good to switch back to his native language.
And it was true. The past few months- The feeling of warm, satisfied relief sat in his chest and showed in the crook of his grins from dawn till dusk.
“Adjusting ok?” His father asked.
“Well enough.” He shrugged.
“How’s that for an image?” His dad nodded in Fai’s direction and…
Kurogane just grunted softly in agreement. Fai was splayed out on the couch, swimming in one of Kurogane’s too big T-shirts. A hand on a tiny back. Wasn’t it just?
“You ever think about it?”
Kurogane hesitated. Think about a child of their own. Of giving in to the inevitability of toys scattered around their home. Of making their partnership a family.
At least once a day.
He shook his head. “Things with Fai are so up in the air right now.”
His father shot him a worried glance.
“No,” Kurgane corrected. “His work I mean. We just… He has to see how things shake out before he could even start thinking about anything like that.”
Fai had never given him a flat out ‘no’ but he was a master at avoiding the subject.
“Hmm.” His father nodded, an understanding noise. The look he shared was more sympathy than judgement. “Well, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”
“Yeah.” Kurogane’s eyes dropped to where he picked at the clammy paper label of his beer bottle.
Syaoran Jr gnawed on Fai's index finger with his toothless gums where he held it, tight and slobbery in his pudgy hands.
Fai boggled at the sight. "Do you even know how much that thing is insured for?" The baby burbled happily, blissfully ignoring Fai's speech. "You don't even care, do you?"
Dinner had come and gone, and the baby had been feed, burped and changed. There was nothing left but to put him to sleep, but that would mean they’d have to stop playing on the couch.
Fai made an excited expression and he picked up Syaoran Jr. again, making him ‘fly’ up and down over his chest. Kurogane sat on the floor, leaning back against the couch, his head just at Fai’s shoulders, watching their game with a gentle smile.
The baby burbled happily as he landed back against Fai’s stomach with an exaggerated look of exhaustion from the blonde. As the infant strained forward, Fai let him, settling him on his tummy as he tried to work out how to attempt a crawl that would bring him closer to Fai’s face. He didn’t have much success, but it was fascinating to watch him try.
Kurogane's lip curled up at the corner softly, bringing up a finger that looked even larger than normal as Syaoran Jr.’s hand wrapped around it. Fai shifted a little as Kurogane brought his other arm up to wrap around his shoulders.
He leaned into the embrace with a satisfied peace.
“We need a nickname for this guy.” Fai eventually mused. “’Syaoran’ is too confusing. ‘Junior’ just makes me think of Ash.”
“Hmm.” Kurogane agreed with a soft noise in his throat, but nothing really came to mind. On Fai’s stomach, the baby left off squirming to let out a yawn that was tiny and giant at the same time.
They both held their breath as he let his head fall forward, hands and arms still working, but apparently given up on keeping his head up. Fai rested a hand against his tiny back.
“What would we name ours?” Fai asked quietly.
At first Kurogane couldn’t believe what he heard. Never, ever had Fai brought up anything along these lines. Anytime Kurogane had broached the subject, it was either escalated to a screaming fight or worse, days of icy coolness from the blonde.
He hesitated, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Not wanting to trigger a disagreement. But he needed to say something. The silence in itself was the wrong answer too and the longer it dragged, the worse it got.
Kurogane was already internally panicking when Fai interrupted his thoughts with more shy musings.
Apparently silence wasn’t such a bad choice.
“We’d have to adopt from somewhere no one has heard of. You know, if I’m going to be a proper stereotype.”
It was hopeful. It was so hopeful in so many ways that Fai had never in Kurogane’s experience allowed himself to be. It filled his chest with such warmth and affection. And still it was self deprecating with that awful sense of humor because his idiot was still an idiot.
“Blue.” Kurogane said quietly, not daring to meet Fai’s eye, but watching as their hands both rested against the baby.
“Like ‘Blue Ivy’?” Fai said with a slight tilt to his head. He didn’t get it.
“'Blue Flourite’. It has to be a bad pun, right?”
Fai huffed a tiny laugh and it shook the baby awake, only for him to fall immediately back asleep in a slightly different position.
“Don’t tempt me.” Fai play-warned with a quiet smile.
Kurogane felt like his heart was going to rip out of his chest any moment. Like his skin was too small for his body. Like he wanted to run and shout and maybe tear a phonebook in half. Like he wanted to take Fai in his arms and repeat for eternity how much he loved him. How much he was cherished. How beautiful he looked, tired and sleeping on his parent’s couch.
But he didn’t do any of these things, because Fai was trusting him with an unspeakably vulnerable hope right now, and Kurogane was not about to to break that spell.
Instead he leaned his head against the blonde’s shoulder and set his hand on the baby’s side, their fingertips loosely overlapping across his back.
He heard more than saw Fai swallow.
“I was thinking maybe naming them after Ashura.”
Kurogane scoffed. It was a joke in bad taste but he wouldn’t have stayed with Fai this long if that sort of thing bothered him.
Until there is a tense silence and Kurogane realized Fai hadn’t been kidding.
“Is it really that repulsive to you?” Fai said icily.
“No!” Kurogane lied, thinking lightning fast for the sake of their hypothetical children’s existence. “I just mean, doesn’t Ashura already have a kid named after him?”
“Oh.” Fai’s expression melted away instantly and Kurogane’s gut unclenched. By some miracle the mood had survived and he swore he wouldn’t take it for granted. “I guess it’s been so long since I thought of ‘Ash’ as ‘Ashura’ that it slipped my mind.”
Kurogane risked a glance to find Fai blushing sheepishly.
They sat in silence, watching the tiny human on Fai’s stomach breathe, his back contracting and expanding peacefully under their hands.
“Well,” Fai murmured. “I guess we have time to think about it.”
Kurogane felt like the air had been knocked out of him. Carefully, so very, very carefully, he turned his head, still not daring to look straight at Fai, but making do with the curve of his shoulder, the column of his neck where the graceful arcs of the phoenix tattoo still took him by surprise.
“How much time?” He prompted gently, barely audible, but clear as day to Fai where he sat so close.
“Maybe…” He trailed off on the first attempt, his fingertips tracing against Kurogane’s own. “Maybe a year or two? Not for sure.” He quickly amended. “But maybe then we could start to think about it.” His voice stayed even but his hand laced with kurogane’s. They held each other there with a fierce intensity they did not allow to manifest anywhere else.
“Fai.” Kurogane said, and it ached with more emotion than most people would think him capable of.
Fai finally brought himself to look at him, and his bright blue eyes were wide with fear and hope and worry.
“I love you.” Kurogane declared fiercely, giving their tightly woven hands a further squeeze. “I love you so much.”
“I’m not saying it’s a promise.” Fai warned. “I just mean we could think about it.”
Kurogane nodded quickly. “I know.”
“I don’t want you to be disappointed if-“ Fai’s brow furrowed in distress and he couldn’t finish the sentiment.
“I know.” Kurogane repeated. “Whatever happens.”
Fai looked like he wanted to say something else, but when the words didn’t come, he gave up, dragging Kurogane into a deep, sound kiss that he hoped contained at least some of all the things he had to leave unsaid.
“Always.” Kurogane swore into the hush that formed between them as they broke apart. “I will always love you. No matter what.”