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Things were starting to even out for Stolas. Thanks to his daughter, he had his happy pills back and they were taking the edge off of his fragmented emotions. The sadness from the Octavia shaped hole in his heart was still there, the pills were helping, but they weren’t magic. A part of him wanted to just take handfuls of them, like he did back at the palace, to force the gnawing sadness away, but Blitzø had bought him a beautiful pill organizer of silver with leaves and vines decorating the box between the little lids labelling each day, so it was easier to stay within the prescribed amounts. Also, as a royal, he never knew just how expensive these little bottle were. He wanted to make sure it latest the proper amount of time, as to not put more of a financial burden on Blitzø than he already had.
Not that the imp ever complained or made him feel guilty. No, this Blitzø just oozed sweetness, kindness and patience. He was everything Stolas had dreamed of during their transactional relationship.
Which is probably why he found himself fantasizing more and more about their previous sexual exploits. They hadn’t slept together since before their disastrous date at Ozzie’s, and Stolas found that he missed everything about those nights. Sure, they kissed at Sinsmas, but that was merely a crumb compared to what he found himself yearning for more and more. The fact that his libido was coming back was probably a sign that the pills were definitely helping.
Or it could just be that he couldn’t escape Blitzø. Now that they lived together and worked together, there was barely a moment that they weren’t in each other’s company. Each and every one of Stolas’s senses were constantly filled with Blitzø: the sound of his voice, his scent permeated the couch Stolas now slept on, the feeling of his claws intertwined with his when they watched TV together, the sight of his well toned body that Stolas could make out through his tight red turtleneck. The only one he was missing was taste, but his memory of their kiss on Sinsmas was recent enough to cover that, too.
He thought he might literally explode from his yearning. Which is probably why what happened…. Happened.
It was a quiet Friday night. Loona was out at a party with her friends. Blitzø and Stolas had just finished a greasy meal of take out from their favourite noodle place down the way and were curled up together on the couch, watching the latest episode of Hella-Novella. Gabriella and Alejandro had just gotten back together after Alejandro’s evil twin had tricked Gabriella into breaking up with him. They were currently holding each other while Gabriella cried and confessed her love for him.
Blitzø had reached out a claw to Stolas and interlocked their fingers together. Such a simple gesture, but it finally pushed Stolas over the edge, his pent up lust too much to control. He pulled Blitzø into an embrace and kissed him, deep, passionately and with great need. Blitzø, much to Stolas’s delight, kissed him back, with the same level of passion.
Stolas wasn’t really sure when it happened, but he ended up on Blitzø’s lap, their tongues thrashing against each other. Blitzø’s strong claws ran through Stolas’s head feathers, a moan escaping his mouth between breaths. Stolas’s talons traced circles around Blitzø’s back spines, knowing exactly how much pressure would drive him insane. Blitzø let out a soft moan, and his body shuddered under Stolas’s touch. Stolas could feel Blitzø’s bulge start to pulse under him. He moved his talon from Blitzø’s back and started to move it beneath the waistband of his pants.
Blitzø stopped kissing him and grabbed his wrist. He took a few breathes trying to regain his composure. Stolas blinked a few times in shock.
“Stolas, don’t get the wrong idea. I want this…. I want you… so fucking bad… but,” he took another deep breath, “is this what you really want? You really think you’re ready and not just trying to… ya know… using this to take away the pain of losing Octavia?”
Stolas felt his world shatter around him. His breath caught in his chest, his eyes welled up. He covered his face with his hand and stood up.
“Excuse me, Blitzø,” he said as he ran into the bathroom.
Alone in the small bathroom, Stolas sat on the edge of the bathtub, his breathing short and quick. Was Blitzø right? Was he just using sex as a way of pushing down the sadness he felt about the loss of his daughter? He had a history of using different substances to try to cope with his feelings, was this no different? Were their passionate full moon nights just another way for him to deal with his feelings?
Did he even love Blitzø or did he just love the way he made him feel? How Blitzø could take his mind off of all the sadness and loneliness he had felt his whole life before Via was born. How Blitzø made him strong enough to finally suggest the divorce, and then follow through with it.
As if to prove a point, his mind started replaying their last full moon encounter, and how that had ripped his heart into two, then the fight the next morning, the emptiness he had felt for the month after that, and then what would have happened if he had arrived at that Lucifer forsaken farce of a trial even 2 seconds later…
Thinking of the consequences of such an outcome opened the flood gates. Tears flowed out of all four eyes with no end in sight. His breath became ragged from the effort of crying, his thin chest heaving from the sobs. No, he loved Blitzø. He was sure of it. As much as that rejection on the couch had hurt, being in a world without him would have broken Stolas.
Knock, knock
“Hey, Stols?”
Stolas held his breath. Oh Lords, how loud had his crying been?
“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m just no good with words, ya know? I always end up sticking my fucking hoove in my mouth.” He heard the sound of Blitzø slumping against the door. “I know how much you care for me. I don’t question that anymore.”
Oh Lucifer, could Blitzø read his mind?
“And I hope you know how much I care about you. But, fuck, you know we… I… fucked things up so badly between the two of us before, and I want us to do things right this time, Stols. I want this to be a real relationship this time. No deals. No regrets. And if you’re not ready to move our relationship to the next step yet, that’s ok. I’ll wait for you forever, big bird.”
Their relationship? What was their relationship right now?
Stolas thought about the care with which Blitzø had treated him when he brought him home from the trial. How he fought any hellborn who even dared to look at Stolas with a snarl on their lips. How Blitzø worked so hard to catch rats for him, to make him food he enjoyed. How he held his hand as they walked through Imp City. How he could feel Blitzø watch him as they fell asleep. How they ate lunches together, just the two of them, in Blitzø’s office every day. Their weekly Friday nights doing just anything, just the two of them.
Stolas gasped and swung open the bathroom door. Blitzø fell backwards against the bathroom floor, his back rest suddenly whipped away from him, his legs still bent up to his chest. He grunted and rubbed his head.
“Are we dating?” Stolas asked, shocked.
Blitzø looked up at him from the floor. “Ummm… yeah? At least, I thought we were after the trial… I just didn’t want to have ‘the talk’ right as your world was falling apart. And then everything that happened with Octavia on Sinsmas…,” he pinched the space between his eyes, “Christ on a stick, did I fuck up our relationship before we even had one?”
“No, darling, of course not,” Stolas said, wiping the tears away from his eyes, a slight hoot of laughter worked its way from his beak.
Blitzø kicked himself off the floor in one fluid motion, then turned to hold Stolas’s hand. “I meant everything I said, Stols. My balls are gonna be bluer than the skies in Lust, but I’ll wait for you,” he closed the distance between them and rested his forehead onto Stolas’s, “we have all the time in the world.”
Stolas sniffed once and put his hand on the back of the imp’s head. “Thank you, Blitzø. For everything. And you’re right, my intentions tonight might not have been the purest. Thank you for understanding. I… I think I might have some very negative coping mechanisms.”
“Hey, I think admitting you have a problem is step one. But it’s ok, we’ll get through this, and any other shit that comes our way, together.”
Stolas’s heart felt like it was going to burst. He leaned in and kissed Blitzø. Not the desperate, needy kiss he had just moments earlier, but one gentler, filled with love and a promise of their future. Together.