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The duties of the day were finished. After-school worship and prayer had concluded, with the Sisterhood's members already dispersing across the school grounds. Hinata herself was wandering aimlessly around Trinity General School's paved paths with no destination in mind. I should go look for students who need help. Yes, that's what I must do as a member of the Sisterhood! Hinata's face beamed with determination.
As she quickened her pace, sauntering across the cobblestone pathway to the school's main building, her mind stalled briefly. I think I'm forgetting something. Hinata rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. She was always clumsy in this way. What was it... Yes, Ui and the library. I had to borrow a book from her. She fished into her backpack, pulling out a thick book. Yes, this is it. I have to return it to her.
Hinata's mind raced back to how she had first encountered Ui. She and Sensei had brought back an ancient artifact, though it was in poor condition. Although Ui initially seemed quite closed-off and cold, as their friendship bloomed over the following weeks and months, Hinata began to witness Ui's true colors: a socially anxious, shy girl who didn't know how to express her emotions properly.
Hinata found Ui and what she did rather charming. Hinata, when she had free time, would often stay behind to listen to Ui's ramblings about her beloved books. Her company was enjoyable, to say the least. It's endearing ...Enough doting on that! I'd better go over to the library before I forget again. She could feel her face flushing as she cleared her throat. Ui was a topic that flustered Hinata, though Hinata had no idea why. Shrugging the thought off, Hinata continued her peaceful stroll to the Trinity General School's library.
Ui was perched at a desk on the second floor of the library, where sunlight filtering through the tall, vintage windows was kept far away. Shelves, some covered in sheets of dust and others so neatly cleaned they could be mistaken for mirrors, lined the walls. She sat on a firm wooden chair, holding up a lantern to an open book that was splayed out on a table, her eyes scanning over lines that she had already memorized months and months ago. The world made sense here, in this quiet library, with just her and her children kept safe in its walls...
The door creaked open, and the sound of footsteps loudly reverberated throughout the library. Ui immediately flinched and shut her book, a cloud of dust briefly fogging up her vision as she jolted upwards. "Outsiders aren't allowed in the library!" she snapped, obviously annoyed as she pushed back her chair and glanced over the railings. Was it not common sense to, at the very least, knock before entering this sacred place? Frustration swelled in her chest. Who dared to interrupt her work? "Who's here?"
Hinata stood in the open doorway, the sunlight seeping in behind her like she had brought it in. Ui could instantly sense the paranoia and fury dissipating from her chest. Her shoulders eased, a faint embarrassment seeping in behind her relief. "Oh. Hinata. What are you here for? You should have knocked next time."
"D-Did I scare you? I'm sorry!" Hinata apologized immediately, dipping her head respectfully.
Ui had always been bewildered by how respectful and kind Hinata was. There were only a handful of individuals in Trinity like that. "W-Why are you apologizing? You didn't scare me," she replied quickly, tucking a loose strand of her messy hair behind an ear. She set down her lantern on the ground. "I was just being cautious," she offered, easing back into her seat, her gaze returning to her book as she reopened it.
Hinata didn't reply immediately, almost like she knew Ui was just lying out of her ass. Wow... was it that obvious? Ui rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly as she heard Hinata's slow, considerate footsteps. The faintest flicker of a smile appeared on her face. Every time Hinata appeared in the library, she always moved around it like it was a fragile artifact. Perhaps it was because the Sisterhood member was self-aware of her own clumsiness, but Ui liked to believe it was because Hinata knew how much the building meant to the librarian.
How sweet. Just a couple of months ago, the old Ui would never have thought of anyone in such a positive light, but after meeting Hinata and seeing how pure her intentions were, Ui's outlook on humanity as a whole began to change. Hinata... just meeting her made me change so much.
The thought made her uncomfortable. Her attention darted back to her book, fixating on it as a distraction from her idle notions. As Ui turned the page, even though she hadn't finished the paragraph she was reading, Hinata's voice drifted upwards from the floor below. "This library is peaceful! I can see why you like being here," she hummed livelily. Ui said nothing.
Minutes passed as Hinata continued to dote on the library's features. Ui found herself unconsciously following the sounds Hinata would make, tracking where she was without even glancing at her: the student's fingers brushing against the dusty spines of her well-kept books and the slow, careful footsteps on the hardwood floor. The sounds were rather distracting, but also wholesomely comforting. It was odd. It was so uncertain.
Ui hated things that were uncertain, things that couldn't be answered scientifically or mathematically. She shifted in her seat, gripping her book even more tightly until her knuckles turned white. Hinata had every right to be here: she was one of Ui's few friends... So what was nagging at her this much? She took off her glasses and cupped her hands around her eyes, shielding them from the sunlight seeping in through the windows on the floor below. She hadn't felt this confused in a long time.
"Are you okay?"
"Eek-!" Ui flinched as she felt Hinata's hot breath on her collarbone. The very feeling of it sent an electric jolt down her spine. "W-When did you... Come up here?" Ui rubbed her eyes, turning to her right and losing herself in the depths of Hinata's red irises. The Sisterhood member was bent forward, the distance between their faces so minuscule that... If I just leaned in... and pressed my lips against hers... what would happen? Ui blinked before immediately scooting her chair away, adjusting her posture in a desperate attempt to remain in control of the situation. "...I have to focus on my book. Excuse me."
"Oh. Okay," Hinata replied innocently, sauntering away to a nearby shelf. Eventually, she picked out a book. Ui knew this, not because she was watching Hinata (though there certainly was a temptation to do so) but because she could hear Hinata's footsteps slowing to a halt, followed by the sounds of a book being pulled free from its tightly packed formation. A moment later, footsteps approached, and Hinata's face came into view again. She was holding a chair, the same one Ui was sitting in.
"Can I sit here?" Hinata inquired.
"U-Uh... Sure," Ui muttered dismissively. Moments later, the chair landed with a soft thud right next to Ui, her body melting into the back of the seat as she planted her book on the desk. Ui could feel her face heating up by the second. Damn it... She's too close... Ui's body stiffened like cardboard, then slowly relaxed when nothing else happened. There was no small talk or any questions, but simply silence. Ui gladly embraced it.
As the silence stretched on, a maddening temptation built up in Ui's chest. Just a peek. How does Hinata-chan look when she's all focused... Ui hesitated before slowly and reluctantly turning her head to steal a quick glance at Hinata. Her head rested on her forearm sideways, her two hands holding the book perpendicular to the table. ...Looks like it'd be comfortable, Ui thought to herself.
Her musing was broken by a soft thud. Ui snapped out of her trance just in time to see Hinata's book slide off the table and land on the ground gently. It was a muted sound, and the book didn't seem to have sustained much damage. Hinata stood there uselessly, frozen as her hands grappled at the air. "I'm sorry," she apologized immediately, her eyes glued to the floor. "I'm so sorry for destroying your property!"
"...Destroying my-? No, no, it's fine," Ui stammered, clearing her throat. "Everybody makes mistakes. I don't blame you." She watched Hinata pick the book back up with an intrigued expression, before her gaze drifted back to her own book and she returned to reading (or tried to).
As the minutes dragged on, Ui began to find that the words from her novel were starting to fail to register as her brain short-circuited from the new feeling her proximity with Hinata had given her, something no dictionary could put in words. She furrowed her brows. As time passed, Ui became acutely aware of Hinata slowly scooting closer and closer, the distance between them closing rapidly.
Then, she could feel fingers wrapping around her sleeve, then tugging at them. Ui glanced at Hinata's hand, then at her face. Her eyes were half-lidded, her face pressed against the wooden table, and her consciousness drifting in and out. "Hinata," Ui murmured, shaking the Sisterhood member's shoulder urgently. "Are you awake?"
"Nngh... so... sleepy. I'm... thinking of sin... Must repent..." Hinata rose briefly, only for her eyes to immediately shut again. As she completely lost consciousness, her head landed on Ui's shoulder, resting against it comfortably, like it was a pedestal. Ui immediately froze, her muscles rigid. Ui stared straight ahead, every thought in her brain evaporating instantly. Her mind stalled as she struggled to process what was happening. The book sat snugly in her hands, all but forgotten.
Was Hinata sleeping?
Hinata's breathing was slow and even, peaceful and undisturbed like the ocean on a calm morning. Ui gulped as her gaze wandered down to Hinata's face: her cheek was pressed against her shoulder blade, her white headband barely keeping her messy black hair from splaying across Ui's entire right arm. The librarian could feel her pace quickening. She could wake her... she should wake her. This was inappropriate... but something about Hinata's calm expression seemed so comforting...
Carefully and intensely aware of every single point of contact, she shifted slightly to the right, just enough to support Hinata's entire weight without disturbing her. Ui's shoulders slowly relaxed, although reluctantly, as she returned to her reading. Somehow, with Hinata by her side, the words began to make sense again. The library was somehow more peaceful with Hinata around...
Ui stared down at the page. "You're such a nuisance..." she sighed resignedly.
Somehow, as time continued to pass, Hinata's head dipped downwards and ended up snugly in Ui's lap, resting on her legs. If Ui's posture had been rigid before, now she was no more than a mere rock. She tensed every single muscle in her lower body awkwardly. Hinata's weight was warm and somewhat heavy, making it almost impossible for her to ignore. She adjusted the book in her hands, reading it at such an angle that it wouldn't disturb Hinata. Every single time she turned the page, she had to do it slowly so as not to risk Hinata waking up.
At some point, Hinata murmured something contentedly in her sleep and giggled, making Ui's chest tighten somewhat painfully for a brief moment. She glanced sideways to confirm that Hinata was still fully asleep and wasn't playing a wicked prank on her. There was something horribly unfair about how calm and utterly undisturbed Hinata always managed to appear.
The absurdity of it all began to settle in. If anyone else had done this, any other student, even Sensei, Ui would wake them up immediately and never talk to them ever again out of sheer embarrassment, but something about Hinata was oddly natural. The realization made Ui feel uneasy. Yes, there was a word in the dictionary to describe what Ui was feeling, and she did not want to acknowledge it. If Hinata wasn't on her lap, she may have just puked there and then.
She leaned back in her seat, her shoulders easing as she set down the book resignedly. It was impossible to read with this... distraction sitting on her thighs. She glanced up at the bare ceiling, her face pointed upwards, before she shut her eyelids firmly, as if she was praying that it would wipe the thought from her mind. Go away go away... Just go away!
It didn't. As if to make matters worse, Ui could hear the door creaking open in the distance. "Hinata? Where are you?" called out a student, presumably from the Sisterhood. Ui felt a pit in her stomach as footsteps came up the stairwell. She stiffened instantly, her eyes widening in panic. This... was the worst position she, or Hinata, could be caught in. Before she could think better of it, Ui immediately propped Hinata back up in her seat and scooted away sharply.
Hinata was jolted awake, a startled, dazed expression on her face as Ui stood up, looming above her just in time as the Sisterhood member reached the second floor. "...You should go," Ui said loudly. That sounded a bit too sharp... Trying to avoid the guilt pricking at her heart, she forced herself to continue. "You're being disruptive."
Hinata blinked at her, still half-asleep, the warmth sucked out of the room almost instantly. "O-Oh. I'm sorry," Hinata murmured, rubbing her eyes. "I-I didn't realize..."
"It's fine," Ui cut in before Hinata could finish the sentence. She glanced at the Sisterhood member near the stairwell as Hinata followed her gaze. "You have somewhere to go. Your peers are looking for you."
"O-Oh? For what?" Hinata asked, turning to the Sisterhood member.
"Nothing... really... We were just worried about where you were," the Sisterhood member blurted, obviously slightly flustered at what she had just stumbled into. "D-Did I interrupt something? We don't need you-"
"No... It's fine. I'll go. Ui- I mean, the librarian- is busy," Hinata sighed, the hint of disappointment in her voice hard to miss. She gathered her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder and plastering on a small, apologetic smile. "Thanks for inviting me today, Ui. I had a great time," she said simply before walking down the stairwell.
As the Sisterhood member followed, the silence was more deafening than any crowd. Ui stood there for a brief moment, her brows furrowed, before she sat back down. As she heard the large wooden doors close behind Hinata, she tried to continue reading, but a new emotion was rising in her chest, akin to disappointment or sadness. What was it... loneliness. A frown appeared on Ui's face. Why was she feeling this? It had never been a problem before.
Ui stared at the page blankly. The words were like gibberish now. They provided no comfort in her solace. She exhaled slowly through her nose, rubbing her temple frustratedly. She hadn't meant it like that, so harshly... But the panic of seeing somebody didn't give her enough time to truly weigh her options. Guilt pressed into her heart as she pictured Hinata's expression, right before she disappeared. Her smile seemed forced.
"...I didn't mean it." She set down her lantern, pushing back her chair. As time passed, the loneliness grew stronger. She reorganized a stack of returned books, straightened a chair that was already straight, and restarted a computer sitting in a corner that was working just fine. Finally, she pinched the bridge of her nose. She's fine. Hinata's fine, she thought to herself unconvincingly. "I owe her," she sighed finally. Normally, she would have done anything to avoid going outside, but today was an exception.
Only for Hinata.
I wouldn't do this for anyone else.
She pushed open the wooden doors out of the library, her shoes clacking against the cobblestone path as she sprinted down the path that led to Trinity's gates. She rushed through them, ignoring the quizzical glances of some Tea Party officers and running into the streets of the Trinity district. She hadn't been outside in forever, but she had to find Hinata. Maybe she would just be walking down a sidewalk.
She turned a corner, rushing past storefronts, large office buildings, and random shootouts between rival gangs, not catching a single glimpse of Hinata's red eyes or her straight black hair. As she ran into a jumbled street market full of food stands, drinks, and snacks, the noise hit her all at once. She slowed to a hesitant stop at the edge of the market, her fingers curling into the hem of her sleeves as the voices blurred into one another.
"So... loud," Ui scoffed. Lanterns hung overhead, bright colors were splayed everywhere, students were holding hands with each other, and music was playing from every direction she could fathom. The air smelled sweet, smoky, and spicy all at once: she could barely make out candied haws, fried dough, a bowl of noodles, and something spicy she didn't recognize. She hated it. Her first instinct was to turn around, to retreat back to the Trinity General High Library and stay there, obscured by all of the shelves, where she could hide behind all the books...
No. She couldn't. She had to do this for Hinata. She swallowed and scanned the crowd for that nun-like outfit with that white headband and those shimmering red eyes. She couldn't make out anyone with that appearance besides a tall girl with a Millennium High patch on her shoulder, who was certainly not Hinata. "Hinata, I'm sorry," she murmured under her breath. "I'm so sorry for being so harsh. I'm sorry for turning you away... Please, don't leave me..."
As she spoke, she shut her eyes tightly, only to bump into a passerby awkwardly. "...Sorry," she began, only to catch a familiar glimpse of black hair and red eyes right in front of her. Hinata was smiling softly at a tanghulu vendor, her hands clasped in front of her as she listened to the vendor describing all of the types and flavors. Ui's shoulders eased in relief. Hinata was just fine without her. I... I have to go. Ui felt her throat closing in. Before I ruin this for Hinata too...
As Hinata stepped aside with her candied fruit in hand, though, Ui found her feet immediately darting forward. Before she could even think twice, she immediately blurted out, "H-Hinata."
Hinata turned around, her eyes genuinely widening in surprise before softening into a gentle, warm look, like nothing had happened in the library. "Oh! Ui?" Confusion flickered across her face briefly, though it disappeared quickly. "I'm surprised to see you here. Did you need something?"
"I... I didn't mean what I said earlier. At the library," she stammered. Every single practiced apology she had run back in her head dozens of times had been totally wiped from her memory."
Hinata smiled gently. "Oh! That! It's alright. I really was in the way."
"No!" Ui snapped. "You weren't. I just... panicked. And I said something that I didn't mean."
Hinata studied her quietly. Her expression was completely unreadable. "...Thank you for telling me."
The air was still weirdly tense. "...I just... I thought I should come."
Hinata's expression brightened. "I'm glad you did!" She glanced at the stalls surrounding them, then back at Ui. "Well! Since you're already here, do you want to go on a walk with me?"
"O-Oh... but... I didn't bring any money," Ui murmured quietly, emptying her pockets. "Could I borrow some?"
"Of course," Hinata said with a smile. "I can lend you four thousand yen!" She blinked at Ui's worried expression. "I won't charge interest..."
"...Okay," Ui sighed quietly, trudging forward. Hinata followed, keeping pace with Ui as the two walked past the various stalls. Ui could feel her mouth watering at the mere sight of all of the snacks and food. The scent of meat was maddening.
"This place gets busy around this time," Hinata commented lightly, as if the crowded clamor was just the average Tuesday for her (it probably was). "I thought I'd just look around! Maybe buy something small, since I was hungry." As she spoke, she bit into one of her candied fruits, pulling it cleanly off the handle.
Ui nodded, her eyes fixed forward. She wasn't used to this, the overlapping chatter, the random noise. She clenched her hands inside her sleeves, beginning to become self-conscious of just how pathetic she was. She stayed cooped up inside her library, shooing away everybody who came near, while someone like Hinata could be so confident in everything they did... She bit down on her bottom lip.
Hinata stopped at a stall. "Ooh. These look pretty." She beckoned Ui over as she stared at the trinkets inside the glass display case. Ui followed her gaze, staring quizzically at the glass charms and metal pendants. They reflected light in tiny, enticing flashes, the grooves in its design making a pretty pattern. Hinata leaned in closer to examine one, then glanced back at Ui. "Do you like these kinds of things?"
"I don't come here often," she admitted reluctantly.
Hinata smiled, her unsurprised look only adding to Ui's dejection. "O-kay! We can take it slow, then!" She then turned to the vendor and bought one of the trinkets.
She did exactly as promised, going from stall to stall and stopping wherever Ui's gaze lingered and avoiding ones where there were large crowds. Eventually, Ui felt increasingly secure in the street market, despite the noise, perhaps because of Hinata. Her enthusiastic words were just loud enough to distract Ui from all of the clamor and noise, and soon, Ui found herself enjoying the experience, the former discomfort and urge to retreat back into the library having faded away.
At one stand, Hinata bought the same candied fruit she had gotten for Ui and handed it to her. She observed its appearance: three fruits, a tangerine, a strawberry, and a haw were all covered in a firm layer of sugar, stacked on the sharp wooden stake. Although she was hesitant to take a bite at first, she was pleasantly surprised by the sweet-and-sour taste of the snack. "It's... good," she admitted finally after taking a bite.
As the crowds grew even larger and the sun began to set, the two girls found a small gap between two closed stalls where the noise had dulled a little. To Ui, it was a welcome respite from the din of the street market. Ui began to realize, distantly, that for once she was outside. And I'm actively enjoying the experience... "Thank you," she blurted suddenly.
Hinata tilted her head, her eyes widening briefly in surprise. "Eh? For what?"
"For not making me leave... or stay." Ui didn't know how to describe it. "Either way, I'm grateful."
"...Hmm." Hinata hummed happily. "I'm glad you enjoyed it!"
Just then, two Trinity students walked past them, arm-in-arm, before immediately stopping to stare. One of them immediately turned to point at Ui, as if she were a caged zoo animal. "Oi! Isn't that the library girl?" an amused voice called out.
Ui's shoulders stiffened almost instantly. She could feel that familiar heat prickling up her neck, that of impending humiliation.
"...yeah. What's she doing out here?"
Ui swallowed, staring at the ground. She hated this part, being noticed. She hated that the moment she stepped out her carefully managed and selected world, it always had to gnash its teeth at her.
"Wow, I guess she finally got bored of talking to books."
"Hey, that's really mean," Hinata pointed out. "Let's all just be nice and calm to each other, alright? No need for stuff like this..."
"Oh?" One of them scoffed. "And you are who? Her bodyguard?" The two snickered, an ugly, brash sound that grated against Ui's ears. She wanted to disappear into thin air.
"Her friend."
"Wow! I didn't know the Sisterhood was so kind as to send someone to help people in need of friends, too! Do you have a savior complex for hanging around losers now?"
"Self-righteous. Always acting like you're better than everyone else," one of them spat.
"Why do you have to insult us? We didn't do anything to you," Hinata pointed out. "We can resolve this peacefully-"
Ui stepped forward. Her hands had stopped shaking a while ago. "You," she said, trying her best not to let her voice quiver, "can say whatever you want about me, but my girlfriend is where I cross the line," her eyes burning as she looked right at them.
The students froze, then stared at each other, then back at Ui. "...Your what?" A long silence stretched between the four of them before the two students glanced at each other in unanimous agreement, slowly retreated, and disappeared into the darkness. The silence was no less awkward when it was just Hinata and Ui.
"...My what?" Ui repeated, blinking.
Oh.
I want to kill myself.
She slowly turned around to face Hinata, who was staring at her like a statue. Her life was beginning to feel less and less like a human life and more like one that belonged in a rom-com. "U-Uh. I didn't mean that either?" She offered, though it didn't seem like even she was sure if that was true. "I-I mean, I didn't mean it like... I did, but... not... Uh... Yeah." She shoved her hands into her pockets and glanced at the sky. "Wow, the clouds look pretty today."
"Ui."
"Wow, I think that's a cross in the clouds! You should go look... and keep looking! I'll... go, uh, get a drink..."
"Ui," she repeated, slightly more sharply than Ui had expected. "Did you actually mean that?"
"I'm sorry," she stammered finally, burying her face in her hands. Her face had turned a fiery scarlet. Wow. That was... embarrassing. "I shouldn't have said that. I just blurted it out, I guess."
Hinata stared at her for a few more seconds, with this strange, unreadable expression, before letting out a soft, warm giggle. "It's okay. I didn't mind. Honestly, that was pretty cute."
Ui's heart skipped a beat, then began beating in her chest like a drum. "Oh. Okay." The two stared at each other for a bit longer before Ui broke eye contact, glancing down at the ground and distracting herself with the patterns on the cobblestone. "Soooo... Does that mean we're-"
"...Yes. Sure. Okay. Maybe." Now it was Hinata's turn to be flustered. Her face flushed as she let out a frustrated sigh. "Yes."
They stood there a moment longer, neither quite sure what to do with their hands as the market noise slowly swelled back around them. The world began to come back to Ui in slow fragments: first, the lanterns swaying gently; then the smell of sugar and fruit lingered in the air; and finally, the distant music and chatter. The time they had been shopping felt like ages ago.
"You didn't finish your candied fruit yet," Hinata pointed out, tugging at Ui's sleeve.
"O-Oh. Okay. Right."