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It wasn't anything new, but it was annoying nonetheless.
Zooble was once again being plagued by insomnia.
They had often dealt with it even before ending up in the circus, but it had just worsened ever since that point.
Sure, their life back in the real world was far from perfect. They'd had parents who didn't accept them for who they truly were and even threatened to kick them out if a certain topic was ever brought up again. They'd met even more unaccepting people, no doubt thanks to living in an area where most people were traditional to a fault. They'd switched jobs plenty of times for multiple reasons.
But at least their old life had actually felt a little more like their own.
Now they were trapped in a circus where the ringmaster who didn't know how to handle any semblance of criticism loved to force everyone on adventures that sucked more often than not, they couldn't even let out their frustrations in swearing without getting hit by the obnoxious censor, and they were forced to share a living space with the most annoying rabbit to ever walk this digital hellscape.
All of those thoughts and more often ran through the mix and match of shapes's mind whenever she tried to sleep.
No matter how hard he tried, sleep never came easy.
And on the rare occasion that it did come a bit easier, it never lasted long.
Nightmares ran through Zooble's mind more often than they'd like to admit. Nightmares about their old life, nightmares about what could happen to them, nightmares about what could happen to those they cared about. Whatever it was, Zooble had likely ruminated, dreamed, and worried about it.
Tonight was shaping up to be no different, apparently.
Tonight, Zooble's brain decided to put on a show featuring all their less than pleasant memories. Including but not limited to: the time they tried to come out as genderfluid to their parents and got cruelly shot down, that time they had considered sharing their feelings with a former friend until he learned that former friend wasn't at all supportive, and that horrible and fateful day when she put the headset on and ended up trapped in a digital hellscape where the adventures all sucked, the ringmaster was way too volatile and had a very strong sense of RSD, an annoying purple rabbit lived to torment everyone, no one was allowed to swear despite all being adults, and worst of all, they didn't even have the ability to have-
Never mind.
Zooble paused their thought process once that particular grievance passed through. They definitely didn't have anyone in mind when they expressed that desire.
Nope.
Not at all.
Zooble sighed and clutched their pillow over their head, once again trying to fall asleep.
To no one's surprise, it didn't work at all.
And now it was starting to get frustrating.
The majority of things sucked here in the circus, and now Zooble couldn't even get a good night's sleep?
Why was this their life?
Why did everything suck?
No, not everything, came a more comforting thought. You have people here that you can trust now. Especially Gangle.
Zooble tried to latch onto that thought and let it soothe them, but it unfortunately slipped right through their grasp and became swept away in the current of more depressing, anxiety-inducing thoughts and memories.
Zooble sighed and stole a glance at the clock on their wall.
Great.
It was three in the morning and they still hadn't slept a wink.
Why was this their life?
Why couldn't they have left behind at least this struggle when they ended up in a place where they were stuck in another body that felt wrong and they could never escape from?
The mix and match of shapes began to wonder, not for the first time, if Caine was specifically targeting them.
After all, they knew they had never been on the best of terms with the ringmaster. They had often resorted to criticizing the adventures (but for good reason!), skipping out on them altogether, and never having much positive feedback to provide in general.
So in all honesty, they wouldn't be surprised if Caine had decided to retaliate by finding out what their worst struggles were and exacerbating the struggles in question.
Great, I'm so sleep-deprived that nothing I'm thinking even makes sense anymore, Zooble thought, dropping their head into their hand.
They had tried listening to calming music, tried to read a book, took some melatonin, and still nothing was working.
Zooble began to feel hopeless yet again, and not just because of the sleeping trouble.
Almost everything else made them feel that way.
They were stuck in a place where there was no exit, stuck in another body that never felt right no matter what they did to try and alleviate the feelings of wrongness.
After about another hour or two of tossing, turning, and thinking, a wave of exhaustion finally hit Zooble and they passed right out.
They then woke up an hour or so later, feeling drained both physically and mentally.
They really didn't want to go out to the loud and bright main area and get sent on an adventure that they already knew they wouldn't enjoy.
But they also knew Caine would likely barge into their room and drag them out, so they at least wanted to be in control of how and when they emerged into the main area.
Zooble sighed and rubbed at their eyes for a minute, then headed off to the bathroom and freshened up a bit before reluctantly heading into the main area.
They slowly made it through breakfast, feeling too tired to even eat much of anything.
Their energy depleted even further as they trudged to the main area alongside the others.
Gangle looked over, noticing. “Zooble…are you okay?”
“Hm?” Zooble blinked. “Hey, Gang. I'm fine.”
“Hmm…” Gangle squinted.
Zooble's eyes darted around.
“You look really tired,” Gangle noted.
Zooble sighed, knowing they couldn't really hide it anymore. “I am.”
“Did you not sleep well last night?”
“Not one bit. I got maybe an hour or two of sleep.”
Gangle's eyes widened. “Then you're in no condition to go on the adventure today. Come with me.” She began to lead Zooble to their room.
Zooble couldn't really argue. They never really enjoyed the adventures anyway and they were beyond exhausted right now. It took what felt like all of their remaining energy to even try and walk back to their room.
Once the two of them reached Zooble's room, the latter took one look at their bed and became overwhelmed with the urge to just climb back into it and sleep all day.
Or at least try to.
And probably not succeed, given their luck.
Gangle then picked up Zooble.
The mix and match of shapes paused, surprised at the unexpected gesture. They glanced over at Gangle.
Gangle gave a small smile. “You really need some sleep. I'll stay here if you want.”
Zooble felt their face heat up a bit, both from being held by Gangle and from her smile and words.
“Uhm…sure. That'd be great.” They tried not to sound as flustered as they were feeling.
Gangle smiled and deposited Zooble into their bed. “There you go then.”
Zooble sank into the softness of their pillows and blankets, the exhaustion washing over them full-force.
Gangle glanced over at Zooble, then inched over and sat on the bed by them. “If you're not too tired, do you want to talk about why you had trouble sleeping?”
Zooble stared up at the ceiling, thinking about it. “Sure, I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk about it.”
Gangle looked over at them. “I'm listening.”
“Well…it was the same as usual. Oftentimes when I try to sleep, it gets hard because I'm thinking too much.”
“Thinking about what?”
“Anything and everything, really. How my life was before I ended up here, how it's been after I got here, how much it feels like a cruel joke that I struggled with feeling trapped in the wrong body in the real world and now it's arguably even worse here…”
“I'm sorry to hear that.” Gangle reached over and gently patted Zooble's hand.
Zooble's eyes crinkled to indicate their smile. “Thanks, Gang. It's not your fault, though.”
“I know, I just feel bad.”
“It's okay. I mean…we've all got stuff to deal with here, right?”
“Yeah, but that doesn't mean anyone has to do it alone. Don't forget that I'm here.”
Zooble’s eyes crinkled up even more, feeling touched from the comment. “Thanks, I really appreciate that.”
“You're welcome.” Gangle slid over and laid down next to Zooble.
Zooble glanced over, their face heating up a bit.
Gangle glanced over. “Is it okay if I stay like this for a bit?”
You can stay here forever. In fact, please do, Zooble thought. “Of course it is.”
“Yay! Thank you.” Gangle smiled and cozied up next to her partner.
Zooble returned the smile, then the sense of drowsiness that had been hanging over them all day crashed down on them. Their eyes began to flutter closed.
They drifted off to sleep in a matter of minutes, a stark contrast to the way it had taken them hours to fall asleep the previous night.
Apparently they couldn't sleep at all without Gangle pressed up against them.
But when Gangle was next to them?
It was like all Zooble's troubles and worries and bad memories just melted away and they could just forget about all of that for a few moments and instead focus on the amazing girlfriend they somehow managed to find.
The masked ribbon had the most calming presence Zooble had ever known, in or outside the circus.
And Zooble had no intention of ever letting her go, no matter what came their way.