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"Oh, I'll go check on him, don't worry about that," she said as the rest of the team nodded and went into the kitchen to lend Laina a hand with preparing dinner. That whole…flying…cow adventure had certainly been entertaining, but they were all exhausted. But hey, another victory for Vox Machina! And enough money to keep surviving!
Keyleth walked across the alleys of the fortress, trying to make as little noise as possible. No one could compete with the twins, but she had managed to become stealthier as the months went on. The situation was getting more serious, and what had started as a band of ragtag mercenaries had now become a family. They even had their own keep, built in their honor, after the killing of that blue dragon. She still had nightmares about that creature; she couldn't believe they had managed to take down something like that. But it was dead, and they were all alive.
Unfortunately, the trouble never ended for them, and after that banquet, that couple seemed to have affected Percy greatly. She was worried about him, especially after he had refused to leave the workshop all day. They all were, but she was the one who had been more vocal about it. After all, they were best friends. They had never explicitly said it, but it was more than clear in the way they were almost inseparable.
She descended the stairs, guiding herself with the tiny light formed between her hands. The alleyway was dark, and she could barely see anything. After a few minutes, she managed to find the only other light source, Percy's workshop, where a dim light escaped from under the door. She found Trinket there, mooning and clawing at the door, as if trying to get in. "Oh, hey, Trinket," she greeted. She petted the bear, but it didn't seem to calm it down, as it usually did. She furrowed her brow. Vex had let him there to make sure Percy didn't get to Desmond in the dungeons. Why would he want to get in? "I'm sorry, but Percy wouldn't like you getting inside.”
She took a deep breath and knocked. "Percy? Are you awake?" He had been avoiding this conversation, but now, he had no escape.
No answer.
"Percy? I know you're there."
Silence.
“Come on, I know you're not doing well. You know we’re all here for you, right? If you ever need something…Just let us know.”
More silence.
Annoyed, she pushed the door, opening it with a long creak. It was darker inside; she could barely see. The only light source was an almost consumed candle set near the door, the one that had been casting the weak light outside the door. Percy's body was slumped against the table. He seemed to have collapsed while working. Fitting, given the consumed candles decorating the wall. He must have spent the whole day there, without rest. Of course, tiredness must have caught up to him. She couldn't help but smile as she extinguished the light from her hands, not to disturb his sleep. Seeing Percy actually sleeping the hours he needed was nice. She made a mental note to prevent the group from waking him up, even if it meant his having breakfast late.
She grabbed a blanket thrown on the mattress of the workshop, and lay it over Percy's body, careful not to wake him up. He was surprisingly still, peaceful. The nightmares must have let him alone for that night. "Goodnight, she whispered. She knew she should probably get him to bed, but he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep like that, and she doubted she was able to carry him in her arms without waking him.
The bear entered the room, nuzzling against one of Percy's hands, limp by his side. She chuckled and went to grab his hand and put it in a more comfortable position.
He was too cold.
She straightened up, and that's when she noticed how Percy was holding the Pepperbox in his other hand, directly aiming at his head. Her heart sank and began to speed up. It surely—
Her eyes shot to the wall. There was blood everywhere. She turned to face Percy and—
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no,—
She fell to the floor, hands covering her mouth as tears began to fill her eyes and run down her cheeks. Instinctively, she backed against the wall. She didn't want to get near him; she couldn't be near him. Not now. Oh, gods. Oh, gods. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't have happened. There had to be a way—This had to be a nightmare, for sure. She must have passed out. No. No. NO. NO.
In her worst nightmares, she was alone. In her worst nightmares, her friends died of old age and she was left on her own, but this wasn't a nightmare, and this wasn't an inevitable death.
In a burst of energy, she went back to the table, shaking her body, begging to whatever god was listening to let her wake up from the nightmare. She only managed to pull his head up, revealing the open mass of leaking brains and blood where he had shot himself, where the bullet had gone, where—and she had to look away. Fuck, she was going to throw up. She really was. "Please…No…" She sobbed, hiccuping. She laid a hand on his shoulder, as if attempting to wake him up, but she just felt the liquid stain her hand. She let out an agonizing howl, like a hurt animal, retreating to the door, shaking, hyperventilating.
He was gone. He was gone. And they had done nothing to prevent it. He had killed himself. And they had been so, so blind; they hadn't seen it coming. Percy was gone, and it was all their fault.
Her legs failed, and she drooped to the floor. Trinket, sensing the dread, moved from the body and went next to her. Keyleth grabbed the fur and buried her head in it, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Keyleth, dear? Dinner's ready! And bring Percy with you!" Trinket's head shot up, hearing Vex'ahlia's voice, but Keyleth couldn't; she simply couldn't. Her best friend was gone. She should have seen it coming. Pike wasn't here either; there was no way of bringing him back. And still, even if she was there, what was she going to do? Remake his face? She had just lost her best friend. Her best friend. She felt as if her heart had been clawed away from her body. "Keyleth?" A part of her had disappeared.
He had blown his brains out. He had killed himself. Her mind went back to the way he had been less careful during fights, the way he had taken more blows. Like he didn't care for himself, like he wanted to—
To die.
To die.
She stood up, shaking like a newborn fawn. She had to tell the group, one way or another. Barely managing to stay on her feet, she held herself on Trinket, eyes fixed on the floor, as she began to walk upstairs. She needed to get rid of the blood. There was so much blood. She needed to clean everything up.
The rest of the group had just begun to dine. The scent of the food made her nauseous. How could—How could they be so happy when Percy had just killed himself? Just thinking about that as something that had actually happened, and not a possibility she had tried to hide late at night, when worrying about his mental state, made her sick to her stomach. "Downstairs. Workshop." She said. She couldn't bear to explain it. She doubted she could say anything before breaking down.
"Are you okay, Kiki? Where's Percy?" Vax said, standing up. There was worry in his tone, as he and the group had caught on to her trembling state.
"Downstairs. Workshop." She repeated, already stepping back. Not that she was planning on entering, but she didn't want to separate from the group.
Vox Machina all looked at her, at each other, and nodded, following her downstairs. They made the same path as always, getting to the door. Keyleth stopped before it.
"Do we just…enter? You know he doesn't like it." Grog questioned, standing just in front of the door.
"Yeah, it's like he's scared we're going to catch him jerking off or something." Scanlan joked, trying to lighten the mood, but the joke felt flat. Keyleth just stared at him, pushing the door open.
"He's gone," she said, letting them see. "He's gone," she repeats, voice breaking, beginning to sob. The room is still dark. She can't bear to look at the corpse.
"What—Percy?" Vex began, heading into the room.
"He fucking killed himself!" She yelled, voice breaking. She took several steps back, bumping against the wall and sitting against it as the team entered, rushing towards the dead body. She couldn't look at it. She couldn't bear to look at it. Blood. There was too much blood. She had seen a lot of blood throughout her time traveling with Vox Machina. She's seen her friends bleed, she's even seen them suffer some injuries that should have been fatal, but they'd always been there on time.
Percival de Rolo was dead because they hadn't gotten there on time. She hadn't gotten there on time. The room blurred around her, voices and cries of her friends, each reacting to finding Percy gone. Her heart's on her neck.
Vex rushed to his side, yelping when her hands touched blood. Vax had a similar reaction, clutching his sister's arm. Grog let out a howl. Scanlan's eyes just widened as he took a step back. She wondered how they would tell Pike that, in her absence, they had lost Percy. Maybe she'll feel as if she could have prevented it. Maybe she'll blame herself for not being there when he needed her the most. She'll wonder how things would have been different if she had talked with him, if she had stayed by his side. Tears wouldn't stop rolling down her cheeks. She felt nauseous.
She needed to throw up.
She rushed out of the room, emptying her stomach on some random pot plant. As the acid left her throat, the clawing guilt disappeared for a brief second, attacking her the moment she could breathe again.
Gods, she felt so awful. She couldn't survive this. She couldn't survive this. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. It hurt so bad. He was gone. He was gone.
She emptied her stomach again.
She couldn't do this. So long trying to find a connection, trying to find a friend, something she had struggled with so much with as a kid, just to lose him to a totally preventable thing. She felt sick. This shouldn't have happened. She should have been there.
But it was too late, she thought. Way too late.