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It had been nearly a week since Rocket died.
Sword couldn’t believe Rocket was really gone. It was like, whenever they were together, Sword almost could forget how fast time went by. Sword forgot about the risks- and Rocket did too. They could forget about the things that were hard to think about every time they were together. They always knew a way to cheer the other up after a difficult day. With Rocket, everything was easy. Sword hated the way those memories felt so far away now, how he felt responsible- and how badly he wished he held on tighter one last time. He wanted to make those plans he never went through with, or didn’t have the time for. Sword wanted to say all of those ‘I love you’s’ he was too afraid to whisper. If he would’ve known.. He wouldn’t have had any hesitation in the words he said.
He didn’t even understand why he hesitated. Sword regretted how much he would hesitate, how he’d stammer sheepishly instead of just saying what he knew was true. Rocket deserved to know how much he cared .. Rocket deserved to know how much he was loved. Sword was always looking on all the happy times he had with Rocket, but he remembered all the sad times too. And still, felt that same, familiar ache he did every time Rocket would cry. The tremble in his voice, but remembered how right after then, his smile would creep back onto Rocket's face whenever Sword almost comedically sucked at comforting him enough for it to somehow work.
But, despite how Sword hated to see the tears stream down Rocket's face, Sword also wanted to remember what Rocket looked like again. He wished for him to be more than just a blurry image in his mind, not just a still image. He kept staring at old photos, trying to see how Rocket looked, and somehow project him into his mind again. Finding it to be near impossible every single time he tried. Photos hardly replicated how Rocket looked in his gaze, he couldn’t see him smile- really smile again in a way that mattered, he wanted to actually see him again- not just in the pictures. Gods, he wanted to hold him again. To hear his voice again.
He missed the late night conversations, the constant laughter, and the way Rocket would soften whenever they’d hug each other. The way he melted into their first kiss. Sword wiped the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, choking back a cry. Slowly, he laid down in his bed, looking over to his window. And while glancing at the night sky from his window, Sword remembered how Rocket used to stargaze almost weekly, Sword would often go with him. Rocket knew- almost definitely, all the constellations, always pointing them out to Sword excitedly and explaining them.. Sword could’ve listened to his rambling for hours, and he wouldn’t have even been a little bored of hearing Rocket speak.
Sword reminisced in the happier memory, before shutting his eyes and rolling over- curled up in the warm blankets silently. Only the gentle light of the moon illuminates his room. Sword, eventually has a clear enough mind to fall asleep. And for a little while, things were finally silent.
Sword opened his eyes, struggling to adjust them to the light- he squinted. With a tired groan, he sat himself up. Finding himself in a patch of soft, green grass. Feeling the silky texture, it was relaxing especially with the soft breeze. Looking around, his surroundings looked alike to a meadow. Several flowers sticking out of the grass and blowing beautifully with the grass in the wind. The moon lit up the area and the stars shone bright in the night sky.
The sky was a serene, calm, dark blue. Cloudless, and perfectly clear. Just the right weather to see the stars without a single obstruction. Sword stared for a moment longer at the sky, then lowered his gaze to see the field of grass he was comfortably sitting in.
Sword curiously stood up, and took a few steps forward, inspecting one of the flowers. There were Forget me nots, mostly. But there were some marigolds, and what looked like red poppies to Sword in the grass too. Sword carefully backed away from them, and, with caution, he continued walking. Now being extra careful not to step on any of the delicate, vibrant flowers.
As he stepped forward he kept his head lowered. Until suddenly he walked closer to a very suddenly bright place. He quickly raised his head to see what was glowing so radiantly, but the bright glare in front of him burned his eyes- forcing him to flinch back. With a hiss he shielded himself with his arms, shutting his eyes tightly. As he felt the light dim from behind his shut eyes, he reluctantly opened his eyes again. Letting his arms return back to his sides.
In the sky, in front of the moon, was a hovering figure. It was hard to recognize whoever it was- especially from so far away. But Sword could see that they were dressed incredibly well, with what seemed to be a tie, along with extravagant designs on their clothing in star-like designs- all shades of blue. As Sword got closer, he could better see the smaller features, especially on their face. An also beautifully decorated masquerade mask covered their eyes, and they had four pointed blue horns at the sides of their head. They looked just like Rocket did. Horns, features and all.
Sword couldn’t believe what he was seeing- unable to tear his gaze away and staring in awe- trying to make out every detail to make sure he was sure of what he was seeing, but it didn’t take much looking until Sword was immediately rushing to get closer to who he believed was Rocket, everything surrounding him and Rocket blurring out of his vision, becoming background noise. The light from above surrounding the figure reflected in his wide, bright eyes.
He tried to call out to the floating, stargazing inphernal in the sky, but couldn’t get a word out. Like the words were trapped in his throat, his mouth slightly ajar, but no words leaving like he wanted. Sword reached a hand up in the air, trying to get Rockets attention. But it seemed to have the opposite effect than what he wanted. He wasn’t even seen.
The inphernal turned away from view, departing, and entirely unaware of Swords presence below. Sword immediately shook his head panickedly, this was his one chance to see Rocket again- he couldn't lose him again, not like this. Not when he was so close.
Sword sprinted forward after him, stumbling uncontrollably with every step, his breathing was ragged and he heard his heart pumping quickly. His hand extended further in desperation, but it wasn’t long until Rocket was out of view. Sword ran recklessly faster, trying to catch any glimpse of Rocket again- before his foot caught on something in the grass, instantly, he went tumbling to the ground with a crash.
Immediately as he fell, without even a second to blink or process what happened, Sword woke up. Startled, he instantly rose up in his bed, his chest quickly rising and falling with each breath. He felt himself sweating, he wasn't able to stop shaking. Sword buried his face in his hands, his wings drooping. Sword let out a quiet sob, and brought his knees to his chest. Still in shock- even after understanding that it was a dream. He felt guilt. Grief. Completely hopeless.
Sword couldn’t even chase Rocket quickly enough. Didn’t go nearly as far as Rocket would’ve gone just to reach him again, to have Sword in his arms again. No matter how distant Sword went, Rocket would’ve chased and chased without end, even for eternity, just for him. Maybe Sword just wasn’t as desperate for Rocket, as he was for Sword.
And yet, even with these guilty thoughts that plagued in his mind- the fear weighing on his heart, that he didn’t love Rocket enough as he should’ve, that Rocket went infinitely deeper in his affection than Sword ever could’ve, Sword, still, let out a choked whisper,
“ .. i love you so much, rocket . “