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It was a gloomy Tulsa day in mid January. Not at all nice outside. There had been snow from Sunday to Wednesday, and rain until about 4am that morning. A Friday, at least. Two days off.
Ponyboy Curtis sat in the dark at his kitchen table, taking in the silence. He hadn’t been alone like this in a while. It was calm, but also a bit lonely.
The house was dimly lit from the pale grey light floating in through the windows. Silver gently shone on wooden floor in the hallway, and across tile in the kitchen. The Curtis brothers’ house was dead, vacant of life besides Ponyboy. Or maybe he was apart of it.
Two-bit had taken the kid home from school, but had to go meet Kathy at the Dingo. Soda and Steve were working til close that night, and Darry would be home around 9:30. So there was nothing to do but… sit and do nothing.
Well, not really. He could’ve done homework. He could’ve read. He could’ve drawn. But he didn’t have the energy to. It didn’t matter enough.
He could’ve written another letter to Johnny or Dally, or maybe Mom and Dad. Ponyboy had been writing a lot of notes to them lately.
They might’ve started to get annoyed with his constant “I miss Mama’s baking” or “I miss when we were a full gang.”
Ponyboy knew all of the boys were hurting. Nothing had been the same since Johnny and Dallas died. Pony couldn’t help but think about how he caused it. He caused five deaths in nine months. Mom, Dad, Bob, Johnny, and Dallas.
The gang was hurting because of him. Maybe they knew that, too.
Maybe that’s why Two-bit hardly cracked jokes to Pony anymore. Maybe that’s why Steve looked at him like he was just a faint outline of a boy. Maybe that’s why Darry’s eye bags had grown darker in the past three months. Maybe that’s why Soda’s bright smile had become rare.
They all knew Ponyboy caused it. Ponyboy should’ve gotten the electric chair the moment that the doorbell rang. The moment Darry opened the door to the police officer with that pitying look on his face…
No one had ever rung that doorbell. Ponyboy wasn’t even sure if he’d heard it before that day. It was almost as if he were hearing it again, right then.
Wait a minute. He was. Ponyboy stood and peaked into the hallway.
Two-bit was jamming the doorbell repeatedly, along with banging his fist on the door. Pony ran down the hallway, confused why.. the door was locked?
He flipped the latch open and let Two-bit inside. The older boy was glaring at Pony.
“Why the hell did you lock the door?! I’ve been knocking for damn near ten minutes!! Was bouta go around back and break in!”
Ponyboy just blinked. He didn’t remember locking the door. The door was never locked. Pony wasn’t sure why he’d even lock it.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Where were you? Upstairs?”
“Naw, I was at the table.”
“The table?”
Two-bit looked down the hallway.
“Have you turned any lights on?”
“Uh… No, I guess not.”
“Why not? Don’t it make you sleepy, sitting in the dark?”
“Not really.”
Two-but looked at Ponyboy like he’d just said he was quitting track. Which, Pony had been considering not trying out the next year, but that was months away.
“What?”
“Have you done anything in the past four hours?”
“What?”
“It’s been four hours since i dropped you off.”
“It has?”
“Yeah, kid. How long did you think it’d been?? Darry told me to come by around six to check in on ya.”
Ponyboy followed Two-bit into the kitchen, the older flipping on each light switch he walked past. Pony sat at the table while Two-bit rummaged through the pantry.
“You didnt have to. I’m fine on my own.”
“You dont even know how to check a clock and you’re saying you woulda been fine?”
Pony felt his ears get red.
“You’re one to talk. You dont even know how to read time!”
“I do, too.”
“How many seconds are in a minute.”
Two-bit hesitated.
“…120?”
Pony smirked and shook his head. The older sighed and swung open the fridge to grab a beer.
“You been sitting here for four hours?”
“Hey, I thought you were out with Kathy for dinner.”
Two-bit furrowed his brow.
“I saw Kathy yesterday. I told ya I would be around if you needed anything.”
“You took her to the Dingo yesterday?”
“That.. That was on Tuesday.”
Both boys were in utter confusion. Had Ponyboy hit his head or something? The kid usually wasn’t so out if it.
As Two-bit watched him closer, he tried to look for anything different. Ponyboy’s usual habits included pencil tapping, nail biting, and touching his now grown-out hair. It faded from his natural color to blonde, and now was just above his eyebrows when he didnt grease it..
Ponyboy always had his hair greased.
It was dry as the desert.
Two-bit knew that Ponyboy liked hair oil enough to think of it as a necessity. It was unlike him to choose not to put any in, or to forget it. He’d remember to do his hair over math homework any day.
The longer Two-bit watched, the more he noticed.
Pony’s eye bags, his slumped shoulders, his busy hands and raw nail beds, his hair not only dry but messy…
“Kid, is something goin on?”
“Whadduya mean?”
Pony sounded tired.
“You don’t look too good. Don’t even got no grease in your hair.”
“I don’t?”
“Naw. Don’t look like you brushed it, either.”
Two tried to give a grin, but worry was starting to set in. He wasn’t a super feely person, but he sure did care about his friends.
Ponyboy jumped up to go look in the mirror, flicking on the light and studying his reflection. Ruffling through his hair as if he’d find a greasy patch. But his fingers found nothing.
“I swear I put some on this mornin’.. I was arguing with Soda about hogging the comb..”
“Soda slept in late today. I drove you to school.”
“No, Steve..”
Pony trailed off, realizing he couldnt recall the entire morning. Everything was foggy. He stepped back to look at himself.
His nose was too thin and long. His eyes were greener than usual. His hair looked like a wig.
Sure, Pony had been feeling strange, but he figured it was just exhaustion, or grief. But… this didn’t seem real. like he was dreaming or something. like he wasn’t feeling enough to feel real. maybe ponyboy was going crazy…
Two-bit noticed the distress in Ponyboy’s demeanor. He looked like he didn’t recognize himself.
“Hey, kid. lets go sit on the couch.”
Ponyboy nodded and let Two-bit take his shoulders and steer him out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into the messy Curtis living room.
The two boys sat on the couch, the younger slumping down, staring at the dark television, and the older watching him with concern.
“Whats goin on? is it Jo-“
“Shut up.”
“Pon-“
“Shut up!”
Two-bit flicked his shoulder, and Ponyboy just swatted at him. Then silence. He usually liked to argue more when he was moody.
About two or three years before, Johnny used to tell Two-bit about how somedays, even weeks at a time, he’d feel empty. Like all the care in his body drained out, and nothing was truly happening. Johnny would always tell Two-bit when it happened, and they’d take a few days easy. Two-bit’s mother would sometimes bake a batch of chocolate muffins if she felt that it would help.
Two-bit recognized that blank expression on Ponyboy’s face. The way his eyebrows furrowed just slightly. The soft frown of his lips.
“Does it feel strange?”
“Hm?”
“When you look around. Does it feel strange?”
Ponyboy glanced around the room. He recognized it. Nothing felt wrong. But that emptiness in his body.. Pony couldn’t admit it, couldn’t put that feeling into words.
“Nah.”
Two-but sighed.
“Kid, i know it-“
“Shut up, Keith!! Can’t you be quiet for just a second?!? Iwas doing fine til you came busting down our front door!!”
Ponyboy huffed and crossed his arms, turning away from Two-bit. Two-bit sat there, unsure what to do.
“Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“You hardly ate lunch.”
“So?”
“You get hangry, don’cha?”
“Fuck off.”
“You gotta eat before your brothers get home, or i’m in trouble.”
“Not my problem what kinda bets you and Darrel make on me.”
Two-bit flicked him on the neck.
“Darrel just wants you to be safe, Pony. and so do I. I’m sorry that you don’t care about how worried we all are.”
“Worried about what?! All Darrel cares about is the bills! You only care about beer, Steve only cares about pissing me off, and Soda…”
Two-bit waited for Ponyboy to continue. Or for him to start crying.
But Ponyboy wasn’t sad. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t scared.
He wasn’t anything.
Two-bit tried rubbing his shoulder. Johnny used to like that. Ponyboy huffed at it but didnt resist.
“Don’t try and deny it, kid. Somethings wrong. Somethin’ has been wrong, i’d say. You don’t gotta know exactly what it is.”
Ponyboy stayed facing away from Two-bit, his body still tensed up.
“I knew someone who used to get these… episodes. He said it was like he was dreaming, and nothing mattered to him. Is that how you feel?”
Two-bit waited for another snarky comment.
“I feel dead.”
That was not a snarky comment, that was a concerning one.
“What? What do you mean by dead? Do you want to be dead!?”
“No. I… I guess that ain’t right. I’m just.. not myself. I’m just goin’ through the motions.”
Two-bit kept rubbing Ponyboy’s shoulder. When Johnny would come by, he liked to sit and talk. He’d talk about things that pained Two-bit to hear.
Now it’s the same thing, but with Ponyboy.
“Yeah, that makes sense. Is there, uh… anything you think would help?…”
Ponyboy shrugged, loosening up a bit.
“Well, its only six. your curfew is ten, ain’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“You wanna go down to main street? We could bowl, or play pool?”
“I dunno.”
Two-bit thought hard. What would help Ponyboy feel like himself?
“There’s this new movie, it’s.. called something like.. oh, Ambushers! Heard Curly Shepard liked it, you two like similar things, yeah?”
“I guess. Whats the movie about?”
Ponyboy turned back so he was sitting on the couch normally, even propping his feet up on the coffee table.
“Don’t really know. It’s action, though. And I know you don’t really like company with movies, so we can sit a few rows away.”
Two-bit sighed dramatically and draped his arm over the back of the couch.
“I promise I wont burn the place down.”
The younger boy thought hard about the offer. It was true that he liked going to movies alone. But now, he isn’t sure. Especially after what happened at the Drive-in… but he hadn’t been to the movie house since then. Maybe a movie would be good.
And maybe having Two-bit along wouldn’t be so bad. Pony wasn’t sure if he wanted to be alone. Two-bit was being responsible, too.
“Okay.. i’d like that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll go see a movie with you. And if you get antsy, you could just step outside.”
Two-bit smiled at the kid and ruffled his hair. It was the first time either boy had felt a bit of hope since the deaths of their best friends.
Ponyboy got up to grease his hair and try not looking depressed for going out in public, while Two-bit stayed on the couch.
Ponyboy was a really nice kid. A kid that thirteen-year-old Two-bit used to think of as Darry’s empty-headed kid brother. But then he’d seen that Pony was more than his fantasies. He was tough, he was struggling, and he was lonely. Now surely lonelier than before.
No one would ever replace Johnny’s spot in Two-bit’s life. Or Ponyboy’s life, or any of the gangs lives. But maybe Two-bit could make extra room for Pony.
Don’t get him wrong, he’d always cared about the boy. But now, Pony needed a friend more than ever. And Two-bit, even if he wouldn’t admit it, needed one too.
So when Ponyboy came back from the bathroom and gave a small smile to Two-bit, he decided to dedicate some effort to help the kid. To reopen Two-bit’s own softer side, his vulnerable side
A side of him that used to be reserved for Johnny and Johnny only.
Even if Two-bit hadn’t fully healed yet, Ponyboy hadn’t either. maybe they could help each other.
As the two boys walked out of the Curtis-Communal-Home-for-Greasers-Alike, Two-bit looked at the younger.
“Hey, Pone.”
“Yeah?”
“We’ll be okay. We’re hurting, but that’s what humans do. They hurt, and then they heal. You’ll be okay, kid.”
Two-bit wrapped an arm around Ponyboy, and surprisingly, the younger leaned in.
“Thanks, Two.”
“That’s what brothers are for, ain’t it?”
Pony smiled. A real smile.
The universe sent a smile back at him in the form of a golden colored sunset.
Maybe it was Johnny, smiling at his friends.
“Yeah. Brothers.”