Chapter Text
Nightmares were customary for Will Byers.
Not a night passed since November 6th, 1983 that he didn’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming, crying, sweating, or panting. On some nights, he’d thrash around so hard he’d wake up on his floor and Joyce or Jonathan would be in his room or doorway with worried faces checking on him.
When they first started, Joyce insisted on having him sleep in her room. That never stopped them, as she’d hoped, but then she would reassure and comfort him as he clung to her crying. He’d always felt guilty, whether she seemed like she’d woken up to him or if she’d spent all night worrying and watching over him.
Eventually Jonathan thought it’d be a better idea to let Will sleep in his own room.
But he suggested it be him who stay with Will. This made it slightly easier for Will because he and Jonathan had that brother-brother relationship where he could tell him bits and pieces of the nightmare but nothing that really weighed on him. A part of him felt shame and disgust at himself every time he came to his senses, and it only seemed to double when he looked at his mom or brother. The burden of knowing and feeling, he could never tell them. He wouldn’t.
Will listened to the conversation around him as he stood awkwardly against a wall in the kitchen of the Wheeler’s house. Mike’s house. Him and Mike have had a strange relationship recently. But that didn’t matter as bags of his stuff sat at his feet and his mom and Karen talked about where the three were to sleep. Jonathan stood next to Joyce and kept making subtle suggestions to sleep in Nancy’s room. Which both moms ignored. Mike and Nancy silently waited around the room, though it felt like Mike’s eyes were on Will. He tried to shake the feeling.
Mike suddenly spoke up, interrupting the ongoing conversation.
”Will can sleep in my room,” He stated casually. Will’s head shot up to look at his mom and brother. Joyce and Jonathan shared a glance, then looked back at Will, then again at each other, and then at Mike.
”That’s really sweet of you, Mike,” Joyce started, “but maybe he should just stay in the basement with Jonathan,” She said, trying not to embarrass Will by bringing up his night terrors. Mike’s face contorted with confusion. Joyce never once tried separating them, so why was she saying that? Mike immediately shot back.
”No, it’s no problem, really. It’ll be like a sleepover. Will wants to, right Will?” Mike looked past the two to Will, very certain he’d be on his side and back him up. Will, however, hesitated and stammered to find words.
”I don’t...I don’t know,” Will muttered. His mind distracted by playing out every scenario he could think of about having a nightmare in Mike’s room. Mike seeing him so vulnerable. Seeing him so weak. Mike looked at him in disbelief.
“What’s gotten into you guys? Look, if you’re worried about like, keeping me up or something it’s totally cool, I don’t get much sleep anyway,” He continued to try and convince them. Joyce and Jonathan just looked at Will.
It already being late in the evening, Will just wanted to lay down somewhere and avoid any conflicted discussion. He just shrugged with a tight smile on his face.
”Ok,” Was all he said as he bent down to pick his bags up. Mike grinned and nodded at him. Joyce and Jonathan shared a worried yet slightly hopeful look. Maybe they’d stop. Even just for tonight.
”Cool! C’mon Will,” He gestured for Will to follow him as he left the room and headed for the stairs. Will walked after him, already regretting his decision. He should’ve just said no. Told Mike ‘No, I’m good staying with Jonathan.’ But then again, when has he ever been able to turn Mike down?
They climbed the creaky stairs up to Mike’s room silently. Will’s heart hammered as he planned how he was going to get through the night. He thought of trying an all-nighter, but shut that down pretty quickly. You’d think after perpetual nightmares you’d have the power to stay up all night, but apparently not Will. He could just hope for a nightmare that was just straight upside down kind of scary, where he woke up sweating but quiet, but that was too much of a risk. He landed on just trying to talk to Mike about it.
As he entered the room he spent most of his childhood in, Mike was pulling out blankets to make Will a bed on the floor right next to his. Will was slightly relieved he wasn’t thinking of sharing a bed with him and set his stuff down. Then he reminded himself that Mike wouldn’t want that anyway. His heart stung at the thought.
As the dark haired boy was finishing crafting the makeshift bed, Will spoke into the quiet room.
”Uh, Mike, I uhm thought I should let you know,” He swallowed down his nerves, Mike perked up and looked at him curiously. “I get like, nightmares? So like, if I wake you up screaming or something, uhm, sorry.” He stammered out, his heart thumped faster against his ribs waiting for Mike’s response.
Great job Will, that wasn’t awkward at all.
Mike stared at him for a second and Will couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Probably figuring out how he was going to kick him out as kindly as he could. Planning how to not make things even more weird and just get Will out of there. Panic shot through him and a recognizable ache formed low in his throat. Mike definitely thought he was stupid. Definitely thought he was pathetic. His mind raced trying to find something to say.
“U-uhm, n-never mind I’m just gonna uh, gonna go stay in the, uhm, in the basement.” He rushed out, the words a nervous mess. He bent down quickly to pick up the bags and swallowed hard. As soon as he had them in his hands he turned around to walk out.
Before he could fully turn his body, a hand was on his shoulder, warm, grounding. Will turned his head, eyes wide with shock and the mortification he was still reeling from. He saw his best friend’s face. Loose curls that hung into his eyebrows, freckles that scattered across his cheeks and nose, brown eyes that held emotions Will couldn’t place, it was all right in front of him—close. Too close. Heat rose up Will’s neck to his face and he looked down to avoid Mike’s eyes.
“No, don’t leave m- don’t go.” A few beats passed and Mike took a step back. “Sorry, uhm I mean—it’s ok, you can stay,” Mike said calmly and subtly used his hand to guide Will back toward him. Will still kept his gaze on the floor but he was calm now—well calmer— Mike was his anchor.
Will set his stuff back down, his breathing still remained somewhat uneven. He looked to his left at Mike’s alarm clock, 9:43 PM.
“Ok,” He breathed out. “But i-if I’m being like, really annoying you can totally just like kick me out. I can be a lot.” He gave one last warning. Waiting for the other to back down and change his mind. But Mike just grinned at him and patted his shoulder, which Will realized he still had his hand on. He blushed again.
”No way, you know me, I’m always down for a bit of a challenge—if what you say is true,” the curly-haired boy solidified his answer. Will nodded with a weak and tired smile.
10:26, Will had been awake on the floor for almost 30 minutes now. He kept trying to listen for any sign of Mike also being awake, breathing, rustling, shuffling, any small noise. For just, you know, no reason. He doubted he wasn’t asleep, but he was sure making it hard to tell. It seemed his brain was too distracted to fall asleep, Mike’s smell circled him. He was wearing one of Mike’s shirts, because he had stupidly not packed any shirt he could wear to sleep. Of course. He definitely didn’t mind much though, it smelled like Mike. His best friend since forever. It smelled like home.
Slowly, his eyelids fluttered shut and he fell asleep to the smell of the boy he loved.
Will was back in Castle Byers. Rot and decay surrounded him, overwhelming all of his senses. He could smell the disgust in the air. Could feel it underneath him as he lay on the ground tucked in on himself. He could see it whenever he opened his eyes to check for danger, it was so dark. He heard it in the thunder that played relentlessly all around him and the distant snarls of monsters. It all gathered as a taste on his tongue, repulsing and oddly pungent. He felt it inside him, as if it were a natural part of him.
It was so, so cold. His attempts to hug himself tighter and trap any warmth he had close against him were futile as he kept breathing clouds in front of him. A part of him knew he wasn’t going to feel better and that the constant feeling of helplessness and bitter cold wouldn’t go away but he had to try.
When his dreams ventured back here, he always had that same weak little boy fear that coiled around his body, the same that carried into his real life and clung to him like a leech. It made him small and powerless. And he hated it.
The shotgun clutched close to him was his only source of strength and control, he held it closer, scared that something would take that away from him. He knew what was coming, this specific memory always haunted him. He tried to keep himself in control and calm, he started singing the song Jonathan showed him, Should I Stay or Should I Go? He was all alone and gripping onto the best memories he could find to keep from breaking down in a panic. Jonathan. Music. This was his and Jonathan’s song. Back at home. With his family. Family. Mom. Lonnie. Arguing. Fear. Pain.
He was trying to push those parts away, think hard about something else, anything else. Then he heard it.
Nothing big, nothing really yet. A twig snapped. The demogorgan. He pulled himself out of his thoughts and up to sitting, his hands shook as he tried to ready the gun that suddenly seemed too big for him to hold.
His breath picked up and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and feel it hitting against his chest. He aimed the gun as best as he could in front of him.
The blanket-door burst open with a loud CRACK as a hand hit the wooden wall on the side. What Will saw made his blood run cold in disbelief and even more fear than his 12 year old body should be able to hold.
Lonnie.
The gun lowered even if he really wished it hadn’t. Lonnie lunged forward at him, grabbing his arm roughly, his fingers digging bruises into Will’s skin. Will protested quietly, whispering ‘Stop’ and ‘Leave me alone’. But Lonnie didn’t budge. Didn’t even look at him. Just dragged him out of Castle Byers and threw him on the ground with disgust and disappointment on his face.
“This is who I raised? A pussy who hides in some stupid childish fort?” His words spit venom into the young boy’s brain. He was weak. He was scared and useless. Will looked away, not able to bear the look in his father’s eyes; but the man did not stop.
”Look at you,” he said revolted and gesturing to Will with his hands. “Shaking on the ground like some weak animal.” He got in Will’s face. “You know why that is, fairy? It’s because of that fucking Wheeler kid,” The words cut Will deep and he clamped his eyes shut. Lonnie’s voice was sickening, dripping with mockery and it filled Will with shame. His father was right, Mike was the reason Will loved, he made his heart soft.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you, faggot!” He grabbed Will’s collar and leaned in close enough for Will to smell the stench of cigarettes and alcohol that never left him. He forced himself to meet his father’s eyes, and all saw was pure rage and loathing. His breath was shallow and his heart could not keep up with the little amount of oxygen as it raced in his chest. He felt like prey being pinned helplessly underneath a predator, his own eyes filled with terror.
Something made a noise nearby and Will had a moment of hope. Lonnie didn’t seem to notice and instead threw Will to his back, knocking the gun out of his hand. He stood above him with a heavy foot to his ribs.
”Fucking pathetic. You’re such a waste.” He spat the words out and pressed harder against the boy’s bones. “A waste of space. A waste of breath. A useless waste of fucking garbage.” With every insult he crushed Will’s ribs harder and harder.
A noise erupted to the side of them and both turned their heads. With the brief distraction Lonnie released a small bit of pressure from Will’s body. He quickly took the opportunity to take in breaths; but he was still too weak to fight back and get up.
“What the fuck was that?” Lonnie said, more of a demand than a question. Almost immediately, a demodog leaped out of the shadows and tackled him to the ground. He went down with a strained shout and a large thud that Will was sure cracked something. Will was frozen for a moment, still attempting to catch his breath, witnessing Lonnie’s face get ripped off with terrible wet sounds as the demodog tore its way through the man’s throat.
He scrambled up and grabbed his shotgun. He took one glance back before sprinting as fast as he could go. The minutes passed and the farther he went, the more lost he was.
He paused after a while, out of breath and dazed. He looked around and tried to find anything that resembled safety. It was still so cold. So dark that the only thing he could really see was the red in the sky that briefly illuminated his surroundings every time the lightning struck.
In the distance, he saw a silhouette that looked familiar; small, wandering curiously, maybe searching for something. He ran towards it and didn’t stop until he could make out who it was. The ground squished and cracked under his weight, the figure turned when he got closer. He saw its face.
Mike.
He was here. Why? Was it to save him? Will ran into Mike’s arms and hugged him tightly, savoring the moment before he had to pull away to avoid suspicion. Mike seemed relieved to see him, squeezing him back with the same fervor.
”Mike? What are you doing here? It’s not safe,” Will said in between breaths as he pulled back.
”I don’t know..I was just so scared so I started looking for you,” The other boy said. Will noticed Mike’s face was dirty and he was bleeding. He quickly moved to nudge Mike’s hair out of the way and get a closer look.
”Are you ok? You’re bleeding, what happened?” Will pretty much knew the answer but he was too full of concern.
”This…thing was chasing me. It was so tall and, and it’s face…Will it’s face was like, like just a mouth,” Mike recounted, eyes unblinking as he relived the encounter for a moment. “But I ran so fast, I’m pretty sure I lost it,” He smirked and looked so full of pride. Will admired him, his eyes now filled with fondness and love. He was about to call him out for being so cocky when Mike looked off in the distance behind him and put of hands on both of his shoulders.
”Did you hear that?” He immediately silenced Will with those words. Will turned around and saw a demogorgan slowly rising to its full height as it walked up to them.
Mike tugged Will behind him as they both backed away from it. The demogorgan pounced at them, and in one quick motion Mike pushed Will to the side as he went down under the beast. Will landed with a grunt, the gun falling from his hands once more. He blinked a few times before standing, a little wobbly on his feet. It seemed especially dark now, his vision honing in on Mike pinned underneath the creature, trying to fight it off by punching it, but its sharp teeth just tore apart his fists. He should grab the gun. Help Mike. Save Mike. But he couldn’t think, his brain was too consumed by the sight a few feet from him.
“MIKE!” Will screamed, his body taking a defensive stance but he did not move. Tears pricked at his eyes and the vines around him slithered their way to him and he was flung against a tree. Again, he was useless and weak. He couldn’t help Mike, not even if he tried. Vines pinned him tightly to the tree, squeezing into his limbs and around his neck. And even though his breathing was labored, he still tried to call for Mike, let him know he was still there.
I didn’t leave you. I wouldn’t.
He kept his eyes on Mike, watching with horror as his best friend lost more and more strength and bled all over the ground, a scream erupted from him and the tears and choked sobs came freely. He forced his eyes away to see an approaching figure. Its steps carried it menacingly towards Will, and he already knew who it was. He struggled against his restraints.
”William,” Vecna’s voice spoke with a low rumble. Will couldn’t stand the hungry look in his eyes, it made him feel gross, his stomach twisting with unease. He looked back to Mike. His body was limp while the demogorgan ate its way through him. Will screamed his name with as much force as he could, tears streaming down his cheeks and onto his chin.
Not him. Not Mike. I can’t lose Mike.
”Hush now, William. You can’t save him. And no one’s coming to save you,” Will tilted his head back and pushed into the tree until there was a stinging pain.
“Please..please, I-I can’t,” He pleaded mindlessly. The unease in his stomach only worsened when Vecna lifted his hand and ran his finger over Will’s face. He felt nauseous. He didn’t want this. Was this his fault? Did he lure these monsters to Mike? He was disgusted. Is disgusting. He knows he is.
”Together. Together we will do beautiful things.”
Will’s eyes shot open. He realized quickly his back was pressed to something. The tree. He sprang up and frantically looked around, his breath coming in quick, short gasps. It’s dark. His eyes darted everywhere but not staying long enough to make anything out. Where is he? It’s too quiet. Where is Mike? Is Mike okay? Mike. Needs to find Mike.
”M-Mike?” He spoke, meaning to be quiet in case the demogorgan came back. But his words were a little too loud and desperate and he realized he’s not in the upside down. But it’s so dark. Where is he? He tried to calm himself down and wipe the tears that are still coming. One of his hands doesn’t come up all the way, held back by some force his frantic eyes couldn’t focus on. More panic crept into him and he was about to fight off the unknown weight when he heard a voice.
”Will? Will it’s okay, I’m here,” It was Mike. Mike was there, and he was holding Will’s hand. His voice sounded slightly relieved, like it did in his nightmare. Will didn’t like that thought, he couldn’t lose Mike again.
Will threw himself onto Mike, his arms latching on tight and holding him as close as he could as his chest rose and fell rapidly. He kept his head up, his eyes wide and darting wildly past Mike’s shoulder, trying to focus on the objects behind him, searching for danger. Mike noticed this—of course he did—and brought a hand to the back of Will’s head, rubbing small soothing circles.
”Relax, Relax…I got you, I got you, Will,” Mike whispered, holding him just as close. Will could feel his breath against his ear and it sent a shiver up his spine. He pulled away to examine his best friend’s face. Will’s sweaty hand rose shakily to push the hair from Mike’s forehead, he held his breath to focus better as he looked for any sign of injury. Once he frantically checked all of Mike’s face his breathing picked up again and streams of tears fell faster down his red cheeks. He placed both hands on either side of Mike’s jaw, too scared to care what that could give away.
”And you’re…you’re okay?” Will whispered breathlessly. He attempted to keep his expression firm as he looked into Mike’s eyes, finding himself still looking for proof he was alive and real. But his face crumbled quickly and he clung back onto his best friend’s sturdy figure. His sobs were muffled against the crook of Mike’s neck while he hid himself there. Saving himself the embarrassment of Mike seeing him falling apart.
Mike quickly went back to soothing Will’s scalp with his finger tips, scratching occasionally with his nails. His other arm wrapped around Will’s torso and kept him securely against his chest.
”I’m okay, Will…I’m here, we’re safe,” He murmured softly into Will’s hair.
Will’s body slumped against Mike, and his vision focused slowly. The room around him came into sight, it was still dark—maybe too dark for his liking—but he could see Mike’s things and feel his hand still in his hair. They were safe.
Mike continued to massage his scalp and work out small knots with his fingertips as he whispered reassurances to the brunette in his arms. They sat like that for what felt like forever but was probably only a few minutes. Will couldn’t focus on the time, not with Mike’s fingers in his sweaty hair and his gentle voice filling his head. He adjusted them so that Will was fully cradled sideways against him in his lap and he could pull him closer. Will vaguely sensed being rocked back and forth, which he couldn’t tell if that was to calm him or Mike down, but it helped. Will usually would have pulled away already and lied about being fine but Mike was not letting him go, like he was just as desperate to have Will close and keep him there. Will lifted his head a fraction from Mike’s shoulder and saw his tears had soaked through his shirt and he felt acutely guilty, but Mike didn’t seem to notice or care.
Once his tears slowed and he felt himself practically go limp with exhaustion as the adrenaline wore off, he felt the shame and disgust creep in. He became suddenly aware of the position he was being held in. Mike had him literally sitting on top of him and he’s being rocked like a child. And Will wasn’t letting go. Shouldn’t he be telling Mike how weird this is? Will shouldn’t enjoy this as much as he was, it shouldn’t be so comforting.
Then Will remembered Vecna’s cold and lingering finger running slowly over this face. He remembers Lonnie’s words and his boot to his chest. The look in Vecna’s eyes. Beautiful things. His stomach twisted in an awful mix of fear, disgust, and unease. It was a feeling he only had after thinking about his time in the upside down. That gross fleshy tube attaching itself to his mouth and forcing its way through his throat, settling filth inside him. Filthy. That’s how he’d describe it. He was gross and filthy, his body barely belonging to him. It belonged to his haunting memories and the constant sensation of being controlled.
With new tension in his body, Will released himself from the other boy’s hold, feeling a little disappointed at how easy Mike gave way. He tried to control the way his hands shook and how the loss of heat only made him more uncomfortable as he settled himself on the floor in front on Mike.
”Uhm, you okay?” Mike said keeping a finger or two on Will’s hand. He sounded just as awkward as Will felt, though on top of that was something Will could hardly speak through.
“Y-yeah…uhm, thank you,” Will avoided looking at Mike. He knew there was a wet patch on the boy’s shoulder, he knew what face Mike was making, and he knew how pathetic he himself must look. “You can uh, you can go back to bed,” Already tired again, Will shifted so he could lie back down.
“You don’t want to like, talk about it? I won’t judge,” Mike covered the brunette’s hand completely with his. Will flinched away, pulling his hand from under the warmth of the boy’s palm.
“Uh—no, just go to sleep, Mike. I don’t wanna keep you up longer,” Will glanced at the clock next to Mike’s bed. 2:37 AM. Guilt immediately crashed down on him. How many more times will he selfishly take from other people just to be comforted? He could tell Mike wanted to say more, probably going to push more and continue consoling Will. But Will just turned his back to Mike—closing off—and lied down.
He can’t know. Especially not him.
With no more words left to say, Mike just mouthed ‘Okay’ and stood up. Will could feel him lingering.
“Just—you know, I’m always here, Will,” Finally, he walked away and Will could hear him climb back into his bed. Without Mike it was colder, not just physically, Will could feel the loss inside of him, it chilled his bones. He pulled one of the blankets over his shoulder until it touched his nose. He had to curl in on himself, legs to his chest and his arms tucked close together. He lay trying to soothe himself, either to sleep or to just rid his heart and mind of the nagging shame that was fighting him just as hard.
He was hiding again. He was a little boy cowering away with no help. All alone. All alone and cold.