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“Absolutely not! I will help you study, I will help you find patterns in her old tests. I will even help you source ingredients that will save you steps or make prep easier. I am not going to help you cheat!”
”I didn’t have time to study!”
”You had nothing but time to study!”
”I’ve been busy-“
”With what? Snogging Lillith Avery?”
”That is offensive! I will have you know that we have been-“
“I don’t want to hear it! It doesn’t take that long to-“
”Not the way she does it. But it’s really the way her brother-“
”For fuck’s sake, Theo, does the word ‘incest’ mean nothing to you?”
”Rather rich, coming from the heir of The Most Ancient and No-“
”You need to work time into your schedule!”
”I did! I was studying with the Mulciber twins when, through no fault of my own or at any prompting from me, they decided that I needed to have my-“
”Is there anyone in this dungeon that you haven’t-“
”Draco, I will remind you that time is of the essence in this matter and the test starts in twenty minutes.”
”No Theo, If it was in good faith I would follow you to the gates of hell. But I happen to think that Professor Paracelsus does-“
Draco spun through the air as the force of Theo’s spell threw him off his feet. Unphased, he turned his lithe body in the air, lightning quick reactions allowing him to turn smoothly, landing adroitly on all four… paws?
…fuck.
”There we go. Look, it’s simple. I’ll use that old non-verbal communication charm from our ballroom lessons-“
Draco tried to exit their dorm to seek help, slinking as quickly as he could towards the door.
“-Oh no you don’t.”
With a quick spell Theo froze Draco, picking him up by his long torso. On the long trip up to Theo’s eye-level, Draco took stock of the situation; four paws, white fur, adorable snout, lithe build. A little voice told him that it wasn’t really that different from his own build. He aggressively silenced the voice and mentally noted that he should obliviate the thought from his memory, before admitting to himself that it had happened again. However, this time his revenge would not be limited by the protections provided by professorial status.
”Look, it’s very simple. I’ll do the test in my uniform hat - plenty of room for you in there - you pull my hair to let me know which ingredient-“
Draco - happily, still in possession of five digits on each paw - took the opportunity to express his opinion of Theo’s idiotic plan by doubling his prior record for simultaneous birds shown to his friend nemesis.
”-Well that is unnecessary. Didn’t know you could do that with your back paws though. Cute.”
Draco responded to that adjective by attempting to lock his jaws onto the moronic reprobate’s index finger, but only got a wandless immobilizing spell for his trouble.
”Look, ’the die is cast’, as you are so fond of saying, and the transfiguration will last for at least a day. If you want to get to your own test you are going to have to play nice.”
Draco’s now-black eyes met Theo’s blue ones. Sighing internally, he nodded, acquiescing to the proposal, but refusing to surrender to the situation.
Theo was thrilled. He had made it to the test with five minutes to spare. Draco had spent the intervening time parading him around their dorm, prudently testing their silent communication by slicing Theo’s favorite tie into a dozen pieces with the knife from his potion kit. It would be an easy reparo that evening, so he hadn’t fought the command.
He almost gave the game away from the word go, nearly losing his hat by forgetting to duck through the low arch of the potions lab. He almost never wore his uniform hat. Anything that would interfere with the perfect, natural flow of his curls was not to be born, but such was the price he paid for keeping his grades up.
Draco seemed to have accepted his fate, confidently steering Theo through the setup of his station, laying out all of the things he would need to brew.
Professor Paracelsus was at the front of the lab, not even bothering to look up from her Witch Weekly as she flipped the hourglass that indicated the start of Theo’s hour.
Theo, for his part, enjoyed the peace of mind that came from knowing he had done everything in his power to prepare for the test. Draco confidently used Theo’s hand to flip over the paper in front of the cauldron, revealing that they would be making an Enlivening Elixir. He remembered that it was a tricky potion, typically used to bring an otherwise insensate witch or wizard to a state of alertness, allowing for patients to tell their healer what damn fool thing they had done before passing out again and being treated.
But beyond that, he hadn’t the foggiest of how to brew the potion. Fortunately, Draco did. Theo figuratively sat back and relaxed as Draco brewed with his usual efficiency. A more observant professor may have seen Theo using his left hand instead of his right to chiffonade the mandrake leaves before adding them to the cauldron, but Professor P only seemed interested in finding out why plum was the new mauve when it came to witches’ robes.
Before he knew it, the hour was nearly up and with a flash, the potion in front of him turned the limpid yellow of his piss after a good night boozing at the Three Broomsticks. Theo racked his brain, trying to remember if that was the proper color, but couldn’t come up with anything. The bright flash and the fact that the cauldron hadn’t melted or exploded was a good sign though, and he looked forward to receiving an immediate O for his academic efforts.
Professor Paracelsus stood up, reengaging with the moment now that she had something to do, carrying the magazine under her arm and approaching Theo with a look of mild confusion on her face.
”Mr. Nott, I believe I assigned you an Enlivening Elixir, not a Devolution Decoction-“
Theo had the barest fraction of a second to experience complete panic when he felt the tiny paws under his hat release his tufts of hair and make a bid for freedom. Too surprised to react, he was barely able to track the white flash that streaked into the cauldron.
A sudden ‘pop’ and a shift in perspective heralded Draco’s return to his proper form. This was shortly followed by a scream of horror from Professor Paracelsus and a groan of anguish from his friend nemesis.
”Mr. Malfoy!”
”Apologies for the surprise professor… you wouldn’t be willing to loan me your reading material, would you?”
Draco had to bear the indignity of his professor’s gaze for what felt like an eon, but she eventually cottoned on and proffered her magazine. Now minimally clad, at least from one direction, he then slowly extricated himself from the cauldron. Carefully ensuring he didn’t expose himself to anyone other than Theo and the two-page spread of Ms. Zabini in rather gauche plum robes, Draco tried to keep the color from rising further on his face.
As the professor sputtered, clearly unused to such shenanigans from anyone who wasn’t a Gryffindor, Draco felt himself panic as the door dramatically slammed open.
”Hello Professor!”
”Ms. Granger?! Why are you here?”
”Draco’s clothes were found on the floor of his dorm. This seemed the most likely conclusion,”
”Most likely?!”
Draco turned over his shoulder to see the most beautiful witch in the world; a title he assured himself that she earned every day, and not simply because she was carrying his large fluffy bathrobe and slippers.
“May I suggest detention? For Theo, of course.”
Their professor nodded mutely, still processing the situation that was strange, even by the standards of a magical castle full of moving staircases and unmastered magic.
Hermione scooted up beside Draco, smoothly giving his rear a pinch and draping the robe over his shoulders, as she whispered in his ear, “You became human all by yourself this time. I’m so proud of you!”
Draco tried not to feel too pleased, but couldn’t help whispering back as he tied the front on the garment. “Fifth time’s the charm. Though I really need to get something enchanted to stop this from happening.”
He hugged his girlfriend and kissed her curls, basking in the warm orange-blossom scent of her shampoo and the five-and-three-quarters foot increase in his height that allowed him to do so. He then began basking in the tirade that the Professor was leveling at Theo when she broke it off, calling to Draco as he exited the room with Hermione.
”Mr. Malfoy.”
”Yes, Professor?”
”I take it you were entirely in control of this miscreant while he was brewing?”
”Yes professor.”
”Please take an ‘O’ for the exam and your test hour back for a perfectly executed Devolution Decoction. Ando 20 points to Slytherin for your demonstration of its effects.”
”Thank you professor.”
Closing the door to the room behind him, the overlapping echoes of the professor's voice diminished her words, but not her rage, as she dressed down his friend. All was well that ends well, he thought. His girlfriend apparently did too, their free hours for the day now aligned as she led him by the hand towards the Head Girl dorm.