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‘wonderlands x showtime, an eccentric musical show unit, proclaiming each day wonderful and rushing out to meet it head on!’
~
rui was always thought of as weird. his peers ostracising him and avoiding him in middle school. although he's gotten better, the feeling of emptiness still lingers in his heart. yes, he has lots of school friends apart from a very bright emu, a caring nene, and his oh so beautiful tsukasa-kun, but still.
still.
that emptiness.
as rui curled up into a familiar foetus position, the thoughts of loneliness and anyone ever understanding him, loving him, started flooding his mind. and that wasnt the only thing flooding.
tears began to flow freely down his pale skin, hitting the mattress that slowly started to creak as a result of the purple-haired’s chest heaving and heaving more and more. he holds his hands in an attempt to reassure himself—that he’s actually okay, but its futile. during the boy’s breakdown, his phone pinged and he knew exactly who it could be.
tsukasa.
you see, him and tsukasa were supposed to meet up today at this newly-opened bakery, per the star’s request. but, rui was too out of it now.
he sniffled.
“fuck.”
he didn't want to disappoint tsukasa though, so he sluggishly turned on his back to grab his phone from the floor. he opened his messages and to his unsurprisement, it was indeed tsukasa.
tsukasa-kun⭐️:
Hey rui!!!!
Are you running late?
It’s fine if you are, i was just wondering where you are ;)
rui:
im fine dw
i dont want you to be disappointed with me
but i dont think i can make it
im sorry
im just a bit busy.
tsukasa-kun⭐️:
Ah! It’s fine
We can go tomorrow
Are you okay? I can come round if you want
rui sighs. it would be nice, but he didnt want tsukasa to see him in such a state.
god, why was he so… pathetic? its all stupid, and so is he. hes suprised he hasnt slit his throat open and bled out yet. but he needed some reassurance, so he gave in and replied.
rui:
i dont know anymore
so it would be nice if you came around.
tsukasa-kun⭐️:
Its fine!
im on my way
Your star is here to help ;)
just as tsukasa was walking to rui’s house, he couldn't help but feel worried. the star knew that rui has felt like this before yet something felt more off this time. trainers dragging across the concrete of a road he began to recognise. before he knew it he was there. the star didn't even realise the door was unlocked for a minute. it was dangerous. 'its fine, anyways' he thought to himself. rui’s done it before.
"rui!!! your favourite star is here~!!!!!" he exclaimed passionately, opening the door with a swing. anyone walking by wouldve thought he’s spastic.
rui perked up from his bed, still curled inside himself like a dead spider. life would be so much easier as an insect. no distinctiveness, no worries, the same as billions of others, easy to just get squashed by a gigantic foot.
"im up here." he attempted to shout. his voice was harsh, tsukasa would definitely catch on that hes been crying. to be honest he probably has anyways.
tsukasa took that response as an invitation to start bouncing his way up the stairs, to his purple headed in-need-of-help director.
"tsukasa…" rui managed to get out.
"rui…? a-are you alright?" a worried tsukasa asks. he's currently staring at a curled up shaking rui, dried and fresh tears covering his eyes. something else captures his eye. no. not again. his breath stops.
drops of blood seap through a bandage on rui’s right arm. he let rui down again. tsukasa said to himself that he’d take care of him. but here he is yet again.
"oh god rui im so sorry…damn it, i—" tsukasa took a deep shaky breath. “please tell me you havent done it anywhere else.”
rui shaked his head. he felt so embarrassed. "no— I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore, I can't do anything." he sighed.
tsukasa's mind was floating every where. what should he do? 'I mean, it looks like he covered them and cleaned them, so it's fine'
what about how rui's feeling? what could he do to help his boyfr—
oh wait. they haven't gotten to that part yet.
it was complicated to say the least. they acted like a couple, holding hands, hugging, lots of physical touch, but they wouldn't say a thing. oh well, maybe he'd figure it out with rui today. for now he needed to focus on how to help the purple-haired.
the star moved to sit on rui's bed, stroking his back. "wanna go on a walk?" tsukasa asked.
slowly sitting up with the star's hand on his back, he gave a broken but true smile.
"fufu, might as well."
"lets get going then!!!!!!!" tsukasa shouted with glee. he was determined to make his rui feel better. so, as they left the house, tsukasa's hand in rui's, they began to walk to the star's favourite place, the beach.
luckily, the sun had started to set, so a beautiful view of gold and orange hues, painting the ocean and the sand, greeted their eyes. tsukasa let go of rui and sat on the concrete ledge separating the sand and the rest of the ground. "here we are. this is a place I go to a lot, no matter how I feel or what time of day it is."
rui stared in awe. not just at the beach, but at tsukasa. he didn't think that anyone could actually put up with him in this state but here he is, sitting on a beautiful beach on a school night with the person of his dreams.
with his boosted confidence, the purple-haired reached out his hand to rest upon tsukasa's once again. a shy smile took over his features.
"tsukasa-kun, thank you for this, I'm sorry we couldn't go to that bakery, we could go tomorrow after school, I'll definitely be feeling better then." rui looked at tsukasa, tears pricking his eyes.
"I... I love you, tsukasa."
silence.
rui expected shock, possibly disgust, but he wasn't expecting—
"WHA?!?" tsukasa screamed. he clenched rui's poor hand so hard rui could feel his blood circulation rushing to his wrist. "a-are you serious?" finally letting go of the purple-haired's hand, he laughed. "I didn't actually think you'd—"
"you don't feel the same, d-do you?..." rui's voice croaked. "fufu, I knew it...i've just ruined everything havent i...?"
"you didn't let me finish my sentence, rui" with a newfound sense of confidence, tsukasa leaned into rui, leg wrapping around the latters, closing the space between the both of them before pressing his lips onto rui's. suprised but happy, rui kissed back, experimentally opening his mouth. tsukasa was very happy with that to say the least, his tongue slithering into the latters mouth, exploring his gums and teeth.
after a few more seconds they pulled away, tsukasa looking smitten while rui was just, sitting there. staring into his hands as he replayed the moment over and over again.
rui couldn't even look at the star for more than a second or two. he and tsukasa have had an indirect kiss before (via water bottle), have held hands, even danced with eachother yet this felt so new, and he loved it either way.
"I love you rui. so, so much. the way you perform in shows, your voice, your hair, how you laugh, I don't get how anyone could not like someone like you. I'm grateful you said you would join wonderlands x showtime that day, 'cause I couldn't imagine our troupe with anyone else but you."
with a caring smile and a hand in hand, the two sat there with a newfound comfort, and a partner that they would never trade the world for.
love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky
~