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Eddie was not the jealous type.
He never had been. With Shannon, she never really talked to men. All her time was taken up with Christopher and dealing with Eddie's parents and all Eddie's time was taken up with being in the army and trying to stay alive so he never had a problem with jealousy.
With Ana, he was getting regular panic attacks at the thought of anything long term so her interacting with other men wasn't on the top of his radar. He liked her, of course he liked her, but he'd never really liked her like that. He'd liked her as a parental figure for Christopher more than anything and even if she was given a guy's number or went out on a lunch date with a guy friend that made a few too many jokes about her being the perfect woman he didn't have any issue with that.
With Marisol, he was the one going off and seeing another woman, which he would never stop feeling guilty about, so Marisol potentially leaving him wasn't a concern at all. It wasn't just that he was seeing Kim at the time but it was also that he never believed Marisol would do that. It wasn't even within the realm of possibilities.
So, no, Eddie had never had a problem with being jealous. He was pretty secure in relationships and pretty relaxed in general when it came to dating and the insecurities that lay with women leaving him.
That was why he was so confused when he started to feel jealousy over Buck.
It started with Ali. Buck had met her in an emergency and Eddie had always had his doubts about their relationship. He didn't call it jealousy at the time. He thought it was reasonable and, to an extent, it was. A relationship first formed on the job was never going to be a steady one, not when it was someone they'd saved. When Ali broke up with Buck after the firetruck incident, Eddie could only think "good riddance". He'd known she wouldn't be able to stick it out with a firefighter. Most people couldn't.
When they ran into Abby in the derailment, Eddie had chalked it up to protectiveness over his friend, which, of course, it was. Abby had broken Buck's heart and hadn't even bothered to send a proper goodbye note and now she was engaged with two step-kids. Who wouldn't be angry at that? Buck going to meet her afterwards had left a sour taste in Eddie's mouth. In his opinion, she didn't deserve the goodbye she never gave Buck.
Then came Taylor Kelly. Oh how Eddie loathed Taylor Kelly. Buck was always insistent that she was just doing her job and that she was a really good person but Eddie couldn't get past the initial feeling of utter hatred. But that was reasonable too. Taylor was awful and it wasn't Eddie's fault that he could see that.
Buck's kiss with Lucy was slightly different. It made Eddie — god forbid — feel a little sorry for Taylor. Lucy was a great person. She was funny and quick-witted and intelligent. She was great in the station and a great person to work with but, the moment Eddie learned she kissed Buck, he felt a great, furious beast rise its head in his stomach yet again. He gathered it was because she'd gone after Buck when he was in a relationship and that didn't sit quite right with him. Even so, they'd both been drunk and Buck hadn't said no so it wasn't entirely Lucy's fault. Still, the beast was satisfied when their kiss amounted to nothing.
Natalia was never going to last long. Eddie knew that. He still despised her for her obsession with Buck's death. It had been one of the worst moments of Eddie's life and she treated it like it was a dreamy quality. Buck broke up with her, which left Eddie feeling pleasantly vindicated.
By the time they got to Tommy, Eddie was convinced that Buck chose horrible partners. With the exception of Lucy, all his partners had had immediate friction with Eddie. So, when Buck started dating Tommy, Eddie thought that Buck's long streak of bad luck would be over.
He was undeniably wrong.
Eddie had liked Tommy. He'd liked him a lot. Tommy was chilled, flew helicopters, made Eddie laugh almost as much as Buck did. He was a guy's guy but in a way that wasn't too suffocating, or so Eddie had thought.
But the day came when Buck came out to him and told him he had been on a date with Tommy and everything flipped on its head.
Tommy was an asshole. He had dated Buck for six months only to dump him out of the blue for a bullshit reason and then everything that happened when Hen and Chim were in the 118 with him came out and Eddie couldn't stand the guy. He blocked him on everything, helped Buck mend himself from the wounds Tommy had inflicted, and generally tried his best to forget that Tommy had ever existed.
And he succeeded.
And then Ravi ruined everything.
Eddie found out months after, which was one of the worst parts of it. They'd been cleaning up the 118, scrubbing the floors and the firetrucks and making sure everything was spotless so that Chimney wouldn't have to put on his captain voice, which everyone knew he hated doing and was bad at, and now they were working out, lifting weights and chatting as they did so.
"I'm just saying after the disaster that was the Williams hookups, you should get back out there," Ravi said. Eddie firmly disagreed but he couldn't voice that without sounding like a madman so he kept lifting his weights, trying his best to ignore their conversation.
"Me?" Buck said. "What about Eddie? We're supposed to be helping him get a date."
"Eddie can function alone," Ravi pointed out. "You need someone to balance you out."
Buck groaned. "That's the whole point of me learning to be a half. That's the whole reason I rejected the Williams!"
The whole reason? Eddie's jealousy stirred. He'd realised by now, somewhere between Tommy and Buck getting together and breaking up, that he was jealous and, somewhere between crying in his bathroom, trying not to wake Chris, and talking about it with Frank, who had been very honest about what he thought was going on, he'd realised why.
He was in love with Buck.
It sounded a bit ridiculous in his head. He hadn't even said it out loud yet. He wasn't gay or anything, at least he didn't think so, but Buck was so Buck that it was impossible not to fall in love with him. He was Eddie's partner in work and in life and Eddie felt a little better telling himself that it was inevitable, that it wasn't his fault, that it was destined to happen because how could it not?
"The whole reason?" Ravi said, echoing Eddie's thoughts.
"Yeah," Buck said. "I mean, obviously that and I prefer monogamy nowadays. But, hey, some people have a love of their lives and some people have loves of their lives and that's okay."
I'm the love of your life, Eddie thought a little aggressively.
"What about Tommy?" Ravi said. Eddie was about ready to strangle him.
"What about him?" Buck asked.
"Are you sure this isn't because you're still in love with him? He did dump you after all. That can leave some residual feelings if you weren't ready to end the relationship."
Buck scoffed. "I was ready. I ended it."
Eddie sat up, frowning. He wiped the sweat from underneath his nose with his arm and said, "I thought Tommy broke up with you."
Buck looked caught out. He glanced at Ravi, who seemed like he'd rather be anywhere else at that moment.
"Yeah," Buck said slowly. "He did. The first time."
Eddie's eyebrows raised up his forehead. "The first time?"
Buck shifted on his feet. "Uh, yeah."
"Buck," Eddie said, aware that his voice had dropped low and warning. "What was the second time?"
Ravi looked between them, wincing.
"Ravi and I went out to a bar," Buck started, looking anywhere but Eddie's unfaltering gaze, "while you were in Texas. It was fun. We had drinks, hung out. And Ravi found Tommy."
Eddie didn't say anything, just waited out the uncomfortable silence for Buck to carry on like he knew he would.
"So Tommy and I got to talking," Buck said, "and he came back with me."
"To my house," Eddie said.
"Yeah," Buck admitted. "And we hooked up. But it was a one night thing. I ended it the next day."
Eddie stood, walking over to where Buck was sat on the bench. "Why?"
"Why what?" Buck asked.
"Why did you end it?" Eddie could feel his stomach churning. "You liked him, didn't you?"
Buck waved a hand dismissively. "He said something stupid. Look, it doesn't matter because I ended it."
"What did he say?"
At this point, Ravi turned to leave. Eddie held up a hand.
"Nope, Panikkar, you're not going anywhere."
Ravi swivelled on his heel and stayed put, staring at his feet like a chastised child.
"He said…" Buck sighed. "He said he wanted to try again now that the competition was out of the way."
"What competition?"
Buck bit his lip. "Eddie…"
"No, I want to know," Eddie said. He was glaring at Buck by now, heart racing though he presented as calmly as possible. "Competition with whom?"
"Who do you think?" Ravi blurted out. "Can I leave? Please? This is getting too weird for me."
Eddie shook his head. "You dragged us all into this mess."
"Me?" Ravi said. "Buck's a consenting adult!"
"Who was stress baking to get over a guy you re-introduced him to," Eddie said firmly. "So this is officially your problem too."
"It is so not," Ravi protested.
"Alright, give me your phone," Eddie said.
"What?"
"Not you. Buck."
Buck silently pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Eddie. Eddie knew the password so he entered it and pulled up contacts.
"I know for a fact that the only numbers you have memorised are mine, Chris's and Maddie's," Eddie said as he scrolled down the list until he found Tommy's number, blocked, which gave him some satisfaction. "So as of today, I'm making a boundary."
He clicked delete and handed Buck's phone back.
"I don't think there was ever a competition," he said, the feeling in his gut subsiding. "Do you?"
Finally, Buck met his eyes. "No."
Eddie smiled. "Good. I'm hungry. I'll see you both upstairs."
As he went, he heard Ravi say to Buck, "Dude, what the fuck?"
—
The shift ended a few hours later and it was time for Buck and Eddie to go home. They'd carpooled with Buck having stayed the night on the couch yesterday. They didn't talk on the way home but Eddie felt quietly pleased. He let Buck silently drive them and open the front door. Chris welcomed them both with a small noise of acknowledgement.
Buck slid his hands into his pockets. "I guess I'll go then."
Eddie frowned. "Why? Stay."
"Don't you want some time just the two of you?" Buck asked, sounding that way he did when he felt he wasn't wanted.
"I want some time just the three of us," Eddie said.
"Oh," Buck said and he smiled a little shyly. "Okay. I'll stay."
"Good," Eddie said and clapped him on the shoulder.
They spent the evening playing games, both video games and the new board game that Buck had been given for Christmas by Maddie that was a minimum of three players.
When it came time to go to bed, a couple of hours after Chris had reluctantly trailed off to his room, Eddie waited for Buck to get changed in the bathroom and then went in to brush his teeth.
He stared at himself in the mirror for a bit, shoving the toothbrush into the backs of his mouth. He'd probably overdone it earlier and he wasn't talking about the weights. It wasn't as if Buck was his to have, to hold, to throw hissy fits over. Because, for all he might want it to be true, Buck wasn't his in any way, shape or form.
Buck was perfectly entitled to do what he wanted as a grown, single man. Eddie didn't get to order him around, not that a boyfriend necessarily would, or get to even ask these things of him. Buck. Wasn't. His.
He left the bathroom in a sour mood, only worsened when he stepped into his room and realised that Buck and Tommy fucked in this room.
In his room.
Get a grip, Eddie.
No. No, no, no. Sorry but he couldn't.
He spun around and left the room, going to the living room, where Buck was lying down reading his book.
"Everything okay?" Buck asked.
The thunderous fury must have shown on Eddie's face.
"I'm going to bed," Eddie said.
Buck squinted at him. "Okay?"
"You're coming with me."
"Sorry?"
Eddie rolled his eyes, grabbing Buck's arms and hauling him up. They remained face to face for a few seconds before Eddie turned and tugged Buck with him by one arm to the bedroom. To his credit, Buck trailed after Eddie without a question.
There were only two outcomes to Tommy and Buck's hookup. Either Eddie never slept in his room again or he made sure Buck had fresher, better memories of his room.
He reckoned that the latter was easier to achieve.
Eddie shut the bedroom door behind them and got into bed. Buck stood by the door awkwardly, still holding his book.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked.
"Get in," Eddie said as if it was obvious and he hadn't completely lost his mind.
Buck tentatively lifted the covers and got under. He placed his book on the bedside table and Eddie turned the lights off.
"Goodnight," Buck said, saying it as if it was almost a question.
"Night, Buck," Eddie replied and closed his eyes, stomach finally settling.
—
It was a cruel twist of fate that came that weekend when they went to attend a scene where a factory had exploded.
They hadn't talked about anything that had happened that week. Eddie had been a little on edge but mostly calm. He was determined to spend as much time as possible with Buck as if that would cancel out the Tommy of it all and Buck wasn't complaining. Of course he wasn't. Buck loved spending time with Chris and Eddie. It gave Eddie a burst of pride just thinking about it.
They managed to get everyone out of the fire with little burns on them. The factory itself was damaged beyond repair but it exploded due to its own negligence with hand sanitiser, which was a blast from the past.
The problem lay after.
Eddie raised his hand for a fist bump, which Buck did, grinning as he took his helmet off.
"Good job," Eddie said. Buck nudged their shoulders together.
"Good job to you," he said. "You were like Superman in there."
"Yeah and you were Wonder Woman and she's undeniably cooler."
Buck laughed and Eddie smiled at him and everything was perfect.
And then he heard the unmistakable voice of Taylor Kelly.
Buck heard her too, his head shooting up above the crowds of people to the news van where she stood talking to the camera.
"Buck," Eddie said, feeling more than a little desperate. Taylor wasn't Tommy. Buck was in love with the guy he thought Tommy was. He was actually — for some indiscernible reason — in love with the woman Taylor was. The woman Taylor very well still could be.
Buck shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere."
That would have soothed Eddie's nerves if it wasn't for the fact that, after she'd finished filming, Taylor started to walk towards them.
Eddie stepped a tiny bit closer to Buck, just in front of him.
"Buck, hi!" Taylor said, smiling. "And Eddie. How wonderful."
If there was one thing Eddie could respect about Taylor it was that she hated him just as much as he hated her.
"Taylor," Buck said. "What are you doing here?"
Taylor shrugged. "Getting the story of the heroic 118 once again."
"Looks like you've done that," Eddie said pointedly. Taylor looked like she might start laughing.
"I see you haven't changed," she said. "Still a guard dog?"
"Still a snake?" Eddie returned.
"Okay," Buck interjected, pushing in front of Eddie. "Why don't we take a step back?"
"I take it you still haven't figured it out yet," Taylor said, completely ignoring Buck and talking solely to Eddie. "I thought you were brighter than that, Diaz."
"Oh, I've figured it out," Eddie said.
Taylor raised her eyebrows. "So are you both…"
Eddie faltered a little at that. "No."
"Oh. Oh, this is precious," she said, grinning widely. "You don't think it's mutual. Oh, Eddie. You really are all muscle."
"You know what, you can shut the hell up," Eddie snapped.
"Whoa," Buck said. "Both of you calm down. Jesus. What are you even fighting about?"
"Nothing," Eddie said at the same time as Taylor said, "None of your business."
"Oh my God," Ravi said, coming up behind them having apparently listened in on the whole thing. "Buck, they're fighting over you. Which is ridiculous because Taylor doesn't even like you anymore."
"Doesn't mean I can't prove a point," Taylor said.
"And what point is that exactly?" Eddie sneered.
"Alright," Buck said loudly. "Taylor, it's nice to see you. Please stop antagonising my best friend. Eddie, I get that Taylor and I had a messy break up but that was on me and you don't have to defend whatever honour I have left, okay? We good?"
"No," Taylor said.
"Absolutely not," Eddie agreed.
Buck threw up his hands and opened the door to the truck, climbing in. Taylor glanced after him then back at Eddie.
"You should tell him," she said, her voice softening minutely as she looked away. "It would do him good to hear it."
"Stay out of it," Eddie said and followed Buck into the truck.
—
Eddie could see Ravi itching to bring the encounter up the whole ride back to the station and then for the rest of the shift.
Thankfully, a continuous glower kept him quiet.
Buck seemed silently displeased for the rest of the day. He barely said a word to Eddie and it was driving Eddie insane.
Yes, he knew that it was his own fault. Yes, perhaps he could have been a bit nicer to Taylor. But sue him, okay? He was having the worst week when it came to Buck's love life, which shouldn't have even been on his radar as something that could set off his own jealousy in the first place.
He was tired of pretending to be fine when Buck dated, tired of being the good, platonic best friend. And he would be fine being the best friend, or he would cope with it, if it wasn't for all the uncertainty. If it wasn't for that small spark of hope that he cradled in his chest, the one that flared when Taylor implied it was a mutual feeling, the one that flared every time Buck broke up with someone or was broken up with.
He thought he'd gotten away with the conversation with Taylor until the shift ended and they got in the car and started driving. Buck was making little sighs and passive aggressive groans every five seconds and Eddie's temper couldn't take it.
"If you have something to say then say it," Eddie said.
"Fine," Buck said. "What the hell was that with Taylor? What, am I a piece of meat to you? Something to be fought over, something to win?"
"No, that's not what that was—"
"Really? Because it sure looked like that from where I was standing. You can't keep doing this, getting mad every time I talk about someone other than you. I'm allowed to have other friends."
"Jesus, Buck, the problem is not that you have friends."
"So what is it? Tell me. Because I really don't know."
"It's nothing."
"Well, it's clearly something. And I'm not driving us home until you tell me."
"It's you, okay?"
Buck looked like he'd been hit. "Me? What… What did I do?"
"Nothing," Eddie rushed to assure him. "Nothing. What I mean is it's you, Buck. The answer is you."
"The answer to what?"
"To everything." Eddie felt like he wasn't making any sense and he probably wasn't from the confused look on Buck's face. "You're like 42."
"From The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy?"
"Yes. It's not an answer to a specific question. It's not the meaning of life, or the solution to every problem, but it's still the most important number. It's got meaning because we give it meaning and it has importance because we give it importance. And, Buck, I give you every bit of meaning I have in my entire body. Everything you do, everything you say, every breath you breathe, it means something to me. And you give me meaning too. Do you… Do you get it?"
Buck was very still, eyes wide and breath a little shaky. "I think so. But that was a very convoluted way of saying it."
Eddie laughed. "Yeah. I guess. The gist of it is I don't have a problem with you having friends. I have a problem with you having partners. Partners who aren't—"
"You."
"Yeah. It's stupid. I'll try and tone it down."
"No," Buck said with tears in his eyes. "I mean yes, don't go crazy with it, but you don't have to. Because I don't think that after today I'll ever have another partner again that's not you."
And that was the best news Eddie had ever heard.
"Although," Buck added, just to give Eddie a heart attack, "you can still be a little jealous sometimes. As a treat."
Eddie grinned. "You think it's hot."
"I do not!" Buck said but the tips of his ears were bright pink. "Shut up and kiss me."
Gladly, Eddie did so.
—
"Have you been driving us in circles for the last five minutes?"
"I didn't want to interrupt your flow!"