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"Are you ready to go?" Shane said
"Yeah,yeah um" ilya said trying not to look confused
"To the club party" shane stated
"Oh,right let's go,I'll drive ilya responded
"No,it's okay I got it"said shane
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At the party
After a bit of partying and light drinking wich didn't help ilya's growing Alzheimers he found himself the exit needing to take a break from the crowd and a few minutes after he found himself not knowing where he was,he knew from previous conversations with shane that- he didn't remember... something about staying-place ? His head was fuzzy.
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A few months ago
"Okay if you don't know where you are you.." shane asked
"Stay where I am until I remember or you find me" ilya said almost bored of the conversation in his mind this seemed like an unesesary conversation but bared it for shane's sake since he freaked out last time something similar happened.
"Okay,good" shane said a bit calmer now
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He couldn't remember.he knew there was something he was supposed to but he didn't recall.
So he just leaned on the cold wall that didn't so much get a reaction out of his body due to the drinking,had he been drinking? He thought once he noticed.
He asked a passerby for a cigarette which they reluctantly gave him ,of course he thought ,he was ilya rozanov.
Shane was worried.It had been exactly twenty minutes since he last saw Ilya and he was starting to get increasingly worried by the minute maybe he had gone to the bathroom? No,it had been way to long he would've already been out.I'll give him five .
Five more minutes passed and Shane started to ask people around if they had seen him,most people where either drunk or too high so he barley got any coherent answers but mostly people muttered something like "no" and "I dont know" which frustrated shane by the second.He finally found a nice couple a few minutes later who said they last saw him near the exit door,he said thank you and frantically started walking making his way as he made his way he started to think of the possible outcomes what if he had gotten lost? What if he was currently in the middle of the street and a car-No,he couldn't start thinking like that.He wouldn't.But as the thoughts didn't stop resurfacing he started to panick more and more.
What if
What if
What if
He finally reached the exit which lead outside of the club he was about to turn the curve when he saw ilya a few feet away...he was there, unharmed and ...smoking.
"Fuck" he murmured
What ilya didn't realize or maybe he did was that he had just broken two years of quitting smoking.He had stopped ever since the doctors told him he had Alzheimers due to his father's genetics and that it would make it progress faster and worse ,so he had decided to quit for himself...and shane,mostly shane.
Shane quickly made his way to him.
"What are you doing?" He said almost confused by his actions
"What? You can't see?" Ilya said back in a tone shane decided to dismiss
"That's- where did you even get that from?" He said a bit pissed now
"Why does it matter?" Ilya said increasingly annoyed by this whole conversation
"Because you quite smoking two years ago" he answered
"No" ilya responded
"Yes" shane said
"Okay so i forget ,no big deal" illya said
"It is though" he said
Shane thought that maybe he was right, that maybe he was being an asshole
Ilya didn't seem to remember either .Maybe one couldn't hurt-no what was he thinking one could lead to two and two-
Breathe shane.
"Well,you did,you stopped smoking two years ago ,remember why?"
"Yes" illya said
"Why" shane asked now really testing him
Ilya openened his mouth but nothing came out he had nothing to say because he didn't remember, he looked at him, silent.
"Because of your Alzheimers ilya" he was looking at him so vulnerable that ilya felt like he forgot to breath for a second.Those words coming out so painfully like they cut him every time he said it.Because it was his reality.
"Right" ilya said his mind finally clearing up
Ilya threw the cigarette and put it out.
"Sorry " he said
"Its okay.You scared me before when-I couldn't find you" shane said his voice genuine and gentle like he always was with him.His love.
Shane leaned his forehead against his shoulder finally letting himself breath,ilya felt his body tense and hugged him back by his waist rubbing small circles with his thumb reassuring him silently Because he never needed shane to say anything.He always knew what he needed,just like he did with him,and right now he needed him.
They stayed like that a few minutes until shane finally broke the comfortable silence.
"I'm glad your okay" shane said quietly
"Of course I am " he said unserious trying to make shane laugh,he hated when shane was like this,especially because of him.
"I'm serious ilya,I had no idea where you where and I was asking and people didn't even care,and i was thinking-i was freaking out" shane said
"I'm sorry моя любовь" (my love) ilya said worried for him now.
"Can we go home then ,or do you still want to go back...to the party" shane added.Just in case, he thought.
"No,it's okay let's go home"ilya said.He was tired from partying anyway and it had passed like a blur.
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At the cottage (home)
Ilya and shane arrived home and ate dinner and slowly unwinded from the day,finally as they layed down each on there phone ,ilya asked.
Вы хотите об этом поговорить? (Do you want to talk about it?) Ilya asked him calmly.
A few seconds passed that felt like an eternity before shane simply answered
"No" he said
"Please ,talk to me shane.Im here." ilya said placing a comforting hand on shane's.
He was right, he was his boyfriend after all and it wouldn't hurt maybe it would make it better if he said it out loud, it could make him feel better,maybe.
"I was just overthinking ,which led to me panicking and start thinking the worse." Shane looked down not wanting to look him in the eye,but ilya made a noise that made him look.
"I was just thinking- what if you gotten lost and couldn't make your way back? Or what if you where standing in the middle of the street and a car-god i can't even say it." Shane said almost painfully.
Ilya looked at him hurting now he was hurting.
"Im sorry "ilya finally said.
"It's not you're fault " shane said truthfully.
llya spread his arms and guided shane to his chest as shane put his head at the crook of his neck.Comforting ,shane thought like always.
"I'm sorry I made you think those things,but im okay, see" he said
"Yeah" shane simply said
"How about a movie ,hm?" Ilya asked wanting to lighten the mood after such a conversation.
"Yeah,okay" shane said smiling a bit now
Illya kisses him sweetly and gentle, more than usual this time.
"Я тебя люблю" illya said after a few seconds
"I love you too" shane said happy and tranquil now in ilyas embrace.