Chapter Text
“You worry too much.”
It was something he’d heard a lot over the past year. And perhaps it was true. But his worries came from a place of love, truly.
And really, throwing up on and off for two whole weeks felt like a good reason to worry. Not to mention how much time she spent sleeping lately, which only served to worsen his anxiety.
Shin helped Lena back from the bathroom to the couch with these thoughts swirling in his head. He kept quiet until she was settled, but then he made his complaints known.
“Lena… I think you should go to the doctor.”
She sighed, sinking against his shoulder.
“I suppose you're right… Though I wonder…”
“Hm? You wonder what?”
“Oh it's… nothing. Listen, if it doesn’t stop soon, I’ll go. Alright?”
“How soon is “soon?”” He frowned. He couldn’t understand why she resisted so much.
“The end of the week, okay?”
“Okay…”
~~~
The end of the week came and went; the appointment was made, but to his dismay, it fell on a day he couldn’t take off work.
That morning was a rare one where Lena wasn’t feeling sick, so they were sitting at the dining room table drinking their respective coffee and tea. Lena had a thoughtful look on her face, as she had since their agreement about the doctor visit.
“Lena… are you okay?”
And then the thoughtful gaze was focused on him.
“Shin… are you… happy here? With me, living like this?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’re not bored? Or restless?”
“Lena…” he reached across the table, gently taking hold of her hand. “I’m not in a place where I need war to be happy. I have a new reason to live.”
“You don’t have any regrets? I mean, I’m a…”
“No. I don’t.” He squeezed her hand, “I love you. Nothing is going to change that.”
She smiled, a little teary eyed. She really was acting strange lately. Which prompted his next question:
“Are you having regrets?”
“No! Of course not! Oh goodness that is what it sounded like, isn't it?” Lena took a breath, “I’m happy, too. I love being with you. I’ve just… had a lot on my mind, lately.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not yet. Let me sort it out in my head first. Besides… I don’t want to say it unless it's certain. We’ll talk when you get home, okay?”
“Okay…”
He had to leave for work after that. So he went to get ready, then returned for a quick goodbye kiss.
“Have a good day.”
“You too… take it easy, alright? Call me after your appointment.”
“I will.”
~~~
He was in a daze of worry all day. Shin owned a bookstore in the city, having inherited it from the previous owner. He had a few customers who came on the regular to read and drink the free coffee he offered. Some of these customers noticed his off mood.
“Shinei… are you alright?”
The one who asked the question was an elderly woman who often came to the store to pick up her favorite magazines and read in the armchairs. She was a kindly woman who often brought him cookies or other baked goods.
“I’m fine.” he answered as he rang her up, “my wife has been sick lately. She’s going to the doctor today… So I'm a little worried.”
“Ah. If I may ask; what are her symptoms? I used to be a nurse, you see.”
“She’s been getting sick in the morning. It usually passes by afternoon, but it's been going on for a while now. She has less energy than before, too.”
The woman blinked, and then for some reason seemed to fight back a laugh.
“Ah… I see… well I hope her appointment goes well– and if it's what I’m thinking…congraulations.”
“Huh?”
But before he could question any further, his phone rang—and the moment he saw who was calling, he excused himself.
“Lena? What did the doctor say?”
“Shin… don’t panic, but could you come home early?”
His stomach dropped.
“So something is—”
“Nothing is wrong! I just… need to tell you something. In person.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Entrusting the rest of the day and closing duties to his employee, he informed his customers that the store would be closing early (when said employees shift ended). Afterward he grabbed his things and rushed out.
The ride home was a daze, until he finally made it.
“Lena!”
“You got here so fast!” She said after the welcome home kiss, “I’ll go make you some coffee—“
“Tell me what’s going on first—please.”
Lena smiled, patting his head.
“I told you it’s nothing bad. But alright.”
They sat down on the couch, Lena took his hands.
“I got a check up. Everything is good… but I did find something out.”
“Is it serious? You're scaring me, Lena.”
His heart was beating out of his chest by this point, his mind going from one frightening possibility to the next.
“I’m not sick. Nothing is wrong.”
“Then what—“
“I’m pregnant.”
She smiled, squeezing his hands.
He blinked, her words not quite registering in his brain.
“You’re…”
“I’m pregnant.” She said again, “we’re having a baby, Shin!”
A baby. Hearing the word made it finally click into place. Shin was on his feet before he even realized he’d moved.
“Are you serious?”
Lena stood up beside him.
“You think I’d joke about this?” She seemed a little nervous–she’d been fidgety since he came home.
Shin took a moment to process the news… a baby. They were going to have a baby. He and Lena were going to be… parents?
A laugh escaped his lips— pure joy, confusion, absolute terror all let out in that one sound. He lifted Lena up by the waist, spinning her around once while she too laughed—a pure, joyful sound. Once they stopped spinning, he kept holding her, Lena wrapped her legs around his waist, and her arms around his shoulders.
“That’s… amazing! When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Oh god there’s so much to do—”
“Slow down!” Lena laughed, resting her forehead against his.“It’s way too early to know the gender. And we’ll sort out what we need to do in a bit… are you happy?”
“Of course I’m happy! Why wouldn’t I be?”
“We haven’t really talked about it, so I wasn’t sure how you’d feel.”
He set her down, but kept his hands on her waist.
“I’m happy. I'm absolutely terrified. But I’m so happy.” He smiled, and so did Lena.
He could be scared later. And he was certain he would be. But in that instance, he chose to focus on this joyful moment, shared with his beloved.
~~~
Appointments had to be made, and of course a room to sort out, and names to sort through… Yes there was much to do. But there was one thing they decided on early.
They needed to improve their cooking skills. Not only for the sake of their child, but also because Lena’s stomach was far more sensitive at the moment. They had both improved enough for basic necessity… but most of their diet still consisted of premade meals, and so…
Shin stood over the pot. Unfortunately… the pasta within had been overcooked to the point that all the noodles had stuck completely together. He’d only stop stirring for a moment… or maybe a little longer…
The sauce Lena was cooking had endured a similar fate. Shin and Lena looked at each other in despair.
“Maybe we can still…? Lena started, but Shin shook his head.
“Think of the baby! I wouldn’t want you to eat this anyway…” He sighed.
“Maybe… we should call in some backup…”
Later that evening…
“Hey Raiden… I have a favor to ask…”
~~~
After that fateful call… Raiden found himself at Shin and Lena’s house twice a week, giving them various cooking lessons. Anju joined in as well eventually, keeping her focus on baking.
But damn… they needed help in both areas. And a lot of it. For some reason, they were cagey about where this sudden interest came from, but ah well. They probably just got sick of the pre-made and frozen stuff.
Today they were making tomato soup and grilled cheeses. They’d split the work, with the girls making the sandwiches and Raiden and Shin making the soup.
Well, mostly Shin, seeing as that was the point of this whole thing.
Radien tasted the soup.
“It’s… kinda bland, doncha think?” He tried to say it as gently as possible, but it didn’t help much.
Shin frowned, and then tasted it himself.
“It… seems fine to me…”
“I think you might've forgotten the seasonings, man.”
Shin blinked, frowned and then tasted it again.
“Dammit!” he said, more bitterly than Raiden was expecting.
“Hey,its not that big a deal, just season it.”
Shin did so, but he was still clearly frustrated.
“Are you okay? It’s not like you to get so worked up. Especially over food.”
Shin sighed, closing his eyes.
“If I can’t do this right… how am I supposed to take care of her? If she’s sick, has a long day or just… I should be able to handle dinner on those days. And she shouldn’t have to pretend it's good just to spare my feelings.”
He ran a hand through his hair. Clearly this was weighing on him.
“All I want is to be a good husband to her… to make her as happy as she makes me. But… it feels like I’ve already failed.”
“Hey, you haven’t failed anything. When you’re cooking, keep what you just said in mind. Every time you think something is “good enough,” think about if she’d like it. Think about her expression when she tries it.”
Shin’s expression shifted into a thoughtful one. And he tasted his soup again, then went to the fridge for a bag of shredded cheese. He tossed some into the pot, stirred, then widened his eyes as he tasted it.
“It’s… good! Raiden, tell me it's not just me!”
Raiden tasted it, then slapped Shin on the back.
“Not bad, man! See, I knew you had it in you! Let’s go serve this to the girls.”
Raiden and Anju watched from the door of the kitchen as Lena tasted the food–and subsequent celebration when it was good.
“Those two…” said Anju, smiling fondly.
“Makes all the cooking disasters these past few weeks feel worth it.” Said Raiden.
“Maybe we should slip out, I think they’ve already forgotten we’re here.”
“Nah. Hey lovebirds! We’re heading out. Enjoy your dinner!”
“No no, stay and eat, we owe you that much.” Lena said.
And so they stayed. Once they finished eating, Raiden had to ask;
“So… where's this sudden cooking kick coming from?”
Shin and Lena stiffened. A silent conversation Raiden was clearly not a part of took place, and then they turned back towards him with slightly awkward smiles on their lips.
“Oh, you know, we just wanted to try something new.” Lena said, and Shin nodded.
“Uh… okay?”
They suck at lying. But oh well, not like it's my business.
~~~
About a month later, Shin and Lena invited the whole group over for dinner. Raiden had concerns, but they insisted it was the “right time.”
He was pleasantly surprised to find the food they cooked was delicious. Lasagna and garlic bread, and some kind of cake for dessert (the cake was storebought; they said they ran out of time to prepare a dessert, but no one minded.)
After everyone had finished their dessert, Shin and Lena had another one of those silent conversations—whatever the discussion was about they appeared to reach some kind of consensus, because they nodded at each other before turning to the rest of the table.
“We have something to say.” Said Shin, and Lena nodded, taking the lead.
“We just wanted to say… thank you, to Raiden and Anju for helping us, and really to all of you for always being there for us.” She smiled, her eyes even watering a bit. Shin placed a hand on her back, and Lena took a breath to compose herself.
“We were hoping to get better at cooking. We just thought it would be an important skill to learn… before the baby comes.”
For a second the room went so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and then Kurena jumped up.
“You’re pregnant???”
Lena and Shin smiled warmly, and nodded. The room erupted into hugs and congratulations (and a few tears) as everyone wanted to say their own personal well wishes to the impending parents, until Ernst spoke up.
“That’s enough. Goodness, let the women breathe if you want a chance to meet that baby!”
Then he smiled, patting each of them on the shoulder.
“Congratulations, both of you have worked hard for this moment.”
After some time of answering questions (as best they could) Shin asked Ernst of all people to help him take the dishes to the sink. Ernst assumed he had another reason beside needing extra hands… and he turned out to be correct.
“I need… advice.”
Ernst raised an eyebrow.
“I see. It’s quite unusual for you to come to me with such things.”
“Who else am I supposed to go to? You're the only person close to me who I thought might…”
“Ah, I see.” He smiled, a little pained, “what do you want to know?”
“Anything.” He faced the man, expression more earnest than he expected. “It’s still early on right now, but I know she’s going to need me the further along it gets. How do I support her? What do I do?”
“She is enduring one of the most difficult–if not the most difficult things a person can go through. She will be physically and mentally tried like never before.”
“I know all that.” Said Shin, “so what do I do about it?”
“Be there for her, she will need you. There is not much more you can do than that. Take care of her, support her in every way. Make your catchphrase ‘yes dear’--trust me, it will save your life.” Ernst smiled, and Shin did too after a moment. It was clear he was nervous–terrified more like, Ernst didn’t blame him.
“The reward at the end of the long road will be well worth it… holding that precious life in your arms–you’ll forget how difficult the journey was in that moment.”
Ernst placed a hand on Shin’s shoulder, squeezing gently.
“I… can’t quite wrap my head around it… it doesn’t feel real.”
“It will soon.”
“Shin! Honey, could you come here?” Lena’s voice called from the other room, Shin stiffened.
“Go on. Don’t keep her waiting.” Said Ernst.
Shin made for the living room, but he paused in the doorway, turning around one more time.
“Ernst… thank you.”
“Shin!”
“Yes dear! I’m coming!” He smiled at Ernst before quickly going to heed her call.
“You’ll do just fine.” the man said softly.
Seeing that young man who’d once had such a lost look in his eyes, now smiling beside his love, moving towards such a bright future… it filled him with hope.
This time… things would change, this time they’d do it right. The tiny life that was growing within Lena would get to live in a kinder world than the one that raised their parents.
~~~
Lena returned home from work some time after that dinner. A meeting in which she’d made the necessary arrangements for the coming months. She was a bit later than expected, having stopped when the smell of food from a nearby restaurant drew her in… Unfortunately, the moment she tasted it, her stomach recoiled.
I wonder if Shin will want it. She thought in defeat as she stepped through the door.
“I’m home!” She called, but oddly there was no answer.
She found him on the living room couch, asleep with an open book on his chest. Last night… they had opened up the topic of baby names. They got so caught up in the building excitement it brought, that they had stayed up a bit longer than they should have.
Lena’s meeting took place at noon, and so she was able to sleep in. And when she woke up, she found half the chores in the house done and breakfast on the table—so clearly, Shin had gotten up at his normal time, and clearly it caught up to him.
Lena approached, taking the book from his hand so it wouldn’t fall. After she placed the bookmark, she glanced at the cover, and what she saw warmed her heart even more than the precious sight of his sleeping face.
How to be there for her: a husband's guide on pregnancy.
“Shin…” Lena smiled.
She pulled down a blanket from the linen closet to drape over him, and then moved to adjust his head into a more comfortable position… until she had a better idea.
Lena sat on the couch beside him, and carefully maneuvered his head into her lap. By this point, her bump was starting to show, but not quite enough to hinder this.
Shin shifted slightly in his sleep, but relaxed again after a moment, a small smile on his lips. Lena was overcome with affection for him, he was just… so precious, and kind and handsome—oh dear, her emotions were truly intense at the moment.
But more love for her Shin was never a bad thing.
Lena leaned her head back against the couch, letting her eyes flutter shut as her fingers played through his hair.
He’d told her he was happy with their life together, that he didn’t need war to feel fulfilled… that he loved her, and that would never change. This was certainly going to put the latter statement to the test. But Lena had no doubt they’d pass.
The next step in forever was upon them, and Lena was ready.