Work Text:
“No way. Nope. I can’t do it. Just throw me in front of the tram, Isa.”
“Skuld, breathe.”
“If I could just meditate my way through this, then you wouldn’t have joined the Organization!”
They had been going and forth like this for the better part of the morning. Skuld’s first doctor’s appointment in years was today and, at first, she had convinced herself she’d be able to do it. She spent the last week hyping herself up for what was just going to be a simple checkup. It was no big deal. Until it was - until the day of the appointment actually came, and Isa was starting to believe he would have to drag her there like a child to get her to go.
The rational part of her knew that the cartoonish supervillain with rusty, bloody tools in hand she had begun to picture wasn’t rooted in reality. But she couldn’t stop the way her heart pounded a mile a minute in her chest every time she imagined even stepping into that office. She had done it plenty of times back when she lived in Daybreak Town, obviously thinking nothing of it back then.
But the more illogical, instinctual part of her would possibly rather be dead than have to go through with this. She would get sick with anxiety every time they passed an aisle of medical supplies at the store - she couldn’t imagine letting a stranger prod at her again, regardless of their intent.
“Can they knock me out before they do it?”
“Highly doubtful. It’s not a surgical operation, Skuld. You’re just going to a general practitioner.”
Instinctively, she let her hand wander underneath her shirt, to which Isa frowned.
“Stop. Don’t pick at the scars. After all you’ve been through, losing you to an infection, of all the things, would be beyond parody.”
“I know, I know.”
She sighed heavily, turning her attention to the clock on the wall. Her appointment was in approximately fifteen minutes, she needed to leave. She couldn’t let herself miss it, because she knew the more she put it off, the harder it would be.
“Can you go with me to the station?”
“Mhm.” he nodded, following her to the front door before turning on his heel. She quirked an eyebrow and watched him disappear into the hall for a moment before emerging with her stuffed cat.
“You almost forgot to bring this.”
She smiled, wary but appreciative, and stuffed it into her bag.
The ride to the medical center was silent. It was something Skuld had come to appreciate when spending time with Isa, that he understood how meaningful sitting in silence with a friend could be. Once the train stopped, she got up with her bag in hand and the stuffed cat’s head poking out from the top and waved him goodbye.
“Later, Isa.”
“See you, Skuld.”
She felt like she was walking through molasses when she first stepped inside the center. Alarm bells were ringing off inside of her head the closer she got to the checkout counter, and she tried her best to ignore them.
“How may I help you?”
“Y-Yes, my name is Skuld. I have an appointment.”
It didn’t take long for her name to be called once she sat in the waiting room. She took a few deep breaths. “Starlight, Divine Rose, Lady Luck…” she methodically began listing off the Keyblades she knew under her breath as followed the nurse into the halls. Her general practitioner was an older woman, her eyes warm and patient, but it was difficult for Skuld to feel any relief when she saw her. The doctor smiled when her eyes fell on the plushie in Skuld’s bag.
“Oh? It seems you brought a friend with you today.”
Skuld laughed nervously. She knew that the woman had been informed of the gist of her situation before seeing her in person, but it only helped so much now that she was actually here. She knew the doctor would be able to feel her trembling the moment she held a medical instrument up to her.
It all passed so slowly for her, even just the act of having her temperature taken was leaving her clammy and pale. She had done “practice” appointments with Isa and Lea during the past week, some of which had ended in her rather unceremoniously kicking and punching at them before fleeing the house. She honestly feared for her doctor as well as herself, as though she would bite her like some kind of poorly trained dog if she didn’t remain intensely focused. She knew she had to keep it together now. She reached for the cat plush in her bag and squeezed it tightly.
“All done. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a very healthy young woman, Skuld.”
Skuld let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “That was it?”
“I’m not dead?”, she had wanted to say, but she refrained.
It all felt like such an odd haze to her. She had spent every minute of the appointment clenching her teeth, just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and now it was over just like that. She had made it out alive. An outsider may have thought she looked a little silly, that she was making a big thing out of nothing, but to her, this was a big deal.
“…Thanks.” she said, throwing her bag around her arm and stretching as she stood up from the table.
“Of course, but before you leave…”
The woman fished into her pocket and pulled out a pamphlet of some kind, handing it over to Skuld.
“I can get you a referral, if you think therapy is something you’d be willing to try. There are all kinds of people who have benefited from it… those who lost their homes to the Heartless, people who lost their own heart at some point…”
She stared down at the piece of paper. Over the course of Skuld’s long life, she had almost forgotten how it felt to have a stranger extend their kindness to you. It used to be something that was second nature to her, back when she was that bright-eyed Union leader. Skuld had often wondered to herself if she had lost her light, if darkness made its way through the cracks the moment she began to distrust those around her. But it couldn’t be that simple - she knew it when she looked upon the faces of her friends who had traversed the realms of the in-between and still retained their humanity all the time.
She knew her worldview would probably never be the same as it was in those days. That didn’t mean there couldn’t be people along the way to make things a little easier, now.
“Thank you, ma’am.”
One thing at a time, she thought.