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Today was just like any other shoot day at Smosh. Shayne was sitting around with the rest of the Smosh Squad, playing a game of Scattergories. He was sitting between Courtney and Keith, with Noah on the other side of Keith and Olivia on the other side of Courtney. Things were going well. Everyone was playing the game well while also cracking jokes. The smack talk was flying, everyone bickering and yelling over each other. Noah made a dig at Keith, causing the other to dramatically gasp and clutch his chest.
Courtney cackled at their antics, grabbing onto Shayne’s arm and throwing their head back in laughter. This wasn’t something out of the ordinary. When Courtney laughed, she did it with her whole body. What was out of the ordinary was the reaction Shayne had to the sudden contact. He felt warmth blooming from where Courtney had her hand placed on his arm. He could even feel a slight blush starting to color his cheeks. His stomach dropped as if he was on a roller coaster, and it felt like he couldn’t take a deep breath for a few seconds.
After what felt like an hour, but was actually only a few seconds, Courtney straightened back up and removed her hand from Shayne’s arm. He felt the absence of her touch like a cold bucket of water. He suddenly remembered where he was, trying to tune back into the conversation and throw out some jokes here and there. The rest of the video completed without another incident, but Shayne couldn’t stop his mind from wandering back to that odd moment.
***
Later that night, Shayne kept replaying the moment Courtney grabbed his arm over and over in his head. He couldn’t figure out what had caused him to react that way. He knew Courtney well, he even considered her to be one of his best friends. So why had that touch affected him so much?
He thought back to the last few weeks, trying to remember his interactions with Courtney and see if there was any indication of why today affected him so deeply. He thought back to two Saturdays ago when he and Courtney had met up for brunch.
The two were meeting at a cute little diner that was halfway between their apartments. Courtney had asked him to meet her, and he had obviously said yes. Shayne loved spending time with Courtney and would take any opportunity to do so. When Shayne arrived, Courtney was already seated in a booth, waiting for him. “Thanks for coming,” she said, giving him a soft smile.
“Of course,” Shayne responded easily, opening the menu to see what he wanted to order. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a bit, looking through their options. Soon, the waiter came and took their orders, leaving the two with nothing more to do than talk.
“You know we’re friends, right?” Courtney blurted out, immediately looking embarrassed at herself for her outburst. Shayne looked at her in confusion. “Of course we’re friends. What do you mean by that?” Shayne asked. Courtney just shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes. “I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t think anything was weird or different. You’re one of my best friends, so I wanted to make sure we were good.” Shayne smiled across the table. “We are definitely good. I consider you one of my best friends, too. Thanks for checking on me.” After that, the two fell into their typical, easy banter, parting ways with a hug after finishing their food.
Shayne smiled at the memory. He had been confused at first as to why Courtney felt the need to have a brunch just to clarify that they were friends. He thought that had been pretty obvious. But, if Courtney needed the validation, he was happy to give it. Especially if that meant getting to spend a nice Saturday brunch together in the diner.
The next thing he thought about had happened just a few days ago. It had been a long shoot day, and he and Courtney were the only ones of the squad left in the office building. Courtney had seemed off, fidgeting a little and not being as talkative as normal. Shayne had originally decided to give her space, hoping she would come to him if she needed it. But, when they were left alone in the green room for a while, Shayne decided to reach out and check on her.
“Are you okay, Courtney?” Shayne asked, concern in his voice. Courtney quickly looked up from where she had been staring at her nails, looking guilty. “I’m okay. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind right now.” Shayne nodded in understanding. “Well, if you need someone to listen, I have two good ears I can use.” Courtney giggled, thankful for his nonchalance as well as for the offer.
The two fell back into a comfortable silence. Shayne was sure that Courtney wasn’t going to take him up on his offer to talk. He had genuinely meant it, but they had been sitting in silence for a while now. He was just hopeful his presence was comforting. After what felt like forever, Courtney finally spoke up.
“There’s something I’ve kind of wanted to tell you for a little bit but I’ve been really afraid to.” She said, keeping her eyes trained on her nails. Shayne slowly nodded his head, not wanting to rush her. “Well, I would love to hear what you have to say, but I’m also okay with just sitting with you if that’s what you need right now.” He heard Courtney take a deep, albeit shaky, breath. “I think I might be gender fluid.”
Shayne didn’t say anything at first, not wanting to respond in the wrong way. “Okay. That’s awesome.” He finally said. “What pronouns would you like me to use?” While Courtney still wasn’t looking at him, he could see the way her shoulders relaxed and the small smile that graced her lips. “Right now I haven’t really told anyone else, so she/her is still fine. But, honestly, I think I’m open to any pronouns.” Shayne nodded in understanding. “Thank you for telling me. Let me know if anything changes on your pronouns or gender presentation. I just want to make you as comfortable as possible.” The two fell back into a comfortable silence, feeling so much closer to one another than ever before.
Shayne contemplated through his memories, still trying to piece something together from the countless interactions he had had with Courtney. The way she lit up the room when she walked in. The way she could always make him laugh. The way she knew just what to say to shock everyone while also being so kind and thoughtful. All of the things that made them so uniquely them.
Shayne was suddenly hit with a realization, shooting up in bed. How could he have not seen it before? How could he be so blind. This was not good. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he knew one thing for certain.
Shayne was falling in love with Courtney.