Chapter Text
“Hey, Adora,” says Catra, her voice hoarse and raspy, and for a second, I don’t believe it. Don’t believe that she’s really here, lying in my lap, alive, out of Horde’s control, for good.
More tears stream down my face, I guess when I was She-ra, I was so focused and determined on getting us back, that I hadn’t had time to realize that we might actually make it.
“Hey, Catra,” I answer, my voice sounds even more broken than hers and so I have to laugh. “We made it, we got you out of there.” I look up to Bow, Glimmer and Entrapta and they’re all smiling too.
“How are you feeling? Apart from basically dying and being chipped and being held prisoner for who knows how long and-and…” and it’s then that Bow puts his hand on my shoulder and saves me from rambling on.
Catra still laughs though, oh god I didn’t hear her laugh in so long, “I’m good dummy, I- arg! Arg! Get away!” suddenly she starts thrashing all over, puts her claws out, I think I get hit in the face, but it doesn’t matter. “Catra snap out of it! You’re not there, you’re with me! On the ship! He can’t hurt you here, Catra!” she still continues to struggle, and while I try my best to hold her down, it’s not like I’m all that successful, because the last thing I want, is to hold her too tight.
Fortunately, it doesn’t last that long, and she calms down after a bit, but it’s like someone sucked all the warmth out of the room. She’s breathing deeply and is trying not to look at me, but I still see how scared and exhausted she is and even though I’d do anything to just magically fix it, I know that even She-ra can’t heal that.
“I-I… I’m gonna get you to bed, okay?” It’ll be better after you get some sleep, for sure.” I don’t think I sound confident at all, but I have to believe it, because I have no idea how else to fix it.
I take her into my arms and try to get up, but it’s like suddenly my whole body decided to give up on me and so I stumble a little. Both Glimmer and Bow rush up to help me, but I just shake my head. “No, it’s okay, I got her.”
This time I’m not giving my body a choice and I get up. It’s crazy like I didn’t even notice that she weighed anything when fighting our way out of a fucking space emperors lair spaceship or whatever when I was She-ra, but now it takes my whole willpower, just to get us a few steps over to the barracks.
I gently put her down on the bed, but she still looks shaken and like she’s not really there. She just sits there, staring into space, hugging herself with her arms.
I kneel down next to the bed and try to take her hand, which does wake her up a little. “Listen, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, okay? But I really think that you should rest now.”
She just looks at me and nods. This isn’t at all like the defiant and angry Catra I saw during the war, but what frightens me more is that it isn’t like her in the Fright Zone either. It’s like Prime had taken all the versions of Catra, that I know and replaced it with someone else, someone hurt and sad. And then an even scarier thought strikes me, that maybe, he just unveiled a version of her, that was always there and I just never noticed.
I help her get out of that stupid white uniform and I give her my own clothes. It feels weird, we changed in front of each other all the time in the Fright Zone, but now I catch myself looking everywhere else but on her.
After that she just puts the blanket over herself and turns away from me. Which admittedly does make me feel like crying a little, but I know that that has to wait, that this still isn’t really her.
I sit there for a minute, it doesn’t feel like Cantra wants me there, but I can’t seem to bring myself to leave either.
“I’ll be right outside, okay? If you need anything, just call.” I want to hug her or pet her or do something, so she knows I really mean it, but in the end, I just walk away and close the door behind me.
I walk back to Bow and Glimmer who are still waiting nervously in the control room, I guess Entrapta went back to her tinkering with Darla, now that’s Bow officially allowed it. I must have a similar expression on my face that Catra had in the end, because they both rush up and hug me, the moment they see me and I just can’t hold it in any longer and begin to wail.
I hadn’t cried like this in… maybe never, and it’s loud ugly sobs, which make me feel like every breath is shallower that the last and we all just slowly sink down to the ground.
I have no idea how long it took before I calmed down, I know Glimmer was talking to me, with a soothing but firm voice, that reminded me of her mom, oh she would be so proud of her right now. And I guess Entrapta came by too? I think Bow was telling her to get me water but I’m not sure.
Finally, I manage to get out “What if she was like this the whole time? You know? First, I thought she might join the rebellion too, then I thought that maybe she is just too angry, too full of hatred, too bitter. But what if she was just sad? Just hurt? And it was me who hurt her; I left. I should have come back, should have made her go with me but I just left her there.”
For a while no one says anything. I guess it’s hard to figure out how to react to that. But then Bow wipes his own tears (and only then I realize that they were both crying too) and becomes the best friend pep talk guy that he is.
“Adora, you didn’t leave her. You tried to make her understand, make her go with you, you did the right thing. She chose to stay there; she chose to do the things she did and none of it is your fault.”
And at that moment I really wanna believe him, but I’m not quite sure I do.