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It starts in the middle of summer, on a Wednesday afternoon.
The sky is clear and cloudless, painted the shade of blue only seen on seaside vacation postcards. Beads of sweat pool along Gunhee’s hairline and the heavy heat makes the air around him feel thick. He looks up at his new house with a curiosity slightly tinged with hollowness. It’s two stories and poppy red with the paint peeling from the wooden exterior, and while it’s brightly colored and cozy looking, it lacks a genuine feeling of home. There's no familiar scent of his grandmother's cooking wafting from the windows that never quite seem to be sealed properly and, when he sets foot inside, the interior feels uncharacteristically bare.
"Isn't this lovely?" Gunhee's mother gently places a comforting hand on his shoulder and beams. As hard as she tries to hide it, Gunhee knows she spends many sleepless nights working herself to the bone for him. This house is the result of a recent promotion; their relocation offers more living space and is closer to a better middle school than the one his old home was situated near. It’s Gunhee's mother's current pride and joy; her present contribution to what she hopes will result in a better quality of life in their future.
With everything he can muster, Gunhee shoots her the biggest grin he possibly can. He misses his old home and his grandmother already, but he doesn't want his mother to think he's ungrateful for her hard work.
"Go explore the neighborhood, I'll stay and unpack." Gunhee nods and runs off to do as he's told.
The houses littering the sides of the street are small and quaint, but they come in a variety of shapes and colors. Eleven year old Gunhee takes it all in with awe, from the neat, clean little white house on the street corner to the older baby blue house emanating warmth and a distinct sense of home across the street from his own. The neighborhood kids seem almost as picturesque as the houses. Happy and dressed in clean, well-made clothing, they run around and play games, laughter ringing in the air, seemingly unbothered by the heat that clings to Gunhee in a very present manner no matter how hard he tries to ignore it. It all seems surreal to Gunhee, coming from somewhere incredibly different from all this.
Amongst the laughter and joy, a boy about Gunhee’s age bikes along the opposite side of the road. Gunhee peers over, curious and eager to observe everything. The boy's bike is red, the pavement beneath it is gray, his hair is dark brown, and the smile of pure delight on his face carves deep dimples into his cheeks.
They make eye contact, and something clicks.
There's a tug in Gunhee's heart, and he's not quite sure what it means. The other boy, too, seems to be deeply affected by something not quite tangible.
A swoop in the stomach, a warmth at his core. Gunhee's not one to believe in love at first sight, nor did he care much for the idea of soulmates pushed upon everyone, but he figures this is what it must feel like to meet his.
But no, he's much too young. Song Gunhee is only eleven years old, and most people take close to a lifetime to find the one they're looking for; if they find them at all.
Amidst the distraction, the boy on the bike isn't concentrating on the road and rams into a metal pole. He goes flying off the bike and lands flat on his back, sprawled across the floor with his eyes half closed and groaning. Never one to just leave someone injured unattended, stranger or not, Gunhee peers down the road for any signs of incoming cars, then rushes to the boy's side.
"Are you alright? Do you want me to get you to a hospital or something?"
The boy opens his eyes to look up at Gunhee and Gunhee sucks in a breath. There's something about him that awakens something deep within, and Gunhee himself isn't even really sure why. It's not that the other kid is incredibly good looking, though he is cute with his chubby cheeks and heart shaped pink lips, it's just that the energy and the vibe he emits pulls at Gunhee's heartstrings.
Gunhee's brought back to reality when the boy shakes his head.
"I'll be okay, just help me get home."
The boy seems to be in pain, and for whatever reason, Gunhee can't bear to allow him to be hurt. Part of one of his grandmother's stories, often told over the dinner table while his mom was hard at work, echoes through Gunhee's thoughts:
'They say that when you meet your soulmate, you can choose to take their pain, and they yours. But be warned, for taken pain is worse by threefold.'
If they really possibly are soulmates, like Gunhee concluded earlier, he figures it's worth a try. Gunhee reaches out his hand to help pull the boy up, and when the boy takes Gunhee's outstretched hand, Gunhee wills his pain away. Immediately, he feels a searing pain in his tailbone area, as well as lesser, but still fierce, pains across the skin of his elbows and legs. The other boy sighs in relief, while Gunhee grits his teeth as to mask his suffering.
Though perfectly capable of walking home by himself in his painless condition, Gunhee decides to fight through the burning in his body to walk with the boy anyway. The boy's scraped elbows and knees are still bleeding, despite being rendered painless, and Gunhee's positive there's a large bruise blooming on his lower back.
They chat along the way and Gunhee learns that the boy's name is Jooheon, they're about the same age, and they'll be attending the same school this upcoming fall. Conversation flows naturally between the two, jumping from one subject to the next effortlessly, but they both avoid the topic of soulmates and the possibility that they are each others'. The concept seems so abstract and far away, and besides, learning about soulmates in school doesn't even happen until the ninth grade. Gunhee figures that until they really have a grasp on this whole thing, he doesn't need to spring the topic on Jooheon. Perhaps Jooheon feels the same, or the thought doesn't even cross his mind, Gunhee's not quite sure, but they continue on with their conversation.
They arrive at Jooheon's house, a medium sized baby blue house, smaller but more well-kept than Gunhee’s own, which happens to be across the street from Gunhee’s. When Jooheon's mother opens the door and sees his injuries, she begins to fuss over him. Jooheon insists that he's fine, that nothing hurts, and that Gunhee took the pain away. This makes his mother freeze for a moment and stare at Gunhee in shock. She scans him from head to toe, no doubt picking apart every last detail of this unknown boy who stood in front of her. Gunhee tugs nervously at the hem of his black t-shirt and has trouble maintaining eye contact, uncomfortable and embarrassed under her scrutiny. Eventually, Jooheon's mother smiles a genuine smile at Gunhee and thanks him for taking care of her son. Gunhee quickly nods and assures her it's no problem before heading back to his own house.
When he arrives home, Gunhee's mother had finished unpacking most of the major things needed for immediate use, while everything else remained in scattered cardboard boxes. That night, Gunhee pesters his mother incessantly with questions about soulmates. When, eventually, she asks him why he's bringing up the topic, Gunhee simply shrugs. His mother smiles and tells him he's young so there's no need to worry yet; she says she's sure he'll know and everything will be alright when he finally does meet his soulmate.
—
Over time, Gunhee and Jooheon become inseparable. It's as if each of them have two mothers and two homes to go between, they visit each other so often. Gunhee's and Jooheon's mothers each treat both boys like their own, and as a result of their sons' closeness, became quite close themselves. Jooheon's mother has long since told Gunhee's about the incident from when the boys first met.
Sometimes, when the mothers think the boys aren't listening, Gunhee hears them discussing their future as soulmates. The conversations are filled with how glad they are their boys have someone so good for each of them. Gunhee isn't completely aware of the gravity of the situation, but he decides not to worry about it until he actually has to.
—
One fall weekend, when Gunhee and Jooheon are in the eighth grade, they decide to venture further outside their neighborhood to do some exploring.
It's Jooheon's idea, and the moment he conceives it, he sprints to Gunhee's house and pounds incessantly on the door until Gunhee opens it. At first, Gunhee feels somewhat annoyed at the disturbance, but upon seeing Jooheon and hearing the eagerness in his voice, he can't help but to agree to Jooheon's request. There's something about the way Jooheon's eyes crinkle and his dimples appear that makes anything he says in an excited manner automatically make Gunhee happy as well.
Gunhee brings his bike out of the garage and checks that there's enough air in the tires while Jooheon runs across the street to retrieve his own bike. Soon enough, the two are off, biking down roads in a blur with the wind in their hair.
Unfortunately, there's not much within biking distance but other neighborhoods, roads, and trees.
Jooheon stops along the way, hopping off his bike and tapping the kickstand with his foot to park it. Following his friend's lead, Gunhee does the same. Tall trees stand in rows on either side of the road in gradients of yellows, oranges, and reds. As the two watch, the wind blows and warmly hued leaves elegantly glide to the ground.
"I'm gonna climb one."
Before Gunhee can open his mouth to protest, Jooheon's already at the base of a tree, jumping to grab a lower branch and hoist himself up. Gunhee watches as Jooheon climbs the tree with grace, mesmerized with the way his limbs stretch and swing. His shirt rides up at times to expose his smooth stomach, which distracts Gunhee, but more than that, Gunhee's taken with the expression of pure bliss settled on Jooheon's face. Any initial complaints die in Gunhee's throat; he simply watches his friend enjoy himself.
That is, until Jooheon grabs a branch too weak to support his weight and comes crashing down.
Without hesitation, Gunhee rushes to Jooheon's side and grabs his hand to will the pain away. The first thing Gunhee feels is what he imagines shattering all the bones in his arms would feel like. Jooheon's own expression settles into one of relief, while Gunhee bites his bottom lip to keep from screaming out and struggles to keep his facial expression at least somewhat neutral. Jooheon knows what Gunhee's doing for him, though he doesn't quite understand the scale of the pain, and is incredibly grateful.
"Thank you."
Leaning forward, Jooheon gives Gunhee a quick peck on the lips. While the kiss itself lasted no more than a mere second, Gunhee felt something stir deep inside. From the look on Jooheon's face, Jooheon felt it too.
From that point onward, Gunhee never looks at Jooheon the same way again.
—
Over the summer transitioning into their freshmen year of high school, Gunhee and Jooheon's occasional experimental pecks and kisses begin to occur more frequently and with more intensity. First kisses develop into sloppy make out sessions with laughter to fill the gaps in between. Everything about it makes Gunhee feel light, weightless. Jooheon fills a part of Gunhee he never realized was missing, and everything about what's happening feels incredibly, undeniably right.
The two are hanging out on Jooheon's bed in his air-conditioned room to escape the heat on one particularly scorching day. Something Jooheon said has got Gunhee clutching his stomach in laughter. The sound is so pure and ethereal, Jooheon feels blessed to have someone like Gunhee. After a few more moments of simply enjoying the company and the sound coming from Gunhee's lips, Jooheon leans in to close the gap between them. Gunhee welcomes the sensation and kisses back with passion, rolling on top of Jooheon. When Jooheon tries to shift into a more comfortable position, he hits his head against the bedpost.
Gunhee's first reaction is to burst into a fit of laughter. Jooheon clutches his head and glares at Gunhee for laughing at him, but eventually joins in himself. Gunhee grabs Jooheon's hand and wills Jooheon's pain away, ignoring the pounding in his own head as he kisses Jooheon with even more intensity than before.
"I love you." Gunhee whispers against Jooheon's lips.
"I love you too." Jooheon whispers back.
—
Sometimes, Jooheon wishes he could do for Gunhee what Gunhee does for him.
As soulmates, Jooheon knows he and Gunhee can take each others' physical pain, something that he learns, in the ninth grade, is actually quite rare. It's said this is a feat only accomplishable by true soulmates, not just any couple who half-asses their 'I love you's and settle simply because they feel as if they must. True soulmates are, apparently, an occurrence so infrequent and unique only two people out of every million ever find theirs. When learning this lesson, Jooheon remembers vividly that Gunhee had grabbed his hand beneath their shared desk and glanced over before they shared a knowing smile. Then, more than anytime before, Jooheon felt so fortunate to have Gunhee and so lucky they met when they were so young.
However, despite the amount of times Gunhee's taken Jooheon's pain away from him, Jooheon's never taken Gunhee's. It's not that Jooheon didn't want to; he did, but Gunhee wouldn't let him. Not when he saw Gunhee skin his knees and elbows during a soccer match then quickly run home to avoid Jooheon and lock himself in his room, and definitely not when Gunhee fell down a flight of stairs and starts screaming that he's okay and for Jooheon to go away. Jooheon feels a strange mix of guilt, anger, and sadness at the situation, but he doesn't fight Gunhee about it. All he does is try his best to get through and help Gunhee, at least just once. But Gunhee treats Jooheon like he's fragile, something that must be protected, and Jooheon never gets the chance.
—
They make love for the first time their junior year of high school.
It's unplanned and organic, it simply happens one night when they're hanging out at Gunhee's.
The whole process is clumsy and peppered with uncertainty, filled with tentative touches and near constant laughter, but there's nothing in the world that can compare. The profound intimacy, skin pressed against skin with zero layers in between, brings forth a charge of electricity, a rightness. At times, with their limbs tangled together and moving in sync, it's as if they're one.
After cleaning up, they fall asleep pressed against each other; Gunhee can't bring himself to care what his mother might think the next morning seeing them like this. All Gunhee cares about in that moment is Jooheon, Jooheon, Jooheon.
The next morning, Jooheon gets up first. It's heavenly, the way Gunhee's arms are wrapped so securely around him after the night before. Jooheon wishes he could stay that way forever, but his bladder feels as if it's about to explode so he reluctantly untangles himself from Gunhee's arms. The moment Jooheon shifts, Gunhee wakes up as well.
"Stay." Gunhee grumbles sleepily in a near incoherent manner.
"I need to take a piss." Gunhee groans and Jooheon chuckles. Slowly, Jooheon slips out of the bed and starts heading towards the bathroom.
"Fuck!" Gunhee jerks awake at Jooheon's shout and flips on the light switch to see Jooheon clutching his foot. In the dark, it'd been hard for Jooheon to find his way to the bathroom and he'd stubbed his toe on the edge of the doorframe. Gunhee laughs at his outburst and quickly heads over to Jooheon and grabs his hand to take away the pain.
"Better?" Gunhee asks before giving Jooheon a loving peck on the lips. Jooheon smiles.
"Much better."
Jooheon stands up and walks to the bathroom; Gunhee winces and limps back to bed.
—
Their time in high school flies by far too quickly for Jooheon's liking, but his shared memories with Gunhee fill him with warmth. From sports games to homework, exams to prom, they faced everything together. There's something about the two of them together that feels… complete. It's gotten to the point where it's not Jooheon and Gunhee as two individuals, but Jooheon and Gunhee as a collective whole.
With their final university entrance exams looming ahead, the two sit quietly in Gunhee's living room, cramming all the information they can into their heads. They'd started this cramming session at about eleven that morning; now the sun had long set and the two had drank about five cups of coffee each. Jooheon yawns, a long, drawn out sound with exhaustion layered in, but he knows he must stay awake because there's still so much to review and getting in the university he wants is beyond important to his mother.
Gunhee looks at his boyfriend; Jooheon's eyelids droop lower with every passing moment and he's very nearly fallen asleep several times only to jolt awake again. Taking Jooheon's hand in what he hopes to be a reassuring and encouraging manner, Gunhee wishes he could take Jooheon's tiredness too.
And, apparently, he can.
The moment the thought crosses Gunhee's mind, Jooheon feels more awake and Gunhee's eyelids begin to flutter. Gunhee sees Jooheon resume to studying at full force from the corner of his eye just before he crashes onto the table, fully asleep.
When Jooheon notices Gunhee face down in a puddle of his own drool, he smiles softly, gently pushes Gunhee's hair aside, and places a kiss on Gunhee's forehead.
"'Night, love."
—
Luckily for the two, Jooheon gets accepted to the university he aims for and Gunhee gets into one nearby. Jooheon's mother is ecstatic, and Gunhee's is just as happy the two can remain together as she is about the fact that Gunhee had made it to university on a scholarship. Scraping together some money, Gunhee and Jooheon rent out a tiny apartment on a street corner to live in together.
The apartment has one bedroom, one bathroom, a minuscule kitchen, and not much else other space, but it's also got big windows to let in the light and it's enough for the boys. They're content as long as they have each others' company.
But college life ends up busier than expected, especially for Gunhee, who has to maintain stellar grades to retain his scholarship. Nearly every night, Jooheon sees Gunhee working away, running purely on coffee and energy drinks. It hurts Jooheon to see the growing dark circles beneath Gunhee's eyes and to feel Gunhee's presence in their shared bed less and less.
One night, Jooheon figures the least he can do is to take away some of Gunhee's tiredness. He walks over to Gunhee's figure, bent over the desk and deep in concentration, but before he manages to even place a hand on Gunhee's shoulder, Gunhee seems to sense what's going on and flinches away.
"Don't."
Jooheon frowns.
"Why? You'd do it for me, I just want to help."
"Don't, or I walk out this door right now."
Jooheon sighs in defeat.
—
As he always does, Gunhee takes away the pain for every little injury Jooheon ever gets, like when he knocks over the coffee one morning and burns his bare chest. There isn't a single pain Gunhee ever wants Jooheon to feel. Jooheon, with his dimpled cheeks and crescent eyes. Jooheon, with his innocence and sunny disposition. No, Gunhee would never allow any pain to come upon the boy.
But there are certain kinds of pain Gunhee discovers he cannot take away.
One rainy spring day, Gunhee goes home to find Jooheon crying hysterically. In that moment, with the rain pattering on the windows, Gunhee forgets everything else but Jooheon. The moment Jooheon sees Gunhee he tries to wipe his tears and act okay, but this lasts no more than a few seconds before he begins sobbing again. Gunhee drops everything and rushes to Jooheon's side, pulling him into a tight embrace and stroking Jooheon's newly dyed red hair while letting Jooheon cry into the crook of his neck with no questions asked. After Jooheon's calmed into soft sobs and hiccups, Gunhee asks:
"What happened?"
Jooheon's bottom lip trembles.
"Mom called. Grandma died." Jooheon manages to choke out before he resumes his crying.
Gunhee can take physical pain, but he can't take emotional, no matter how hard he tries. He can only watch as Jooheon's sorrow tears him apart and reflect that pain like a mirror. Every tear Jooheon sheds tears at Gunhee’s soul.
"I'm sorry." Gunhee whispers, "I wish I could help."
—
Both Gunhee and Jooheon graduate within four years with the degrees they want. It makes Gunhee ecstatic to see Jooheon beaming in his cap and gown, picturesque against green fields and a blue sky with scattered white clouds; it feels as if he's more proud of Jooheon's achievements than his own.
At some point during the ceremony, Jooheon trips and twists his ankle. Gunhee is by his side in an instant to relieve the pain. The rest of the ceremony, Gunhee barely shows any signs of injury despite the immense pain he feels.
When the graduation ceremony is over, Jooheon and Gunhee share a kiss and trade congratulations.
"How do you always manage to do it?" Jooheon asks.
"Do what?"
"Shoulder all my pain."
Gunhee laughs softly.
"You're clumsy and I've been doing it since we were eleven. I'm used to it."
—
It ends in the middle of winter, on a Monday morning.
At twenty-three years old, Song Gunhee has everything's he's ever needed; he's graduated from university, has a stable job, and has someplace decent to live. Most importantly, Song Gunhee has Lee Jooheon. From the slope of his nose to the curve of his lips, Gunhee loves every millimeter of Jooheon.
That's why, though he's only twenty-three, Gunhee decides it's time to propose. After all, they're soulmates and they've been together for twelve years now, so a proposal isn't sudden or too early at all in Gunhee's opinion.
It takes Gunhee a long time to settle on a ring. He wants to get something special, almost as special as Jooheon himself is to Gunhee, but nothing quite satisfies that requirement. The men and women selling rings in the shops recommend rings of every color and size to Gunhee, but he rejects them all, much to their dismay.
When Gunhee finally picks out a ring, it's one set with meteorite. The space rock reflects light in a unique way and is, well, special in the way Gunhee wants. Gunhee considers making a pun about how Jooheon is 'out of this world' when he proposes, then decides that perhaps puns are not suitable for proposals. With a cheerful mood and a spring in his step, Gunhee sets out to Jooheon's workplace, intending to surprise him with an impromptu date followed by the big question.
Unfortunately, Gunhee's too caught up in his own world and pays no mind to his surroundings. Crossing the street, in the middle of the road, a speeding car and Gunhee collide.
The moment Jooheon hears about this, he rushes to the hospital. He asks where Gunhee is and, without hesitation, sprints down spotless white halls lined with blue plastic chairs.
Outside Gunhee's room, Jooheon frantically asks the doctor:
"How's he doing?"
"Not good. He's a fighter though, shouldering an immense amount of pain and still somehow pulling through."
"I've got years of practice." Jooheon imagines Gunhee joking; except he's not so sure it'd be a joke anymore.
At Jooheon's urgent tone and request, the doctor opens the door to allow Jooheon to see Gunhee. Jooheon immediately rushes to Gunhee's side and takes his hand.
Now, Jooheon thinks, is his time to repay Gunhee for all he's done over the past twelve years.
With all his might, Jooheon wills Gunhee's pain away. Immediately, his entire body feels like it's in flames and Jooheon crumples to the ground, but he keeps Gunhee's hand in his. The pain is so intense Jooheon nearly lets go, but in his mind he keeps repeating Gunhee's name so he doesn't.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers when they'd just met and he fell off his bike, only for Gunhee to hurry to his side.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers when he broke his arm after falling off a tree and Gunhee relieves him of the pain. Jooheon remembers their first kiss.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers when he hit his head when making out with Gunhee; he remembers the laughter and he remembers Gunhee taking the pain away. Jooheon remembers the first time they traded spoken 'I love you's, though unspoken ones had hung in the air for a while.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers the first time they made love; he remembers when he stubbed his toe the morning after and the way Gunhee rushed to his aid.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers when Gunhee took away all his fatigue so he could better study for his university entrance exams.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers when he twisted his ankle during graduation and Gunhee was there to help.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers all the times in between, like when they went hiking and he almost collapsed from exhaustion only for Gunhee to take it from him and collapse instead, or when he slipped and hit his head at the pool, and Gunhee dived in to help.
Gunhee. Jooheon remembers all the times Gunhee wouldn't let him help take away his pain. With his entire body on fire, Jooheon finally understands why and appreciates Gunhee's trying to protect him; he also curses himself for not being more assertive, for simply allowing Gunhee to take everything.
But, in the end, no matter how much pain Jooheon takes, he cannot undo the past and he cannot reverse death. Blood will cease to flow and hearts will stop. When Gunhee's heart monitor flattens with a single, elongated beep to accompany, Jooheon lets out a choked sob.
They met at eleven and were torn apart at twenty-three.
When Jooheon returns to their childhood homes, nothing feels right. He's missing, Gunhee's missing, and the place is a shell with no heart or soul.