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The world seemed to stop as all eyes turned to Light.
The silence was broken when he drew in a breath that sounded more like a laugh. She watched with wide eyes as he laughed. He was laughing.
A maniacal guttural laugh that she’d never heard from the man before. It sounded of pure bliss. Like he was laughing away his stress, like the world was in his palm. Like he had won.
Everyone’s faces was pulled back in horror. Morbid shock? She didn’t know what emotions flowed through her listening to him laugh to himself. It felt like he had just confirmed all her worst suspicions until he finally quieted down.
His posture curled, back turned to the rest of the people watching on. His eye barely visible through the dark shadow cast by his hair as he finally spoke up. her heart dropping at his words.
“That’s right,” he paused, “I am… Kira.”
Her world seemed to stop. Her shaking subsided as blinding white shock froze her mind. She was sure her heart skipped a beat hearing his confession.
She stepped forward, knees buckling beneath her as she stumbled forward. A reasonable gap between her and the other taskforce members behind her.
His eyes left Near and he trained his dark gaze on her.
Despite the bodies behind her, she felt like she and Light had melted away into a void. Isolated from everyone else.
It seemed impossible. The boy she had fallen in love with all those years ago. Who held her softly and loved her. Or at least that what she assumed, had that been a lie too? A mask personalized for her and her alone?
The life she had created with Light that had once felt unshakable was crumbling beneath her feet, and she was stumbling backwards blindly. Unsure to fall into the unknown in front of her and from him or back into his arms.
Light Yagami was a serial murderer on a global scale. Imperceivable numbers written and sworn to die by his hand.
Light was Kira.
He turned around to face her. Fringe fallen over his sharp features. there was a darkness that seemed to consume his entire person, a grave arduous shadow that clouded the Light she thought she knew.
It felt like staring at a stranger.
Despite his previously distraught demeanor it looked as if his entire soul had taken a deep breath, unshaking and immovable as if confessing his crimes had been a weight off his chest; maybe it had been.
Who knows how long this skeleton had been sitting in his closet. She didn’t want to humor the thought.
His darkest secret sat beneath cobwebs and pretty lies.
How many times had he lied to her face? Sworn truth between soft kisses and intimate embraces.
She had to stop herself from keeling over as her nausea ramped up. saliva flooded her mouth as she swallowed back the bile that crept up her throat.
Light was nothing more than a blur in her teary vision, and as she opened her mouth to speak, say something… anything. a sob escaped her lips.
She felt as if he had thrown her in the deep end and was watching her drown.
“Light? You.. you’re lying, this is some sick joke.” She got out between heaving breaths; her throat was tight and her lungs were hungry for oxygen.
He tilted his head, almost teasingly. As if he was amused by her. That her visible distress was entertaining.
“Oh, come now. We both know I’m not.” His tone was full of that drowning self-assurance that he surrounded himself in. Dripping with arrogant confidence.
He spread his arms out wide, as if initiating a hug.
The view that once brought her comfort, that she wouldn’t have hesitated to indulge in, now only made her lingering queasiness worse.
In her heart, Shizuku knew what she wanted.
Her initial shock was wearing off, and yet the rose-tinted glasses he had forged and customized to her and her alone remained. Yes, Light still had her in his palm. Caught between finger tips, like a bug beneath his shoe.
She wondered if that’s how he saw her, just another plaything.
“But… but light, you… us…” as she stammered out incoherent strings of words, the dots finally began to connect in her head.
Her arms that cradled herself fell to rest at her side. Her eyes wide as they stared back at his calculated gaze.
“Us? Oh, Shizuku.” His voice felt unfamiliar in her ears.
Had this been his plan all along? String her along behind him, fill her head with empty promises.
The more she considered the thought, the more sense it made.
Light stepped forward, circling where she stood in between himself and the taskforce members. Shizuku felt torn, she couldn’t return to the taskforce, but she didn’t know if shed ever be able to return to the false life Light had just exposed to her.
“Yes… Us Light!” she spoke up, her anguish turning to repulsion, despite the bite in her tone, Light showed no outward reaction to her words. Only tilting his head down to her as he spiraled in. She stared down at her shoes, the concrete seemed to move beneath her feet, her head spinning.
Light stopped a foot away from her.
She crumpled to the floor at his feet. Maybe this was what he had wanted. Her complete and utter unwavering obedience. She thought she had given that to him, was her best not enough?
She wanted to throw up, to claw up his pant leg and beg for forgiveness, to stand up and take her rightful spot by his side. But she was frozen. Glued to the cold concrete beneath her hands and knees.
The heaviness that had settled in her chest was unlike anything she had ever felt as she raised her head to look up at him.
The sunlight bleeding in from the dilapidated warehouse roof haloed his head, his foxy brown hair looked red through the illumination.
He looked divine. Like the God he had aimed to be.
He looked down his nose at her. Eyes carrying that cunning arrogance that she hated.
The way he looked at Misa. Like she was expendable, just another pawn. Her jaw hurt from how hard she was grinding her teeth together.
“Don’t look at me like that.” she whispered through her tense jaw, barely audible to even her own ears, but he heard her, his lips curling into a condescending smirk.
“Aren’t you embarrassed Shi?” he asked, he took another step forward and for a moment she thought he would crouch down to her level. When his hand rested atop her head, she knew the thought had been hopeless. Another sob wracked her already trembling body.
She tried to shake her head, a weak attempt at getting his hand off of her, his touch seemed to burn her scalp. But she couldn’t help but lean into his touch. She was nothing more than his.
A small huff that sounded amused escaped his nose, and she clenched her eyes shut. Her skin was hot, both from his touch and humiliation.
She was groveling at his feet, but she didn’t care; she couldn’t care. Maybe there was still hope. Maybe if she pulled back enough layers of this new mask he had revealed, shed be able to find the boy she met all those years ago.
“Do you remember what you said to me all those years ago, Shizuku?” he asked, his tone too soft. His fingers tightening in her wine-colored hair.
She let her expression relax for a moment, drawing in a breath as she looked up to him once more, eyes guarded yet confused.
She had said a lot of things to him, why was any of those matters significant enough to mention now?
He met her gaze, and for a moment his eyes softened. A glimpse of that younger Light peeking through, her heart lurched as she sat up further, only for the hand planted on her hair to stop her.
He tutted his tongue, moving his fingers down to take hold of one longer strand of her hair, twirling it around his digit.
“The day you told me your thoughts on Kira.” He finally clarified, expression smug as he watched her face morph into one of horrifying realization.
The day she had told him she agreed with Kira.
That had been the day Kira was first announced officially after L’s broadcast. When the worlds newest criminal began gaining traction.
Shizuku had been with Light that day, seated on his floor, back against his bed.
She could recall it so clearly. The way he had prompted her on her thoughts.
Shizuku almost regretted being so open to him now. She had trusted him. She had told him her opinion, the fact that she actually did sympathize with his movement.
Was that all it took?
“You know, you had surprised me that day.” Light began once more, snapping her from her thoughts as he walked around where she laid crouched and small on the floor. She watched as he circled her, eyes blown wide and the sting of oncoming tears burning her waterline.
She couldn’t breathe.
“I couldn’t believe I had found a Kira sympathizer. It’s like you were made just for me.” He stopped in front of her once more, his hand finding her cheek. gentle touch against her skin as his fingers found her chin. Tilting her head up further to meet his.
“Plucked from the same branch as me,”
“You were my equal.”
Her mouth fell open in shock and she shook her head, she didn’t know who she was trying to convince with her disagreeing defiance as she attempted to scuttle backwards. The heel of her hands hitting the concrete, the sting offering a distraction from the burn in her heart.
“I had hoped you’d understand when Kira started killing people who got in his way, but when you told me you didn’t like how the world was moving. I knew I had to redirect you, to guide you. I couldn’t ignore the potential I saw.”
The way Light spoke, as if he was doing her a favor.
His tone sounded almost disappointed. Like the script he had written in his head had been ignored.
The world hadn’t gone Lights way and the only way he knew to deal with it was to take control once more. Grab her by the reins and reel her back in. His words were a metaphorical bit and muzzle, designed to shut her up and condition her mind.
Every praise, every compliment, every argument, every disagreement. It had all been to reel her back in. and she had fallen for it every time.
He had been pushing her forward under the guise of it being her own idea. He had her wrapped around his finger.
His own ideals rewritten and wrapped with a bow for her to unpack. Lights words hadn't been designed for immediate realization and agreement, rather a longing thought that lingered in the back of her mind until she forget who had introduced the thought to her in the first place. She had fallen for his trap, dead center in his palm.
“Was that all I was to you?” She cut him off, and he paused. His hand clenched at his side as he exhaled exasperatedly. As if her outburst was nothing more than an inconvenience.
He shook his head and his eyes rolled, a chuckle leaving him as she stumbled back to rest on her knees. Trying to gain enough strength to pick herself up off the floor entirely.
“Was that all I was, Light?” she yelled at him, the gap between them larger. She felt… lost. Her words weren’t her own. She felt like a spectator in her own skin.
She knew Light hated when she raised her voice to him. but he seemed more composed this time. She knew him well enough to know that the small quip in his brow and the shake in his fingers as he let his eyes close and recompose himself. She knew she was getting under his skin.
“Was I just like Misa to you? Like Takada?! Just another pawn?” her voice broke as tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t pick herself up. “Just another stupid girl you could butter up and throw away?” She sobbed, her voice wasn’t firm anymore, it was desperate.
“Do you truly think so low of me, Shizuku?” he asked, but she ignored him, her hands digging into her hair as she pulled, trying to distract her mind from the pain that seemed to linger in every joint of her body.
“Was I ever enough for you?” she sobbed out, louder this time as she dug her nails into the concrete floor beneath her. It stung and she bit back the whimper of pain.
“Are my words not enough?” he snapped back. A pang of fear caught her heart as her chest heaved. Her eyes darted to his hands as he turned his back, she felt frozen to the spot. Waiting for his next move.
He turned his head to look back at her, through his hair, she could barely see his hardened stare. Eyes ablaze with something she couldn’t place.
His hands moved up.
Everything happened too fast, and before she knew it his hand was bloody and Matsuda had brandished a gun. Smoking in his hands, his grip shaky. She looked back at him with wide eyes. Shock painted on her expression. Matsuda had just shot Light.
Shizuku was frozen as she listened to them talk. She had entirely forgotten that they were behind her. Glancing back at Light she watched as he was shot once more, tumbling back onto the ground, bloodied and heaving.
That seemed to snap her out of it enough for her to scramble to her feet. Her body leaning over his like a lion to a carcass.
She didn’t know why she felt the need to protect a monster such as him.
But she couldn’t stop herself as she shielded him from where Matsuda pointed to gun at her forehead instead of his. She could feel the heat from the barrel and see the tremble in his arm as he stared down at her.
“Shizuku! Move! He has to die!” he yelled as his thumb cocked the gun, the click stinging her ears as she stared up at him, shaking her head vigorously, almost desperate for him to snap out of this adrenaline-fueled hatred.
As his hand steadied and his gaze seemed to zero in on where it was pointed at her head
He was pulled back by the rest of the task members. Arms pulled away as the gun clattered to the floor, wailed pleas leaving him as he collapsed back against their grip. His dark hair falling over his eyes and shrouding the tears that fell down his face.
Her attention shifting to where Light was heaving beneath her. His normally pristine brown hair was messy and soaked with both sweat and blood. His hands twitching at his side before moving to rest where her hands laid against his chest.
Her eyes searched frantically. There were too many bullet wounds for her to apply pressure to all of them. She bit her lip to suppress the sob that threatened to escape from her throat.
As much as she wanted to hate Light, she couldn’t stomach watching him die in front of her. Reacting impulsively, she pulled him up against her, he winced, his hands pushing her grip from him as he turned to catch himself. blood had pooled beneath where his body laid.
His blood had stained her hands and clothes, and the smell of gun powder and iron stung her nose as she blinked away the remaining tears as she watched him.
He writhed helplessly away from her and the remaining people behind them. Red painted the cold, hard floor beneath him, soaking into the pores of the concrete.
She wanted to stop him, but he seemed erratic. Hands pulling him along as he mindlessly blabbered about staying away from him. his gaze flashing to her eyes for a moment and his mouth shut, expression curling into one of pained agony.
Every breath seemed to be a struggle as he heaved, the air dragging along his throat and emptying his lungs with sputtered coughs. He was losing blood, and in turn going loopy. His mind wasn’t working right. he couldn’t think straight in this state.
His face turned to Shizuku, his normally cunning gaze having turned frantic and distraught. She had never seen him so undone and pathetically desperate.
She got to her feet, shaking on her legs that felt too weak to carry her weight as he reached out a desperate hand to her.
It was like they had switched places. He was begging her this time. And she couldn’t ignore the swell of something almost synonymous with satisfaction in her chest.
“Shizuku! Write down their names! I know you understand! You’re the only one who does!” he pleaded desperately between pained wails.
“Kill them!” he begged, his face was caked in blood. It fell down the curve of his brow and leaked into the side of his mouth; the sight made her falter as she took a step towards him.
his desperate expression turning to one of glee, his lips curling up into a relieved beaming grin. A laugh, exasperated and breathy leaving his lips as she hesitated to take another step forward.
She could hear the taskforce members shifting, a voice from one of the SPK members and then Nears voice breaking the torrential whirlwind of thoughts in her head.
She couldn’t. She couldn’t save him this time.
Instead of taking another step towards him, her foot fumbled back, her body retreating away from him. he scrambled desperately, crying out her name with such anguish she almost caved.
She turned her head away, eyes squeezed shut as she swallowed back the tears gathering in the back of her throat.
Shizuku had gained the upper hand, and this time she couldn’t fall for Lights words again. she wouldn’t let herself.
As his writhing grew more and more frantic, his head tilting back where his eyes widened and his pathetic pleas paused.
“Ryuk…”
She felt her breath hitch as she snapped up to where the Shinigami had perched himself.
Despite being unfamiliar to her, Ryuk had grown accustomed to her presence. How strange was it for someone to know you so well and not having any idea?
She shook her head as she started to step towards them, her foot falls growing faster until she paused a few feet away from where Light was on the floor at Ryuks feet.
“Ryuk! You can write down the names! Write down their names in your notebook!” Light spoke, his tone full of something between retribution and giddiness. As if this had been the card up his sleeve that he had completely forgotten about.
As Ryuk loomed above him, eyes menacingly dark and figure unmoving. Light reached out for him, “Ryuk! P-Please you’re all I’ve got left to rely on.”
The words cut her deep, a frown etching itself into her features as she wiped her eyes, a smudge of blood visible on her hands, but it wasn’t her own.
She looked back up to where they both stood. Ryuk let out a crackling laugh, “Sure, ill write it down.”
Her heart dropped as Light turned his head; eyes trained on her. A cruel dark cackle left Light as she watched him in guarded betrayal. After everything she had done for him, every promise he had made, and he was going to kill her?
Ryuks words must have frightened the rest of the taskforce members as they opened fire, but she knew it was to no avail. He was a supernatural being. Bullets wouldn’t do anything to him.
Light giggled as he looked back, “It’s too late to change your mind! You should have trusted me and now? You’re going to die!”
She felt utterly hopeless. She had never gotten the upper hand on Light. He was too smart, even in his blood-loss induced distorted state. She would lose, not only her life but her love as well.
And her fate had been sealed the moment she had met Light face to face all those years ago.
“No, Light. The one who’s going to die… is you.”
And as Light desperately pleading and begging for his life, praying to the god of death that was inking his name the same way Light had once done countless times before, he leapt for the Shinigami but fell through his figure as he finished writing down the last of Lights name.
Lights desperate commands to stop, to stop writing his name, betrayal etched into his tone as he yelled out at Ryuk in desperation.
He was trying and failing to gain back control, the reins had been ripped from his hands and as the seconds counted down, Shizuku finally made her move towards Light.
Falling to her knees beside him as his writhing got weaker and weaker, his chests rising slowing with every passing second.
Her eyes watered, a guttural sob breaking from her chest as her own composure crumbled. The seconds seemed to fall through her fingers and she knew she didn’t have much time before his mortality would steal him from her arms.
Lights eyes shifted to meet hers one last time, and as she gazed down at him, hot tears burning streaks into her blood stained skin.
Lights gaze wasn’t full of the loathing she had expected.
No, instead they were the soft honey-brown that had caught her heart the day she sealed her own fate.
Warm and soft, like the sun on a perfect summer evening.
Light had always been Kira, but maybe she had found a gentleness deep within him that had always been there too.
A Light different from the ones his classmates had known, different from the one the taskforce had come to know and different from the one L had known, this version was hers and hers alone;
with his dying breath, eyelids easing shut like the sun beneath the horizon she knew the one who had been staring back at her had been her Light.