Chapter Text
“But then I sneezed; there was flour everywhere! We were cleaning it up for days!”
Sans laughed openly at the man sitting across from him, clutching the intricate wine glass to make sure it didn't fall from his hand, and shook his head at his friend’s story. “Asgore, really?? What made you think you could start a fire with flour and honey?”
“Listen, I was a very naïve prince,” the king admitted, nursing his own alcoholic drink in a paw, “I would've believed you if you’d told me that the tooth fairy was responsible for the rise and set of the sun!”
“...did someone tell you that the tooth -”
“If you're still able to speak in coherent sentences then you haven't had enough to drink, my friend.” Asgore quickly interrupted, reaching for the bottle of wine on the table and refilling the skeleton’s glass. Sans smirked as he regarded it a moment, swirling the liquid around, then shrugged and brought it to his mouth. He'd already consumed three glasses, so what was one more?
The wine was sweet but strong, aged for many centuries in the king’s cellars. Asgore had invited Sans to his home to open some and converse with him (or, rather, get drunk with him. They were putting a good dent in the bottle and only now showed signs of slowing down).
The two men were sitting in his majesty’s living room, sharing drinks and stories over dinner like they always did, while the fireplace burned bright and served as their primary light source. Warm colors danced across the walls and illuminated them; the white of the king’s fur was hued in orange and appeared glossy, and the ivory of Sans’ bones looked almost like they glowed. Neither could appreciate the sight at the moment, though, being drunk and tired, but they were having fun.
Sans didn't visit New Home frequently, but when he did it was always with new and entertaining things to say. The king greatly enjoyed his company, for it wasn't often that his subjects possessed such nonchalant attitudes towards him (exceptions being Undyne and...well, Undyne). He was their king, of course, and formalities were common courtesy if anything; but to be so casual with someone, as if their title and status didn't matter, was refreshing.
Sometimes, however, a little restraint never hurt anyone.
“Heh, fattening me up with food and lowering my defenses with drink so you can bake me into a pie, Asgore? The bottle’s almost empty.”
“I don't think Skeleton Pie would taste very good, Sans.”
“Are you sayin’ you wouldn't eat this a-”
“Golly, I think you might’ve had enough, after all…” said the boss monster, though he smiled with amusement. The normally talkative male was even chattier with alcohol! “It's almost criminal how familiar you are when you speak to me.”
Sans laughed again, cheekbones dusted light blue from intoxication, and nodded. “Hey, you're probably right, to both of those things. ‘Sides, I'm startin’ to see double, and two Asgores just spell mischief.” He leaned over and set his glass on the coffee table, standing. Magic began to crackle as he readied for teleportation. “Before you know it, I'll forget to absorb my food and just let it go right through me, heh.”
The slight sway in his step confirmed that he didn't need anything else to drink tonight. Asgore stood, easily two heads taller than the other male, and extended a hand to steady him. He couldn't help but notice how Sans’ tolerance had increased - the first time they'd done something like this, he was flushed and slurring after a glass and a half, which was unbelievably funny - and considered that maybe they shouldn't be consuming this much alcohol at a time anymore.
“My friend, please let me offer you a guest room tonight.” He said. “I would not rest well knowing I allowed you to stumble home.”
“Hey, I'm good. Really.” Sans smiled. The whites of his eyes vanished, replaced by one azure iris. “I can just teleport back, you know that. Nothin’ dangerous about it. Except maybe landing a few feet off my mark, but y’know, details.”
Asgore shook his head. He wouldn't have it. “The risk of injury, no matter how small, is still too dangerous. Do I need to make this an order from your king?”
Sans felt his smile become slightly smaller. The goat monster always did this when they drank, no matter how much or how little, so he wasn't really surprised. With enough nagging, Asgore let him leave, but this time was a bit different.
“...I mean, probably? Better do it now, since I'm about to go.”
“Then I, King Asgore, officially forbid you from going home tonight. You will rest in one of my guest rooms where I know you will sober up and be safe.” he said. While he normally sounded powerful and authoritative speaking those words, they came out slightly slurred from the wine. Neither seemed to notice, or care.
Sans shifted his weight, looking uncomfortable. His magic receded and he dug his hands into his pockets, alabaster lights returning to stare up at the goat monster.
“Buddy, I had a great time - really, thank you for dinner and all that - but I gotta go home. Paps needs his bedtime story, that's our thing. I never miss.” he explained. “Literally never.”
“Call him.” Asgore compromised. “Do you have one memorized you can tell him over the phone?”
“One? Heh, I got ‘em all memorized.” Said the skeleton, a proud smirk painting his skull. He still appeared agitated by his temporary restriction, but he wasn't about to complain lest Asgore further mess up his and Papyrus’ evening routine. “...alright. I guess all I can do is call ‘im. G’night, Fluffybuns.”
“Please do not call me that. Goodnight, Sans.” The king sighed, turning and closing the door to the fireplace. In a few minutes, the flame would extinguish itself and cast the room in darkness.
Waving to the skeleton a final time, he left the room and moved down the corridor to his chambers. As he walked, he could hear one side of the fading conversation between Sans and his brother:
“Hey, Pap, I can't come home tonight, so I'm gonna tell you a story, Kay? Are you in bed?...yeah, I'm kinda drunk, I won't lie t’ya...heh, yeah I'm okay, I promise...Fluffy Bunny? Mhmm, of course I know your favorite by heart...Once upon a time…”
Asgore smiled as he strolled out of earshot. He remembered the Fluffy Bunny book, for it had once been his children’s favorite, too. Not for the first time, he remarked that Sans was an admirably caring older brother, and settled down to bed with a full belly and warm thoughts.
• • •
“Rise and shine, your majesty!”
Oh.
Oh no.
Asgore cracked an eye open, which took much more effort than it should've, and groaned. He had, again, forgotten that the consequences of consuming enough food for three men and half a bottle of wine equated to a killer headache and wavering promises of regurgitation.
At least, that was to be expected for normal monsters. He was convinced that the way-too-chipper skeleton in the doorway was a different kind of ‘monster’ entirely. Was he being this enthusiastic on purpose? Asgore wouldn't put it past him.
“How aren't you hungover?” Mumbled the king. He sat up and yawned, tainting the air with a good dose of morning breath, and scrubbed the sleep from eyes. “What time is it?”
“Noon,” Sans answered, “and I am hungover, I'm just way better at dealing with it than you are.”
“Noon?” The goat repeated, tossing back the covers and standing up. “Gee, I need to get ready for the day! I'm supposed to retrieve Captain Undyne’s quarterly reports!” He took a step and his vision danced. Sans was at his side, pressing boney hands gently into his rumpled clothes to keep him still. The guidance was appreciated.
“How ‘bout you slow down a little?” He suggested. “One of your maids is cookin’ brunch for ya. She sent me in here with some water and aspirin.”
Asgore smiled as he took a seat on the edge of his bed, accepting the aforementioned items from Sans. If his vision wasn't swimming, he would've seen the mischief in the shorter monster’s expression. “Thank you very much. I appreciate it...gck!!”
The skeleton cracked up, doubled over in laughter as his majesty spat out the vodka in the glass. It was too early for this; he had just woken up! Despite that, however, what pained him more was how much louder everything seemed to become when hungover. The laughing monster was only making his headache worse.
“Betrayed by my dearest friend!”
“Heh. Couldn't pass it up, sorry.” he grinned, zero remorse in his words.
Asgore pursed his lips, which felt painfully dry. “What's next? I'll bet this aspirin is really just chalk.”
“Ohhh, that's a good one for next time. I'm gonna keep that in mind.”
The king rolled his eyes and held out the glass. “Will you bring me real water, please? You should be nice to the man that controls your taxes.”
“Yeah, yeah, I gotcha.” Sans nodded, still smiling as he carried the drink away to swap it out. When he returned, Asgore made him taste it first before accepting it. “Welp, aside from the help sending me here with aspirin, I also swung in to tell you I’m gonna go. Some of us aren't royalty and have to work for a living.”
“You? Work? I thought the only thing on your résumé was ‘lazy’.” The boss monster joked, watching the shorter male’s iris glow blue. “Give Papyrus my greetings.”
“Heh, you assume I was motivated enough to make a résumé. See ya later, your Highness.” he replied with a nod, and in a blink he was gone.
Asgore looked at the space Sans had been occupying for a moment, then smiled and shook his head. He cringed afterwards, for that only made his head pound worse. “Another eventful weekend, I'd say.” He mumbled aloud, then set out to start his duties. Even though the king was irritable and really not in the mood to perform any royal duties that day, he carried them out with a smile.
Being royalty wasn't all bad, he supposed, not when he had subjects like Sans to befriend.