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English
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Published:
2026-01-15
Updated:
2026-02-01
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14,381
Chapters:
8/?
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5
Kudos:
9
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There's nothing but nonsense here.

Summary:

The title says it all.

Comical and absurd. Some chapters have touches of surrealism.

Cap 8 -The discount is for couples, which ends in a disastrous TRIPLE date.

Chapter 1: Balão de Ar 🎈

Chapter Text

My native language is Portuguese, I'm from Brazil, so I kindly ask that you let me know if there are any errors in the translation.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°∞°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

To Ichika's dismay, the day would be devoted to her brother Yami's latest "overcome your limits" idea. In a burst of enthusiasm, he decided the squad needed a "perspective experience"—which to him meant renting the largest hot air balloon the Clover Kingdom had ever seen.

— Sukehiro, I am not getting in that wicker basket,

Ichika declared, frozen before the enormous colorful fabric slowly inflating on the lawn behind the Black Bulls' HQ.

— Stop being such a grouch, Ichika. —Yami retorted, puffing out a thick cloud of cigarette smoke as he checked the cables with alarming carelessness.

— Didn't you say you wanted to see the kingdom's map? From up there, you see everything.

Asta ran past her, already hopping into the basket:

— IT'S AMAZING!— The boy shouted, making the basket sway dangerously.

— LET'S EXCEED THE ALTITUDE LIMIT!

Noelle Silva climbed in next, trying to maintain her dignity while holding down her skirt in the morning breeze: 

— It truly is an elegant way to travel — The noblewoman commented, though her hand was gripping the basket's rim with a force that turned her knuckles white.

Luck and Vanessa were already inside. Luck looked ready to jump from the balloon at the highest point to see if he could fly using electricity, and Vanessa was already opening a bottle of sparkling wine because "celebrations require bubbles." Nacht, for his part, emerged from the shadows already positioned in the most stable corner of the basket, with Plumede nestled on his shoulder.

— Come, Ichika —Nacht said, his voice a thread of cutting silk.— We're eager to see how a samurai from Hino handles the lack of solid ground.

Reluctantly, and under Yami's final push, Ichika climbed in. The moment she stepped onto the wicker, Yami released the tethers and opened the gas valve with a roar of flames. The balloon lurched and began to rise.

For the first hundred meters, Ichika remained immobile in the center of the basket, refusing to look down. However, as the altitude increased, the warrior's curiosity got the better of her. She approached the edge and looked.

The Clover Kingdom stretched below them like a patchwork quilt of green and gold. The forests looked like moss, and the rivers were silver threads winding through the mountains.

— It's... — She began, her voice trailing off.— It's vast.

— Isn't it? —Yami was beside her, looking at the horizon with a satisfied smile:

— Makes you feel small. Good for lowering the ego of someone like you.

— My ego is perfectly adjusted, Sukehiro —She retorted, but without the usual venom.

Everything was going strangely well. The wind blew softly, carrying them toward the mountains. Noelle was explaining the history of the architecture in the villages below, Vanessa was lounging, nearly lying on the edge, and Luck was trying to convince Asta to bet on who would spot a dragon first.

It was then that the balloon lurched to one side. And then again. The burner's flames began to flicker irregularly, shifting from a calm blue to an aggressive orange.

— Hey, Sukehiro — Ichika said, sensing a change in the ambient Ki— Is that noise normal?

Yami frowned, looking at the control lever:

— What? Oh, it's probably just the air getting thin. Relax.

— It doesn't seem like thin air. It seems like the fire is trying to escape —Nacht observed.— And we're ascending too rapidly.

Yami scratched the back of his head, a gesture Ichika knew well: it was the universal sign that her brother had done something monumentally stupid. He began patting the pockets of his beach shorts.

— Where is that darn thing?—Yami grumbled.

— That darn thing of what, Captain?—Asta asked, stopping his jumping.

— The manual — Yami said, his voice suddenly dropping.

— The guy who rented this to me said there was a trick to stabilize the pressure when changing air currents. He gave me a little note.

— And where is the note?—Ichika asked, her hand already going to her katana out of pure survival instinct.

Yami pulled out a crumpled, singed piece of paper from his pocket. He looked at the paper, then at the burner, then at the horizon.

— So...—Yami let out a nervous laugh.

— I kinda forgot to read that part. And the rest of the manual... well, I used it to light my cigarette down there.

The silence that followed was broken only by the sound of a jet of fire shooting from the burner and Vanessa falling to the floor of the basket.

— YOU DID WHAT?!—Noelle screamed, her voice rising three octaves.

— You put us in a giant balloon, miles above the ground, and you DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING?

— I know the theory! —Yami defended himself.— Fire makes it go up, no fire makes it go down! The problem is this lever is stuck, and the fire keeps getting higher!

Ichika looked up. They were heading straight for a layer of black clouds that looked anything but friendly. The air was getting icy, and the pressure in their ears was painful:

— Sukehiro, you irresponsible idiot!— Ichika exploded— In the Land of the Sun, you would be executed for incompetence! Do something!

— I'm trying!

Yami began punching the control lever, which only made the balloon spin on its own axis.

— Leave it to me!

Asta jumped toward the burner.

— I'll use my brute strength to close the valve!

— Asta, no! If you break the pipe, we become a fireball!

Nacht warned, finally losing his usual calm.

— Luck, use your electricity to see if you can reactivate the magnetic lock mechanism!

— You got it!

Luck fired a lightning bolt, which hit the burner and made the balloon lurch so hard that everyone fell to the bottom of the basket.

— LUCK, YOU ALMOST KILLED US!

Noelle was now crying like a Silva. 

Ichika stood up, her face pale but her eyes blazing. She looked at the chaos: Vanessa trying to use thread magic to tie the balloon to a cloud, which clearly wouldn't work, Asta hanging upside down from the wicker, and her brother shouting contradictory instructions.

— ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP! —Ichika's scream echoed across the sky, silencing even the burner for a millisecond.

She approached Yami and pushed him aside:

— Get out of the way. You're a disaster as both a pilot and a brother.

— Hey! I got us up here, didn't I?

— Yes, to our deaths! 

She looked at the stuck lever. Using her Ki, she felt the exact point where the metal was jammed by thermal expansion.

— Noelle, use a jet of cold water right at this point. Now!

— B-but...

Noelle hesitated.

— NOW, PRINCESS!

Noelle fired a precise jet. The metal creaked. Ichika, with a quick movement of her hand technique, struck the lever. The fire instantly subsided. The balloon stopped ascending and began to stabilize.

— See?— Said Yami, wiping sweat from his brow.

— I knew we'd figure it out. Teamwork.

Ichika looked at him with a gaze that could have melted the burner without needing gas:

— We're not safe yet, Sukehiro. We're heading straight for a mountain peak, and we have no way to steer.

— Plumede suggests we jump, but only he has wings, so his opinion is rejected —Nacht said, observing the rapidly approaching granite peak.

— No one is jumping!— Vanessa said.

Yami smiled with determination:

— Ichika, use that wind slash of yours to push us to the left. Asta, get your big sword and use the flat part like an oar!

— AN OAR IN THE AIR?!— Asta shouted, but he was already unsheathing his sword— GOT IT, CAPTAIN!

The following scene was one of the most ridiculous things in Clover's aviation history. Ichika, positioned at the edge of the basket, delivered controlled vacuum slashes to create air currents, while Asta "rowed" furiously through the void with a giant iron sword. Luck fired small explosions for rear propulsion, and Noelle created water shields to cushion the impacts against side winds.

Yami, meanwhile, was sitting in the center of the basket, having finally managed to light a new cigarette using the burner's heat.

— Look at you all —Yami said, proud.

— You're getting along. Ichika, you're even coordinating the group.

— SHUT UP AND HELP!—Everyone shouted in unison.

By miracle or the absolute stubbornness of the Black Bulls, the balloon managed to skirt the mountain peak by just a few meters. The wicker basket even scraped against a lone pine tree atop the mountain. Finally, they found a descending air current that brought them back to the plains near the HQ.

The landing was anything but smooth. The balloon dragged across the lawn, knocked down a wooden fence, and stopped.

Silence fell over the group. Asta was covered in leaves, Noelle's hair was in a deplorable state, Vanessa was leaning against the ground, and Ichika... Ichika was trembling with rage.

She jumped out of the basket the moment it stopped. She took a few steps, breathed in the firm air of the earth, and turned to Yami, who was climbing down calmly, as if he had just returned from a carriage ride.

— I swear on the honor of the Yami that if you try to put me in anything else that flies, floats, or spins before I die, I will make sure you can never read a manual again in your life, because I'll cut your eyes out.

Yami let out a loud laugh, slapping her on the shoulder.

— See? I told you the ride would be memorable. You'll never forget Clover now.

— I'll spend the rest of my life trying to forget these last forty minutes! — She yelled, marching toward the HQ.

Nacht walked past Yami, looking at Ichika's furious silhouette:

— She's right. You are a disaster —Nacht said.

Yami smiled, a genuine smile beneath his cigarette.

— I know. But, I Told you. She what a beast. Just like me.

— Except she knows how to read.

Nacht added, disappearing into the shadows before Yami could retort.