Chapter Text
Yuji feels his blood and adrenaline coursing through him, hot, like lava is pumping directly to his brain. And he should know that feeling, as Sukuna’s one and only human vessel. The near god of fire himself.
He’s just slipped on a pile of garbage bags, lost his footing on the wet shiny plastic surface. He should’ve known better than to trust it would hold his weight. Especially after it just rained.
He turns sharply as he hears the rustle of paper bags, colored the same white as a face drained of blood, and the crinkle of soda cans being crushed- no, not crushed, completely collapsed, like the cockroaches that infest his room back at Jujutsu High. Thankfully, unlike the bugs he kills, gross brown liquid does not start seeping from Megumi’s hands. He exhales slowly, feeling both relief and guilt and responsibility scratch down his throat, leaving an uncomfortable lump. Like those terrible spicy bean burritos that taste like garbage, that Gojo buys for dinner when he’s too busy (or more likely, too lazy) to make anything else. They genuinely taste worse than Sukuna's fingers, he's not joking.
If Megumi got hurt on this trip, it’d be his fault. Yuji scrapes the grit of broken glass bottles off his fingers like he’s wiping away the traces of guilt leftover clinging to him. One piece that looks dull cuts into him like a knife. He should’ve known better- the small ones are the ones you’ve got to watch out for, because you treat them more carelessly. He wipes the blood away and offers the hand to Megumi, even though he’s scowling at the ground.
“You okay?”
Instead of answering, he pushes himself up and brushes Yuji’s hand aside. A tooth spit on the ground, discarded like a rich man’s change. That’s all the words he gives.
“Why the hell did you want to go dumpster diving with me anyways?” His dark eyes glitter like obsidian from a volcano. Like charcoal dust. “You still haven’t told me.”
Now it’s Yuji’s turn to avoid the question. He busies himself with kicking a rock like it personally killed his mom and dad. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yuji.” Soft. Reprimanding. Angry. Concerned. Pleading. That’s all the emotions wrapped up in his one-word response. Yuji sighs.
“It’s just- My grandpa always used to go dumpster diving on Saturdays with me. We made it a game- who could collect the most junk or the most valuable stuff within two hours. I always won the most stuff- with my speed and all. But he could find valuable stuff like a hound dog.” He laughs. “One time, he-” A crow caws overhead. He remembers that Megumi is mad at him. And hurt, on top of that. You're such a bad friend. “Sorry,” he mutters. “For ranting again. Here, let me see your mouth.” Megumi opens it obediently. Tilting it around, he can see two teeth are missing, one is cracked like an egg. Your fault. Shut up, Sukuna. “I’m sorry.” Yuji says, again. He knows he must sound like a broken record, but he can’t help it.
“It’s fine.” Pushes his hand away. Expected. Megumi hates physical touch. Last time Gojo tried to give him a hug, he threatened to summon Mahoraga if he ever tried again. “I’ve dealt with much worse, why are you worrying?”
Because I love you. Because you saved me. Because every time you’re hurt, it feels like I’m the one who’s getting hurt and I have to do everything I can to fix it. Those are the words banging around in his head, but Itadori wisely keeps them inside.
Megumi checks his phone, then puts it away. Anxiety fills Yuji’s mind instantly, settling into the corners, making it hard to focus on anything else. It’s one of his negative traits- he’s incredibly jealous over anyone who texts or hangs out with Megumi, even his friends. He has to know everything about all the people Megumi knows- it’s the only way to calm down the swirling mess in his stomach, the tightening in his chest that comes every time a friendly name slips by that he doesn’t recognize, and the intense worry that Megumi likes them as more than a friend.
It’s something he wants to get better at, but doesn’t know how to. So far, he’s kept it in check. But he still has to know about all of Megumi’s friends- what’s their names, how close are they?
He has one suspect in mind- don’t say it like that, like they’re a criminal- He has one particular person in mind it could be: a boy named Ryan from Germany, someone who Megumi has recently been chatting with. Recently, he’s been catching Megumi smiling at texts that aren’t from him, which makes him feel a mixture of emotions. Sadness, jealousy, fear. And then anger at himself. You’re pathetic, you should be happy for him that he’s making more friends. Loser. Don’t you dare ask-
Ask him because if you don’t you’ll be wondering it for the rest of the day and you don’t fucking need that-
Anxiety wins over Yuji. He blurts out: who was it? He tries to say it casually, like he was just curious. Like the answer doesn’t affect him it all when it really does. Please don’t say Ryan-
He regrets asking already. He can imagine Megumi’s face twisting up into a scowl. How is it any of your business? He would say, and Yuji would stutter out an apology and an excuse-
“It’s just Gojo, he wanted me to buy milk on the way back home. We ran out.” Relief floods over Yuji, which he hates himself for. Megumi can have other friends. Stop being such a jackass. It’s not like you own him. This is exactly why you’re a terrible friend- Wait, what if he’s lying? Stop it. You’re supposed to have trust in your friend- or do you not remember that feeling? Trust? Shut up, brain.
You’re worse than Mahito. At least he has the excuse of being a curse-
“R-Right. Sorry for asking. Um- you don’t want to continue dumpster diving, do you?”
Megumi thinks about it. Long enough for Yuji to start getting nervous. Why’d you ask him who he was texting? Now he thinks you’re a nosy freak. Or worse, he’s catching on to your jealousy problems and your feelings for him- His hands curl and make dark red crescent moons into his skin. SHUT UP! You’re worse than Sukuna-
He closes his eyes and subtly doubles over, arms crossed over his chest. Stop it, I didn’t even do anything that bad- Please-
“Maybe later.” Megumi yawns. Yuji opens his eyes. “I’m pretty tired, I kind of just want to go home now and take a nap.” His hair shifts, covering one of his eyes. He looks really cute like that- I swear, that’s not appropriate right now, so if you don’t shut up, brain-
Arguing with himself is not fun, but it is a regular unfortunate occurrence of his daily life. Yuji doesn’t know when exactly it started happening, but he does know his inner monologue got significantly more negative after he joined Jujutsu High. He used to blame it on sharing a body with Sukuna, but he eventually realized it was probably not Sukuna’s fault. It was probably the consequence of killing those three children while fighting Mahito at that elementary school- he never lost the obsessive, haunting belief that he was a terrible person after that.
“Sure, we can stop now.” Yuji brushes back a strand of pink hair that flopped into his face after he hunched over, which he immediately regrets. Unknown to him, there’s still small pieces of glass, too small to notice, embedded in his hand. The movement made them bite into his hand further, causing spikes of sharp pain to race through it.
“Fuuck. Damn it.” He hisses through his teeth. He can feel a familiar prickly feeling spreading throughout his whole body- the sensation he gets when Sukuna is about to come out, which only adds to his panic. It’s been happening more and more recently- that prickly feeling, the tiger-like stripes appearing on his face, the swelling of his strength and the growth of his muscles that means Sukuna has taken over. But, despite all the physical transformation, Sukuna never actually comes out. Yuji’s still in control of his body and mind. Or at the very least feels like he is. It’s confusing and concerning. What is happening? Is he slowly becoming Sukuna? Are they merging together, becoming one? Is he so evil, so far strayed from his morals that he can't even feel the difference between him and Sukuna controlling his body? It’s a ridiculous thought but why else couldn’t he feel the switch? What other reason could there be? The last time it happened was weeks ago, which let Yuji lull himself into a false sense of security that those few times it occurred were just a weird set of flukes. Perhaps due to the stress of the last few weeks. Which is why he never brought it up to Gojo. Or anybody else. He was hoping he could keep it a secret- he feared he might be executed on the spot if there was even a hint that he’s losing control. Luckily for him, these weird partial transformations have never happened in front of anyone. Until now. “SHIT.” He pushes his sleeves and his pant legs down, trying to hide the tattoos slowly appearing on his skin. But he can’t hide the ones on his face.
It takes a moment for Megumi to notice, but once he does, Megumi instantly uses the shadows to summon two beasts- his usual Divine dogs. On the surface, he looks unchanged- his stance is confident, his face held neutral, but because Yuji knows him well, his eyes betray his fear and surprise.
“Wait, Megumi, please listen to me.” His heart is beating like he just dropped Nobara’s shopping bags, but he feels remarkably calm. Better than calm- happy, even. It’s a bad situation to be in- your best friend about to attack you, but at the same time, he’s been holding in all his fears for so long, spending weeks feeling alone, scared and isolated, that it feels good to have the opportunity to talk about it to someone. To share it with someone. Even if it’s not the best circumstances. “It’s still me, I’m Yuji.”
Megumi relaxes a little bit at his voice- sweet and kind, like usual. But he still keeps his guard up, his hands tightening around the cursed knife at his belt. “Prove it.”
“Er-” How can he prove it? He racks his brain, trying to come up with an answer. “I know you like pepperoni on your pizza, but hate sausage with a burning passion. On walks, you pet all the cats in the neighborhood, except the orange one because he attacked your legs once. You try to brush your hair back whenever Gojo passes by, because he teased you once when you were six about how messy it was. You like-”
“That’s enough.”
“-having peanut butter and mushed banana on your bread in the morning even though I think it’s the worst combination known to man.” Yuji finishes.
A light blush spreads across Megumi’s face. He lowers his hands, releasing the technique on his Divine dogs, and they disappear into the shadows. “You’re surprisingly observant, Itadori.”
“Surprisingly?” He echoes. Megumi laughs.
“That, shouldn’t be a surprise. Come on, let’s go get that milk Gojo wanted. Also, I call first shower.”
“No fair!” Yuji whines, but smiles anyway. Megumi seems to have forgiven him for asking him to go digging through trash with him. Somewhere on the walk to the store, Megumi wordlessly reaches out for Yuji’s hand and he gives it to him. It’s warm.
. . . . .
Megumi is counting out the exact amount of coins for the box of milk when he gets a call from Ijichi, their usual assistant manager for Jujutsu High. He passes the milk to Yuji while he takes the call. During the call, Yuji notices Megumi’s eyebrows are bunching up and his lips are pursing like they do when he’s really upset but trying not to cry.
“Megumi…?” He puts down the milk instantly, offers his hand to Megumi for comfort, and waits for an explanation. Megumi looks lost, but takes Yuji’s hand anyways, tracing circles with his thumb. Megumi takes a deep breath and squeezes Yuji’s hand one last time before he lets go to hang up the phone. Selfishly, Yuji misses the warmth.
“Fuck.” He swears, shoving his phone into his pocket. He grabs Yuji’s hand and starts running towards the exit. The poor cashier yells after that that they’ve forgotten their milk, and even makes an attempt to follow them, but is left in the dust. Yuji nearly trips over an empty bottle lying on the street. “Come on, Yuji, we’ve got to hurry.”
“Wha- Megumi, what’s going on? Where are we- oof!” Weaving through the crowded street, Yuji narrowly dodges a car, which honks at him, and accidentally bumps into a kid. Apologizing, he follows Megumi at a running pace.
“Ijichi just called me- there’s a-” Megumi pants for breath, and continues. “A special grade curse at Yoyogi Park, it’s killed four of our sorcerers, including Akihito.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry, Megumi.” Akihito was a second year student, but only a Grade Three sorcerer. Yuji didn’t know him personally that well, but he knew Megumi and Akihito were quite close. Akihito was Megumi’s only friend before Yuji and Nobara showed up. Yuji remembers Megumi saying he once went to the movies with him, something Megumi usually refuses to do with Yuji, claiming he hates how loud and overstimulating it is. He used to feel a bit jealous of Akihito, to be honest. Now he feels nothing but hollow. He may have not been close with Akihito, but he can’t help but think Akihito was about to turn seventeen when he died…
“I- Yeah.” Megumi stumbles, his foot catching a grate left lying on the street. Yuji catches him and they continue running. Street signs blur by. He catches Megumi wiping his tears away with his sleeve as they run. He instantly feels sad himself, as he always is when Megumi is upset. And then starts doing what he always does- trying to come up with a solution to fix the problem. He’s helped him through injuries, through bad days when Megumi’s horrible past overwhelms him. But grief? The only person Yuji’s ever lost is his grandfather- and he barely had time to process that himself before Megumi showed up and brought him to Jujutsu High. How does he help someone through that? By being with them, he supposes. He feels lost, like he’s on a sinking ship.
Suddenly, Megumi stops running, and sinks down to the ground, his pants getting soaked by the freshly watered grass. Yuji watches as he curls up, sobbing.
“G-Go on-on withou- without m-m-me.” He gestures for Yuji to leave. “H-Hurry. I-I’ll catch up, eventually.”
His voice sounds more broken than Yuji’s ever heard, more broken than when his Divine dog died, which breaks Yuji’s own soft heart into tiny pieces, as small and sharp as the broken glass shards in his hand. His fist curls into a ball. He’s ready to kill whatever curse is responsible for making Megumi cry. He squeezes Megumi’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry. I’ll kill the curse who killed Akihito, I swear on my life.”
The only response is the sound of Megumi’s breath hitching as his sobs start back up. Yuji straightens back out, biting his tongue so hard it bleeds, but he doesn’t even notice. Lava courses through his blood again, this time in anger. He will make sure that curse dies terribly, begging for their own life. He would destroy the entirety of Tokyo if it means making Megumi happy again. He would bring down every curse in the area himself if Megumi asked him to. The intensity of his feelings scare him for a moment, but he regains his composure just as he finally turns the corner and catches sight of the special grade curse for the first time.