Work Text:
"You had to say it then?"
Sangwon shoves open the door to his dorm as he speaks, wincing when it swings back and catches him on the shoulder. He doesn't let it break his stride, walking into the apartment and toeing off his shoes as he waits for Leo to reply.
"I…" Leo trails off, his words failing him. He lingers awkwardly in the doorway, as if he's not sure that he should follow Sangwon in.
Sangwon turns, shrugging off his jacket. "This is what I'm talking about," he sighs. "Will you - just come in, hyung."
Leo steps in, taking off his own shoes. He keeps his jacket on, his arms hanging unnaturally by his sides. The dorm is mercifully empty, and Sangwon's heart races with the realisation.
"We need to talk. Properly," Sangwon asserts, gesturing for Leo to follow him into his bedroom. He closes the door behind them, just in case someone comes home, and sits down cross-legged on his bed. Leo hovers to his side, ultimately deciding to take a seat on Sangwon's desk chair.
"I- I know," Leo agrees. "I've been wanting to for a while, but…"
"Yeah." Sangwon's fingers twist around themselves, cold in his lap. He's been anxious all day, even before the filming, even before Leo had almost made him break down into sobs in front of a camera and an entire studio of people.
"I shouldn't have brought it up," Leo whispers. His gaze is fixed on the wall somewhere above Sangwon's head, and Sangwon wishes he'd look him in the eye.
"It's not that," Sangwon says, chest aching as he sees the telltale signs of Leo starting to pull away from him once again. "I just wish you'd brought it up before, or… when we were alone."
"We're never alone, Sangwonie," Leo replies, his voice sad. Sangwon presses his lips into a thin line, trying to keep it together.
"I didn't know you felt this way," Sangwon admits. "I… I thought it was just me."
"Just you?"
Sangwon nods. "Please look at me, hyung."
Leo looks at him, brows furrowing as Sangwon continues.
"I thought you were… happy. You've grown so close with everyone so quickly, and you're their leader now, I… I thought this was what you wanted." It's Sangwon's turn to look away, unable to keep holding Leo's gaze under the weight of his words.
"You thought what was what I wanted?" Leo asks.
Sangwon sighs. "This… this distance."
"You thought I wanted to put this distance between us?" Leo murmurs. He stands, stepping closer to Sangwon on the bed, which dips when he sits down on it. Sangwon doesn't turn to look at him, his teeth worrying at his lower lip as he nods.
"Sangwonie," Leo breathes. "No. No."
"Well, what was I supposed to think?" Sangwon asks, cursing himself internally when his eyes brim with tears, just like they had when Leo had first told him he felt their conversations had dwindled. Leo doesn't reply, his fingers twitching like he wants to reach out and touch.
"Hyung," Sangwon continues. "I never see you. We live apart. You're always busy. The only time we hang out is when we're working, and even then, it feels like you're always as far away from me as you can get."
Leo's face crumples, and he draws his hand back, running it through his hair. "It's not my fault," he argues, voice soft.
"I know," Sangwon admits. "But it still hurts."
They sit in silence for a few moments, both unsure of what to say next. There hasn't been many times where Sangwon has felt tongue-tied around his best friend over the past eight years, where he's had to pause, not knowing if he should say what he wants. He feels that distance, now, a chasm between them that he stares down into, too scared to leap across.
Leo reaches over it. His hand is warm when his fingers wrap around Sangwon's wrist, pulling his hand into his lap. He strokes over his knuckles with his thumb, soothing him in the same way he always used to.
Sangwon falls. His head finds its way to Leo's shoulder, and he lets out a shuddering breath which turns into a sob when Leo's other hand threads through his hair.
"Wonie," Leo says, voice cracking. "I'm sorry."
Sangwon shakes his head as he cries silently, tears wetting the thick material of Leo's jacket. Leo shifts to bring him into his arms properly, and suddenly they're no longer Leo and Sangwon, aged 23 and 22, members of Alpha Drive One. They're 20 and 19, and Leo has just told him he's leaving.
"Hyung," Sangwon breathes, voice raw. "I can't. I can't do it like this."
"Wonie…"
"I need you, hyung," Sangwon leans back, eyes glittering with tears, his red cheeks streaked with wet. "I need you by my side."
Leo nods, hands coming up to cup his jaw. He wipes away Sangwon's tears with his thumbs, his own chin wobbling as he leans their foreheads together. His eyes slip shut. "I know."
Sangwon shivers, anxiety and uncertainty still thrumming through his veins. "I- I know I'm asking a lot, when everyone else needs you too. But I feel like a piece of me is missing, Leo-hyung."
"I don't know how to fix this," Leo whispers. "I'm scared, Wonie. I don't know what to do."
"Sleep here tonight," Sangwon breathes. "We'll share, like - like we used to."
Leo nods against him. "Okay."
"There's nothing you can do about… when we're working," Sangwon says. "But when we're not. Those brief moments we have to ourselves. Please let me share them with you."
Leo opens his eyes, eyelashes fluttering against Sangwon's skin. The younger man still has his closed, his lips pulled into a pout as he waits for Leo to reply. He looks like he thinks he might say no… as if he could.
"Okay," Leo agrees. And then he does the only thing he can think to do, his mind going blank as he watches Sangwon's face relax with relief.
He kisses him.