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Amanda was experimenting in her kitchen on Valentine’s Day, instead of being on a date.
It’s not like she doesn’t like the holiday. Quite the opposite actually. As a kid, she used to adore giving out and receiving valentine goodies. She would give out customized bracelets to each of her classmates, including Clarissa. To her–even back then–Clarissa was worth more than a simple bracelet. She was worth the world in fact. She gave roses to her every Valentine’s Day until Clarissa started to have dates with her boyfriends instead.
Amanda was a little bitter about that fact. Of course, Clarissa would get so many lovers. She was wonderful, pretty, and kind. It’s just that.. Amanda had never had a girlfriend for long enough that they could spend Valentine’s Day together. They were always summer flings that lasted a few weeks–maybe a month if she was lucky. Something to keep busy and happy. To distract her from the person her heart truly belongs to.
Shame they couldn’t distract her on the day she needed it most.
Instead, she turned to her business, Bedazzled Coffee as a distraction. Her pride and joy. Around this time of year, she would experiment and test out valentine-related recipes for the cafe. Some were from previous years that she wanted to make sure still were appealing. Some were brand new ideas she noted down. These recipes ranged from strawberry icing to full blown layered cakes (that was a terrible idea. They’re a coffee shop, not a bakery. What was she thinking?)
It was an often occurrence that one of her friends or family members would come and test them out with her. For the first few years, it was Clarissa, but she got busy quickly. Last year, it was her brother, Derek, and his fiance, Titch. It was their only time together in a while since they settled in the U.K. It was the funnest thing she’d done in decades, but jealousy got the best of her at times. Seeing her brother and his partner flirt and be happy struck her heart. This time no one came because it’s Valentine’s Day on the dot.
She clicked the bowl of batter into place on the mixer, adding red food coloring and vanilla extract every other swirl. She was repeating her strawberry icing recipe for the sugar cookies. The sugar cookies themselves weren’t reinvented or anything. She added a few berries to them. The oven timer dinged.
As soon as Amanda got the treats out of the oven, her doorbell rang (in Jingle Bells because god forbid a girl be festive and forgettable). She was hesitant. Who would be out there? It was awfully cold out there. It was probably a kid going door-to-door selling scouts cookies. It didn’t hurt to check.
“Coming!” She set her tray down and headed towards the door. She fumbled with the knob since her hands were greasy. She should have worn gloves. She managed to open the door to find it wasn’t a walking advert or a tired kid.
It was Clarissa, clearly wet from the rain pouring outside.
She was dressed up for some event. Probably a date if Amanda had to guess. She wore her favorite pink puffy coat over a white long-sleeved frilly lace dress. Her high boots were covered in snow which was weird because there was only an inch or two of snow out and that was melting by the moment. She had to have walked here. Her space buns and colorful heart-shaped hair clips were misaligned.
Despite that, Amanda couldn’t help but stare at her beautiful friend. Even under the storm clouds, her beauty would always shine through.
“Hey.”
Amanda snapped out of her trance with the sound of her voice. Clarissa probably was waiting for her to say something and let her in. For how long? Who knows? “Oh my god, you’re soaked! Come in!” she exclaimed, opening the door wider.
Clarissa stepped into the home, taking off her coat and boots. Amanda had hangers and compartments for her since she visited so often–or used to. She was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of vanilla and strawberries. “You’ve been baking haven’t you?” she commented.
“Indeed.”
She walked further into the home, spotting the mess of the kitchen. Normally people would be a bit put off by the mess, but Amanda knew Clarissa. She smiled instead. It felt nostalgic to be together on a Valentine’s Day after so long. She must have thought the same thing because she said,“Aw, I miss doing this with you.”
“Go on then. Taste some.” Amanda beckoned, gesturing to the goods on the tables. She pointed to a pink mug with hearts all around the rim with a big C in the middle of it. That’s the matching mug they got for Christmas in their twenties. “This one over here is a strawberry chocolate latte. I know you’ll love it! See it has little hearts at the top!”
Clarissa giggled at the enthusiasm, making her heart flutter. “Yeah, I’ll try them. I like the way you decorated them with all of the pink and gold. It’s so pretty.”
Pink and gold. Their colors. Amanda could close her eyes and imagine that Clarissa was calling her pretty. “Thank you. I’m glad you liked them. I have a few more on that table over there.” She pointed over to the far section of the table, full of smoking hot cups. “That section’s drinks. I mainly focused on mochas this year.”
Clarissa walked over and eyed all of the drinks. She was about to taste what was labeled on the festive mug as, “Chocolate Strawberry Mocha” before Amanda started to speak again, causing her to jolt a little.
“Over there is food. There’s some of our classic chocolate dipped cookies that we made together. That one is always a hit with the customers. Remember when we first made that? Back in college?”
Clarissa laughed. The sweet honey of it filled Amanda’s ear. She couldn’t help but laugh along too. “We made a mess all over our dorm.”
“When do we not?”
She walked over to another side of the table, eager to move on quickly. Those happy memories were nice, but they made her feel terrible. “Here’s some cheesecake treats! I don’t want to sell so many different cheesecake stuff. It’s pretty bad for demand. You know me. I can’t choose between my babies. I’m sure you’ll be the decider on ones that will stay.”
“Someone’s gotta make sure your shop doesn't turn into a bakery.”
She hummed, “Of course, of course!” She paused, remembering something. “Actually, I have something for you to do,” She headed over to the tray of the cooled cookies, beckoning Clarissa to follow her.
“Would you like to decorate these sugar cookies please? The icing will be done in a minute. I’m sure you remember how to pipe it, do you?” Clarissa nodded. “The valentine sprinkles are on the top shelf. Let me know if you can’t reach it.”
“C’mon, I’m not that short, Amanda!” she light-heartedly exclaimed.
“I know you aren’t.”
“What brings you to my home this evening? I’m sure you have better things to do than be here,” Amanda said, trying to start up small talk. She was curious though. This situation seemed quite strange.
“I–” Clarissa hesitated. “Can’t I visit a friend?” she said with a smile far too wide. Her tone was off. She was faking it.
The brunette hummed. She hoped that she couldn’t see her suspicious raised eyebrow from there. “On Valentine’s Day out of all times? Don’t you have a date or something with Mark?” she questioned her.
That seemed to hit a nerve. Her body held itself together tightly like glue barely holding on. “We–” She squeezed the icing hard, causing it to overflow slightly. “It’s complicated.” she settled on, refusing to elaborate further.
“You know you can tell me anything.”
Her stiff demeanor softened just a touch. “I know,” she said, her voice lacing with guilt.
“Just wanted to remind you that’s all.”
She sighed. “I wish you could help,” she said. “This time it's something bigger than you can help me with, Amanda,” she tried to explain to her stubborn friend. It came off as dismissive and condescending. Was that the intent? Probably not, but Amanda’s heart ached anyway.
Amanda strained a chuckle. She had heard this excuse time and time again recently. It was like Clarissa didn’t trust her anymore. She couldn’t do anything about it. Back then, she was. Clarissa’s right hand. She got her out of trouble on several occasions. Although, real adult life wasn’t playing on the playground. “Well, I can certainly try, honey. I love helping, okay? There’s no need to hide anything.”
The blonde stayed quiet for a moment, most likely debating on what to say next. If only she could tell what was going on in that head. She used to be able to predict her next thought, but now, their minds grew apart. “Besides,” Clarissa started, “I wanted to visit you on your favorite holiday.”
“You could barely count it as a holiday. I’m working right now, don’t you remember? This is all for the cafe. It may be the fun part of work, but work nonetheless,”
“It’s still your favorite and you deserve someone being there for you on it. I always noticed you don’t have any girls with you on this day.” –thanks for rubbing salt in the wound– “You deserve love. I think you’ll get it one day! I want to be with you like you’ve been with me throughout my hardships. ”
“You are. You always are, dear.” she reassured her, smiling through her teeth.
She knew she was lying to herself, but she couldn’t care any less. Clarissa probably was the source of the majority of her hardships. It wasn’t the blonde's fault that she was so pretty Amanda couldn’t help herself. She could not be blamed for the misfortune Amanda caused herself. She always had the option to move on from her. She just never did.
She looked into her best friend’s eyes softly. A melancholic reflection looked back at her. “Remember, what we promised when we were little?” she went to hold Clarissa’s hands, but backed away at the last second. “It’s you and me against the world.”
Clarissa hummed, her eyes darting away to the oven.
It certainly felt like the world won the fight, breaking them apart.