Chapter Text
It was easy to feel lonely. Joel knew that all too well.
He was able to get around it quite easily, he thought. An empire full of clones, large builds towering towards the sky.
His friends helped him not feel lonely as well. Obviously.
But it was easy to feel like an outsider, looking into a world that others understood far better than him.
Like Grian. He'd been the one to make the games, brought Joel onto Hermitcraft. He had a strange understanding of everything, how all the layers of time and space overlapped and intertwined.
It wasn't something Joel needed to know about clearly. It didn't matter if he wanted too.
Although, from what he'd seen...he probably didn't.
He was aware that they were all a bit strange, really. Scar, Scott, Grian, Lizzie. Joel was also quite weird, apparently. He still chuckled when thinking back to the second world of Empires, how he was one of few to remember the first world.
Scott had been rather annoyed about it, especially when pointing out Joel didn't even try to be anyone other than himself. It wasn't as if he was in a different life, a different person. He personally liked to think it was because he was just so skilled, but maybe that was just him.
Joel wished Lizzie could remember. He wished she remembered her beautiful palace, rising from the sea, and how their wedding had brought all the rulers together. But she'd lost all her memories of that time completely.
All he could do was thank the universe each time she decided to love him again.
There wasn't much reason to feel lonely, really. He was surrounded by people, friends, all the time. So why was did the feeling feel so familiar?
"You were alone, during last life, weren't you? I don't remember you really having an alliance." They were sat on the bridge, legs swinging. It was dangerous, sure, in a world with a clock that kept ticking, but they were the bad boys. They ran towards danger, not from it.
Joel shrugged at Jimmy. "I suppose so. But I don't actually remember feeling lonely." It was one of those quieter nights, a break from the fight, where they could just talk. He leaned forward, looking around Jimmy. "What do you think, Grian?"
"How much do you actually remember of the games? It's..." A conflicted expression flickered across his face before he started again. "We all process things differently. Maybe your mind blocked things out, but you still subconsciously remember the feeling."
"Wow. That was deep, boys." The moment passed quickly as they laughed at Jimmy, and Joel let himself forget. He just stared into the moon instead.
That memory had always stuck out to Joel. He didn't remember much of the games at all, really. But that feeling of loneliness must have stemmed from there.
Wild life felt different. There was something in the air, maybe. Or in him.
"That car might be the ugliest thing I've ever seen, Joel. I say this with love." Gem smirked at him, tightening the green band around her arm. “It’s somehow amazing but also terrible.”
"None of you have any taste, that's all." He paused for a moment. "You're going to cut off your circulation if you tie that anymore. Can't have my family passing out on me, can I?"
She blinked at him, then looked down at her arm. "Oh. Right." She chuckled quietly to herself as she loosened it. "You're really fixating on this whole family thing, huh?"
"Maybe if you actually watched Fast and Furious-"
"I know, I know. But it's funnier if I don't." Gem grinned at him properly, settling down at the campfire. Joel joined her. It was only the very beginning of the games. It was quieter, more subdued, a sort of pent-up energy bubbling under everyone's skin as they waited to kill. It was exciting.
Joel poked the fire with a stick, trying to get it to grow a bit more. "So, why are we mad at Pearl?" Gem stilled beside him, and Joel was suddenly angry at himself for asking. He didn't know why he felt like that. But still.
"We?" Her voice was quiet.
"Yeah, we. We're family, remember? Your enemies are mine and all." He gently nudged her. Joel didn't know why he felt so gentle around Gem. He was hardly ever gentle in the games.
Joel didn't know where that thought had come from.
"To summarise, she betrayed me. I'm not ready to forgive her just yet." She gave him a weak smile. "Besides, it's good to have some enemies. For the plot, y'know?"
It seemed like something he should ask about. Why... when. But he didn't.
There were things others understood, and it wasn't up to him whether he could or not.
The air felt tense. Slightly uncomfortable, as they skirted around each other through the morning.
There was no real reason to be on edge. It was supposed to be the break. But they kept up the awkward dance as they prepared supplies for the week ahead.
Joel tried not to stare at the dark circles underneath Gem's eyes, or the way she kept sneaking glances, as if gaging his reaction at her apparent nightmare the night before.
He sometimes wondered about Gem. She was another element of the universe he didn't understand, and probably never would. She wasn't one to share things about herself, where she had come from, where she slotted in amongst all the magic that bound them to the universe.
That night, they both retreated to the dugout fort instead. Joel watched Gem carefully as she settled into her bed, tucking her sword by her pillow.
“You’ll poke your eye out in the night,” he noted with amusement. “No one’s going to attack us, Gem.”
She gave a shrug, smiling. “I just like to be prepared, you know? Who knows.”
He left it, and they both settled in for sleep. It didn’t last very long.
Joel awoke as soon as the screaming started. He didn’t say much, or do much, really. Nothing helpful in his opinion, anyway. He just held Gem as she sobbed into his chest, rubbing her back and murmuring quiet assurances in her ear.
“We’re safe. You’re safe.” Gem took a sharp gasp of air.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I woke you up.” She pulled away, wiping away her tears roughly.
Joel held up his hands. “You don’t see me complaining, do you? God, you really need to learn to listen, Gem. It’s about family this time around, yeah?”
She let out a soggy giggle, pulling her knees to her chest. Joel sat further onto the bed, leaning against the stone wall. Neither of them would be falling asleep for a while.
Instead, they talked. They retold stories of the past, when they were kings and princesses, wizards and gods.
Joel observed that Gem seemed reserved, yet open. She told just enough that he didn’t feel the need to press further, even though he could sense she was holding so much back.
“Do you miss it?” Gem rested her head on her knees. Joel sighed.
“Yeah. But it’s good to move on, isn’t it? Evolve or something.” He hesitated slightly, before giving up any pretences. If someone was going to explain things, it would probably be her. “Gem?”
“Hm?”
“Why...why do none of them remember?Or... why do we remember? You, me, Scott. Fwip. Pix. Why us?”
Gem swallowed. “It’s complicated, Joel.”
“Right, but why us? Why me?”
“Why you?” Gem gave him a sideways glance. “Because you joined the world consciously aware we were somewhere new. Somewhere different. You knew you were a builder, you knew you loved Lizzie, you knew we were all friends before. You knew. You didn’t try playing a character or being anyone but you. So, there was nothing to forget. No matter how annoyed Scott is about it, you still completed the timeline with the awareness that we exist elsewhere.”
He wrinkled his brow. “That doesn’t make any sense, Gem. And anyway, that doesn’t apply to the rest of you, does it?”
“Scott completed his timeline with the awareness that he still existed outside of it all, because I told him so, and he believed me. Pix just... left. He didn’t complete the timeline, not really, so it didn’t matter when the world ended. Fwip made the world of Empires. So, he was consciously aware of it as well.”
“And you?” Gem twisted her braid.
“You know what I am, Joel.”
“Not really. Humour me.” He raised his eyebrows at her.
“I have the innate ability to travel worlds as I please. When we were in that world, our friends were... alternate versions. Still themselves, but unaware that there was anything more out there. But I am only myself.”
Some of it made sense. A lot of it didn’t.
“Right.”
She chewed her lip, unsure of herself, of what she was sayibg. “When I dream, in the games, I dream of the worlds I’ve been in before. A strange lucid state where I can do things as I please, but I don’t always remember I’m dreaming. Often, I think I’m really in that world. And... some ended badly.” Joel held back a wince. He knew that all too well. “I hate it, because it makes me vulnerable. And.... I’m sorry you have to be stuck with me.”
Joel let out a dry chuckle. “I rather think you're stuck with me, Gem. I’m certainly not going anywhere, whether you like it or not.” Gem smiled back.
“I like the sound of that.”
The family approach was clearly going well, seeing how far Joel was making it. Gem was gone, slain by a vex in the chaos of the wildcards, and he didn’t miss the scream Pearl had let out at the thunder. Confusing, really, considering the all the fighting that had built up over the weeks, except for when they were on that camel.
But he had to move on, cut them all down. Joel had someone to avenge now. He wanted to make her proud.
It felt different. He was focused on targets, a set order and plan, strategy and ruthlessness. The haze that settled over his brain was sharp, not blurry.
He just kept swinging until Grian fell off the tree, and the final thunder struck.
There a was strange sort of peace that settled over him. He’d finally won.
Finally.
Now all that was left was quiet. Just the sound of arrows being shot up into the sky, shooting him out of the games so he could go home.
He felt the thunder strike his body and respawned with a jolt.
It hurt.
So much of it hurt. It ached with a dull throb that made his eyes squeeze shut and his hands wrap around his face. Like Gem, his mind supplied dazedly.
Waves of memories, emotion, loneliness, washed over him. Grief, rage, utter consumption.
Things he should have never forgotten, things that felt like they’d been scorched into his brain for lifetimes, things he would always remember.
Joel never claimed to understand the universe as well as Grian, Scott, or Gem did. But in that moment, he wished on all that was sacred that he could understand the pain, the sorrow, the fullness and emptiness he felt.
When he opened his eyes again, he paused. He hadn’t been teleported back to Hermitcraft. Instead, he floated, semi-transparent, still surrounded by the destruction and war.
“Joel!” Grian floated up to him, eyes wide and urgent.
He swallowed and let Grian pull him to his feet. “Hello, Grian.”
“We need to talk. We really, really need to talk.” Joel nodded.
“You have some explaining to do.”
Joel didn’t want to be kept oblivious.
He didn’t want to be left behind, not anymore.